Michael > Michael's Quotes

“You get old and you realize there are no answers, just stories.”
― Garrison Keillor, Pontoon: A Novel of Lake Wobegon

“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Fifth Elephant

“She liked anything orange: leaves; some moons; marigolds; chrysanthemums; cheese; pumpkin, both in pie and out; orange juice; marmalade. Orange is bright and demanding. You can't ignore orange things. She once saw an orange parrot in the pet store and had never wanted anything so much in her life. She would have named it Halloween and fed it butterscotch. Her mother said butterscotch would make a bird sick and, besides, the dog would certainly eat it up. September never spoke to the dog again — on principle.”
― Catherynne M. Valente, The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making

“It's the questions we can't answer that teach us the most. They teach us how to think. If you give a man an answer, all he gains is a little fact. But give him a question and he'll look for his own answers.”
― Patrick Rothfuss, The Wise Man's Fear

“This is the music business. 'Five years is five hundred years' - your words.”
― Jennifer Egan, A Visit from the Goon Squad

“Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.”
― Garrison Keillor

“God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.”
― Garrison Keillor , Happy to Be Here

“IMPORTANT Book reading is a solitary and sedentary pursuit, and those who do are cautioned that a book should be used as an integral part of a well-rounded life, including a daily regimen of rigorous physical exercise, rewarding personal relationships, and sensible low-fat diet. A book should not be used a as a substitute or an excuse.”
― Garrison Keillor, The Book of Guys

“When you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.”
― Arthur Conan Doyle, The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes

“Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.”
― Garrison Keillor

“If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd buy up a box of rockets and fire them all off, wouldn't you?”
― Garrison Keillor, Lake Wobegon Days

“I couldn't believe it.

Something wasn't right.

I thought, "Batman smokes cigarettes."

I couldn't believe it. "Batman smokes fucking cigarettes."

I walked away and saw that Batman was just this stupid guy dressed up in a rubber suit, just as afraid as I was, and that I lived in a lost place inside my own heart, where even Batman couldn't help me.”
― Scott McClanahan, Hill William

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
― Mark Twain

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”
― Groucho Marx, The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About Groucho Marx

“I say, if you can’t laugh you might as well laugh anyway.”
― Stephen King, The Bazaar of Bad Dreams

“One cannot increase one’s talent—that comes with the package—but it is possible to keep talent from shrinking.”
― Stephen King, The Bazaar of Bad Dreams

“This is why magic is worse even than quantum physics. Because, while both spit in the eye of common sense, I've never yet had a Higgs bosun turn up and try to have a conversation with me.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“There is no distance between God and love, for God is love.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo