Dwayne’s Comments (group member since Apr 01, 2017)

Dwayne’s comments from the Support for Indie Authors group.

Don't get me wrong, Ian. I like what you wrote. It's well done for what it is - like John says it works as a short prologue. A blurb is meant to entice people to pick up the book and read a few pages. Give us an idea of one or two major characters and what they're up against.

I get a strong sense of history and atmosphere surrounding the story, but I'm not clear what the story is. A boy, a ballad, deep troubles... I don't know what any of this is.

Yeah... you're free to have your own thoughts on Heaven. For this discussion, let's stick to Robert's interpretation. Doing otherwise skirts a bit close to the no religious discussion rule.

Robert wrote: "As to pizza, too subtle for me. Explain?"

That kinda lost me, too.

Chad wrote: "Subject: Me!"

Subject: Deleted.

"Hi. I am a new member here. I hope it is alright to post that link here. If not tell me where I can do that."

It would be great if you could check out the code of conduct. We're not here to sell books to each other. Links are not allowed. Thanks.

Robert, I had to delete your last comment. I know you're being generous, but it crosses the line into self-promotion. We're here to help and you don't need to repay us. Thanks.

That said, I took a look at your second version of your blurb.

Say “hello” to the recently deceased Michael Greyson, a good man, a likable man. He lived a moderately long and honorable life: solid marriage, career in education, two children and a handful of grandchildren. And he just arrived in Heaven.

First paragraph feels dated. I can't help but read it in the voice of a narrator from a 1950's educational film. Now, don't take that as an insult. It isn't meant to be. It's actually has a charm to it. It could appeal to people like me who either feel ahead of our time or behind it and never in it. Not sure how it will resonate with modern thinking people. It is a tad lengthy, though.

Problem is, Mike left religion completely in his forties. God didn’t exist. Heaven didn’t exist. There was nothing after death. Being in heaven was a mistake or a cruel joke by a vengeful god.

I'm hooked at this point.

Over the next few days, Mike gradually accepts the reality of his new home, but not his place in it. For Mike, life was its own reward. Death should be the end of all possibilities.

A tad vague. Maybe trim some off the first paragraph and expand this one a little. What is "his place" in this new home?

My First Ten Days in Heaven is a thoughtful, feel-good story of death and dying, departing from others and facing the major decisions of life and the afterlife.

Redundant. I got all that from the rest of the blurb. I'd lose this part.

I'd like to see a little more about Yu. Mysterious doesn't tell me much. (And, yes, this seems like I'm joking, but I'm not).

David wrote: "The blurb is too long..."

We've already dissected Robert's blurb quite a bit in the blurb workshop. The thread is still open if you want to go over there and look. In this thread he's asking for beta readers.

Anybody else here a coffee achiever? Do you remember the coffee achiever commercials? Or are you a young little whipper snapper that needs to stay the hell off my lawn?

It's up to you, but you may want to reconsider posting your email address publicly like this, especially if you don't want spam.

Also, I would recommend putting that blurb in the workshop. It needs help and there are plenty here would would be happy to oblige.

Steve wrote: "Hmmm, Silly rule."

Since the focus on the group is for us to help one another with advice and whatnot, and not to be trying to sell our books to each other, the rule is necessary.

I figured you were joking anyway, since it's not that hard to track down someone's books from here. I've done it many times. And just in case you weren't joking, I sent you a PM with my name shortly after I responded to your post.

Anyway. My way of thinking is similar to your example of the toy industry. Most of my favorite authors did not get where they got by doing what everyone else is doing.

Tomas wrote: "Since you say memes are welcome, one I was "forced" to make recently while reading an e-book."

I am a proud barbarian, then.

I would tell you, Steve, but that would be self-promotion and I'd have to remove my own comment. *chuckle*

Leah wrote: "I wish there were a LIKE button for James’ comment. ❤️ "

So you did what writers do. You wrote out "I like James' comment" (more or less) which takes more time than to press a button which means more.

I'm not exactly swimming in my profits, but I am making profits. What I do seems to go against all advice I've heard since I discovered self-publishing.

I don't write in popular genres. I don't write series (not in the sense people often mean it today). I strive to write stuff that few to no one is writing these days. It's taken some time, but I'm finally seeing sales and downloads on a regular basis.

It seems the less marketing I do, the more activity I see. I have no idea why it works that way, but it does.

The only thing I can think is that I spend a great deal of time striving to write the kind of stories that will stick with readers for a long time. I also have a lot of short stories out there and make one or two free now and then. That nearly always gives my sales a little boost.

Again. I'm not getting wealthy from this. I have yet to be able to quit my day job. But, a profit is a profit and it grows, ever so slightly. I'm fine with it. I never expected to make a living at this.

Jane wrote: "1. Sometimes people seem to be writing synopses rather than blurbs, and falling into what I see as the heffalump trap of trying to tell the whole story in a blurb. From my point of view this isn’t what a blurb should do. It needs to hook the reader in with a hint of what is going to happen to them. Because if they know the story already why read the book?"

This is probably the biggest problem I see, too, Jane. We don't need to know the whole story, just enough to get us to peek inside. My general rule of thumb is I don't reveal anything in the blurb that you won't see in the first twenty-five percent of the story.

2. Mostly it is good if a blurb offers some hint of conflict or peril.

Yes. "Jimmy is a wise man" is not interesting. "Jimmy is a wise guy who's about to get whacked" is.

3. The rhetorical question can be a bit overused. As in. Will our heroine ever find true love?

Agreed. Especially since when we see a question like this, we know the answer is going to be YES!

4. Keep it short. I know I’m the queen of short blurbs (three words is my record) but there is a great deal to be said for brevity. You have a small window to catch the imagination of a possible reader. Don’t waste it with too many adjectives.

Yep. Just as you struck out the filler words while editing your book, strike them out of your blurb. You worked hard to make your book snap. Don't give it a sluggish blurb.

Those are my thoughts. I humbly await being shot down.

I got your back, Jane.

Seth wrote: "I don't suppose you could give me the links to any bloggers you would recommend."

If anyone wants to PM Seth with links, they are welcome. Please don't post the links here. Thanks.

Buncha comments deleted. People, this is for asking direct questions to the moderators about Support for Indie Authors. You can discuss web sites and so forth elsewhere. Mmmkay?

Comment deleted.

The "no link" rule is still in effect and has been for quite a long time.