Models: Attract Women Through Honesty

by Mark Manson

Courage is a habit. Courage is a form of discipline. It’s taking a certain action even though you feel like doing something else. The difference here is that courage involves acting against fear, whereas discipline involves acting against laziness or fatigue.

The bolder your action, the greater attraction you’re going to create. The bolder the action, the more vulnerability you show, and the more you polarize responses.

The point is: greater boldness leads to greater polarization.

Whenever you’re in doubt of what you should do, err on the side of assertiveness. Choose the bolder action. Because if you wait around for the safer and less bold opportunity to make a move on her, chances are the attraction will be less or may even dwindle.

Now if a man compliments a woman out of genuine appreciation for her, she’s going to hear his intention and be genuinely appreciative of him as well.

Or are you sharing yourself (vulnerability) and therefore polarizing her?

A man who is non-needy will have intentions dominated by vulnerability and will therefore be attractive regardless of what he says.

Remember, women don’t see your features, they see how you present yourself. They don’t hear your words, they hear your intentions. If you suffer from chronic rejection, then you are presenting yourself poorly and/or have poor intentions. In both cases, you’re needy, and therefore, you will always be seen as unattractive until you are able to invest in yourself.

Creepiness is behaving in a way that makes a woman feel insecure sexually.

Trust takes time. She has to see that your actions line up with your intentions before she can feel comfortable exposing herself to you and making herself vulnerable.

The second you make them feel uncomfortable sexually is the second you become a creep and the second she’s finding an excuse to get away from you as fast as she can.

Sex is a side effect of that mutual vulnerability.)

The more comfortable you are with women finding you creepy, and the more uninhibited and vulnerable your actions and words are around women, and the more aware and respectful you are of their interests and desires, the less likely they will be to find you creepy.

Flirting is expressing your sexuality to a woman in a way that makes her feel secure expressing her sexuality back towards you.

The uncertainty generates the tension.

For instance, let’s say you meet a woman and just come right out and say, “I think you’re beautiful, I’d like to take you on a date.” A lot of men cringe at this idea. Needy men hate it because they think it will make them creepy. Narcissistic men hate it because they believe they’re giving their power away. But in reality, it’s one of the most powerful and practical things you can say. Not only is it vulnerable, as we’ve discussed at length, but it also builds far more sexual tension.

Women are turned on by being desired, remember? They are aroused by men who perform bold behaviors towards them. So it turns her on.

If a man begins to flirt with a woman by teasing her, then suddenly he adds a new dimension by creating uncertainty: Does he like me or not? Why is he flirting with me? But if a man goes the bold and vulnerable route, and is willing to risk rejection, he is rewarded by creating massive amounts of sexual tension, because in a single stroke you have transported the context away from, “What do we talk about next?” to “What will he say or do with me next?” This is extremely powerful.

But eventually, exposing yourself and your sexual desires will force you to be less invested, more confident, more dominant, and more attractive. The teasing will help by creating the perception of non-neediness, and the boldness will make women more and more receptive to your eventual sexual advances.

This is more or less the blueprint of seduction: a strong, high status, attractive exterior (lifestyle and looks), fearless, and able to open up and share your vulnerable side with her. Women get weak in the knees for this shit. And it’s not even conscious most of the time.

First impressions are crucial.

The exact words you say are far less important than your intentions and level of anxiety.

Ninety percent of the time when I meet a new woman, I simply say, “Hi, I’m Mark.” I then follow it up with, “I wanted to meet you.” And if I’m feeling particularly bold, I’ll say, “I thought you were cute and wanted to meet you.” That’s it.

You can ask a woman how her day is going, or say the most perceptive and witty thing to her in the first minutes, but her first impression is largely going to be based on how you present yourself (looks/lifestyle; Chapters 7 and 8), your level of anxiety (anxiety; Chapters 9 and 10), and your ability to communicate clearly. What actually comes out of your mouth is going to be forgotten or completely irrelevant within seconds.

When in doubt on how to approach a woman, simply walk up and introduce yourself and explain to her that you wanted to meet her.

I’ve noticed that the longer I hesitate and stare at a girl before I approach her, the more likely I am to be rejected. The best approaches I ever do are when I don’t think about it and I spontaneously just walk up and say hello.

Smile. Always smile. Don’t smile like the Joker from the Batman movies smiles. But smile like you’re a nice, friendly person. A comfortable smile. Lean back. Stand up tall. Speak loudly yet clearly. Make strong eye contact. Introduce yourself and stick out your hand. Give a firm handshake. This is called being a confident human being.

When you see a beautiful woman, you should be motivated by nothing but your desire to get to know her. That’s it.

Using effective language means saying what you mean with the fewest words possible while still maintaining your meaning and intent.

Creating threads of conversation through statement is far more powerful than questions. This is because it assumes rapport and instantly makes conversations more personally.

For instance, if you’ve been talking to a woman at a bar for a few minutes, saying, “I love olives in my drink. When I was a kid I used to eat them straight out of the jar,” is far more interesting than, “Do you like olives in your drink?” and waiting for her response. In fact, that question is just plain weird. But that statement is interesting, and what many women would consider “cute.”

Instead of asking her a question about herself, you guess the answer to your question and then state it. Here are some examples: “Where are you from?” translates to: “You look like a California girl.”

the statement makes an educated guess and engages the woman far more than any question will.

The only thing people love more than talking about themselves is hearing about themselves.

You should cold read as much as possible. Any time you’re asking a question that requires a factual answer, take a stab at the answer instead of asking.

Instead of fishing for a new conversation based on a generic question, you can simply comment about something or observe something. Never underestimate the power of non-sequiturs.

It’s better to be random and interesting than predictable and boring. Don’t be afraid to just blurt something out.

When you simply ask a girl questions, you aren’t giving any information about yourself, so it’s harder for her to trust you or build rapport. But if you simply state a fact about yourself and then talk about it, you are now sharing yourself and giving her a chance to chime in with her input as well.

Take out a sheet of paper and write down three things for each of the following: • Your passions and favorite things to do. • Your dreams, ambitions, life goals. • The best/worst things that have happened to you. • Your childhood, family life, and upbringing.

In fact, in many surveys of what women look for most in a man, “sense of humor” is almost always at the top of that list.

A man who can laugh easily at the world and who isn’t afraid to laugh at himself conveys a sense of non-neediness. He also makes women feel good around him and, therefore, more secure.

At its core, humor is the art of drawing connections between two seemingly unrelated ideas or objects.

Sometimes jokes are bad or unfunny. That’s fine. Just move on.

In humor, the more specific and odd the details, typically the more funny a joke is.

but when you tease frequently and freely, be prepared for a wide range of emotional responses.

Teasing polarizes, often hard and quickly. Therefore, it’s a good tactic, but not always exactly pleasant.

If you find yourself having a lot of trouble with humor, I recommend watching a lot of stand-up comedians.

Pick a few of your favorite comics and watch their stand-up routines multiple times to get a real sense of how they tell a story and how they nail a punchline.

The way to prevent flakes is to meet and attract women who are so interested in you that they would never consider flaking.

Setting rigid rules such as “wait three days to ask her out” or “never text her twice in a row,” greatly limits you and will hinder the unique connection you spent your time developing with the woman.