Models: Attract Women Through Honesty

by Mark Manson

The first way of expressing our truth involves developing a lifestyle that makes us happy. The second way of expressing truth is by being courageous and fighting through our fears and anxieties. And the third way of expressing truth is by communicating well and being uninhibited in our sexuality.

Chapter 6: The Three Fundamentals

The Three Fundamentals are: 1. Creating an attractive and enriching lifestyle. 2. Overcoming your fears and anxiety around socializing, intimacy and sexuality. 3. Mastering the expression of your emotions and communicating fluidly.

Honest Living correlates directly with the quality of women that you will attract. The more in-tune you are to your lifestyle, the more you take care of your appearance and your health, the higher the quality of women you will attract and the greater percentage of Receptive women you’ll meet.

Our anxiety is another form in which we highly invest ourselves in others’ perceptions and avoid our truth.

You’re being overly invested in her and others’ opinions and are unable to expose your vulnerability.

Overcoming your fear and anxiety will correlate with your overall results with women.

If he’s willing to approach 500 women with no fear of rejection, eventually at least one of them is going to stick.

The third fundamental is Honest Communication, or learning to express yourself freely and effectively. This is what most dating advice sells and classifies as “game” — a good sense of humor, the ability to connect with people, telling stories, engaging people’s attention, having charisma, and expressing your sexuality openly.

In my experience, almost all men who struggle with relationships fall into one of two categories: socially anxious or socially disconnected.

an honest expression of yourself and your desires as a man is the most effective way to demonstrate non-neediness and to therefore create lasting and genuine attraction with women who will make you the happiest.

Which women do you want to meet and what kind of relationship do you want to have with them?

This question of where and in what context you meet women is what I call demographics, and it is by-and-large ignored by pretty much all dating advice out there today.

The theory of demographics is simple and easy to remember: like attracts like. You attract what you are.

He’s well groomed.

If she loves to ski and ride horses, and you hate the outdoors and traveling, then that’s going to cause friction — perhaps not immediately, but at some point.

If she values expressing her emotions openly and what her friends think of her, and you value serious conversation, intellectual pursuits and don’t care much for social gatherings, there’s going to be a large amount of friction from the get-go.

If you hate what she loves and she hates what you love, it’s not going to go anywhere. Period.

if you play to your strengths — i.e., if you focus your time and energy on meeting women in situations where they are likely to share your values, interests, and needs — then you’re going to not only experience a much higher degree of success, but you’re going to meet women you enjoy a lot more.

Women with the traits that you value, where do they frequent? Where are you most likely to find them?

Demographics affect every interaction you have with women. If there is too large of a demographic mismatch, then the friction will be incredibly high, and no matter how attractive you are, she will not be able to connect with you.

Expand your interests and pursue them.

The idea is that our beliefs are reflected in our behavior, and behavior determines which (and how many) women are attracted to us.

Another example is the belief that women want and enjoy sex as much as men do. This belief was a big one for me. Many men don’t believe that women actually enjoy or fantasize about sex.

A blunter way of putting it is: whether you realize it or not, the results you get with women are always your fault.

Becoming a non-needy man requires, first and foremost, a high level of honesty with yourself.

Because here’s the amazing thing about people, both men and women: people tend to conform to what we expect of them.

If you never trust the woman you’re with and are always jealous, then you’re just going to encourage her to do things behind your back.

Because ultimately, we attract who we are. And if we are a mean, vindictive, jealous or distrustful person – well, who do you think you’ll end up being with?

In fact, studies have found that the average 45-year-old male is still considered as physically attractive as the average 18-year-old male.

The main reason is that studies have also found that women judge a man’s status far less on actual physical dimensions and far more on style, grooming, and how men present themselves. As men, we’re extremely lucky in this regard. Taking a man from a baggy beer T-shirt and ill-fitted jeans to a nice suit with a professional haircut will immediately bump him up 50% in the looks department overnight, whereas with women, it’s a constant and never-ending battle to maximize their physical appearance as much as possible.

You should be as good-looking as you can possibly be. And you should be as financially successful as you can possibly be.

All things equal, looks and money always increase your odds.

Being good-looking and being rich is worth nothing if you don’t do something with it. You can be the richest guy in the world, but if you behave like a timid, negative and weak chump, then women will still be repelled.

anyone can be handsome and appear high-status if they put enough effort into it. So no excuses.

And of course, status is ultimately determined by demographics.

The goal, as a man, is to cultivate as much social proof within your demographic as possible.

Social proof only functions within a demographic itself. That’s why once you’ve narrowed down your demographic, you want to cultivate your connections and put yourself into as big of a leadership position as possible. Don’t just join the intramural ultimate Frisbee team, start organizing it. Don’t just volunteer at a charity event, help find sponsors for it. Don’t just go hang out at a local club, but become a promoter for it.

Don’t just pursue your interests, become a leader in your interests. Don’t just choose a demographic of women to meet, dominate the demographic.

If there’s one takeaway from this chapter, it’s that it is far more powerful to be something attractive rather than to say something attractive.

You can say the most attractive sentence in the world, but if it isn’t backed up by who you are, then it’s not going to have any meaning. Whereas if you are something amazing, then anything you say will be attractive because it will be coming from a genuinely attractive man.

Not everybody is born good-looking. But any man, with some time and effort, can become attractive. And in the end, what women want is a man who is attractive.

Remember, your outward appearance is a reflection of your self-investment (or lack thereof). And your level of self-investment will make you less needy towards others, therefore making your behavior more attractive. If you don’t put a lot of time and effort into how you look and how you present yourself to the world, women look at that and make unconscious assumptions about your status as a man.

Bar none, fitness and fashion will do more to attract women in a shorter amount of time than anything else you can do.

Being in decent shape and dressing well will make every phase of the process easier and smoother, from meeting women, to attracting them, to getting physical with them, to dating them, to staying in a relationship with them. There literally is no downside to either one.

There are a few rules to dressing well: 1. Wear clothes that fit. 2. Wear clothes that match. 3. Dress to your personality

When it comes to clothing, fit is king. You can have the nicest, most expensive clothes in the world, but if they don’t fit well you’ll look like a clown. On the other hand, you can have some modest or even mediocre clothing, but if it fits well (and you’re in decent shape), you’ll look quite good.

Matching is actually simple once you know what to look for: • Your belt should match your shoes and/or your accessories. • If you’re wearing dress pants, your socks should match your pants. • If you’re wearing jeans, your socks should match your shoes. • Your accessories must all be gold or all silver.

You are not stylish if you are not dressing to your personality.

Look through magazines and get on the internet. Find famous people or role models who represent your personality. Then model yourself after those people’s appearance.