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#121

“You need to find yourself a new hero." - Skulduggery Pleasant.”
― Derek Landy, Death Bringer

53 likes

#122

“She turned to Skulduggery and held out her arms. “Come here, you.”

He tilted his head. “My hugs are for special occasions only.”

“Hug me.”

“I prefer the old tradition.”

“Hug.”

“Would a handshake do?”

“Hug.”

“A pat on the back?”

She stepped forward and wrapped her arms round him. “Hug,” she said.

He sighed, and his hands settled on her shoulders. The others were warm and their embraces strong – with Skulduggery the hug was cold, and there were areas on his jacket that gave way beneath her fingers, and she could feel the emptiness within. She didn’t mind.”
― Derek Landy, Last Stand of Dead Men

50 likes

#123

“I find it rude to laugh at a man with a sword.”
― Derek Landy, Mortal Coil

tags: battle, combat, duel, dueling, humor, humorous, sword

55 likes

#124

“And what about magic?”
“What about it?”
“Will you teach me?”
“You don’t even know if you’re capable of doing magic.”
“How do I find out? Is there a test or something?”
“Yes, we cut off your head. If it grows back, you can do magic.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

tags: life, magic

55 likes

#125

“Are you sulking?”
“Me? No. I don’t sulk.”
“You sound like you’re sulking.”
“I’m just waiting for the violent urges to subside.”
― Derek Landy, Last Stand of Dead Men

51 likes

#126

“I love you.'
'I'm a little stuck for words here,' she said. 'I'm just trying to get my head around it, trying to find the right way for... Okay, yeah, I have it now. Caelan, cop on to yourself.'
'But I love you.'
'Here we go.'
'When will you admit that you are in love with me too?'
'I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good looking and mildly stupid brick wall. Look, I like you okay? I think you're cute. You could probably ease up on the brooding self-loathing, though. That stopped being attractive a while ago. But, I mean, on the whole, I like you, and you like me-'
'I love you.'
'Yeah, well...”
― Derek Landy, Death Bringer

51 likes

#127

“But I'm really enjoying my retirement. I get to sleep in every day. I do crossword puzzles and eat cake.”
― Derek Landy, Mortal Coil

tags: cake, crossword-puzzles, humor, humorous, laziness, retirement, sleeping-in

52 likes

#128

“The Torment turned his head to him, and frowned. "Who are you?"
"I'm... sorry? It's me, it's Vaurien. Vaurien Scapegrace. I... built the cellar for you?"
"Oh," the Torment said. "You. Why are you back? I thought you were dead. It would have been nice if you were dead”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

tags: humor

46 likes

#129

“Suddenly Saracen Rue looked old and tired, and Skulduggery Pleasant came into focus as what he really was – a genius, a killer, a tortured soul, and the only true dead man among them.”
― Derek Landy, Last Stand of Dead Men

50 likes

#130

“Tides do what tides do–they turn.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

tags: change, turning-tides, waiting

59 likes

#131

“It all depends on what people you're talking about helping. That's the wonderful think about just about every religion on the planet - they're all so incredibly selfish.”
― Derek Landy, Death Bringer

tags: cynic, cynicism, helping-others, perspective, religion, selfishness, skepticism

50 likes

#132

“Tanith frowned. Did people still go on DATES any more? She was sure they did. They probably called it something different though. She tried to think of the last date she'd been on. The last PROPER date. Did fighting side by side with Saracen Rue count as a date? They ended up snuggling under the moonlight, drenched in gore and pieces of brain - so it had PROBABLY been a date. If it wasn't, it was certainly a fun time had by all. Well, not ALL. But she and Saracen had sure had a blast.”
― Derek Landy, Mortal Coil

tags: dates, dating, flings, gore, humor, humorous, love, morbid, morbid-humor, morbidity, relationships, violence

48 likes

#133

“Sometimes it's not what you say, Valkyrie, it's just the fact that you're saying it.”
― Derek Landy, Mortal Coil

tags: skulduggery-pleasant, speech, words

47 likes

#134

“Personally, I think knees should be kept for the eighth or ninth date, or the wedding day. As a nice surprise you know? 'oh, my darling, you have knees! I never would have thought”
― Derek Landy, Mortal Coil

tags: humour

45 likes

#135

“I am a rational man, but haven't you heard? i'm also insane. It gives me a unique perspective on things.”
― Derek Landy, Death Bringer

tags: skulduggery-pleasant

49 likes

#136

“The problem with living so long is that we get used to it. We watch the mortals age and wither and die around us, watch the world change and decay...but no matter the hardship or the pain or the sorrow we suffer, we choose to continue living. Out of sheer habit, I think.”
― Derek Landy, Mortal Coil

tags: habit, immortality, loneliness, mortality, regret, survival

47 likes

#137

“I was wondering how you were going to punish me for not confiding in you. Punishment, actually, is something I've thought about for a long time. What form of punishment would be enough for what I did? Imprisonment? Death? Something else? Something scarier? I could only think of so many horrible tortures before they stopped having meaning. But you' you've come up with a punishment I never considered. You're going to sulk me to death.”
― Derek Landy, Death Bringer

44 likes

#138

“That was a good day for me," Skulduggery said. "I didn't have to hit anyone. I didn't have to shoot anyone. I just sat around and talked to my good friend and partner, Valkyrie Cain.”
― Derek Landy, Death Bringer

tags: friendship

44 likes

#139

“Honesty is, honestly, the best policy,” said Saracen. “But when honesty doesn’t work, lie, and lie convincingly.”
― Derek Landy, The Dying of the Light

41 likes

#140

“He does this on purpose," Stephanie's mother said as they sat in the car, seat belts on and ready to go. They watched him appear at the front door, shrug into his jacket, tuck in his shirt, go to step out, and then pause.

"He looks like he's about to sneeze," Stephanie remarked.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

44 likes

#141

“Ladies and gentleman," he said over the speakers, "welcome aboard this recently liberated Gulfstream V. If I could have your attention for just a few moments, I'd like to go over the safety features of this aircraft. It has an engine, to make us go, and wings, to keep us in the air. There are seatbelts, which won't do you an awful lot of good if we fly into the side of a mountain.”
― Derek Landy, The Maleficent Seven

tags: air, craft, fly, funny, malifecent, plane, rules, safety, tanith

42 likes

#142

“Gracious ignored him. "A farmer's daughter, she was, though back then every girl was a farmer's daughter. Or a farmer. She had long hair like rope, and a nose. All her eyes were blue and she had a smile like a radiant hole in the ground, with teeth. God, she was beautiful."

"She sounds terrifying," said Donegan.

"Hush, you. I will hear no bad word spoken of your sister.”
― Derek Landy, The Dying of the Light

tags: dead-men, donegan, flattery, gracious, humour, skulduggery-pleasant

40 likes

#143

“Valkyrie made a face. "Bloody vampires."
Ryan sat forward. "That was a vampire? That guy who looked like an accountant?"

"We don't talk about vampires," Skulduggery warned.
"But it was daytime. How could he have been out during the-"
"We don't talk about vampires!" Valkyrie said sharply.

Ryan shrunk back. "Sorry," he said.
"Don't worry about it," Skulduggery told him. "Valkyrie used to date a vampire that's all."

"We didn't date ," Valkyrie said immediately.
Skulduggery held a hand up. "I'm not judging."

Valkyrie scowled.”
― Derek Landy, The End of the World

tags: dating, ryan, skulduggery-pleasant, valkyrie-cain, vampires

41 likes

#144

“The next time? Oh, my dear Eliza, you're not going to carry on with this, are you? The Faceless Ones had their chance. They returned and they were sent away again. It's time to move on. Time to take up another hobby, like crocheting, or serial killing.”
― Derek Landy, Death Bringer

tags: china-sorrows, hobbies, humor, skulduggery-pleasant

43 likes

#145

“I just want to let you know that I love you all. Even those of you that I don't like; that's you Beryl.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

45 likes

#146

“Now, before you begin to worry, the section of the gaol that I’m standing in is completely secure. No problems here. I’m not in any danger whatsoever.”

“And the section I’m standing in?”

“Well,” he said, “the important thing to remember is that I’m perfectly safe.”

Valkyrie sighed. “I’m stuck in here with the bad guys, aren’t I?”

“Or you could be glass-half-full about it and say that they are stuck in there with you. Which might make you feel better.”
― Derek Landy, Kingdom of the Wicked

42 likes

#147

“Other stories tell how I eat innocent newborns, how I’m ten feet tall, how I breathe fire and have great dragon wings. None of these are wholly accurate. I don’t have dragon wings, I don’t breathe fire, I’m only eight feet tall and I’ve never eaten a newborn that didn’t have it coming. My name is Mevolent. What’s yours?”
― Derek Landy, Kingdom of the Wicked

41 likes

#148

“He stepped closer to her. "Thank you for saving me," he said softly, and wrapped the bones of his arms around her. Valkyrie smiled and hugged him back.”
― Derek Landy, Dark Days

42 likes

#149

“Here she is,” her mum said, cooing at the baby, “my special girl.”
“Oh, cheers,” Valkyrie said, rolling her eyes.”
― Derek Landy, Death Bringer

tags: baby, sarcasm, special

43 likes

#150

“What do we do now?”
“Well, we escape. I’m not sure how yet, but—”
“No,” said Valkyrie. “What do we do now? We’re partners. You’re my best friend. I love you. You were my… I looked up to you. What am I supposed to do now?”
He turned away. “You need to find yourself a new hero.”
― Derek Landy, Death Bringer

40 likes

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