Quotes - Nuthouse Magazine (The United States) Showing 1-30 of 31

#1

“This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.”
― Sid Ziff

tags: bad-reviews, book, humorist, misattributed-dorothy-parker, wit

#2

“I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment.”
― Woody Allen, The Illustrated Woody Allen Reader

tags: life

998 likes

#3

“Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.”
― Fran Lebowitz

tags: humor

47 likes

#4

“I can resist anything except temptation.”
― Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan

tags: temptation

4266 likes

#5

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
― Steve Martin

tags: humor, obvious, simile

35266 likes

#6

“Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.”
― P.J. O'Rourke

120 likes

#7

“We had a choice between Democrats who couldn't learn from the past and Republicans who couldn't stop living in it...”
― P.J. O'Rourke

tags: democrats, government, humor, politics, republicans

64 likes

#8

“It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.”
― Mark Twain

tags: enemy, friendship

587 likes

#9

“Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?”
― James Thurber, Collecting Himself: James Thurber on Writers, Humor, and Himself

tags: humor

47 likes

#10

“He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches. ”
― George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman

tags: humor

230 likes

#11

“I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.”
― Groucho Marx

2532 likes

#12

“Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.”
― H. L. Mencken

tags: humor

34 likes

#13

“If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.”
― John Kenneth Galbraith

tags: bad-judgment, humor, mistakes

26 likes

#14

“She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.”
― Mae West

tags: humor, innuendo, insult, metaphor

280 likes

#15

“She was what we used to call a suicide blonde-- dyed by her own hand.”
― Saul Bellow

tags: blonde-humor

67 likes

#16

“Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.”
― Charles M. Schulz

tags: peanuts

738 likes

#17

“All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
”
― Jane Wagner

tags: humor

27 likes

#18

“You can't have everything ... where would you put it?”
― Steven Wright

tags: humor

65 likes

#20

“Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.”
― Rita Mae Brown

235 likes

#21

“Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.”
― Dave Barry

tags: fashion, golf, humor, sports

105 likes

#22

“The question about those aromatic advertisements that perfume companies are having stitched into magazines these days is this: under the freedoms guaranteed by the First Amendment, is smelling up the place a constitutionally protected form of expression?”
― Calvin Trillin

tags: humor

2 likes

#23

“She had lost the art of conversation, but not, unfortunately, the power of speech.”
― George Bernard Shaw

tags: humor

33 likes

#24

“It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows”
― Erma Bombeck

tags: humor, parenting

44 likes

#25

“Abstract art is a product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered.”
― Al Capp

tags: comics, humor

13 likes

#26

“As they say around the Texas Legislature, if you can't drink their whiskey, screw their women, take their money, and vote against 'em anyway, you don't belong in office.”
― Molly Ivins

tags: humor, politics, texas

23 likes

#27

“My life needs editing. ”
― Mort Sahl

tags: humor, politics

18 likes

#28

“Today's public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can't read them either. ”
― Gore Vidal

tags: politicians, speeches

167 likes

#29

“All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them. ”
― Erma Bombeck

tags: bravery, carpeting, children, courage, housekeeping, parenthood, parenting

172 likes

#30

“He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.”
― Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything

tags: humor, paradox, religion

828 likes

#32

“The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.”
― Robert Bloch

tags: humor

403 likes

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