Skulduggery Pleasant Quotes

“Doors are for people with no imagination.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“I'm placing you under arrest for murder, conspiracy to commit murder and, I don't know, possibly littering.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“What is it?' Stephanie whispered.
'That, my dear Valkyrie, is what we call a monster.'
She looked at Skulduggery. 'You don't know what it is, do you?'
'I told you what it is, it's a horrible monster. Now shut up before it comes over here and eats us.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“There’s no such thing as winning or losing. There is won and there is lost, there is victory and defeat. There are absolutes. Everything in between is still left to fight for. Serpine will have won only when there is no one left to stand against him. Until then, there is only the struggle, because tides do what tides do–they turn.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“Every solution to every problem is simple. It's the distance between the two where the mystery lies.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“What would killing the Elders result in?"
"Panic? Fear? Three empty parking spaces in the Sanctuary?”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“Are you kidding? I jumped off a building -- of course I'm hurt.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“I love you all, even those I don’t particularly like. That’s you, Beryl.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“Valkyrie: “You are such a moron.”
Skulduggery: “Don't be jealous of my genius.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“Found something?”
“No, sorry. I thought I had, but, no, it turned out to be, uh… more floor.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“You're not stealing anything, you're not breaking anything, so I'd guess you're Stephanie.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“Her parents wanted her to find her own way in life. That’s what they’d said countless times in the past. Of course, they’d been referring to school subjects and college applications and job prospects. Presumably, at no stage did they factor living skeletons and magic underworlds into their considerations. If they had, their advice would probably have been very different.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“This is your one chance. Tell me where the key is."
"Okay."
Serpine raised an eyebrow. "Really?"
"No, only joking. Do your worst.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“I woke up, a bag of bones. Literally. They had gathered up my bones and put them in a bag and thrown the bag into a river.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“You can only anticipate what someone is going to do if you know exactly what that someone has just done.' --Skulduggery”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“Gordon Edgley's sudden death came as a shock to everyone - not least himself. One moment he was in his study, seven words into the twenty-fifth sentence of the final chapter of his new book, And the Darkness Rained upon Them, and the next he was dead. A tragic loss, his mind echoed numbly as he slipped away.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“The world is bigger than you know, and scarier than you might imagine. The only currency worth anything is being true to yourself, and the only goal worth seeking is finding out who you truly are.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“If there is one regret that I have had in my life, it is that I never fathered any children. There are times, when I look at what Fergus and Beryl have produced, when I consider myself fortunate, but there are also times when it breaks my heart.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“He put on his hat and wrapped his scarf around his jaw, but did without the wig and the sunglasses. He clicked his key chain and the car beeped and the doors locked.
"That's it?"
He looked up. "Sorry?"
"Aren't you afraid it might get stolen? We're not exactly in a good part of town."
"It's got a car alarm."
"Don't you, like, cast a spell or something? To keep it safe?"
"No. It's a pretty good car alarm.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“Cheer up everyone," he said, a new brightness to his voice. "Since we’re all going to die horribly anyway, what’s there to be worried about?”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“Right, well, we've got to work out what we need. We've got to work out what we need, how we get it, and what we need to get to get what we need.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“There’s something about you, Valkyrie. I’m not quite sure what it is. I look at you and…”

“And you’re reminded of yourself when you were my age?”

“Hmm? Oh, no, what I was going to say is there’s something about you that is really annoying, and you never do what you’re told, and sometimes I question your intelligence, but even so I’m going to train you, because I like having someone follow me around like a little puppy. It makes me feel good about myself.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“Wait, do they even know I'm coming with you?"
"No. But they like surprises. Almost always.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“Tides do what tides do–they turn.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“A living skeleton isn't enough for you, is it? What does it take to impress young people these days?”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“And what about magic?”
“What about it?”
“Will you teach me?”
“You don’t even know if you’re capable of doing magic.”
“How do I find out? Is there a test or something?”
“Yes, we cut off your head. If it grows back, you can do magic.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“I just want to let you know that I love you all. Even those of you that I don't like; that's you Beryl.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“By the time they got to Denholm Street, day had been beaten back and the night was soaking through the city.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“He does this on purpose," Stephanie's mother said as they sat in the car, seat belts on and ready to go. They watched him appear at the front door, shrug into his jacket, tuck in his shirt, go to step out, and then pause.

"He looks like he's about to sneeze," Stephanie remarked.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“We live in a time of fear," Skulduggery said, "where we're too scared of upsetting the status quo to ask the questions we need to be asking.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant