Whispers Under Ground Quotes

“This is why magic is worse even than quantum physics. Because, while both spit in the eye of common sense, I've never yet had a Higgs bosun turn up and try to have a conversation with me.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“Holy paranormal activity, Nightingale - to the Jag mobile.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“Actually I'd always thought he sat in the library with a slim volume of metaphysical poetry until the commissioner called him on the bat phone and summoned him into action. Holy paranormal activity, Nightingale - to the Jag mobile.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“My dad was a fairy," said Zach. "And by that I don't mean he dressed well and enjoyed musical theatre.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“The media response to unusual weather is as ritualized and predictable as the stages of grief. First comes denial: "I can't believe there's so much snow." Then anger: "Why can't I drive my car, why are the trains not running?" Then blame: "Why haven't the local authorities sanded the roads, where are the snowplows, and how come the Canadians can deal with this and we can't?" This last stage goes on the longest and tends to trail off into a mumbled grumbling moan, enlivened by occasional ILLEGALS ATE MY SNOWPLOW headlines from the *Daily Mail....*”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“Not being invited in is one of the boxes on the “suspicious behavior” bingo form that every copper carries around in their head along with “stupidly overpowerful dog” and being too quick to supply an alibi. Fill all the boxes and you too could win an all-­expenses-paid visit to your local police station.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“Like young men from the dawn of time, I decided to choose the risk of death over certain humiliation.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“Zap,’ I said. ‘That’s the technical term for it, is it? What do you call someone who’s been zapped?’

‘Mr. Crispy,’ said Kumar.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“I was tempted to tell her it was because we were British and actually had a sense of humour, but I try not to be cruel to foreigners, especially when they're that strung out.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“My mum translated this in her head to "witchfinder," which was good because like most West Africans, she considered witchfinding a more respectable profession than policeman.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“It was a good plan, and like all plans since the dawn of time, this would fail to survive contact with real life.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“So that's when I came up with the most ridiculous plan since I'd decided to take a witness statement from a ghost. It was a plan so stupid that even Baldrick would have rejected it out of hand.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“I saw a dark void under the platform and had just enough time to think: "Fuck me he's a earthbender.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“The British have always been madly overambitious, and from one angle it can seem like bravery, but from another it looks suspiciously like a lack of foresight.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“The Metropolitan Police has a very straightforward approach to murder investigations, not for them the detective’s gut instinct or the intricate logical deductions of the sleuth savant. No, what the Met likes to do is throw a shitload of manpower at the problem and run down every single lead until it is exhausted, the murderer is caught or the senior investigating officer dies of old age.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“Right from the start Abigail used to moan and fidget as her hair was relaxed or braided or thermally reconditioned, but her dad was determined that his child wasn’t going to embarrass him in public. That all stopped when Abigail turned eleven and calmly announced that she had ChildLine on speed‑dial and the next person who came near her with a hair extension, chemical straightener, or, God forbid, a hot comb, was going to end up explaining their actions to Social Services.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“the rules of English grammar are largely an artificial construct with little or no bearing on the language as it is spoke.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“As Conan the Barbarian famously said, “That which does not kill us does not kill us.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“Despite my mum being from a small village in the middle of a forest, I'm not a country person. I don't like my bacon sandwich to be curiously snuffling at my fingers. But sometimes being police means holding your breath and fondling a pig.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“You never said you used to play Dungeon and Dragons,” Lesley had said when I explained my reasoning. I’d been tempted to tell her that I was thirteen at the time, and anyway it was Call of Cthulhu, but I’ve learned from bitter experience that such remarks generally only make things worse.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“CO19, the Met’s firearms unit, whose unofficial motto is, “Guns don’t kill people, we kill people with guns.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“What are my options?” she asked as I climbed into the driver’s seat. “Meaningless euphemisms at one end and your full-on Unseen University at the other,” I said. “The Unseen University is a bit like Hogwart’s—” Stephanopoulos cut me off. “I have read some Terry Pratchett,” she said.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“You know there's always things in life that you have to do despite the fact that you know for certain the outcome is going to be messy, painful, humiliating, or all three.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“It’s strictly constables, sergeants, and lunatics. We’ll keep the kettle on for you.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“Zach looked at Carey in consternation, obviously wondering if we were using the rare good cop/loony cop interrogation technique.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“Given that all three of us were Londoners, we paused a moment to carry out the ritual of the “valuation of the property.” I guessed that, given the area, it was at least a million and change. “Million and a half, easy,” said Carey. “More,” said Guleed. “If it’s freehold.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“Somebody doesn't know they're not in Kansas anymore,' said Stephanopoulos.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“You don't actually know enough about me to insult me properly.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“Well, our victim had a thirst for knowledge,” said Stephanopoulos. “He was a student at St. Martins College.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground

“I don’t know why Nightingale was so surprised—I barely knew four and a half spells and you couldn’t have got me to give it up, and that’s despite close brushes with death by vampire, hanging, malignant spirit, riot, tigerman, and the ever-present risk of overdoing the magic and getting a brain aneurysm.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Whispers Under Ground