Tim > Tim's Quotes

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#1

“I can't give you a sure-fire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everybody all the time.”
― Herbert Bayard Swope

tags: failure, inspirational, misattributed-bill-cosby, success

11416 likes

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#2

“You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us. And the world will live as one.”
― John Lennon

tags: beatles, connection, dreamers, dreaming, dreams, hope, inspirational, peace

18865 likes

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#3

“A person's a person, no matter how small.”
― Dr. Seuss, Horton Hears a Who!

tags: inspirational

14551 likes

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#4

“A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.”
― Mark Twain

tags: misattributed-mark-twain, truth

16288 likes

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#5

“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.”
― Dr. Seuss, I Can Read with My Eyes Shut!

23675 likes

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#6

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

tags: life, regrets

18609 likes

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#7

“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.”
― Mark Twain

tags: attributed-no-source, education

18232 likes

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#8

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
― Dr. Seuss, Happy Birthday to You!

tags: comedy, life, yourself

25784 likes

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#9

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
― Maya Angelou, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

tags: 1970, inspirational, stories, writing

31523 likes

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#10

“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.”
― Albert Einstein

tags: humor

9934 likes

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#11

“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
― Mark Twain

tags: humor, politics

9104 likes

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#12

“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”
― Anthony G. Oettinger

tags: humor, misattributed-to-groucho-marx, time

6194 likes

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#13

“This life’s hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid.”
― George V. Higgins, The Friends of Eddie Coyle

tags: humor, life, misattributed-john-wayne

11392 likes

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#14

“Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”
― Steven Wright

tags: amnesia, humor, memory

4691 likes

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#15

“So please, oh please, we beg, we pray,
Go throw your TV set away,
And in its place you can install
A lovely bookshelf on the wall.
Then fill the shelves with lots of books.”
― Roald Dahl, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

tags: books, humor, television

6848 likes

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#16

“From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: books, humor, reading

3619 likes

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#17

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
― George Carlin

tags: humor

3902 likes

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#18

“Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!”
― Dr. Seuss

tags: humor, philosophy

5115 likes

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#19

“Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.”
― Steve Martin

tags: humor, words

2962 likes

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#20

“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?”
― Laurence J. Peter

tags: misattributed-einstein

8429 likes

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#21

“You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.”
― Pat Monahan

tags: humor, immature, young

2644 likes

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#22

“Humor is reason gone mad.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: humor, reason

2514 likes

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#23

“I meant what I said and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful one-hundred percent!”
― Dr. Seuss, Horton Hatches the Egg

tags: dr-seuss, humor, inspirational, musical

3067 likes

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#24

“What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.”
― Mark Twain

tags: humor, men, women

4698 likes

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#25

“When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles
and the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles...
...they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle
bottle paddle battle.”
― Dr. Seuss, Fox in Socks

tags: childrens, humor

1709 likes

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#26

“To lose one parent, Mr. Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.”
― Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest

tags: children, humor, paraphrased, parents

2151 likes

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#27

“The last thing I ever wanted was to be alive when the three most powerful people on the whole planet would be named Bush, Dick and Colon.”
― Kurt Vonnegut

tags: humor, politics

2170 likes

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#28

“Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.”
― Garrison Keillor

tags: absurd, cats, humor

1741 likes

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#29

“In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.”
― Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies

tags: humor, metaphysics, physics, science

3506 likes

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#30

“If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.”
― Isaac Asimov

tags: humor, writing

2371 likes

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