Models: Attract Women Through Honesty

by Mark Manson

Men who are non-needy establish strict boundaries because they value their own time and happiness more than receiving attention from a woman. They also see no reason to trample over other people’s boundaries.

Finding Your Truth

My boundary is established: I value curiosity, education, intelligence and authenticity. I also don’t value “fake” looks such as pounds of make-up, bronzer, hair extensions or super tight skirts.

As a result, I became less invested and less affected by the actions of the women around me, which in turn made me more attractive around them. As if by magic, I began to attract far more beautiful and interesting women with less effort.

The important thing about therapy is to remember that it’s a tool, not a solution.

Friction and Projection

Ultimately, your values determine your behavior.

The needy man will spend all of his time placating and trying to fix the accusations and problems the woman projects onto him.

You are going to be incompatible with most of the women in the world and to hold any hopes of being highly compatible with most is an illusion of grandeur and a figment of your own narcissistic tendency.

Our job is not to attract every woman, but to screen for women with a high potential of being attracted to who we really are.

The world is what it is, it’s our job to simply present ourselves as boldly and clearly to it as possible, accept the reactions and move on the opportunities.

Part II: Strategy

Blue

Chapter 4: Polarization

Blue

You will get rejected. But don’t worry. It’s a good thing.

Rejection exists for a reason — it’s a means to keep people apart who are not good for each other.

Ask yourself this: why would you want to be intimate with someone who doesn't appreciate you?

The first step to being more attractive is to see rejection as a means to eliminate women who won't make you happy from your life. It's a blessing, not a curse.

And again, for the love of god, if you don’t find her attractive, don’t pursue her.

For practical purposes, we can divide up all of the women you’re attracted to into three categories: Receptive, Neutral and Unreceptive.

Many men waste a lot of time convincing themselves that Unreceptive women may actually like them.

Remember, women tend to be less invested before sex, therefore, they (usually) expect men to initiate in the beginning.

You’re almost never going to change the mind of an Unreceptive woman, and even when you do it’s often not worth the effort.

So Unreceptive women simply aren’t worth my time or effort to pursue.

Waiting around for a woman in a relationship is simply not worth it. Period. Trying to sabotage a woman’s relationship so you can swoop in and “steal” her is not only ineffectual but morally fucked up. It’s neediness and narcissism to an extreme degree.

What a lot of men don’t understand though is that oftentimes, married or taken women will still flirt with other men for no other reason than they think it’s fun and they like the attention. To some women, flirting is like a hobby and they see it as harmless fun. If a woman is married or has a boyfriend and seems pretty happy in general and is flirting with me, then I don’t take the flirting too seriously.

"What's your favorite thing in the world?" This question will tell me two things: how passionate and self-aware she is about her own life, and secondly if we have anything in common. Women who are not passionate or self-aware I drop very quickly and go meet someone else. Women who share interests with me give me an opportunity to polarize them quickly to being Receptive.

When you meet a Receptive woman, the goal is simple. You escalate. You make a move. You move things forward — assuming you want to, of course.

The percentage of women who are Receptive to you will increase proportionally to the quality of your lifestyle, your social status, and your looks. The percentage of women that you’re able to move from Neutral to Receptive will be proportional to how good your “game” is, or how well you’re able to communicate and express yourself with women. And your ability to sort through each type of women and meet as many as possible will be determined by how fearless and bold you are when it comes to meeting women.

You cannot be an attractive and life-changing presence to some women without being a joke or an embarrassment to others. You simply can’t. You have to be controversial. You have to polarize. It’s the name of the game. And getting good at the game is learning to open yourself up enough emotionally, learning to express your honest self enough and be comfortable enough with your vulnerability to take those embarrassing moments along with the moments of passion. A willingness to polarize is not easy. But it’s necessary.

The fact is that sexuality, attraction, and relationships are, by their very nature, confrontational and controversial. You have to either make the decision to accept being controversial and confrontational or you need to accept that you will go through life with everyone being Neutral towards you.

Polarization is what occurs when you express your truth and make yourself vulnerable. When you tell a woman she is beautiful, you are polarizing her. When you tease her about her earrings and put your arm around her, you’re polarizing her. When you wear a custom-made suit when you go out, you are polarizing women. When you tell a woman who’s late to a date to never be late again, you are polarizing her. When you smile and tell her how beautiful she is, you’re polarizing her. When you take her hand in yours and lead her somewhere, you are polarizing her. Everything that is attractive is polarizing.

A man who is uninhibited about expressing his emotions and what he wants will demonstrate non-neediness, thereby attracting a woman and immediately forcing her to decide whether she’s Receptive or Unreceptive. And chances are, unless there’s a lot of friction present, she will become Receptive. You’d be surprised how many women will respond with attraction to nothing other than a man who is bold and willing to stick his neck out.

They respect a man who is bold and honest.

Most of the harsh rejections I’ve had in my life came from when I was performing, seeking validation, when I was over-invested and needy and overcompensating. When I pursue women in a vulnerable way, almost every woman at the very least will respect my advances, even if she’s not interested.

In my experience, the more polarizing a man is, the more they are flooded with opportunities with women. This is true for every man I know who is incredibly successful with meeting and dating women.

Chapter 5: Rejection and Success

Business guru Dan Kennedy once said, “Your ability to deal with the failure will determine how much you get to deal with success.”

And polarizing women is more important than being pleasant to them.

The reason men fear rejection is because they’re operating on other peoples’ truths, not their own. In fact, men who fear rejection tend to be oblivious to their own truth because if they were aware of their own desires, needs and values, what would they have to be afraid of? Why would they ever hesitate to expose their vulnerability to others?

Being rejected saves me so much time and effort.

Most men, when they meet women, are thinking something like, “I hope she likes me,” or “I hope she doesn’t embarrass me or reject me.” It’s all about them. And therefore, when things don’t go anywhere, the men take it personally — they get upset or angry or butt-hurt that this random stranger with breasts isn’t laughing at their lame joke right now.

Instead of thinking, “I wonder if she’ll like me,” think, “I wonder what she’s like?” Instead of thinking, “I hope she doesn’t reject me,” think, “I hope I'll find out if she’s right for me.”

The beauty is that whether she falls in love with you on the spot or she throws a drink in your face… you’ve succeeded. You’ve found out the truth. Your curiosity is fulfilled and you can now decide whether you should move on or not.

I see every rejection simply as some form of incompatibility. Whether she thinks I’m a total creep, or she’s crazy about me but we live on different continents, or she’s in a horrible mood when I ask her out, or she thinks I’m cute but has different values and interests than me — whatever the reason, if a woman ever rejects me, it’s because she’s not compatible with me. It may be a permanent incompatibility. It may be a temporary incompatibility. But the point is that if she liked me enough, she’d be willing to work at making it happen with me. And if she doesn’t, then that just means it’s wrong person — or right person, wrong time. And that’s fine.

Men put a lot of pressure on one another and shame one another for being rejected and this develops an unhealthy culture of masculinity based around neediness rather than genuine self-expression.

Choosing how we define success with women is vitally important.

the way in which we perceive women and relationships is going to be reflected in our emotional well-being.

I define success in a qualitative way: maximizing happiness with whichever woman/women I prefer to be with. Success = Maximizing happiness with whichever woman/women we prefer

When we define success as finding the relationship(s) that will maximize our happiness, our approach takes a completely new light. Instead of waiting and hoping for a woman to select us, instead of racking up numbers, instead of winning bragging rights, instead of avoiding rejections — our success is defined by screening through as many women as possible until we find the ones we enjoy and the ones who enjoy us.

We build non-neediness through vulnerability. We practice vulnerability by being honest.