Dwayne’s Comments (group member since Apr 01, 2017)

Dwayne’s comments from the Support for Indie Authors group.

Frigyes wrote: "Do you rather read a fantasy book filled with Humans-Only or Humans and Elves?"

Dwarves.

And Brigillixes. Or is it Brigillixi? I can't remember. Either way, they need more stories.

Hi Lydia,

Overall, I'd say it's a little tough to follow this conversation as I can't always tell which character is speaking. They both seem to speak in short, choppy, often one word sentences. That's fine if that's how they speak, but it means you have to give us a little more to go on to tell who is speaking. I know it is often said that when you only two characters speaking, you don't have to tag who is speaking very often. In this case, it would help, as both characters seem to speak with a similar voice.

Lines like “How did you find me?” He demanded as he stood. should be written as one sentence: "How did you find me?" he demanded as he stood.

I think the biggest issue I'm having is the stiffness of the whole thing. I'm fine with characters that speak in stiff, nearly monosyllabic sentences, but try to counter that with a narrative that flows a little freer. Maybe something like: With narrowed eyes, he stared at this filthy creature, this pathetic slave girl he'd been convinced had been left in his past. He'd dared dream her to be as much as perished, no longer a problem to be dealt with. Now, here she was, her grimy feet set at the end of a trail she'd forged through the sand as she pursued him. To make the situation even more exasperating, the little fool looked up at him with an idiotic grin plastered to her face. His jaw set hard, refusing to return any pleasantries she offered him. <-- No, this is not meant to be brilliant writing, it is merely giving you an example of what I feel would fix the scene. To me it feels choppy and a bit rushed.

Sarah wrote: "Oh, absolutely. I'll read books with UNintentional errors. :o) I think intentional errors are an artistic choice, and just as acceptable as any other subjective writing decisions."

Thank you. After the feedback I got from my readers, this is more or less what I concluded, too.

Tony wrote: "The character presented is a fifteen-year-old girl. I would not want to categorize all teens who are fifteen in the same way..."

I hope I didn't come across as thinking all teenagers write poorly. I don't believe that.

Tony wrote: "I am not sure they intentionally make spelling mistakes or compose sentences improperly for the fun of it."

A lot of the misspellings are intentional on my part, not on the part of the character. It's a diary, not a school assignment. She's writing her entries very quickly and not worried about if it's proper or not, as she does not expect anyone to ever read it. Some of her mistakes are intentional on her part, as she's trying to be cute to amuse herself.

A little update, since this thread is still getting comments.

The story is finished and published. I had six people read it. In most cases, I didn't tell the reader ahead of time anything about what the story was about, about the style, etc. One person said she was confused by the misspelled words for the first paragraph. After that, she was fine with it. No one else complained.

I'll leave the thread active in case anyone else is wondering about this issue. I guess the lesson I learned is: My gut told me to let this character have a strong, unique voice through poor writing skills and it worked out very well. Sometimes our instincts can be the best writing instructor of all.

I tend to read dialogue over and over to make sure the character voices are consistent, the dialogue is natural sounding, and interesting. I also interject every few lines to let the reader know any actions the characters are doing (even if it's scratching their nose or peeling a potato) so it doesn't begin to feel like you have two bodyless heads floating about. I make note of things going on around them here and there to keep from feeling as if they're standing in the middle of an empty space.

If you feel comfortable, post a little of the dialogue you're working on. It would help us to identify any areas that work and any areas that need work.

Anna Faversham wrote: "I wish I knew! I have looked at Grammarly and decided it's not for me - can't remember exactly why but I wasn't that impressed by other people's comments about it.

Instead I have bought a little book called Oxford A-Z of Grammar and Punctuation . I don't seem to use it much but it's there if I need it! It will also accord with the Oxford English Dictionary's idea of grammar and the correct prepositions and so on.

I try hard to 'get things right'! Takes time but if you are writing for an intelligent readership, you'd better get it right!

Update: The book I've recommended is pretty complicated and you may find the one I used to use very much easier. A Pocket Guide To Written English by Michael Temple
I've loved this little book and if you can get hold of it second hand you might find you'll love it as much as I do!"

Anna, I'm sorry. I had to delete your comment due to the links. It is a very helpful comment, so I copied it in its entirety above.

Dana wrote: "Hi! everyone! ."

No bookwhacking, please. Thanks.

Ann wrote: "Do you still need help with this, Dwayne?"

Sorry. I should close this out. I published it a few days ago.

Thanks to all that helped!

Jeffrey wrote: "48,500 words. Is that too big?"

If that's all the words you needed to properly tell the story, it's the right size.

I'd put it out as a novella and price it at $2.99.

Jay wrote: "So let's take a poll: "

Do this elsewhere. Maybe even start your own group. I'm tired of you hijacking threads with your rants and your lectures.

Emory wrote: "I had this nagging feeling once I published that I may have jumped in too quickly. This time I’ll be sure I take the time to get some feedback and critiquing so that I can publish a novella series I am proud of."

I'll confess I did this once, too with my only non-fiction book. I was in a rush to finish it, hit publish and did not look back, despite that nagging feeling I'd rushed it way too much. Earlier this year, I got brave enough to read it again and WOW it was a mess. So, that was one of my big projects over the following three months (it's a short book) - cleaning up a book that I never should have published in the condition it was in. So, the advice I gave is some I learned the hard way. If you feel you have rushed something, you probably have.

I agree with Carro. It's a good cover and I think it conveys your book well. But, your name kinda disappears into it, especially since it is about the same size, though less bold, than the background letters.

K. wrote: "Jessica becomes a part of that audience. This is a twist in the story though. I'm trying to avoid spoilers (which is insanely difficult)."

Yeah, as one who regularly puts twists and surprises in stories, I get it. It's hard to avoid it when you know the twists are going to be the best part of the story. To cure this, when I work on a blurb for such a book or story, I focus only on the first twenty percent of the book or so. As long as you include enough intrigue in your blurb to get someone to open to the first page, you're good.

Jay wrote: "The first five lines of Dwight Swain's, Techniques of the Selling Writer says:

You need to know only four things in order to write a solid story:

how to group words into motivation-reaction units;
how to group motivation-reaction units into scenes and sequels;
how to group scenes and sequels into story pattern;
how to create the kind of characters that give a story life."

Yes. This is what I learned as far back as Jr. High. Then High School. Then college. Yet, you continue to assert that no one learns how to write fiction in school. It's not true and I will be deleting your posts from now on when you make this false claim.

Dwight Swain does not bring anything new to the table. In fact, I've actually checked out one of his books and I think he's a bit of a flim-flam artist, leeching money out of desperate writers. Kurt Vonnegut once said, (paraphrasing) "Every character should want something, even if it's a glass of water." That's it. Simple. The book of Swain's I've tried to muddle through says the same thing, only he takes about eight pages to say it. Swain is a lot of fluff, in my opinion.

Jay wrote: "You pulled the book before I could see it, but based on the comments, I'm betting that, like most of us, no one told you that the writing techniques we learn in school are primarily nonfiction..."

You lose that bet, Jay. Nothing about Emory's book said "non-fiction". It was clearly fiction. It read like a rough draft. It could be worked into a good novella.

I swear you copy and paste this response to everyone you encounter.

Yes, it's tough to hear your work isn't good enough. We all have to go through it, though. We're all learning. We're all growing.

Emory, you have the beginnings of a decent book. It needs work all around, spelling, punctuation, tone, etc. Give it some time. Nurture it. If you want me to look at it again, I will. I would like you to work over a couple more drafts, first.

I understand that itch. We owe it to our readers to make every attempt to make our book the best it can be before we hit "publish". When you think you're done, ask yourself if you would honestly pay money to read this book. If not, you're not done, yet.

Okay. I read the first page or two off of Amazon. I would strongly encourage you to unpublish it. What you published reads like a rough draft. It needs a lot of work.

Emory wrote: "But I’m worried the ending of my first novella was a bit rushed or flat and I would hate for readers to tune out of the series before I’ve had a chance to pull them in. "

if you're worried that it may be rushed or flat, it probably is. I would suggest unpublishing it until you have had a chance to get some feedback on it.