John > John's Quotes

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  • #1
    Craig Ferguson
    “You gotta laugh because if you didn't you'd cry”
    ― Craig Ferguson
    tags: laughter
    88 likes

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  • #2
    Craig Ferguson
    “The Universe is very, very big.
    It also loves a paradox. For example, it has some extremely strict rules.
    Rule number one: Nothing lasts forever.
    Not you or your family or your house or your planet or the sun. It is an absolute rule. Therefore when someone says that their love will never die, it means that their love is not real, for everything that is real dies.

    Rule number two: Everything lasts forever.”
    ― Craig Ferguson, Between the Bridge and the River
    tags: eternity, forever, infinity, love, paradox, time, universe
    525 likes

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  • #3
    Craig Ferguson
    “He will know from and early age that failure is not disgrace. It's just a pitch that you missed, and you'd better get ready for the next one. The next one might be the shot heard round the world. My son and I are Americans, we prepare for glory by failing until we don't.”
    ― Craig Ferguson, American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot
    tags: american, failure, glory, success
    100 likes

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  • #4
    Craig Ferguson
    “Congratulations to the NBA champion Boston Celtics - they beat the Los Angeles Lakers by 39 points.

    Or as Hillary Clinton would say, "Too close to call.”
    ― Craig Ferguson
    8 likes

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  • #5
    Craig Ferguson
    “This book could scare them. The sex, the violence, the dream sequences and the iconoclasm - I think a lot of people are uncomfortable with that. I understand that. It was very uncomfortable to write some of it”
    ― Craig Ferguson
    11 likes

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  • #6
    Craig Ferguson
    “I'm always a bit shy around evil people...”
    ― Craig Ferguson, American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot
    56 likes

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  • #7
    Craig Ferguson
    “I think when you become a parent you go from being a star in the movie of your own life to the supporting player in the movie of someone else's.”
    ― Craig Ferguson, American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot
    tags: children, life, parents
    138 likes

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  • #8
    Craig Ferguson
    “It's a book. It's mine. And it's done.”
    ― Craig Ferguson
    11 likes

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  • #9
    Craig Ferguson
    “I didn't say no because between safety and adventure I choose adventure.”
    ― Craig Ferguson, American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot
    tags: adventure
    123 likes

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  • #10
    Craig Ferguson
    “On that same tour we ran into a band at Aylesbury Friars, a biggish venue in Oxfordshire, England. They were a four-piece from Ireland called U2. They seemed like nice fellows and they sounded pretty good, but we didn’t keep in touch. They’re probably taxi drivers and accountants by now.”
    ― Craig Ferguson, American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot
    tags: celebrities, humor, music
    18 likes

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  • #11
    Craig Ferguson
    “I've got mixed feelings about poetry cause done well poetry is fantastic. But not many people are capable of doing it well. I think you should have some kind of license to perform poetry. A poetic license perhaps.”
    ― Craig Ferguson
    tags: poetry
    42 likes

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  • #12
    Craig Ferguson
    “Dr. Jeckyll & Mr. Hyde is a metaphor for alcoholism. He drinks a potion, becomes a monster. I know exactly how he feels.”
    ― Craig Ferguson
    tags: alcohol-metaphor
    22 likes

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  • #13
    Craig Ferguson
    “I love zombies. If any monster could Riverdance, it would be zombies.”
    ― Craig Ferguson
    tags: dance, monsters, zombies
    128 likes

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  • #14
    Craig Ferguson
    “Stand by your bed and salute me.”
    ― Craig Ferguson
    tags: bed, salute
    10 likes

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  • #15
    Craig Ferguson
    “Sometimes my pathology just spills out into the camera doesn't it?”
    ― Craig Ferguson
    tags: camera, pathology
    12 likes

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  • #16
    Craig Ferguson
    “There is no Thanksgiving back in the old country where I come from. You know why? Because being thankful is a sin.”
    ― Craig Ferguson
    tags: sin, thanksgiving
    19 likes

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  • #17
    Craig Ferguson
    “The worst gift I was given is when I got out of rehab that Christmas; a bottle of wine. It was delicious.”
    ― Craig Ferguson
    tags: alcohol, christmas, gift, rehab, wine
    29 likes

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  • #18
    Craig Ferguson
    “When in doubt about who's to blame. Blame the English.”
    ― Craig Ferguson
    tags: blame, doubt, english
    45 likes

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  • #19
    Craig Ferguson
    “I think holidays create so much pressure because people feel they should be having a good time. But you shouldn't. ”
    ― Craig Ferguson
    tags: holidays, pressure
    36 likes

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  • #20
    Craig Ferguson
    “Its easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.”
    ― Craig Ferguson
    tags: christmas, money, spiritual
    62 likes

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  • #21
    Craig Ferguson
    “I think commercialism helps Christmas and I think that the more capitalism we can inject into the Christmas holiday the more spiritual I feel about it ”
    ― Craig Ferguson
    tags: capitalism, christmas, commercialism, spiritual
    13 likes

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  • #22
    Craig Ferguson
    “Oprah's quitting in 2011. Now we know why the Mayans ended their calendar in 2012”
    ― Craig Ferguson
    tags: 2012, mayans, oprah
    33 likes

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  • #23
    Craig Ferguson
    “Thanks cows. I appreciate your tastiness.”
    ― Craig Ferguson
    tags: cows, food, tasty
    71 likes

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  • #24
    Craig Ferguson
    “Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands. ”
    ― Craig Ferguson
    tags: celebration, dance, football
    89 likes

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  • #25
    Craig Ferguson
    “I'm gonna enjoy being old I think I'll be awesome at it.”
    ― Craig Ferguson
    tags: age
    57 likes

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  • #26
    Craig Ferguson
    “I like football. I find it’s an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.”
    ― Craig Ferguson
    tags: avoidance, family, football, strategy, thanksgiving
    80 likes

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  • #27
    Craig Ferguson
    “Everything I think of now is too rude to actually say.”
    ― Craig Ferguson
    tags: politically-correct, rude, tact
    95 likes

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  • #28
    Craig Ferguson
    “I freely admit I'm confused. I'm a confused and troubled individual but at the same time...Its Free! ”
    ― Craig Ferguson
    tags: confused, free, troubled
    69 likes

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  • #29
    Craig Ferguson
    “Twas the night before Thanksgiving.
    All the food's in the oven.
    And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.”
    ― Craig Ferguson
    tags: food, masturbation, poem, poetry, thanksgiving
    65 likes

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  • #30
    Craig Ferguson
    “If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjacent to cocaine.”
    ― Craig Ferguson
    tags: alcohol, beer, cocaine, drinking, drugs, tequila
    98 likes



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Tags From John’s Quotes

laughter
eternity
forever
infinity
love
paradox
time
universe
american
failure
glory
success
children
life
parents
adventure
celebrities
humor
music
poetry
alcohol-metaphor
dance
monsters
zombies
bed
salute
camera
pathology
sin
thanksgiving
alcohol
christmas
gift
rehab
wine
blame
doubt
english
holidays
pressure
money
spiritual
capitalism
commercialism
2012
mayans
oprah
cows
food
tasty
celebration
football
age
avoidance
family
strategy
politically-correct
rude
tact
confused
free
troubled
masturbation
poem
beer
cocaine
drinking
drugs
tequila