Dwayne’s Comments (group member since Apr 01, 2017)

Dwayne’s comments from the Support for Indie Authors group.

Lance wrote: "Hi,"

Bye.

As per the code of conduct, we ask that people not discuss reviews. We have one thread going about reviews and we've allowed that one to stay, even though its a headache to moderate. We don't need another.

https://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/...

The first paragraph is stronger. It sets up a story.

The second is bogged down with too many things going on and it's hard to focus on what is the main story. It seems it is going to be about this love between Fox and Wolf, but then you toss creatures and long-lost relatives and illness and so forth at us. At its heart, what is the book about?

Margret wrote: "Crap, I can't even get my own family and friends to read and share my links. It's humiliating. My own stepmother promotes for a famous author for free and would never even admit to her friends that..."

Might be time to examine why you're writing. Is it for the joy of it? Because you love to create? Or is it to gain approval of family and friends? My dad won't read any of my work until I somehow become John Grisham. Fine by me. It was never about him, anyway.

Robin wrote: ""

Deleted.

It's better, Petra. I'm still gonna nitpick.

Petra wrote: "Deirdre has always been bewildered by life. She wants to be a good person, but she works in a corporate advertising agency selling pointless consumer clutter, so opportunities are rare."

I'm not getting this part. Deirdre wants to be a good person, I get. I'm not sure how that's connected to her work or why opportunities would be rare in that field. I'm not getting any sense why she would be bewildered.

Then a cult, known as the Center, contacts her. They say a terrible war is coming, humanity is in danger and she’s needed for the fight. Suddenly the chance to be spectacular is in her grasp. With the charismatic Myra as the cult leader, and talk of prophecies and psychic abilities, Deirdre is soon seduced and ditches her humdrum life to join up.

This gets interesting, but it's kinda backward. I'd like to know as quickly as possibly why the Center has contacted Deirdre. The line "Suddenly the chance to be spectacular..." is fluff. It doesn't really tell us anything. Perhaps this paragraph should start with something like, "Deirdre is approached by a cult because..." Better yet, this may be the start of the blurb. "Deirdre has always had talents in [blank] and has wanted to find a way to use them to make the world a better place..." or something along those lines.

I like this part, "She learns the truth about the elite, a secret organisation that has meddled with humanity since the beginning of time. The elite use entertainment and the media as a constant distraction to stop people from reaching their true potential. To free themselves of this conditioning, the followers must give up ‘excessive’ food and sleep." Just a little brushing up and I think it would work well.

I like roughly half the last paragraph. "Tensions increase.The followers change, gainingodd new abilities, but bullying and hysteria also grow. Then the elite notice their presence and attack. Meanwhile Myra’s prophecies become increasingly extreme. As friendships form and are ripped apart, as paranoia intensifies, Deirdre questions where the belief ends, and delusion begins. "

Yes. Every word counts.

If this helps, for the blurb on my first novel, I would not let myself give away anything past chapter three. For my much longer second novel, I went as far as the first quarter of the book, and still only gave an overall view of what to expect.

For yours, focus on who Helena is.

Then

What it is she overheard that upset her and how it almost breaks her. Give an example of one crazy thing she does to get the tabloids to notice.

Or

Focus on why she and the prince are attracted, yet seem reluctant to just tell each other.

Go with whichever is closer to the main story of the novel.

It's tricky work. Your main task is to get someone to pick up the book and read the first page. Give them just enough to pique their curiosity.

Line by line reactions:

Is obsession wrong if the other person also feels it? I don't know. So, what's your book about?

From the moment Helena laid eyes on the Iron Prince of Bellania, Prince DeMarco Vondra, she knew she wanted him. Yeah? Who is Helena?

Anything Helena wants she gets. Makes me think she's a spoiled brat.

But she overhears something which almost breaks her. Do we get to know what she overhears? Breaks her how?

In a bid to forget, Helena chases fun and becomes reckless - the tabloid party girl of the year! Fun. Reckless. Are we talking about drugs? Running naked through shopping malls? Riding zoo animals? Stealing cars?

So what? Right. I don't really know who Helena is, or what she's up to here.

Its not as if anyone cares, right? The tabloids do, it seems.

The boom fell on Marco when he met Helena. Was he attracted to her because of her reckless fun and just had to meet her?

He knows she is it for him. So, he wants her, she wants him...

But the path of true love is never smooth and all that, right? This's the second time you've asked "right?" Redundant.

It doesn't help that her father keeps pushing Helena's elder sister onto him or that the little brat goes to extreme lengths to avoid him. Um... how is the prince, Helena and this sister? Twelve? Can't they decide for themselves who is going to date whom?

He bides his time and lays out his plans. I imagine he has some kind of super villain cackle.

Soon there is going to be no way out for Helena except to run into his arms! So... the girl who wants him but is running from him is finally trapped. I guess the sister is out of the picture. The end. It seems you've told the whole book, here.

Want to read a 50 K WC sexy, sweet romance with two royals who are secretly obsessed with each other? Search no further! I hate stuff like this in the blurb. Give us a little more of the early points of the story, let us get to know the characters instead of a brief run down of the whole book. Don't tell us it's sweet and sexy (which I did not get from the blurb), show us. And I can't imagine most readers would care about the word count.

Not bad. It sounds like an interesting book. It's lacking in some detail, though. Can you give us a hint as to who Deirdre was before joining the cult? Can you give us an example of one bizarre ritual? Maybe a tad more about the leader of the cult and why they believe humanity is headed for doomsday.

In deleting the original post, the story is gone. In a nutshell, neither book in question is Briony's. She happened to notice that both covers had an image of a man in armor and both images look identical or nearly identical. I looked at both covers and see her point, but since she doesn't know either author or the story behind the covers, it's hard to say if this was a case of "art theft" or if both authors bought images from the same source or what.

James wrote: "My first book was 60,000 words. But both my sequel was only 20,000 a piece I didn't want to go and drone on and become stall so I ended both books. Will it be a problem if the sequels are much shorter then the first book "

Highly doubt it. I can't see why a sequel would need to be the same length as the first book.

My only hesitation, and this is just me, with the books being so short, I wonder why you didn't write it all as one book?

Charles wrote: "Conversely, the author must keep the promise made to the reader in the beginning of the work--if the reader reaches "the end" feeling unfulfilled, the book has failed. "

No. I fully disagree. We can't be calling ourselves or our books "failures" because a reader isn't satisfied. Readers bring a lot into our books that we can't anticipate. Readers bring in a lot of expectations and often try to predict where the story will go (or, in their opinion, where it should go. The only way to ensure you're going to please a great number of readers is to do a cookie cutter version of some popular book. If you're going to be bold enough to write your own story, brave enough to use your own voice, and cocky enough to go your own direction, you're going to lose a reader now and then. I'm fine with that. Being afraid to lose a reader now and then produces books that, while maybe enjoyable, are also forgettable.

Well, as long as I've been in Support For Indie Authors (almost as long as it has existed) I don't think I've ever seen anyone give a definition of what an Indie Author is. I believe as long as you maintain full control of your books and you're not publishing through a major publishing house, you can call yourself Indie. The company you described allows the author to retain full control of their work, thus it is Indie.

Briony wrote: "Sorry if this is in the wrong place but I'm not sure what to do with this. Going through twitter I found this tweet:"

Deleted for links.

If someone is stealing an image for a book cover, there's nothing SIA can do about it. Your best bet is to contact the author of the second book you listed. If you can't find a way to contact them, I guess leave it be. It's possible that, as Joselyn pointed out, both authors bought the image from the same source.

Robert wrote: "Hello,
I'd like to confirm my inclusion as an "Indie Author...Are we considered Indie authors? This is not thinly-veiled self-promotion, but a true query."

Since the bulk of your comment was describing your publishing company, etc. it does come across as self-promoting. But, in response to your query, yes.

RJ,

Deleting your post. This "tactic" is downright tacky. Not to mention, you're bookwhacking and you provided links. Please get to know how this group works before posting. Thanks.

Jenna wrote: "And Dwayne, please tell me you've at least read Tolkien..."

Yes. In Junior High, nearly forty years ago. I liked it then. I tried to read it some years later and couldn't get into it, anymore.

Ryan wrote: "There is certainly no hard 'rule' as to how long the story should be, however, you should try to fit it into a tradition. "

Unless, of course, you don't give a fig about "tradition", which I don't. I want my work to stand out, not blend in. I write a book to be the length it needs to be, not to keep it the same length as someone else's book.

Ryan wrote: "...science-fiction and fantasy are longer novels because of the world-building"

I've read many long novels that were not science fiction or fantasy. All fiction contains "world building". Not sure where this notion began that sci-fi and fantasy authors have an exclusive monopoly on world building.

Martin wrote: "Acrobat reader is free and will read a whole book to you."

Thanks Martin. I may need to do this. My manuscript is 300K words* and I'm on the Xteenth edit. I feel like it's getting close to being ready. I think this might be the final step to be sure.

*With such a long sucker to work with, I know I'm likely missing dozens of rogue typos.

Anna Faversham wrote: "So all that writing, editing and publishing is devoured in an hour... comments?"

To each his own, I guess. I would think you'd miss an awful lot by rushing through the book. I prefer to take it slow and savor the book, paying attention to how the author constructs sentences, brings in new characters, etc.