Dwayne’s Comments (group member since Apr 01, 2017)

Dwayne’s comments from the Support for Indie Authors group.

Susan wrote: "I'm doing my first book signing event this month. It's at a university bookstore, they like to promote local indie writers, yeah! Any pointers, advice, etc. One writer posted to bring lots of pens,..."

Three posts above this in this very thread, someone asked the same question. Another moderator directed her to post about it in the marketing tactic folder. You could also do a search and see if you can find already existing threads about book signings. I know this has come up before. This thread is for asking questions about Support for Indie Authors.

Is living the life of your dreams worth risking eternal punishment? Not a fan of starting a blurb with a rhetorical question. I have no idea what your book is about or how this relates at this point. Just tell me what the book is about. Don’t start by asking questions.

Detective student Sween is hell-bent on making her tall, dark, handsome classmate Lei fall in love with her, despite him being madly in love and dating all-round perfect Dessande. Tall, dark, and handsome is the mother of all clichés. Avoid it. “Perfect” character = boring character. Give me something to go with on these three characters. One is handsome, one is perfect and I know nothing about Sween. Readers want characters they can relate to or root for. This is just “Bob loves Ted who loves Alice”. Why should the reader care?

As she concocts one failed scheme after another while getting in petty fights with Lei every chance, the realm of the supernatural around everyone becomes more and more apparent. How is it becoming more apparent?

Just who are Sween and Dessande? I have no idea.

Perhaps nothing and nobody are what they seem to be? I don’t know what they seem to be, so this tells me nothing.

Only one thing is clear: Sween’s love for Lei. Which may or may not be what it seems to be.

But even if she managed to date him, what would await her? I would stop asking all these questions. It’s as if you want the reader to try to guess what your book is about. Just tell us!

Being branded a criminal and chased down every night by her kind would only be the beginning of her problems. She’s a detective student criminal who is chased down every night by other detective student criminals? That’s all I can guess as to what “her kind” is. What do they do? Let her go in the morning so they can chase her down again?

However, if only Lei loved her back, she would not mind breaking every law for him. WHY does she have to break laws to get Lei to love her? Why would it be worth it?

No matter the consequences. What consequences?

Even if it meant living a forbidden love with a dubious future as she defied everyone and everything in Heaven... and everything she once stood for. I don’t know what she stood for. I don’t know why love is forbidden.

Overall, the story is vague at best, other than Sween seems obsessed with Lei for some reason. You say it’s paranormal and hint at something supernatural. Readers will want to know more than this. Don’t be so shy about letting us know a little about your characters and the story. Giving little hints and asking a lot of questions is frustrating.

Louise wrote: "A bookwhack"

No asking for reviews. No bookwhacking. No self promotion. No links. PLEASE review the code of conduct and review the rules of the folder before posting in it.

India wrote: "I love that blurb Dwayne, I'm sold on it :)

I now have the B52s singing Crop Opera in my head, so you can all have that earworm too :P"

To the tune of "Rock Lobster"? Heh. I love it!

Jenna wrote: "Considering they're teenagers, well, 'famous last words' kind of seem a theme for that age."

Yeah, the theme of the novel is misery or teenage angst. Leaving it at "it can't get any worse" underscores Ben's optimism, adding "famous last words" reveals there's a sort of pessimism among the crew, as well, hinting in the blurb that Ben is a fool.

Craig wrote: "I wrote a book. You should read my book. Etc."

We're all writers here. We've all written books. We're here to discuss writing and marketing, etc. We are not here to sell our books to each other. Review the rules. Thanks. G'day yourself.

Jenna wrote: ""cornfield milieu"

Best phrase I've heard in a long while."

Yeah, I like that. I've been considering calling this the first in a new genre - crop opera. Maybe cornfield milieu would be a good name for the genre.

I'm torn. I like Jane's idea of cutting off at "it can't get any worse..." but in the book there are a few places where character say lines such as that and someone always responds with "famous last words". Not sure which is the better way to go.

Hi C.C.,

I meant to come back and try the blurb with your suggestions. It's been months. I'm sorry. Here's my attempt...

It's 1985 and seventeen-year-old Ben Starn has taken a job working in the corn fields, allegedly the easiest job in the world. However, this season he and his crew experience a menacing gang of bullies, a sexual predator, extreme weather conditions, a strange field that seems to defy logic, and a lazy, uncaring boss. And that's just in the first week.

Ben remains optimistic, promising himself it can't get any worse...

Thoughts? (-cough- Dwayne?) You rang? I'll go through it line by line giving my reaction to each before reading further.

When Sally Fancot’s brothers are both killed in a riding accident, everything changes. I have no point of reference to know what this means. I don't know what Sally's life was before her brothers were killed.

Escorted by the servants and acutely shadowed by her parents, Sally slowly feels pressed into a box that she may never find a way out of. All I know of Sally's life now is she is, apparently, rich. I'm sure you don't mean she's literally put in a box, but again, without knowing anything about Sally, I don't know what it means that she's put in a box. I'm guessing she feels... smothered? How? Why?

Six years later, she is determined to finally marry and leave this house of mourning. Makes me feel this must be in some bygone century. A detail or two would be nice to understand what is going on. I assume the mourning is for the dead brothers. Why is it still going six years later? Exactly how is this effecting Sally?

Her chance comes with the wedding party at Holcombe Manor; if only she can catch the eye of anyone but the creepy Lord Piedmont, then everything will be alright. Creepy how?

When an anonymous friend begins to write her letters, things begin to fall into place, and soon things are looking up. Abrupt change. I thought you'd go on about Lord Piedmont, now we're onto anonymous letters. Kinda vague here. "Things" are falling into place and looking up. Still, there is no real point of reference to know what things are changing.

Mr. Pratt lives every day with his past, sure that he should never marry, despite his mother’s wishes. Who? Is this the anonymous friend? Feels like I've fallen into another book without really knowing what the first was about. The way romance blurbs are typically written, I can guess Mr. Pratt is going to be Sally's love interest, but I see no connection here. Why does he feel he'll never marry? What happened in the past?

A good friend offers support, while another gives him confidence, and slowly he begins to believe he might have changed. An awful lot of beginnings and changes going on in this blurb. I need some focus here.

Through the festivities, they both find hope in unexpected places, but even more important; a friendship that will encourage them beyond their expectations. I assume "both" is Sally and Mr. Pratt?

Overall reaction - it feels like you may have a good romantic story going on, but the blurb lacks any real focus. It's hard to pinpoint what the real story is here. Some of it could be sacrificed to make room for more detail on the main plot. Maybe lose the bit about the dead brothers, since that happened six years before the central plot begins? Maybe lose the bit about the anonymous letters and Lord Piedmont as they feel like minor plot lines. I would suggest digging in deeper as to what it is Sally and Mr. Pratt are missing in their lives and why they believe marriage is the solution.

Direct message / original poster.

I get that. No, you don't want to give away too much right away. You are right about that. But, again, it is frustrating to me, as a reader, to have nothing solid to grab early on to.

I would suggest that if you can't give more detail in a prologue than you've given, skip it. Trust me, I know where you are coming from. Even though I write in a very different genre, my current work in progress has two main "villains", but I do not want the reader to know who they are early on, so I don't even hint at it toward the beginning. I give more detail on the things the reader can know early on.

While this may not be true of all readers, most of us want someone to relate to or to root for early on. You would not have to develop all those characters right away, but when you have a story that reads like, "Bob bought a ticket to Paris. Meanwhile, Eric spoke to his wife on a pay phone while Charlie scratched his armpit. Nearby, Eunice found gum on her shoe and Phyllis looked at a photo of her grandchildren. Parker worried he was going to miss his plane. Steven hoped he would make it to Paris on time" and so on, there's nothing solid here. It's a list of random people doing mundane things. I would focus on one character, maybe two, taking us through their routine of getting through the airport, onto the plane, etc. Follow the one or two characters until another character becomes important to the story. See what I mean?

The first chapter starts with the characters in an airport and boarding a plane. This is a time you could develop characters. You talk about one guy getting bored and starting up conversations about video games or something. They haven't been in the plane crash, yet, at the start of the chapter.

The book actually says that it was believed the weapon could destroy mountains - telling me no one really knew what it could do. There's no description of this weapon, no hint of where this guy got. You say he's unstoppable and, yet, Ghost (who is a man and a ghost?) stops him.

Joe wrote: "Shouldn't I leave a bit of mystery to get the reader's attention? "

Mystery is good, but you do need to give us something to grasp. All I get is some people land on a continent and they're being chased around by some soldiers for some reason. Like I said, I can see that there would be a story there, but there's nothing solid to grab.

Joe,

I'm going to give you a blunt and honest opinion here - take it for what it is. I read the prologue and first chapter of your novel. You published a rough draft. You might get a few sales here and there and somehow you've gotten nice reviews, but most readers will not take you seriously. The prologue was the vague and confusing story about The Ghost and a madman doing battle, with no real detail as to what was truly at stake. Just gives the impression two guys had some kind of issue with one another and somehow got hold of a huge army and some kind of incredible weapons and did some stuff to each other. It's much too fast paced, as if you're in a huge hurry to get through it.

The first chapter was a list of names David, Kevin, Matt... I couldn't keep track of them all and couldn't keep them straight. The dialogue is dull. The writing is much too on the nose, too much telling, not enough showing - way too little detail.

My advice would be to take your book and edit it. Again and again. I want to know who all these characters are. All I really get are a lot of guys with names like Peter and Casey shouting "what the hell" and "these aren't pirates". It's as if every character was pretty much the same guy.

Joe wrote: "After a horrific plane crash, groups of survivors end up in a continent that has been hidden from the world for what it contains. While trying to find a way back home, they’re being hunted down by a group of professional soldiers that have no mercy. They try to escape at first but the more they knew about the continent the more they realize that escaping wouldn’t matter for what is about to come. "

It's better than the first. There's a good hint of a story here, but it's still vague and I'm not getting any punch from it. Someone hid an entire continent? How? You pass over it like it's nothing, like someone closing a set of drapes. I have a bit more to say, but I'll go to your other thread so as not to get off topic here.

T.L. wrote: "Dear Huggers and Huggees, "

No self promotion. No links.

Joe wrote: "Ah yes I forgot to mention that part, it is non-reciprocal. They assign books for authors to read and when they do they have to leave a review showing that they read it. Then they'll take the reader's book and post it on a wall for another author to look at and decide if he/she should give it a read. "

You can put a dress on a monkey and call it a prom queen, but it's still a monkey. This is still review swapping. You're being encouraged to leave nice reviews or your book doesn't get reviewed, right? I've seen shady groups like this before.

Anyway - discussing reviews is actually against our group policy especially discussing review swaps. If you need to talk about it further, feel free to shoot me a PM. Talking about it here needs to end, though.

Joe wrote: "But the swap review I'm in are supposed to be honest, they said if it's a negative review they won't post them.

And how do reviews not benefit authors? Isn't that the main part of how people would consider reading a book?"

Ha! If "they" say they won't post a review if it's negative, they're not being honest. Honest reviewers will post a review, negative or not. Review swaps are not honest. They're full of bias. Why would "they" hesitate to post negative reviews? Reviews are supposed to help other consumers. How is it helpful if "they" aren't willing to admit when a book was not to their liking? I don't get it.

So, here's what you're probably going to run into if you keep up this practice. You read someone's book. You think it's okay. You give them a nice review 'cause you're a nice guy and you want them to give you a nice review, too. Weeks go by. Months. They don't review. And then they say, "Oh, I didn't like your book all that much, so I didn't give you a review." How does this help you at all? Or, they review your book and they give you a nice review. You read their book and you find you don't care for it, so you give them a negative review. A short while later, they "get even" by giving you a negative review. This is the kind of bullshit that goes on when people swap reviews. It's not honest and it's not helping the consumer at all.

Continue the practice if you feel you must, but be warned. It could do a whole lot more damage to you than good. A whole lot more!

When I consider a book... I have to know about it somehow before I ever get around to looking at the reviews. A good cover, a good blurb, good marketing, etc. will all benefit you more than having a lot of reviews. Write more books. That will get you more attention, too.

Bottom line - are you in this to be serious about your writing? Or are you just in it to see how many nice reviews you can get?

Joe wrote: "But won't that benefit me? How is it bad? Can you explain more please?"

Reviews don't benefit authors. Period.

Amazon may take your account away if you're caught doing review swaps. Same with Goodreads. It's against FTC regulations.

Even if no one notices you're swappin' reviews, the only thing you're gaining is dishonest, bogus reviews. That's not going to help you as an author.