Sandra Healing Steiner's Blog, page 78

The Energy of “I Don’t Know”

I am pleased to offer the following guest post by Megan Edge.  She offers a huge variety of spiritual and intuitive services which I have had the pleasure of experiencing at her studio in Victoria, British Columbia. I was fortunate enough to complete my master reiki training under Megan as well. Enjoy her words of wisdom. 

  

 

Recently I have been in the energy of “I Don’t Know.” It’s a very interesting energy – at the same time scary and liberating. Not Knowing has me feeling a bit like a boat without a rudder, as though I’m floating along without a firm plan. The good thing about being in the Energy of Not Knowing is the ability to go with the flow. When there is no firm plan, I find it much easier to adjust to whatever comes my way, with no hooks into how something should be, in my own expectation of it.

 

Many of the people who come to see me are in this energy; they don’t know something and so they come to me for clarity, solutions and answers. It might be “I don’t know what to do with my life.” Or “I don’t know how she feels about me.” Or “I don’t know if I should make that move or take that job offer.” 

 

More often then not I will suggest they reframe their question into “I’d like to know what to do with my life.” Or “I’d like to know if she likes me or I should move or take that job.” By changing the way in which they ask the question they instantly change the way the information can come to them. By saying “I’d like to Know” they are letting the Universe know they are ready to hear the answers and to take guided action on those answers.

 

However, we aren’t always ready to hear the answers or do what is required of us to make those solutions become reality. So we sit in the energy of “I don’t know”. What I am realizing, beyond the need to not judge ourselves harshly for Not Knowing something, is that “I don’t know” can be a very powerful place to be. There can be liberation in truthfully stating that we do not have all the answers and solutions just yet. Sometimes being in the Not Knowing opens up space around us for many more possibilities to show up in our life then we would have seen in our conviction of Knowing.

 

What if you could get excited about Not Knowing – instead of feeling anxious or dumb or uncertain? What if there could be space in the Not Knowing to simply allow yourself to shrug your shoulders and say “In this moment I don’t know what is going to happen next! I don’t know if she likes me, I don’t know what I should do with my life and I don’t know if I should move or take that job.” This acknowledgement could open up a world of possibilities and ways of thinking that have never occurred to you before this moment.

 

The need to Know reflects a need to be in control, which in and of itself is an Illusion – being in Control is not possible; being Responsible and Accountable is possible, but not being in Control. You release the Illusion of being in Control when you can say “I don’t know” and allow that be a good thing. 

 

The need to Know also reflects a desire to orchestrate the Future. The Future is a nebulous place, hard to pin down in any moment and always in motion and flux. We can certainly be Responsible and Accountable for the plans we make for the Future and we can affect our experience of the Future through our intention but we cannot control the Future. There are far to many variables. The point is to flow into and out of and around our experiences – not to control them.

 

I invite you to Not Know a few things, such how someone else is going to behave or how Sunday dinner is going to turn out, or what gift you might receive. Allow your life to reveal itself to you as the best gift you can give to yourself and enjoy the possibilities that are presented. I don’t Know what will happen when you do this but I think it could be good!

 

Megan Edge is a Master Healer, Intuitive Educator, Counsellor and Author of the recently published work “The Heart’s Journey: Healing Hearts Oracle Cards and Guide Book“.  She offers Mind, Body and Soul healing though Energy Healing, Intuitive Counselling and Body Work.  In her private practice, Megan holds space for personal healing, empowering the individual to access their own healing powers.  As a certified Reiki Master, Angel Therapy Practitioner, and Energy Medicine Healer, she believes each of us has the potential to unlock our healing abilities, both for ourselves and for others.

  

Check out Megan’s links….

megan@psy-chick.net

https://www.facebook.com/psychicks

http://www.linkedin.com/in/MeganEdge

http://islandwoman.ca/author/meganedge

 

Oh What A Beautiful Day!

As I forced my eyes to open this morning, I felt like I had slept forever. One look at the clock on my phone and I immediately understood why!  It was after ten am!  I can’t remember the last time Max and Misty let me sleep that late, they are usually making their presence known by 5:30 or so!  Yet they were both sitting beside me, staring intently, but not making a sound. Maybe they knew it had been a busy week, and I was very tired. 

 

Since I had slept so sound, I decided to head out on a walk.  The sun was shining, the birds were singing and of course the flowers were blooming. After a quick stop for some sunglasses at the drugstore I headed out. I decided to walk downtown to the inner harbour.  I have been wanting to see and smell the ocean for days.  I find it calming. 

The walk down was uneventful.  Lots of quiet walking time to ponder things and think through all life’s quirks. It is one of my favourite things, walking that is. I find if allows me to clear my head, and re energize.  

 

For those who don’t know I live in beautiful Victoria, British Columbia. The island is amazing and can be so much fun. Today I walked to the inner harbour, and of course the impressive Empress Hotel is located across from the water. The tour buses were in full swing today, with lots of tourists wandering around. The horse drawn carriages were full of smiling vacationers, and the bicycle cabbies were busy giving tours. It never gets old for me, I simply love where I live. 

Originally I had planned to hop the bus home, but it was just too beautiful out today. Sauntering my way back I stopped to peruse the aisles in Chapters, such a treat to have time to just wander the store. Then continued on my way home.  The walk overall was about eleven kilometers and a great addition to my weekly kilometer total!  

What an amazing way to spend my day off.  I feel calmer, peaceful, and re-energized. Hope you all have had a great day! 

 

Healthier Me

 

I’m healthier, happier and full of energy. It’s been a crazy ride over the last few months but I’m grateful to say that it is getting better. 

Early February I began to walk, everywhere and anywhere. I knew I needed to get out and get moving.  I also started my new job at Michael Hill jewellers which required me to be on my feet every day, all day. I hoped with more exercise I would begin to feel more motivated and healthier.  I increased my walking to a minimum of five times a week, with an expectation of at least five kilometres per day. Max and Misty walked along most of it with me which makes it much more fun. I faithfully wore my pedometer to track my distance, and wrote it on my calendar.  I’m proud to say that I have been walking at least sixty kilometres each week ever since!  GO ME!

  

In early March with the encouragement of my medical doctors I began adding in health supplements. I wasn’t sure what to expect because honestly I have never taken vitamins faithfully before. I was determined to give it an honest try, I talked to people about what the take and why.  I researched on the Internet.  Then I went shopping. I bought, I read, I portioned out daily amounts and I began to take them as prescribed. WOW!  That’s all I have to say!  

 

I also began watching my diet, and no eating after eight.  Trying to eat out less, or at least making better choices.  I made sure I was drinking my water each day and I bought snacks in smaller portions so I did not feel deprived. I added fresh fruit  each day with my yogurt, and started watching the pounds drop off. My weight was not healthy when I began, the number doesn’t matter, but the quality of life sure does. Overall I have dropped eighteen pounds and two sizes. I’m proud of myself, but I’m not done yet. 

One day in mid February I actually went out and bought a pack of smokes and a lighter. Almost as a last ditch attempt to kill the habit. I have smoked off and on since I was a kid. My problem is I love the smell of smoke, and find it soothing when I’m stressed. I’m happy to report they are still sitting on my counter unopened. Aging gracefully. 

  

I know a lot of you are working hard at becoming healthy along with me.  I’m thrilled for all your progress, your messages have helped keep me motivated and moving.  Thank you!  

 

Just Do It

Many times over the years I have been asked how I manage to fit everything I do into my day.  It’s easy, you just do it. 

It’s really that simple. Some of the material I’ve read over the years has spoken of balance, scheduling, and planning which of course in some cases is necessary. But often it is possible to just let things flow.  

In my early twenties I was a young mom, going to school full time, and managing a house on top of the two and a half hour drive to class each day. Scheduling was important to a degree, classes were at a designated time, the sitter needed to have a schedule, but the rest of life was just fit in around it all. If I was up a bit earlier than expected, I put in a load of laundry.  While working on homework, dinner was cooking behind me. While the kids watched a show or napped, I did homework. There was always a mental to-do list in my head, it grew some days and shrunk others. 

  

In my thirties I went back to school full time taking my business and accounting courses. My kids were 8, 10, and 13. I worked full time, and still managed it all. My husband at the time was often away on the road working, and amidst it all, we lived for a few months in our vacation trailer while building a house. The kids learned valuable lessons, like how to do a load of laundry. 

When the kids were young I decided it was important for them to be efficient in the kitchen. I started setting aside one night a week for do-it-yourself dinner. This meant that I got to sit and supervise while they cooked their own dinner, and cleaned the mess up. They learned to make grilled cheese, soup, pancakes, and more. It was a lot of fun watching them become great cooks. Often times there was three different meals being made, or they would combine their efforts for things like a BLT and fries. 

  

Nowadays life is easier, it’s just me and my dogs. But, I still blog a few times a week, write, walk a lot, work full time and find time to read.  I have always loved learning new things, taking courses and reading. I read for information and enjoyment. I love to challenge myself to do more, and stay active. My current challenge is to walk at least 50 km each week, working my way up to 100 by the end of summer. I have challenged myself to be able to walk to Sidney and back by the end of the summer, that’s about 53 km. 

I am working on an idea for a group at the pain clinic in the fall, as well as hoping to do a creative writing class there again.  I find that being busy helps keep me motivated and happy. I work hard at my own pain management, and understand that sometimes bad days do happen. 

Amidst it all, there has to be down time though. Sometimes I think that this is forgotten and results in burn-out. For me the trick has always been not to over commit, rather to keep the to-do list rolling along. My list can be reduced as time allows, but does not have to. 

Prioritize.  Make sure you know what absolutely has to be done, and do it. The rest is optional, and will not make or break your day. Remember to breathe, life is meant to be lived!

  

Three Times A Loser

When things go wrong, emotions run high and in the end love is just another four letter word. 

  

I have been fortunate in this life to have been loved and to love three men. Within each of these relationships were amazing moments, horrible truths and emotional upset. That is called life and I am grateful for every moment. 

  

When arguments ensued, I can’t say that I was right, not even fifty percent of the time.  But I can say I did all I felt I could at the time to make each of the relationships work. Of course ‘hind sight is twenty twenty’ as the saying goes, and looking back I see things I could have done differently. Just as I am sure they have. Would it have been enough, who knows. 

Relationships are all about give and take. Surrendering of egos, honesty and apologies. Struggling to be right has never proven to be helpful in any situation. 

However, I believe that relationships are also built on trust and honesty. They are individuals being supportive of each other, no matter what. They are built on friendship and mutual love. When that is lost, the relationship fails. 

When a relationship ends, amidst the tears and the anguish each of us must learn once again to be alone. To be grateful for the lessons of life, and to know that life will go on. 

  

What comes next?  Who knows, perhaps a new dream, a lovely memory or just a quiet existence. What I do know is that life is short, and can end in a moment. Those important to me know they are and were loved, in the best way I know/knew how. 

  

I Choose!

Have you ever stopped and wondered “why me?”  Had a mental conversation with yourself, “like wtf just happened?”  Pondered how many more times you will be struck down before you don’t get up anymore?

  

I am today what I should have been in the past, however, it was the past that has made me into the person I am today… David Kreger 

I used to think those thoughts every minute of each day. Of course that was before I realized that each of those “terrible moments” was making me the strong independent woman I am today. 

Some days I am fearless, ready to take on the evil in the world.  Imagine Wonder Woman, costume and all, simply because the iconic character was strong and fearless.  Other days I feel like the roadrunner always being blown up or caught by the Wiley coyote. But every morning I wake up ready to face a new day with all its challenges.

I was watching the movie “Wild” with Reese Witherspoon tonight and more than a few of the scenes brought back memories of my own life. I won’t go into detail because I don’t want to ruin the movie for those who haven’t seen it, but I would highly recommend it. 

  

My experiences are not common, they are not ordinary and not everyone will understand, and that’s all right. They are my memories and experiences. I have taken a lifetime to begin to understand them, and therefore can’t expect you to get it. Add in the fact that every one of us remembers and sees an experience differently, and the likelihood of agreeing on what happened is minute. 

Of course there are things in my life that I wish I had handled differently.  Times I should have used my words to convey my feelings rather than just remaining silent. Words I should have said to those that are gone.  But these things cannot be changed. They are done, irreversible. Going back over and over them does not serve any purpose. 

  

The answer to this age old question is simple.  We have these experiences to broaden our repertoire of reactions, and expand our knowledge base. Life is full of lessons and I have chosen to meet each challenge head on and learn as much as I can from it. In reality this makes me more prepared for the next challenge. 

Can I ever forgive myself and others who have made my life challenging?  Of course. I choose to forgive so that I can move on and have a healthy productive life. Please note this also includes forgiving myself for my part in these experiences. I have no idea what my next challenge will be, but I do know that I will meet it head on and do everything I can to make it a positive life experience. 

  

I choose to live a happy life.

I choose to avoid negativity. 

I choose to be proud of who I am. 

I choose to smile. 

I choose to make the best of each moment in my life. 

I choose not to berate myself for things that have happened in the past. 

I choose to inspire others to be who they are meant to be. 

I choose not to judge others. 

I choose to forgive. 

I choose to be me. 

YOU are my Inspiration

It’s been a wild ride this last couple of months, there have been many changes in my life, some more difficult than others. 

I have started to become more used to my space in my condo.  My roommates have been accommodating so far. Although Maxwell is a bit of a blanket hog he is too sweet to evict! Then there is Misty, she such a cuddle bug!  They have both kept me sane in the hard times. 

  

My position at Michael Hill Jewellers is so much fun. I have days of exhausted tears and frustration, but they are becoming fewer and fewer as time goes on. I have met so many amazing people and heard a huge variety of stories that I’m sure will inspire characters in novels to come. 

I have legally changed my name back to my maiden name, Sandra Healing from Sandra Steiner.  It may take a bit for everything to change.  For now, because I have published two novels as Sandra Steiner, that will remain.  I need to decide if I will use it as a pen name or discontinue using it all together. Although it may be unrealistic I do hope at some point that Cory and I can be friends again, not just ex’s.  

I have started a new tattoo project, beginning with my left wrist.  It is a cover up of a tattoo that was no longer appropriate. The butterfly was designed and inked by Adam at Painted Lotus in beautiful Victoria BC!  The butterfly symbolizes my wings of freedom once again and it coordinates well with my full chest tattoo which Adam did for me a couple years ago. We have a plan that will at some point join the two together. It’s still peeling but here is the initial photo reveal.

  

As always the many stories and messages from all of you inspire me to keep going. I am still writing and hope to publish again in the future. Until that day comes I will keep writing and blogging. I am so blessed. 

Those Words

Words hurt.  No matter how many times someone tries to change an impression that their words have created, the pain never goes away. 

As a child I remember being told I was ugly, insignificant and would make nothing of myself.  All this was said by adults, teachers and others in my little world. Does it matter if they thought I couldn’t hear them?   I don’t think so. Those words hurt, and for awhile they made me stop trying to achieve success in my life. 

In my opinion, one of the most difficult things to forgive are harsh comments, mean statements and negative talk. They are so emotionally damaging and difficult to get past. These comments can destroy an individual’s chance of success. 

  

It takes a huge effort to move past these negative actions and comments. I don’t believe they ever go away, they haunt for days and years. We can forgive in order to move past, but it is never the same. 

I have blogged before about being told by a elementary school teacher that I would never write a book, it hurt back then.  But that hurt carried into the here and now. I published two novels last year, and was feeling very proud of my efforts. They have not become best sellers, but they have had impact. The messages I have received, made it all worth it. 

In the recent months, that feeling of success has been trounced and reduced to nothing again, simply by the arguments and harsh words of a disintegrating relationship. I choose to believe the words were said in anger, and I am most definitely guilty of saying things in the heat of the moment as well.  I have apologized and received an apology but, none the less the damage is done. 

  

Please, please do be careful what you say. Sometimes an apology can not change the effect of your words. What you say can ruin another’s hopes and dreams. The words will forever haunt.

As I am moving forward into life on my own, I am reminded that words are very powerful and forgiveness can sometimes not be enough. I haven’t been able to work on my novels in progress for a few months. I feel like it is a waste of effort at this point.  However, some very wise individuals in my social media circle have said, “give it time” and so I shall.  

Thank you all for your continued support and guidance. 

Remember no matter what.. 
How good it is or 
How Bad it is. 
It won’t last… 
‘ Life is forever changing’….. 
This too shall pass!

 

Easter is full of memories…

As I’m reading the posts on my social media from all of you, I am reminded of days gone by.  

  

The excitement was building in our home for weeks prior to the actual day. The kids were excited to be working on related projects in Sunday school, and at school during the week. At home we coloured eggs with intricate designs and pasted coloured pictures to the windows.  

Meanwhile, at least when they were younger, mom was busy in the background making plans for Easter egg hunts. I loved creating hunts, the planning family dinner and watching the excitement build. 

 

I worked hard to ensure that my kids knew the meaning behind the Easter holiday. I also worked hard to ensure they had amazing memories. 

When all three of my kids were very young I would create simple treasure maps with pictures of where to look for more clues. The map with a letter would be waiting on the kitchen table when they woke up. For example, there would be a picture of the clothes dryer, and in the dryer would be another clue telling them where to go next. They would run from place to place laughing and helping each other.  

                Mom uses this.   Go look in the    R D Y R E. (Dryer)

The treasure was not huge, at some spots it may have been a bottle of bubbles to blow, a colouring book, or bubble gum. The prize was not the draw, it was the hilarity, and feelings of love that made it fun. 

As they got older I got more creative.  There were hand made word searches, puzzles, and scrambled clues for each spot on the map. Often a whole morning would pass just figuring them all out.  It was so much fun!  When my oldest was about twelve she helped me to create the clues, puzzles and games for her younger brothers. I would create hers. The three of them would run around solving the riddles to find their treasure. 

I remember one particular year when my boys were in their teens, it was after my daughter had passed away. I thought about not doing the hunts, the boys were getting older after all. I remember laughing out loud at their horrified responses. Needless to say the hunt went on, and if I recall we had a few of their friends join in. 

Easter always meant vacation from school, late night movies, and extended family over for dinner. I loved to cook and often recruited my kids to help in the kitchen. Homemade dinner rolls, turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, pies, cookies and so much more!  Actually, that is probably why both boys love to cook!  

  

Much love to you all this Easter!  May you create a million memories with those you love. 

Putting it all in Perspective

I arrived home from work today to an incredibly touching photo.  It made me cry. It made me smile.  It made me so proud. 

  

The photo was a moment in the life of my grandchildren.  It came to me via text message.  It is not just any moment, but a significant moment.  Recognizing that they know they had an Auntie Kayla, even though they had never, nor will they ever meet. Those that follow my blog know she died at sixteen, and has been gone eleven years now. 

  

I have blogged many times about ensuring that the next generation hear our stories and that those stories are re-told for generations to come.  These wee ones know the stories.  In fact my grandson asks me for stories from my brain  when I visit. These stories are memories of myself as a child, his daddy and Uncle as a child and of course his Auntie. Being the doting grandmother, and a proud mom I’m only to happy to share the stories with him. 

Not all stories are good, but they all carry meaning. When he was old enough to ask what happened to his Auntie, his parents sat and explained about the accident.  To him it is a story. It allows him to put into perspective the loss of someone who is dear to our hearts. It also allows us to talk about her openly.  

 

With everything I have had going on in my world over the last weeks, months and days I needed this reminder from my grandchildren. I am living life.  I am having an adventure on Earth that is directed by me. If I choose to make it as amazing  as it can be, it will be. 

With that, I am moving on to my next great adventure on an incredibly beautiful island in the Pacific Ocean.  I am grateful for all I have, and cannot wait to experience what is yet to come.  I intend to let my soul shine and live like there is no tomorrow!  

  

And I know my daughter would be so proud of all of us.