Dwayne’s Comments (group member since Apr 01, 2017)

Dwayne’s comments from the Support for Indie Authors group.

Majid. Please stop including links to your books in most every post. Thanks.

No links, please.

Majid wrote: "James - "

Majid, every time I see you post, it is to list your books, to push your web site, or some other thing that is against our rules. We are here to support one another, not to sell to each other. You are welcome to join the conversations, but you are not welcome to continue to try to sell your books here. Thanks.

It is close to negative, yes. It's also the same lecture he gives a good number of people - assuming no one learned how to write fiction in school and such and no one can truly learn about writing unless they read books by Dwight Swain, etc.

Yep. I'm gonna close this, since it seems the OP posted it and bolted. [deleted user], if you want it opened up again, please send me a PM. Thanks.

Chloe wrote: "First one or the second one?
For the second one, pretend the bite marks arent there. Have to ask my cover designer to remove it!

Link: here"

No links, please. Put the images of your covers in your post. Thanks.

Shanna wrote: "...my heart is fully encompassed in writing..."

Does this show up on an ultrasound?

Jay wrote: "And how entertaining is that?"

Very, actually. It took my mind to one of my favorite western films, Silverado, in which various characters keep asking Kevin Kline's character, "How's the dog?" The characters know there's a story there, Kevin Kline definitely knows. We don't know, until much later in the film. Still, it sets up a lot. It shows that Kline had a history with these men and by the way the asked the question and by his reaction, we can tell that this dog played a role in their parting of ways and both parties have not yet healed.

We learn the story of the dog, yes, but I would argue it wasn't necessary. The dog wasn't as important as what it represented and what it represented is clear upon the first mention of it. It represented a moment in which Kline learned to care about something other than money.

deleted user wrote: "I am goddess of the serene waters. I have four children. I gave my son Nereus to seraphina to raise. I cried when I gave him up for nights on end?
I am in the palace writing a letter to seraphina...."

I'm not quite sure what the purpose of this is. Jay is right. It's not a blurb. If this is a sample of your writing, it needs a lot of work. I don't know if you're looking for help or not.

Since you apparently deleted your membership after posting, I'm wondering if you're trying to drum up interest in your book. I'll leave it for a few hours, then if you don't respond and explain why this is posted here, I'll delete it.

This is much better, Emory. I especially like that you included the line, "He soon realizes luck had nothing to do with his being offered the ambassador position." That's actually the most intriguing thing in either blurb.

It's good, but could use some work.

A rough and tumble guy from an area of town where gunshots may as well be nighttime melodies.

I like this line.

A girl so wealthy even a silver spoon wouldn’t be acceptable.

Super snobby main characters are kind of a turn off to me.

Two characters unlikely to ever meet, let alone fall in love.

I know its typical to throw a line like this in a blurb for a romance, but it always seems so unnecessary as we know they're gonna meet up and fall in love.

Yet, somehow nineteen-year-old Ryker has lucked himself into a luxurious job as the family ambassador to the wealthy Radcliffe’s.

Omit the apostrophe.

Eighteen-year-old Grace Radcliffe is a hopeless romantic who just got her heart broken and Ryker has arrived just in time to sweep her off her feet.

The over-use of "just" rattles me. Feels clunky.

That is until his muddied past that saw him earn the nickname “Clyde” comes roaring back when his “Bonnie”, a gorgeous, fiery eighteen-year-old girl named Lucia returns with a life changing proposition.

I get what you're doing, but I had to read it more than once to make sense of it. It's a lot of info in one sentence and might read smoother without the Bonnie and Clyde reference. Side note: Didn't the Radcliffes do a background check on Ryker?

The direction each of their lives is about to take is about as clear as mud.

This sentence is muddy, too. The word "about" being in there twice makes it bumpy.

Brad wrote: "It can just be risky."

I like risky. No author has ever been remembered for playing it safe.

Karen wrote: "Personally, I'd struggle with that, but my background is an English major..."

Yep. Mine, too.

C.B. wrote: "A good way to show this is happening would be at the very first spelling error to strike out the letters and re-write the word a few times, and then just saw 'whatever' and go forward after that."

I might have to slip that in there somewhere. That's a good idea.

I have had two people read it without telling them what to expect and both were fine with the misspellings, etc. after a paragraph or two.

Haru wrote: "I can start a new thread if this is too off-topic."

Nah. Since this is your thread and you already have Phillip's attention, go ahead and ask here.

Leah wrote: "Dwayne, I actually made that same point earlier. This is why I get so confused, personally. I’ve learned from some amazing old English writers, and yet, many new-age writers go by a completely different set of rules. Some of the rules cross decades, but many have evolved."

This is why I don't read books teaching how to write, anymore. I used to. I read a good many. You can really only learn so much from them. I find I learn a great deal more by reading great works of literature. I find that most of my literary heroes do things that directly contradict what modern books on writing have to teach. The notion that we must always be in the protagonists head is a fairly new concept. Thomas Hardy didn't write that way, nor did Dickens, Twain or a good deal of the classic authors. The notion that the writer must remain off the stage is strange to me. Vonnegut loved to take center stage and chew it up. So did Douglas Adams. This is not to say books on how to write are useless. They often contain some great advice. Most can only take you so far, though. They teach how to write a mechanical story, but they lack instruction on how to add heart and soul, how to make it art. This is what the true masters of writing knew and its not something you can teach. Its something we can only strive for on our own.

There's a book by someone called Mark Twain in which one character spends the first page looking for her nephew without letting us know why she's looking. Sometimes not knowing the motivation of the character makes the scene more intriguing.

Just a note: Late last night the power cord to my modem fried at home. I won't have internet for at least a day or two. When I get a new cord / new modem, whatever it takes, I'll send the story out.

Thanks.

Phillip wrote: "Or delete if I've ..."

Yeah, this is self-promotion. Sorry.

Eric wrote: "I am giving away..."

Not here you're not.

Team wrote: "Hi Everyone, "

Bye.

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