Bruce Lansky

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March 2013


I was born on June 1, 1941. My first home was an apartment in Manhattan's Upper West Side, a neighborhood that overlooked the George Washington Bridge. Soon after kindergarten, my family moved to Scarsdale, which seemed to be “in the country.” In high school, I broke my ankle when I went out for the lacrosse team, so I wrote a sports column for the school newspaper. I don't think I showed any particular talent for writing then.

I went to St. John's College in Annapolis, Maryland. I actually learned to read Greek (I didn't understand it, though). I transferred from St. John's to New York University, so I could study political science and economics. I graduated with a major in philosophy and a minor in English. My first job was a market resear
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Quotes by Bruce Lansky  (?)
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“My Teacher Sees Right Through Me

I didn’t do my homework.
My teacher asked me, “Why?”
I answered him, “It’s much too hard.”
He said, “You didn’t try.”
I told him, “My dog ate it.”
He said, “You have no dog.”
I said, “I went out running.”
He said, “You never jog.”

I told him, “I had chores to do.”
He said, “You watched TV.”
I said, “I saw the doctor.”
He said, “You were with me.”

My teacher sees right through my fibs,
which makes me very sad.
It’s hard to fool the teacher
when the teacher is your dad.”
Bruce Lansky

“Do not oversleep and miss the school bus-
you'll be late.
That's a habit teachers generally
don't appreciate.
Never tell your friends at school
that you still wet your bed.
They are sure to tease you,
and you'll wish that you were dead.

Never call your teacher a name
when she's not near you.
Teachers' ears are excellent,
so they can always hear you.

Do not read a textbook when your hands
aren't clean-it's tricky
to separate the pages when the pages
get real sticky.
When you go out for a team
it's always wise to practice.
When you are a substitute,
the bench can feel like cactus.

Do not copy homework from a friend
who is a dummy.
If you do, I'm sure that you
will get a grade that's crummy.

And if your report card's bad,
don't blame it on your buddy.
Kiss up to your parents quick,
or they might make you study.”
Bruce Lansky

“What I Found in My Desk

A ripe peach with an ugly bruise,
a pair of stinky tennis shoes,
a day-old ham-and-cheese on rye,
a swimsuit that I left to dry,
a pencil that glows in the dark,
some bubble gum found in the park,
a paper bag with cookie crumbs,
an old kazoo that barely hums,
a spelling test I almost failed,
a letter that I should have mailed,
and one more thing, I must confess,
a note from teacher: Clean This Mess!!!!”
Bruce Lansky




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