Lance > Lance's Quotes

“It is always hard for me to share my creative output with others...It feels like I have taken a big dump on a platter and set it out at a party for people to view. I hope you like the way it looks and smells.”
― Lance Carbuncle

“that's a hell of a way to treat a donkey.”
― Lance Carbuncle, Grundish and Askew

“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
― Ernest Hemingway

“Information is not knowledge.
Knowledge is not wisdom.
Wisdom is not truth.
Truth is not beauty.
Beauty is not love.
Love is not music.
Music is THE BEST.”
― Frank Zappa

“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

[misquote of a letter about wine, see quotes/831031]”
― Benjamin Franklin

“They are not unattractive in the sense that I am drunk and they likely have female genitalia.”
― Lance Carbuncle, Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed

“A man with a beard was always a little suspect anyway. You couldn't say you wore a beard because you liked a beard. People didn't like you for telling the truth. You had to say you had a scar so you couldn't shave.”
― John Steinbeck, Cannery Row

“and tell him to paint me a sign, with-"no suicides permitted here, and no smoking in the parlor;" might as well kill both birds at once.”
― Herman Melville, Moby-Dick or, The Whale