Models: Attract Women Through Honesty

by Mark Manson

If you’re attracted to her, you shouldn’t be afraid to hide it (you’re a confident, dominant man, remember?).

My policy with flakes is “Three strikes you’re out.” If a woman flakes once, I’ll try her a second time. If she doesn’t respond the second time, I may or may not give it a third shot, but typically if I do, I don’t put much effort into the third attempt. Often I will only try a woman once or twice. If there’s still nothing after the third attempt, I move on.

- I always text within 24 hours of getting her number. I send a simple text: “Hey Sara, it was nice meeting you.” That’s it. Most girls who are interested in you will respond somewhat quickly. The ones who do not respond to this will usually flake on you.

Good date locations are locations that are active, participatory, and allow for touching and flirting. Alcohol can be helpful as well if that’s your style. Some good examples include comedy clubs, dance classes, museum exhibits, walks in interesting places (plazas, parks, etc.), concerts, or just grabbing a drink somewhere.

The logic is simple: the closer the venues are to your place or hers, the less travel time necessary, the fewer logistical headaches, and the better the chance of you ending up at each other’s houses at the end of the night.

Include dancing if at all possible, as it’s the most sexual date activity you can have.

Remove, “What do you want to do now?” from your dating vocabulary. Never say it again. It should be like this: “Hey, let’s grab some tacos, I know a cool stand over here,” “I got an idea, I’m going to kick your ass in air hockey,” “Let’s check out the Science museum, they have an awesome exhibit on the human body,” etc.

pay unless she physically pulls out her wallet/credit card and stops you. Until she physically does that, just pay.

Women are turned on by being wanted, by being desired.

Being physical with women is by far the most integral piece of seduction and dating women. If you have it, you will constantly have options. If you don’t, you will spend a lot of time alone.

Being physical with women is a necessary habit that most men who are poor with women never do. Most men are a bit shy and hesitant when it comes to “making moves:” touching, the first kiss, sexual touching, etc. Well, that needs to stop. From now on, you are a sexually assertive and dominant guy and you have no shame about it. We’ll also discover that women actually prefer you to be this way.

There are two reasons for being physically assertive with women. The first is polarization. You want to establish whether she’s sexually interested in you as soon as you possibly can. The second reason is that being physical is bold and, therefore, a highly attractive form of flirting.

Studies have shown that people being touched by somebody when they first meet them not only have a much higher probability of thinking favorably of them, but they also were shown to trust them quicker.

As you’re having a conversation with her, assuming she is Receptive, just lightly touch her on the arm, near the elbow. Don’t press hard or hold it, as that could startle her, but just a small brush or tap or light squeeze. Use your touching to punctuate the conversation, as if emphasizing a funny moment or the punchline of the joke. Think of touching as the exclamation marks or question marks of the dialogue.

Humans are programmed to look at and focus on whatever they’re either curious about or what they find attractive.

sometimes you will notice one girl smiling and laughing a lot more than others when you speak. Chances are she likes you.

Flipping or Playing with Her Hair: Classic signal of flirtation and often done unconsciously.

Think of it this way: it’s much better to try and kiss her and get rejected than to go the whole night without making a move and never knowing what would have been. So the rule of thumb is, when in doubt, go for it.

One of my favorite things to do while making out with a girl is to grab her belt loops on her pants and pull her hips into mine.

Kissing is simply the gateway to greater and deeper intimacy.

Usually, the place to touch a woman that indicates you’re ready for sex and that isn’t acceptable unless she is as well are her breasts. If your hands find your way to them and she’s into it, then this is usually an indication that things are going to go further.

Whereas men are like a microwave that you just press a button and the food is ready to go, women are like an oven. They need to be warmed up, pre-heated even. Remember, female arousal is primarily psychological. Therefore, there needs to be a sense of build-up to sex.

Because, believe it or not, women want sex too. They want wild, passionate, crazy sex, just like you

Girls love to be teased. For instance, instead of just shoving your finger inside her and going at it, trying lightly touching her pussy with your fingertips for a few seconds. She’ll go crazy and want you inside her more than ever.

When it comes to sex, more important than any physical technique — some cool angle or position or whatever — is being dominant.

Women like to feel like you have the power and the control in the bedroom. They want you to be assertive and strong with what you want.

Talk dirty. Tell her how sexy she is. Tell her what you’re going to do to her before you do it. Call her a dirty girl and a horny slut. This may be outside of your comfort zone, but realize that in the bedroom the rules change and logic goes out the window.

Typically, women become more invested after sex and men become less invested after sex.

The power of choice that the woman had (whether to have sex or not) now usually switches over to the man (whether to commit or not).

Pursue one social hobby regularly: Pick a social hobby and pursue it regularly. You may already have one, but if not, find one. It could be dance classes, public speaking courses, language courses, cooking classes, joining a band, etc. Whatever it is, make it social. That means sitting at home and perfecting your model airplanes doesn’t count.

Write down the type of women you’d like to meet and the places you enjoy going most. Then find venues or events where those two things intersect. It could be independent rock concerts, it could be art gallery showings, it could be salsa nights. Whatever it is, find your niche and pursue it.

Over the course of the previous 230 pages, we’ve discovered that attraction flows from women perceiving non-neediness and a sense of inner security in men. This confidence and security arise from having a stronger identity and investment in oneself than in the perception of others. This sub-communicates that as a man, you’re dependable, confident and high status (or likely to become high status).

The way to cultivate a higher investment in oneself, the way to becoming more confident, is actually counterintuitive. We learned that showing vulnerability, both in emotion and action, actually leads to a higher investment in oneself and higher non-neediness.

When you express yourself more clearly and directly, you polarize the reactions of women, opening yourself up to more rejection, but also attracting other women stronger than ever before.

The phrase is: “What if it was a gift?” Whatever happens to you, no matter how bad, no matter how bleak you feel, ask yourself, “What if it was a gift?” and then try to rationalize a way it could be so. Because you see, in the world of emotions, there are no absolutes; you can usually draw whichever conclusions you desire. So why not choose to draw conclusions of blessings, positivity, and gifts?

Because that is what life does: it rewards you. It’s giving you gifts every day. Are you going to accept them?

Current research posits women are primarily aroused through displays of sexual intent and bold behaviors.

Demographics — The idea that you will experience greater success (happiness) and efficiency by pursuing women in areas of your life that you excel at or enjoy. For instance, if you are a musician, then you are more likely to experience dating success by meeting women at concerts and music events.

Limiting Beliefs — Irrational beliefs that inherently prevent one from being successful at something. Limiting beliefs are almost always untrue and results of defense mechanisms and a lack of courage. An example is a man who believes that women will never be attracted to him because he’s bald so he doesn’t even try.

Neediness — Being more invested in the opinions and perceptions of others than your opinion and perception of yourself. Needy men end up deferring all decision-making and behaviors to what they will believe will win them approval from others. They will subvert their own identity and desires for the will of others. Neediness is a defense mechanism for social/emotional failures early in life but is a failing strategy for intimacy in adulthood. Neediness is overcome through investing in oneself, practicing vulnerability, and pursuing Honest Living, Honest Action, and Honest Communication.

Non-neediness — Being more invested in your opinion of yourself than the opinions others have of you. Non-neediness is one component of having high self-esteem and the root of all attractive behavior. True Confidence is achieved through practicing vulnerability and in investing in oneself.

Vulnerability — Being unguarded or undefended in expressing one’s thoughts and emotions. Most men hide the thoughts and emotions they believe will make them less attractive. This forces them to behave conditionally and base their behaviors on the beliefs and perceptions of those around them. This is unconfident behavior and ultimately makes them unattractive. Paradoxically, making oneself vulnerable and surrendering to criticism and not expecting anything in return from others causes one to build self-esteem, become more confident and more attractive.