Evolution Humor Quotes

Quotes tagged as "evolution-humor" Showing 1-9 of 9
Jeri Smith-Ready
“No wonder these people don’t believe in evolution. It obviously hasn’t worked in their favor.”
Jeri Smith-Ready, Requiem for the Devil

Harry Mulisch
“All cows were like other cows, all tigers like all other tigers - What on earth happened to human beings?”
Harry Mulisch, Siegfried

Oliver Markus
“The red lipstick? It's supposed to signal fertility and readiness to mate. Just like the swollen red butt of a baboon. That tight-fitting little dress that shows off your curves? From the standpoint of evolutionary biology, big breasts represent a healthy mate who can feed a lot of offspring. That's why men are programmed to like big tits. When you show off your curves, what you're really doing is advertising to the whole world: "Look at me! I'm a healthy female! I'd be a perfect mate! Come mount me!”
Oliver Markus, Why Men And Women Can't Be Friends

James S.A. Corey
“...when the lights went out.
It wasn’t just the lights. So many things about his physical situation changed all at once that his hindbrain couldn’t keep up. It told him to be nauseated just in case he’d been poisoned. It was working with fifty-million-year-old response algorithms.”
James S.A. Corey, Abaddon's Gate

Karl Wiggins
“It’s been suggested that Chavs are the offspring of previous working-class youth subcultures such as Skinheads and in turn Mods, but when you think about it, they’re not at all, are they? Chavs - with their larger bellies, hairless bodies and excessive sweat glands - are evolution in reverse, proof that given time Homo Sapiens can devolve into a more primitive life form. With Chavs, evolution has not only hesitated but is actually in withdrawal. Chavs may well be the ‘missing link’ in the devolution of man into anthropoid.”
Karl Wiggins, Wrong Planet - Searching for your Tribe

Karl Wiggins
“It’s almost impossible to prevent Chavs from breeding, but when a Chav reproduces evolution is halted and devolution commences. Chavs truly are the missing link of society”
Karl Wiggins, Wrong Planet - Searching for your Tribe

Raheel Farooq
“The missing link between humans and apes? It's certainly those brutes who haven't yet learned to respect privacy.”
Raheel Farooq

Arkady Strugatsky
“Человек - это промежуточное звено эволюции, необходимое для создания венца творения пpиpоды - рюмки коньяка и дольки лимона.”
Arkady Strugatsky, Понедельник начинается в субботу

Paul Murray
“What I don’t understand,’ Geoff says, ‘is why did the first fish, like the one who started land animals, suddenly decide one day to just leave the sea? Like, to leave everything he knew, to go flopping around on a land where no one had even evolved yet for him to talk to?’ He shakes his head. ‘He was a brave fish, definitely, and we owe him a lot, for starting life on land and everything? But I think he must have been very depressed.”
Paul Murray