Dwayne’s Comments (group member since Apr 01, 2017)

Dwayne’s comments from the Support for Indie Authors group.

Once there was a man who they called him the Ghost who raised a multinational army to battle a madman with a devastating weapon. At this point, were I potential reader, I'd put the book back. That line tells me nothing except two guys do battle. Why? Because one of them is "mad"? Is that enough? "Devastating weapon" is vague, as is "multinational army". There's nothing to chew here. I want something solid.

At the peak of the highest mountain, stained red with the blood of the armies, the Ghost won. Ho hum. I don't know who The Ghost is (other than he's a man). What was the price here? What did he "win"?

Society changed. Eventually, the Ghost, the magic, and the madman were dismissed as legends. I don't know what society was before, so I have nothing to grasp here. Changed for the better? The worse?

But in a different reality, the story continues. Different from... what? I have nothing to compare this new reality to. What story? Two guys battle on a mountain... that's not much of a story.

The survivors of a disastrous plane crash have no idea that they’ve awakened in a parallel world—one filled with magic and wonder but no technology. They only know that men are hunting them down and imprisoning them. Five passengers form their own resistance group: the Ghosts. Now. Since I am your self-appointed blurb coach, I will say... this! This has some meat! It still needs to be fleshed out, but at least I'm finally seeing a story here. I don't get the "no technology" thing. How is that possible? No one is applying scientific knowledge at all? "Magic and wonder" - what does that mean? I'd probably cut all that other stuff before this and flesh out this one paragraph. It has potential.

In this thrilling fantasy adventure, the five men must work together if they want a chance of making it home and uncover the truth behind what is happening and why. Nope. I don't like being told a book is "thrilling" or whatever. Give me a basic plot or theme. Don't tell me how I will react to the book. We already know the five men are working together. No need to bring it up again.

Joe... a few things you need to do off the top of my head...

You need an author photo and you need to get your profile fixed up.

More than that, you need to write more books. It's difficult to make it as an author. It's even harder when you only have one book out there. If you are working on your next, great. If not, get to it.

Comment from earlier today deleted. Review swaps are a big, stinky no-no.

Sanjana wrote: "Hi , I am Sanjana ... My book... is available here. but i want to claim my author page."

No bookwhacking.

You'll have to contact Goodreads directly about the author program. Thanks.

Okay... that's the rules for the Rules and Announcements folder. Every folder has its own set of rules. There is also the Code of Conduct. It can also be found in the Rules and Announcements folder. Here:

https://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/...

Helen wrote: "I looked through the rules, I don't see anything about bookwacks."

Strange. It's fairly lengthy and hard to miss. Quoting:

#3 - No self promotion of any kind.

Bookwhacking is a term coined by our own V.M. Sawh and refers to the art of attempting to push your book into conversations. This can include, but is not limited to:

- showing your cover(s) where inappropriate
- sharing your blurbs or samples of writing where inappropriate
- any link to your book
- listing your book as part of your signature

It is acceptable to show your blurbs and covers in the workshop, but only if you are truly seeking opinions on them.

Links to personal websites, blogs, signatures listing your books or services, social media, emails, other Goodreads groups, or anything else that could be considered self-promotion is forbidden.

If you are interested in telling others about your work and sharing links, please do so in the Showcase forum.

https://www.goodreads.com/group/show/...

Read the Pinned Posting Guideline Topic at the top of each category prior to posting. What is allowed in one folder may not be allowed in all folders.

No advertising for paid services. Please contact a moderator about advertising opportunities.

Helen wrote: "Thank you all!

A.A. Bavar, if you don't mind sharing links to your illustrators' websites, that would be amazing. Feel free to message me if you don't want to post the links here."

Yes, please send a PM. No links here, as per the rules. Thanks.

Jan wrote: "My trad published ..."

Deleted for multiple bookwhacks. What's a bookwhack? If you read the rules, you'll find out.

Let's just trust the author to know if the cover fits his book or not.

From the folder rules: "You must stay on topic, cannot add a blurb to the cover thread or a cover to the blurb thread."

Better! Now it has some steam.

Not to get off topic - and this is my opinion only - your list was pretty slim compared to the list I could come up with for my work in progress. I won't bother. I hate trigger warnings.

Okay, I got off topic.

But, yeah, feel free to start a discussion in the Writers Workshop if you want. I know we have had some other erotica authors here in the past. Not sure if any are still around...

Deleted your other comment as this is for discussing blurbs. We have had discussions on trigger warnings in the past. You can do a search for them. If you can't find what you're looking for, you may start your own thread in the Writers Workshop.

Otherwise - I don't read a lot of erotica, but this blurb does not say "erotica" to me. It sounds more like a teen romance or general fiction. Telling us now that she "finds the understanding she's looking for" completes the story. Don't tell us the end of her journey now.

"Whose" short temper...

Not a fan of the last line. Seems desperate.

Overall, the story sounds interesting - I'm just not getting an erotic vibe from it.

I was interested until this line, "For reasons even she doesn't understand, Jane agrees." I don't get it. It reads, to me, "The author didn't bother coming up with a real motive for why Jane is working for the feds. Just go with it." Come on. Is it for love of her country? Her respect for the law? A desire for her school to be a safer place? Is it simply for the money? Letting us know why she's doing this gives us insight into her character. Saying she doesn't know why she's doing it makes her seem wishy-washy.

The paragraph that starts with "Go with her..." is a shopping list of events coming up in the book. Given what she's doing for the feds, I would assume she's going to encounter police, pot heads, parties and the like. It's unnecessary and dull.

The last bit is sloppy. It could be tightened up to, "The man with the straight razor answers with a single word. 'Yes.'"

"Charlotte is twenty-eight when she meets the man whose photo she fell in love with twelve years before but had given up hope of ever meeting." A bit clumsy. Maybe start it with "Twenty-eight year old Charlotte meets..." Not sure if we need to know she'd given up hope on meeting him. Knocking that off makes the sentence flow a little easier, too.

"She isn’t going to miss her chance to have the happy-ever-after she has wanted for so long." Good, but could be a little tighter.

"When Ford meets Charlotte, the woman he has loved from afar for so long, he knows she is the one for him." Redundant. When someone believes they are in love, they generally also believe the object of their affection is the one for them. Strike the bit between the commas and it reads much better.

"He quickly realizes his cousin, Harry, is the one Charlotte wants." I hate when that happens.

"Harry, who always gets the girl." Stupid, stupid Harry. Is there a way you could expand this a little? It's fragmented and feels like something is missing.

"Ford has waited too long to just step aside and let Harry have her, and he readies himself for the fight of his life." I'd drop the words "just" and "he". Otherwise, great.

Better! Just doing a routine mod peek at the moment. I'll come back later and give a fuller impression, but this does feel closer to getting to the meat of the story.

Most sources clock blurbs at about one hundred to one hundred fifty words and do not give specifics about how many paragraphs or sentences. Diane's is about ninety words, so it comes close to the average. The function of the blurb is far more important than the structure.

Adrian wrote: "Hello,

I've just joined, so can anyone please tell me if Goodreads is beneficial to indie authors..."

Well, this group is more beneficial if members stay on topic and this is off topic. As for if Goodreads in general is beneficial... not sure what you mean. It can be, I suppose. Maybe flesh out your question a little more and start a new thread, perhaps in the marketing folder?

Diane wrote: "I have a prologue that describes Charlotte seeing the photo in a shop window, taking a photo of the photo, yada yada, and a brief description of the sixteen year old boy who falls in love with her when he sees her through the window. I guess it suspends belief to think he would wait twelve years to find the courage to speak to her. But I'm going for it, ridiculous or not. "

Okay, if that's all in the prologue, I would leave it out of the blurb. Focus on the central plot and theme.

Genevieve wrote: "Diane, a teaser is to announce the book, promotion, etc., and is short, just a couple of sentences. The back blurb is at least two paragraphs of half a dozen sentences each."

Blurbs can be as long or short as needed, there is no set limit. Shorter is often times better. What Diane is presenting is a blurb, not a teaser.