Jaclyn > Jaclyn's Quotes

“I read old novels. The reason is simple: I prefer proper endings. Marriages and deaths, noble sacrifices and miraculous restorations, tragic separations and unhoped-for reunions, great falls and dreams fulfilled; these, in my view, constitute an ending worth the wait. They should come after adventures, perils, dangers and dilemmas, and wind everything up nice and neatly. Endings like this are to be found more commonly in old novels than new ones, so I read old novels.”
― Diane Setterfield, The Thirteenth Tale

“Of course I recognized it. How could I not, for I had read it goodness knows how many times. 'Jane Eyre,' I said wonderingly.
'You recognized it? Yes, it is. I asked a man in a library. It's by Charlotte someone. She had a lot of sisters, apparently.”
― Diane Setterfield, The Thirteenth Tale

“Is there a word for the friendship version of cock-blocking? There should be.”
― Rachel Bertsche, MWF Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search For A New Best Friend

“I think the waiters and hostess are beginning to recognize me. They must either think I'm the most popular girl in Chicago or a lesbian seriously looking for The One. Either option is far less embarrassing than the truth: 'I'm here auditioning best friends forever!”
― Rachel Bertsche, MWF Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search For A New Best Friend

“What a slut time is. She screws everybody.”
― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

“This book will take you two days to read. Did you even see the cover? It’s mostly pink. If you’re reading this book every night for months, something is not right.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“I don’t think it should be socially acceptable for people to say they are “bad with names.” No one is bad with names. That is not a real thing. Not knowing people’s names isn’t a neurological condition; it’s a choice. You choose not to make learning people’s names a priority. It’s like saying, “Hey, a disclaimer about me: I’m rude.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“There Has Ceased to Be a Difference Between My Awake Clothes and My Asleep Clothes”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“Once I saw Paris Hilton leaving a restaurant in Hollywood and the paparazzi cameras were all over her. It looked so unpleasant. It wasn't because she didn't look sensational - she was that perfect combination of fashionable and slutty - it was because the paparazzi guys were shouting these insanely rude and intrusive questions at her. Like, asking her who she was sleeping with and stuff. I was kind of interested in the answer, so I was glad they asked, but it was still gross.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“You know," said Arthur, "it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young."
"Why, what did she tell you?"
"I don't know, I didn't listen.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“But it has perks -- personal pride, financial security, and the feeling of accomplishment and control that comes when you just swap in a new toilet paper roll rather than resorting to fast-food napkins.”
― Kelly Williams Brown, Adulting: How to Become a Grown-up in 468 Easy(ish) Steps

“Meaning to send a thank-you note but then not doing it is exactly the same as never thinking to send one -- that person is still receiving zero thank you notes.”
― Kelly Williams Brown, Adulting: How to Become a Grown-up in 468 Easy(ish) Steps

“Some candy bars had more protein than many cereals. [Jean] Mayer dubbed them "sugar-coated vitamin pills" and wrote, "I contend that these cereals containing over 50% sugar should be labeled imitation cereal or cereal confections, and they should be sold in the candy section rather than in the cereal section.”
― Michael Moss, Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us

“It is very dangerous to get caught without something to read.”
― Elizabeth Savage, Last Night at the Ritz

“When you have cat stealers over for tea, you clean the house, buy bagels and cream cheese, and try to figure out how to trap your guests in a lie.”
― Caroline Paul, Lost Cat: A True Story of Love, Desperation, and GPS Technology

“Wasn't growing catnip in one's yard the kitty equivalent of giving candy to children?”
― Caroline Paul, Lost Cat: A True Story of Love, Desperation, and GPS Technology

“Among people who might be described as having at least a passing regard for the English language, there are few instances of usage that evoke a desire to mutilate more than the perceived misuse of literally.”
― Ammon Shea, Bad English: A History of Linguistic Aggravation

“No one is yet using figuratively to mean literally; the confusion, such as it is, is all in one direction.”
― Ammon Shea, Bad English: A History of Linguistic Aggravation

“I'm seventeen and I'm crazy. My uncle says the two always go together. When people ask your age, he said, always say seventeen and insane.”
― Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

“7 hour sleep diet worked great. Will power held beautifully.”
― Steve Martin

“Cousins are like celebrities for little kids.”
― Jim Gaffigan, Dad Is Fat

“Goldilocks and the Three Bears: No one ever questions why the Papa Bear and Mama Bear slept in separate beds. What was going on in that marriage? More backstory needed.”
― Jim Gaffigan

“While working on The Last Supper, Leonardo da Vinci regularly took off from painting for several hours at a time and seemed to be daydreaming aimlessly. Urged by his patron, the prior of Santa Maria delle Grazie, to work more continuously, da Vinci is reported to have replied, immodestly but accurately, 'The greatest geniuses accomplish more when they work less.”
― Tony Schwartz, The Way We're Working Isn't Working: The Four Forgotten Needs That Energize Great Performance

“She says Ariel is going to interview me after she's done and he's going to ask me how many golf balls can fit into a stretch limo, and the right answer is to make reasonable estimates on the spot, maybe say, "It's probably like 100 golf balls high by 60 golf balls wide by 1,000 golf balls long," and to look like I'm thinking really hard, and then just do the math in my head and give him the answer. I ask, "Out of curiosity, what would a wrong answer be?" She says, "Freaking out about the question.”
― David Shapiro, You're Not Much Use to Anyone

“A few nights later, I secretly hope that I might be a genius. Why else can no amount of sleeping pills fell my brain? But in the morning my daughter asks me what a cloud is and I cannot say.”
― Jenny Offill, Dept. of Speculation

“My daughter breaks both her wrists jumping off of a swing. Her friend, who is five, told her to jump off of it. I promise nothing will happen, she said. But why did she promise that? she wails later at the hospital.”
― Jenny Offill, Dept. of Speculation

“For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin—real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way. Something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. —FR. ALFRED D’SOUZA”
― Arianna Huffington, Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom, and Wonder