Jennifer Priester > Jennifer's Quotes

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#2

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
― Steve Martin

tags: humor, obvious, simile

35267 likes

#3

“Friendship ... is born at the moment when one man says to another "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

tags: friendship

88181 likes

#4

“My Teacher Sees Right Through Me

I didn’t do my homework.
My teacher asked me, “Why?”
I answered him, “It’s much too hard.”
He said, “You didn’t try.”
I told him, “My dog ate it.”
He said, “You have no dog.”
I said, “I went out running.”
He said, “You never jog.”

I told him, “I had chores to do.”
He said, “You watched TV.”
I said, “I saw the doctor.”
He said, “You were with me.”

My teacher sees right through my fibs,
which makes me very sad.
It’s hard to fool the teacher
when the teacher is your dad.”
― Bruce Lansky

tags: humour

11 likes

#5

“You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.”
― Pat Monahan

tags: humor, immature, young

2644 likes

#6

“Having fun isn't hard when you've got a library card.”
― Marc Brown

880 likes

#7

“Sometimes the dreams that come true are the dreams you never even knew you had.”
― Alice Sebold, The Lovely Bones

tags: destiny, dreams, epiphany, re-direction, re-thinking

1542 likes

#8

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein

tags: attributed-no-source, human-nature, humor, infinity, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe

148700 likes

#9

“I have never been convinced there's anything inherently wrong in having fun. ”
― George Plimpton

tags: living

1787 likes

#10

“I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”
― Jerome K. Jerome

tags: humor, work

8143 likes

#11

“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”
― Anthony G. Oettinger

tags: humor, misattributed-to-groucho-marx, time

6192 likes

#12

“Love conquers all," Aphrodite promised. "Look at Helen and Paris. Did they let anything come between them?"
"Didn't they start the Trojan War and get thousands of people killed?"
"Pfft. That's not the point. Follow your heart.”
― Rick Riordan, The Titan’s Curse

tags: humor, true-love

5862 likes

#13

“The real story of the Fleece: there were these two children of Zeus, Cadmus and Europa, okay? They were about to get offered up as human sacrifices, when they prayed to Zeus to save them. So Zeus sent this magical flying ram with golden wool, which picked them up in Greece and carried them all the way to Colchis in Asia Minor. Well, actually it carried Cadmus. Europa fell off and died along the way, but that's not important."
"It was probably important to her.”
― Rick Riordan, The Sea of Monsters

tags: annabeth-chase, gold, humor, percy-jackson

3779 likes

#14

“...disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business....”
― Tom Robbins, Even Cowgirls Get the Blues

tags: humor, magic

1688 likes

#15

“The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it's as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues.”
― Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures

tags: humor, life, movies

1276 likes

#16

“I may not be smart enough to do everything, but I am dumb enough to try anything.”
― Geoff Johns, Teen Titans, Vol. 3: Beast Boys and Girls

tags: humor

541 likes

#17

“I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.”
― Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes

tags: calvin, hiccup, hobbes, humor

613 likes

#18

“If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
― Groucho marx

1024 likes

#19

“Foaly: Anyone see you come in here?
Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB.
Foaly: The EIB?
Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl Band 1-3

tags: humor

518 likes

#20

“Max, if you survive your final test, can you steal me one of those magic outfits for me?"
I'll try to get one for each of us. Hey! 'If'?”
― James Patterson, Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports

tags: humor

385 likes

#21

“That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.”
― Bill Watterson

tags: humor, perseverance

563 likes

#22

“Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't. ”
― Pete Seeger

tags: education, humor

459 likes

#23

“I have lightning and wind powers," Jason reminded him. "Piper can turn beautiful and charm people into giving her BMWs. You're no more a freak than we are. And, hey, maybe you can fly, too. Like jump off a building and yell 'Flame on!'"
Leo snorted. "If I did that, you would see a flaming kid falling to his death, and I would be yelling something a little stronger than 'Flame on!”
― Rick Riordan, The Lost Hero

tags: fire, funny, humor, powers, the-lost-hero

1264 likes

#24

“Arthur: If I asked you where the hell we were, would I regret it?
Ford: We're safe.
Arthur: Oh good.
Ford: We're in a small galley cabin in one of the spaceships of the Vogon Constructor Fleet.
Arthur: Ah, this is obviously some strange use of the word safe that I wasn't previously aware of.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

tags: safe, safety-in-numbers, word, wordplay

567 likes

#25

“To go home, you usually will use that door over there." I looked where Trom gestured and saw empty space.

"What door?" I asked.

"Oh, sorry. Until you go through your closet door for the first time there won't be a door there."

"So then what do I use now?" I asked.

"You use that door." I looked and this time what he showed me was a door-only it looked like a pet door.

"Is that an oversized pet door?" I asked.”
― Jennifer Priester, Mortal Realm Witch: Learning about Magic

tags: jennifer-priester, magic, mortal-meets-magic, mortal-realm-witch, pets, witch

3 likes

#26

“Okay," I said. "Now can I try riding a broomstick?"

"No. Most witches don't use broomsticks because they aren't that comfortable. The only reason witches use broomsticks is because they are lightweight and easy to get off the ground."

"Okay, so what can I fly?"

"At the moment, nothing," responded Trillman. "When you are ready, you can fly whatever you find comfortable and can get off the ground, as long as it isn't me."

"So when do I get to fly my convertible?"

"Convertible?”
― Jennifer Priester, Mortal Realm Witch: Learning about Magic

tags: dogs, dww, jennifer-priester, mortal-meets-magic, mortal-realm-witch, trillman, witches

4 likes

#27

“A dragon for a familiar!" Trom exclaimed.

"That's what I said to her or close to it anyway," the dragon said.

"You're supposed to be helping me make you my familiar," I said to the dragon.

"Yeah, I know; I meant for that to sound better than it did," the dragon replied.”
― Jennifer Priester, Mortal Realm Witch: Learning about Magic

tags: air-raid, ally, dragon-familiar, dragons, familiars, jennifer-priester, mortal-realm-witch, trom, witches

2 likes

#28

“What do you think we should do about Sampson?" I asked.

"I would have to say...stop him," Sam said.

"How?" I asked her.

"Someone who is as powerful and as smart and crazy as he is should do it."

"Okay, but who?"

"Well...you should."

"So you think I'm crazy?" I asked her.”
― Jennifer Priester, Mortal Realm Witch: Learning about Magic

tags: dww, dww-on-the-witches-council, humor, jennifer-priester, mortal-realm-witch, sam, sampson, witches

2 likes

#29

“I did exactly as Sampson said and I conjured up a creature with rabbit ears,
a wolf face, a snake body, frog feet, a pig tail, and spikes running from the top of its head to the end of its tail.

“Now,” Sampson said. “This is the
kind of magic that you shouldn’t do.”
― Jennifer Priester, Mortal Realm Witch: The Magic Continues

tags: familiars, jennifer-priester, magic, mortal-realm-witch, sampson, the-worst-familiar-in-the-realms, turtle, witches

2 likes

#30

“Yeah, well, what are you going to teach me next...how to take over the world?” I asked sarcastically.

“Good idea!” Sampson exclaimed a little too enthusiastically.

“No, bad idea!” I stressed.

“See? You are learning,” Sampson said.”
― Jennifer Priester

tags: familiars, jennifer-priester, magic, mortal-realm-witch, sampson, the-worst-familiar-in-the-realms, turtle, villians, witches

2 likes

#31

“Star, pillows don't attack dogs," Sam said.
"Or anything else," Turtle added.”
― Jennifer Priester, Mortal Realm Witch: Realms Unite?

tags: dogs, fantasy, humor

1 likes

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