chin up and we'll drown a little slower; Showing 45,351-45,400 of 46,581

[jay, rip]

honestly i know i say this during every semester gap but i reallllllly want to improve upon my study habits. like i’m a big procrastinator and it’s a huge issue for me. i put everything off till the week before finals and then i’m struggling to submit an entire semesters worth of work all at once. i hope that now that i’m in more interesting classes that i’ll be able to like ¿ yknow? focus better??

[jay, rip]

i’m coming up with a set of rules for myself to follow to hopefully improve on that. number one is no sleeping in class. number two is no distractions in class (mainly my phone or laptop)

[Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgotten]

Congrats on finishing your first year at university! I'm proud of you <3 and kinda jealous. Lol. Cause I still have like 7 weeks of term left.... meh. But then I'll have a degree sooo yeah <3

[jay, rip]

thank you! i hope all goes well till you graduate <3

[jay, rip]

J: “we all slept with the same guy, and then slept with each other.”
D: “and THAT, my dear, is how syphillus spreads.”

[jay, rip]

today my cat was really cute
oh wait
that’s everyday

[jay, rip]

i sent MH a snap with the script font and now she’s convinced that i wrote itvand that my handwriting is amazing lmaoooo

[jay, rip]

men with wet hair wearing white short sleeved t shirts = the most attractive thing? like? ever?

[jay, rip]

sometimes i'm like "wow im gay" but then im like??? stfu jayson you're clearly bisexual asf

[jay, rip]

am i really bi tho

[jay, rip]

like ok i like men and women but i also have a bit of an attraction towards NB folk, but i also have preferences for different genders for different things? idk if that makes sense but like i prefer females for like the romantic sides of things and males for the sexual side of things, and NB folk are like. dependant on the person. but i DON'T fit the word pansexual because pan is defined as someone who's attracted to minds/personalities rather than gender and im like/??? i do not fit that

[Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgotten]

To my understanding pansexual is when you are sexually atteacted to people regardless of gender and demisexual is when you are attracted to minds or personalities rather than gender.

[jay, rip]

i thought demisexual was not being sexually attracted to someone unless you had a deep emotional connection to them?

[jay, rip]

i got a snap from MH saying “we need to talk” but it wasn’t her in the pic, it was a selfie of her bf, so i’m like “what’s wrong?? where’s m??” and he’s like “i can’t tall abt it but i need something from you” and i’m like (???????????? and he hasn’t answered

[jay, rip]

“batman dies in endgame” - me

[jay, rip]

I AM STUPID. AND I AM OLD.

this dude (he’s 15) sends me “amos” and i’m like??? wtf is that italian or something??? and he’s like “no, add me on snap” and i’m like uhhhh ok so i go to the snapchat add friend thingy and i type in “amos” because i thought that was his username but then i’m like wait wait this amos chicks bitmoji is a white female and he is not white or female so i’m like “DUDE??? HELLO?? wrong user” and he’s like “oh my god AMOS stands for add me on snap” and i was like OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and then i called the local nursing home and admitted myself because clearly i do not fit in with this new younger generation and i’m cdjdjjfjdagshdjfj i’m so fucking dumb lmao

[jay, rip]

before anyone asks, i’m only adding a 15 year old on snapchat because he is my 15 year old cousins boyfriend

[jay, rip]

N: amos
me: is that italian

[jay, rip]

i got a fucking full scholarship to a goddamn public ivy and i’m still the biggest dumbass i know

[jay, rip]

i’m tryna sleep bc i got work real early tmr but like 4 different people just texted me and i’m like??? hullo i’m tryna sleep

[jay, rip]

goddamn my BIL needs a favor and it requires my laptop which is downstairs

[jay, rip]

i also feel like i’m going to barf because i ate too much

[Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgotten]

jay wrote: "i thought demisexual was not being sexually attracted to someone unless you had a deep emotional connection to them?"

Basically, but it more fits the description you described than pan does. Like for me as a demisexual I may feel mildly sexually attracted to someone after an engaging conversation but more to the sense that they are more attractive and less like I want to bang them. The idea makes me super uncomfortable unless it is someone I have bonded with. And even then it kinda goes along with a low sex drive. Like physical touch doesn't do much for me. Like I think kissing is just disgusting, but if it's like a quick bonding kiss (like when I drop off my husband at work) it's enjoyable and sweet but not in a sexual way. Idk. It's kinda hard to explain. Like the idea of casual sex is just bizarre. I simply do not find people sexually attractive unless I have bonded with them or am drawn to traits and characteristics which (come to think of it) are reminiscent of those I hold dear - but even then it's more fleeting and not like Id get physical. I tend to find people more attractive from an artistic standpoint than anything.
Anyway.
Pansexuality is more like finding people sexually attractive without regards to gender. Like being "genderblind". I guess in that sense it is an attraction to minds or personalities because gender isn't a factor that is necessary in the attraction, but it isn't really dictated by that. It can be appearance, personality, etc. Pansexuality is simply a case where gender doesn't matter and people of all genders can be seen as attractive and sexually appealing. It's like being bisexual only rather than just male/female it includes NB and all.

[jay, rip]

we actually have ginger root in the house so i can do what everyone always tells me to do and chew on that

[Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgotten]

Jeeze that was long. Sorry

[jay, rip]

but ew it’s gross

[jay, rip]

my dad’s on a health kick so he’s been putting boiling water over a shit storm of ingredients that include ginger, turmeric, apple cider vinegar, cayenne, and lemon juice.

i’m making fun of him for it, but he’s lost 25 pounds since he started drinking that every day

[jay, rip]

but it’s fuckin nasty lmao i wanted to die when i tried it

[jay, rip]

Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgotten wrote: "jay wrote: "i thought demisexual was not being sexually attracted to someone unless you had a deep emotional connection to them?"

Basically, but it more fits the description you described than pan..."

i like that description, i am 100% not demisexual in that case 😂 i suppose pansexual is a label that fits me better, but at the same time i’m not genderblind. it makes sense in my head, but i can’t seem to put it into words. i feel like i’m not genderblind for a few reasons, mainly because my attraction towards people is based on gender, but depending on what i’m feeling at the moment. for example, sometimes i’ll be only attracted to men, sometimes it’s a mix of male and females, only rarely i’ll be attracted to non binary folk. i think my sexuality is just really fluid, and pansexual is the closest label to describe it, but it still doesn’t feel right.

[Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgotten]

jay wrote: "Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgotten wrote: "jay wrote: "i thought demisexual was not being sexually attracted to someone unless you had a deep emotional connection to them?"

Basically, but it more fits th..."

Yeah you are definitely not demisexual. Lol.
I get that. It took me ages to peg mine. For the longest time I thought I was asexual then I realized I did find men attractive I just had intimacy issues, then I realized I also find women attractive, and finally realized I'm more like a demisexual bisexual. It's hard to peg down (especially when you're not attracted to people sexually for the most part and were socially isolated so much) so at least you're lucky in that aspect. But that's the beauty of it is it's constantly changing as you discover yourself. I'd suggest taking time to do some research because there's so many like subcategories or different sexualities since there's so many variations and idk what to call it... intensities? Idk. But there's a shit ton.

[jay, rip]

yeah i’m looking into more research. thank you lynx 💞💞💞

[Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgotten]

Of course <3 <3 enjoy the self discovery!!

[jay, rip]

so my latest self help project (recommended by my lovely therapist) is to help me get over my people-hopping thing and to get me to stop relying on short term relationships for happiness. so the first step was to make a list of everyone i’ve ever dated, and then write a letter to each person (that won’t be sent out) and say something that i learned from that relationship.

[jay, rip]

she says that it’ll help me but honestly i’m making the list and so far i’m at 35 people and i know i’m forgetting people.

[jay, rip]

that just makes me feel like shit bc of those 35 people, 33 of them were flings that ended with me hurting the other person

[jay, rip]

normal people have 5, maybe 6 or 7 exes. me? fucking 35+

[jay, rip]

how am i supposed to write a letter to each person when i don’t even remember a solid portion of them aside from their names?

[jay, rip]

i guess i’m just gonna scroll thru the contacts on my phone and start remembering who else i’ve been with

[jay, rip]

this is just making me feel like shit lol i don’t like this project

[jay, rip]

maybe my therapist did this on purpose, to make me feel like shit on purpose so i’ll stop being such a fucking player

[jay, rip]

how do i even start this lol ...

dear ****
you were my first boyfriend. from dating you, i learned how to be sneaky and disobey my parents for the first time. you also taught me what a meme was, even if they were just rage comics at the time. i would also like to point out the fact that you were an emotionally manipulative stalker and you’re the reason why i carry pepper spray.
-jayse

[jay, rip]

i’m cringing lol ew

[jay, rip]

yoooo

[jay, rip]

i’m fuckin tiRED

[jay, rip]

i got up at 7 am after finally falling asleep at 4 am and then worked 8 hours lmaoooo rip me

[jay, rip]

apparently i have an infection LMAO my mom is yelling at me bc i won’t go to the doctor to get antibiotics

[jay, rip]

highkey don’t have time

[jay, rip]

my BIL told me he’d pay me to do his online classes this summer and i said no

[jay, rip]

and now my sister is mad at me

but

like my reason for not taking classes of my own this summer was bc i wanted a break? like gtfo i’m not taking classes for other people when i won’t even take them for myself

[jay, rip]

plus one of the classes is English080 which is like. really really beginner, like for people who just learned the language, and if i take that class for him i’d have to write papers and stuff but the thing is, they won’t be good papers, like i wont be able to write a good paper at my Eng260 level and turn it in because it’s an 080 class??