Sandra Healing Steiner's Blog, page 76

Time Flies

The year was 1992. It was hot, so hot in fact I wasn’t sure I was going to make it until the middle of August.  I was expecting my third child, and chasing two others[...]

Today

From where I stand today is an amazing day. It’s not perfect by any means, but it is perfectly amazing in so many ways. Some of you will understand this statement, others will likely shake their head in wonder and walk away. 

  

I choose to see the positive side of my life. I choose not to dwell on yesterday, or worry about tomorrow, instead my focus is on today.  One minute at a time, one foot in front of the other, doing what I can to make the day the best it can be.   

Don’t misunderstand, I am on day three of a nasty migraine, my body hurts, my hands go numb and more. But I choose to remember I woke up today, I have a beautiful place to live, my boys know they are loved, and I have the pleasure of laughing with my grandchildren. 

 

I woke up this morning.  That in itself is incredible considering the journey I’ve been on for the last few decades. There were moments when I wondered if I would have the chance to continue in life.  When my wish to live was granted, I made a promise to myself that I would always wake up grateful, and I have. Not a day goes by that I am not amazed by the miracle of medicine. 

On that cool February day, I desperately prayed that my daughter would live, and that I would have the opportunity to raise my boys.  As difficult as it was to learn she did not survive, I knew deep in my heart that she would want me to continue living life the best I could. 

On that day I was given the gift of life, and began the road to recovery. Physically, mentally and emotionally it has been a long journey.  Some days are better than others, but I’m alright with that. 

  

Along the way I found a voice I did not know I had. My voice of experience, speaks to many through my blog and my novels. My voice has become more powerful than I ever dreamt possible, and it is an amazing gift that I am able to share with others on a similar path. I have met some incredible people, heard some amazing stories and have been so inspired by them all. 

My voice offers hope, inspiration and encouragement at no charge.  It provides a compassionate listening ear at no charge. Today I am truly blessed.  

 

ME

How did I get started blogging and writing?  Where do I get my drive from?  What inspires me?  

  

I have always been an intensely private person.  In October 2013 I actually had about thirty Facebook friends. I had never heard of Twitter, and blogging was something successful writers did. It’s hard sometimes to believe how rapidly things have grown!

In November of 2013 I made the decision to follow through on something I had wanted to try since my grade school days. I wanted to write. My goal was to create a blog of my own that shared my life.  My hope was that individuals would be inspired to keep going, follow through on their dreams through reading about my experiences. If no one else read what I wrote, that was all right, I just needed to write. 

I began by researching options.  I checked out various blogs, looked at their formats, content, and cost. I decided to go with WordPress because it had a good reputation, the cost was within my budget and it appeared to be user friendly. Another important factor was that it had online templates available. These templates make it easy to change the blog’s appearance and give it fresh appeal. Something that was important to me. 

I wrote my first blog post and it was about two paragraphs long. The feeling was amazing. From there I continued on blogging right through to now. I write about topics that are familiar to me, including my dogs, chronic pain, and focussing on the positive. 

I reached out to various blogs looking to provide guest blogs and received a huge response. Over the last year I have had the good fortune of writing on a huge variety of topics including grandparenting, dealing with loss and so much more. 

  

Many of my readers have sent me private messages on Facebook or through my blog, sharing their experiences or just thanking me.  This inspired me to keep writing.  Each time a new subscriber was added to my blog, it inspired me. My blog now has about 1800 subscribers who have chosen to receive each post via email, as well as tons who view and share my posts daily. 

The overwhelming feeling of intense relief at writing that very first blog post was the start of the second part in this journey. I followed the rest of my dream in January 2014 and wrote my first novel.  By the end of March 2014, I had completed the second one. Both were published in the summer of 2014. 

I remember clearly the shock when someone purchased my book, I was stunned!  But at the same time I actually cried, tears of joy. I was hearing back from readers who loved my story.  Cherish the Past, and Live for Today were my first attempts at writing a novel and it was so much fun!  Both were published under the name Sandra Steiner and are available online or through me. 

   

 It is now about a year later and I have completed four more inspirational romance, suspense novels. I am taking more time with them, working my way through them and adding more details.  Using the critique information from readers of the first two books, to make these novels even better. 

I have opened up my thoughts and feelings in the form of blogging and writing and my online presence literally exploded.   I currently have about 35,000 followers in total, a huge jump from thirty!  My email goes continuously with comments and stories from readers. 

There was a slight wobble when I announced my name change, and took a break to recoup my inner strength this spring when my marriage ended.  Physically I have relocated to a new province, closer to my kids and grandchildren.  Mentally I am back to myself, perhaps an even stronger version. I am very excited to be writing again and I am looking forward to having my new den set up!  Right now it’s a room full of boxes!

  

Amidst the chaos is order and as I regain my inner strength my presence is again growing rapidly.  Thank you all for continuing to inspire me to do more, be more, and share more. 

If you have not connected with me I encourage you to do so in whatever manner is easiest for you. 

“Believe and Achieve”. 

Sandra Healing 

https://www.facebook.com/healinglove15

https://www.facebook.com/Sandra.steiner.21

Twitter @healing_love

Email. Itsafabulouslife@hotmail.com

Ode to my Yorkie

  

 I have diamonds, I prefer my yorkies!  They have always been there, at my side through the highs and lows of life. 

I haven’t always had yorkies, for a time I had beautiful beagles. I have also had times in life where I wasn’t able to have a pet, those were some of the loneliest years of my life. 

  

Meet Maxwell.  His birthday also happens to be Christmas Day, he is five and a half years old. Max is my protector, he will bark at loud noises and lawn mowers ensuring my safety!  He is my faithful co-pilot watching the road for hours making sure I am not driving alone. If he senses tears he is right there to cuddle, no questions asked. 

  

Meet Mystique.  She was born on Halloween night and is four and a half years old. Misty had the pleasure of being Max’s first Christmas gift in 2010.  She is Max’s best friend and he is her protector. Misty can be found cuddling at any possible opportunity.  She hears my nightmares and will wake up and walk up from the foot of the bed to soothe the dreams away with cuddles. 

  

Over the years my dogs have taught me to live life.  They have kept me company, kept my secrets safe, and helped me to see the little things. Unlike my human friends they are loyal to a fault and they have made me a better person.  

Unlike the men who have passed through my life, they are satisfied with me being me.  I have never felt not good enough for them, they quickly forgive my mistakes and are content with the things I do for them and with them. 

Today as I was out doing errands I picked up two things for them. One was an area rug, you see without it they cannot jump into the recliners on their own, the floor is too slippery. Second was a box of treats for which I have been rewarded with a couple hours of cuddles.  They are so easy to please, and the comfort they give is invaluable. 

They are at the door to say goodbye each morning when I go to work, and there to greet me when I return. As roommates they are the best.  If I feel like napping they are happy to join me.  They are happy to walk anywhere anytime, keeping me more active and healthy. 

  

My life is better because of them, I have no doubt!    

Settling In

As I finished work today and got into Miss Daisy for the drive home, I found myself thinking about how good it feels to be back. Back in Alberta, near my kids and grandkids yet, in a new environment. There are memories, but I’m alright with them. 

  

The last time I lived in this city was 1993.  It was much different back then, as I was too. My kids were all preschoolers, small balls of energy. I had a day home at the time and we were all squeezed into a duplex smaller than my current condo.  

I have found a shopping plaza close by that has all the basics including a walk-in medical clinic, a vet, and a Timmies!  In Red Deer I am making new memories with my pups at the park across the road.  I even had the opportunity to take my grandchildren to play at the park. Listening to my grandsons exciting plans for a sleepover, I smile thinking about all that is to come. I definitely need to get out and pick up some toys for my house, they were sure disappointed I didn’t have any!  Lol

    

The condo I’m renting is huge, nearly new and has everything I was looking for. I have my own laundry, air conditioning, and tons of space. I will actually need to pick up a few pieces of furniture to fill some spaces, while my last space had me downsizing.  I have a few huge empty walls that will need filling, and my closet was big enough too!  

The move from Victoria went relatively smooth.  I had a few anxious moments on Friday waiting to hear where my furniture was, and a nervous pause when I learned the move cost was higher than expected.  But it all arrived safely Saturday evening, my boys came in to put my bed together that night, so it was a comfy sleep in my own bed. Sunday morning I woke up with my pups staring down at me, my belongings around me, and a sense of peace. Money is only money, and I can earn more, I’m a hard worker.  

  

I started my new job as office manager/accounting at Sun Country Rentals on Friday last week, but, my first full day was actually today. My co-workers are all pleasant, happy individuals and I can already tell that it is going to be a great place to work. I am so grateful that I followed my intuition and accepted the position. 

  

For now I’m living my life, my way.  I’m loving the feeling of inner peace and I’m so grateful for the little things in life!

New Beginnings

  

This day marks the beginning of a new chapter in my life. Like so many of you, heartache, pain and struggles are part of my journey. I have chosen to not allow them to be my destination, instead courage, love, encouragement and inspiration are there. 

  

Today I had my first meeting with my new boss. The accounting job will be challenging, exciting, and exactly what I need. I also had my first meeting with my new manager at the Bower Place Michael Hill and it appears I may be able to pick up part time shifts there as well. 

So far the pieces of the puzzle are all falling naturally into place. So much so, that I know the move to Alberta was the right thing to do. It is an amazing feeling.  

This new chapter is going to be incredible. Will it be better than my last chapter?  It’s hard to say. I believe each chapter of my life is there to challenge me, encourage me and teach me new lessons. I also believe that sometimes I’m not meant to know the reason for the beginning or ending of a chapter.  

I choose to wake up each day with a smile. I choose to listen to my heart and remember all the great moments in my life. To laugh as often as possible and to learn something new each day. 

  

So cheers to what will come, and thank you for all that has been. 

  

A whale of a day!

I moved on a whim to Vancouver Island five and a half years ago. From the first moment I wanted to go whale watching. I verbalized my intent to many, waited in hopes that someone would want to go with me, and in the end went on my own!  

  

I had thought about this adventure for so long that I had almost given up hope. My boss asked me yesterday if I wanted today off to pack, as most of you know I move back to Alberta soon!  Of course I took him up on it, not to pack, don’t be silly!  But to go whale watching!  

I researched my options last night and settled on Eagle Wing Tours.  Getting up bright and early this morning I went and bought my ticket. So exciting!  I wandered a bit among the floating homes at fishermans wharf while I waited I even walked out Ogden point!  

   

    

 At the wharf the seal was hanging out doing tricks and posing for photos. I think his name is Sammy, and he is very well fed!  

   

 Boarding the boat with thirty or so random strangers was a bit unnerving, but I did it!  Found my comfortable seat inside the catamaran, and listened intently to the safety talk. Heading out into open water, I went up on the upper deck.  It felt something like the Titanic, hanging on to the rail, wind in my hair and the sun shining down. 

  

As I stood there I was amazed by the crew who held random chats all over the vessel about what animals we would see. They were all incredibly engaging and knowledgable!  The crew were able to answer random questions about the whales we would see, they habits and even their names in some cases. 

One of the first stops was to see orcas. They appeared so majestic right out of nowhere. I remembered after they were gone that I should have taken a photo!  

Second stop was a random bunch of birds all sitting and fishing. Their methods and intent were described by our interpreters and species were even identified. 

Last stop was for the killer whales. They are huge!  Given the size of these animals to see them jump out of the water effortlessly was like watching ballerinas jump and pirouette. I did remember to snap a couple shots, but because the boats must keep a regulated distance, the whales are not easy to see in my photos!

   

 Then the inevitable end to my adventure, back home to get packing and cleaning!  

It was a whale of an adventure!

Commandments of this life…

Over the past few years I have grown in many areas except size, I’ve actually shrunk by about forty pounds.  I have created a list of ten commandments or rules to live by which when I follow them religiously, no pun intended, my life always gets better.

1.  Laugh more.  Sounds easy but some days it’s the hardest thing ever.  I watch comedies, share jokes, and laugh out loud at the amusing things people do!  

  

2.  Live life like there is no tomorrow. I believe that by putting things off I actually create stress. If there is something I want to do, or someone I need to see, I do it, or at least make a plan so it will happen. Bucket lists have been all the rage for years, but I prefer to just live in the moment. 

3.  Love me.  I’m far from perfect and I know it. But there are many things I am good at, things that I can be proud of myself for. 

  

4.  Smile through the tears. Like most people I have sad moments, times when a memory hits and it brings tears. I know that for me if I can force a smile or a little giggle, things will get better. 

5.  Take a moment to remember the little things. Life is stressful, pausing to enjoy a short walk or five minutes extra in the shower makes a huge difference. Gratitude is important, without it I find that I lose my momentum. 

6.  Choose my friends wisely. There is a saying that goes something like “keep your friends close and your enemies closer”. It is true that not everyone has the best intentions, and unfortunately some are not as honest as I think they are. Move slowly when forming new relationships, watch reactions and analyze responses. 

  

7.  Challenge myself to do everything, everyday. It would be easy to just curl in a ball and say “I can’t”. But I choose to challenge myself to keep walking, exercising, learning and growing on a daily basis. 

8.  Learn something new everyday.  Not a day should go by that I don’t learn something new. It doesn’t have to be a Phd a day, but I read, Google, and search out information. I believe it makes me a better person. 

9.  I don’t need to know everything.  Each person that passes through my life, does so for a reason, not knowing why, is ok.  It will all make sense at some point and that’s good enough. 

  

10.  Age is just a number that represents my years on Earth in this life.  It does not dictate what I can do, how I do it, or who I do it with. I am young at heart with so much left to do in this life and I won’t let the ‘number’ slow me down. 

Live, love and carry on.

Only Six More

If you follow me on Facebook you are probably already aware that after my last visit to Alberta to visit my kids and grandkids I have decided to relocate back there from Victoria. 

 

It’s a decision that I have been thinking about for awhile, but it was on the drive back home that I made the big decision. Telling my co-workers at Michael Hill, Hillside Mall, was the most difficult thing to do. You see they are my family, my friends and the people I have turned to for support over the last five months. They have listened to me, watched silently as I cried, and most of all not judged my situation. 

 

Many of these wonderful people will remain friends in my book forever, of that I am sure. I have six more days to work with them and I shall treasure each laugh, smile, and tear. 

  

My motto for life has been moment by moment I shall do the best I can with the resources I have. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, and quite honestly the anticipation is exhilarating. 

I do know I will leave the island on July 6, 2015.  I do know that my furniture will arrive in Alberta on July 11, 2015. But right now I do not have a home yet, nor do I have a job. I have infinite possibilities but nothing concrete yet, and believe it or not, I’m ok with that. 

 

I have been asked why the sudden change in my attitude about living in Alberta. To this I would say it’s not a sudden change at all. I have simply made the decision that I want to be closer to my children and grandchildren. 

  

The love and smiles from them on my last visit made me see the things that are important. There are hard memories there. Things, places and people that cause me great anxiety and stress, but I am choosing to try and co-exist with my fears. Will I be successful?  I don’t know.  All I can do is try. 

  

Stay tuned for the next chapter in my journey!  

See you soon

With tears flowing unashamedly down my cheeks, I say my goodbyes to my children and grandchildren and head back home to the island. It’s nothing new, I have been making this trip for five years now.  Some ask “why?”  Others understand it’s the reality of my life. 

No matter how old they are they will always be my kids and I will always miss them, but I likely will never live in Alberta again in this life time. From the moment I enter Alberta, I have difficulty breathing, smiling and living life.  That is my reality. 

In 2004 I was in a horrible accident, my daughter died, I lived. Now I live with that loss the only way I know how. I have an amazing life on Vancouver Island where I am not faced with memories at every turn. 

I lived life in Alberta, the best way I knew how, for my boys, for six years after the accident. I buried my feelings deep inside. I hid my emotions. I chose to not acknowledge the impact on me personally.  Then I made a very selfish decision to move to a new environment to begin a new life. This new place gave me the opportunity to live my life without driving past the accident scene, the cemetery, or the millions of other places each day. It offered me the ability to create a life in a relaxed, new place.  I was blessed with two incredible young men for sons, who understood my need to start again. 

I make the 2600 km return trip  a few times each year, either driving or flying, to be a part of their lives. I ensure that my grandchildren know me by using FaceTime.  I send packages to them through the mail so they have things from me. I text with my boys, or chat on the phone as often as possible, sometimes daily.  Today I am on my way back to my island home after attending my grandsons fifth birthday party. Yes, it was a long drive for a couple of nights with them all, but so worth it.

The effect a trip like this has on me is huge. I’m exhausted.  I was blessed to take a drive with each of them this trip, sharing memories I carry about family and friends. Talking to them both about the wonderful things their father and I did, family vacations, and more memories from over the years. To do this I must also speak about their sister and all of it flows through to memories of that awful day. 

So today, I am on my way back to my life. As I give kisses and hugs, I never say “goodbye” that is too final, it’s always “I love you, and I will see you soon”.