Lilah Suzanne's Blog, page 70

interludepress:Need a last-minute Valentine’s gift? Or just want to treat yourself to some romance...

interludepress:

Need a last-minute Valentine’s gift? Or just want to treat yourself to some romance this weekend? We have a few suggestions…

Bleeding Heart        Platonic        Load the Dice

Forever Man      The Bones of You       Right Here Waiting

Pivot and Slip        Designs on You

Sotto Voce         Chef’s Table

IP eBooks: Multi-Format, DRM-Free Love From $5.99

Valentines Day is coming up. My lover and I would like to try having fun with chocolate. Can you give us some dos and don'ts?

Boy can I. It almost feels like a regular activity around here, and while I appreciate the enthusiasm, sometimes it’s like, can’t a guy just eat a slice of chocolate cake in peace for once?! 

But this is not about me. 

Some dos and don’ts then!

DO: Put down a sheet you don’t mind losing or take the fun to a washable surface. (countertop? kitchen floor? bathtub? Slip ‘N Slide? Just throwing out ideas here.)

DON’T: Use internally. Chocolate is not lube. It is almost the exact opposite of lube. Do not. Nothing will ruin the sexy fun faster than one or both of you suddenly screaming it burns oh god IT BURNS.

DO: Use something thick, like a ganache rather than a syrup, and dab a little bit at a time. You aren’t finger painting, nor are you aiming to be the Jackson Pollock of erotic chocolate body art.

DON’T: Get discouraged! It will probably be a little sticky and messy and silly, and that’s okay. Your best bet with trying anything new is to be open, be relaxed, and be willing to stop if it’s just not working. Hey, you tried, you had fun, you got to pretend your nipples were made out of chocolate for a while. It’s all good! Maybe try whipped cream next time. Or frozen strawberries on a hot summer day.

DO: Include clean up as part of the fun! Take a shower together and spend time getting each other extra clean. If you do it right, you may get to go for another round.

You win at promotion honey! That blog idea was great and now I wanna buy the book!

Well this is amazing, thank you! I gotta admit, writing Simon’s columns was often the most frustrating part of the book, but I’m really excited to spend more time with him. He’s pretty fun :)

(And a shout out to the clever minds at interludepress for help with the idea!)

At one point does public sex go from super hot to super inappropriate? The other day I had sex in a cemetery. We were in a car, but still. It wasn't planned, or even on our bucket list; it was just the closest place without people--well, live people--for m

This sort of sounds like the plot of a Very Special Episode of Scooby Doo. (And if it isn’t, it should be.) Okay, if we want to get technical all public sex is inappropriate. That’s part of the fun, right? But if we look at some general guidelines for getting it on in public spaces:

-Be discrete. Somewhere out of the way, as private as you can manage. You may feel like it’s just the two of you all alone on your blanket in the middle of the busy park, but some of us are trying to play frisbee or enjoy an afternoon stroll and we can all see you. WE ALL KNOW WHAT YOUR HAND IS DOING.

-Be quiet. Now is not the time for enthusiastic moaning. Someone might think you’re a ghost and come to investigate the mystery. (Zoinks!)

-Be fast. This is one of the few occasions that I’m recommending you skip the foreplay and get right to it. Time is not your friend when going at it in the great wide open.

-Be smart. Look, I support and encourage finding someone that you want so intensely that it cannot possibly wait another second. And I get it, I do. But sometimes you need to find a better spot, a different time, another place.

So, dear reader, let’s see how you did: Quiet, no one around, relative privacy of a vehicle? Not bad, not bad at all. As far as creepy, well, sure. It’s a cemetery. I might be concerned if it was the cemetery itself that was doing it for you, but otherwise I think you’re fine. (Head’s up though: Watch out for that groundskeeper. The guy is up to something I just know it.)

At one point does public sex go from super hot to super inappropriate? The other day I had sex in a cemetery. We were in a car, but still. It wasn't planned, or even on our bucket list; it was just the closest place without people--well, live people--for m

This sort of sounds like the plot of a Very Special Episode of Scooby Doo. (And if it isn’t, it should be.) Okay, if we want to get technical all public sex is inappropriate. That’s part of the fun, right? But if we look at some general guidelines for getting it on in public spaces:

-Be discrete. Somewhere out of the way, as private as you can manage. You may feel like it’s just the two of you all alone on your blanket in the middle of the busy park, but some of us are trying to play frisbee or enjoy an afternoon stroll and we can all see you. WE ALL KNOW WHAT YOUR HAND IS DOING.

-Be quiet. Now is not the time for enthusiastic moaning. Someone might think you’re a ghost and come to investigate the mystery. (Zoinks!)

-Be fast. This is one of the few occasions that I’m recommending you skip the foreplay and get right to it. Time is not your friend when going at it in the great wide open.

-Be smart. Look, I support and encourage finding someone that you want so intensely that it cannot possibly wait another second. And I get it, I do. But sometimes you need to find a better spot, a different time, another place.

So, dear reader, let’s see how you did: Quiet, no one around, relative privacy of a vehicle? Not bad, not bad at all. As far as creepy, well, sure. It’s a cemetery. I might be concerned if it was the cemetery itself that was doing it for you, but otherwise I think you’re fine. (Head’s up though: Watch out for that groundskeeper. The guy is up to something I just know it.)

At one point does public sex go from super hot to super inappropriate? The other day I had sex in a cemetery. We were in a car, but still. It wasn't planned, or even on our bucket list; it was just the closest place without people--well, live people--for m

This sort of sounds like the plot of a Very Special Episode of Scooby Doo. (And if it isn’t, it should be.) Okay, if we want to get technical all public sex is inappropriate. That’s part of the fun, right? But if we look at some general guidelines for getting it on in public spaces:

-Be discrete. Somewhere out of the way, as private as you can manage. You may feel like it’s just the two of you all alone on your blanket in the middle of the busy park, but some of us are trying to play frisbee or enjoy an afternoon stroll and we can all see you. WE ALL KNOW WHAT YOUR HAND IS DOING.

-Be quiet. Now is not the time for enthusiastic moaning. Someone might think you’re a ghost and come to investigate the mystery. (Zoinks!)

-Be fast. This is one of the few occasions that I’m recommending you skip the foreplay and get right to it. Time is not your friend when going at it in the great wide open.

-Be smart. Look, I support and encourage finding someone that you want so intensely that it cannot possibly wait another second. And I get it, I do. But sometimes you need to find a better spot, a different time, another place.

So, dear reader, let’s see how you did: Quiet, no one around, relative privacy of a vehicle? Not bad, not bad at all. As far as creepy, well, sure. It’s a cemetery. I might be concerned if it was the cemetery itself that was doing it for you, but otherwise I think you’re fine. (Head’s up though: Watch out for that groundskeeper. The guy is up to something I just know it.)

At one point does public sex go from super hot to super inappropriate? The other day I had sex in a cemetery. We were in a car, but still. It wasn't planned, or even on our bucket list; it was just the closest place without people--well, live people--for m

This sort of sounds like the plot of a Very Special Episode of Scooby Doo. (And if it isn’t, it should be.) Okay, if we want to get technical all public sex is inappropriate. That’s part of the fun, right? But if we look at some general guidelines for getting it on in public spaces:

-Be discrete. Somewhere out of the way, as private as you can manage. You may feel like it’s just the two of you all alone on your blanket in the middle of the busy park, but some of us are trying to play frisbee or enjoy an afternoon stroll and we can all see you. WE ALL KNOW WHAT YOUR HAND IS DOING.

-Be quiet. Now is not the time for enthusiastic moaning. Someone might think you’re a ghost and come to investigate the mystery. (Zoinks!)

-Be fast. This is one of the few occasions that I’m recommending you skip the foreplay and get right to it. Time is not your friend when going at it in the great wide open.

-Be smart. Look, I support and encourage finding someone that you want so intensely that it cannot possibly wait another second. And I get it, I do. But sometimes you need to find a better spot, a different time, another place.

So, dear reader, let’s see how you did: Quiet, no one around, relative privacy of a vehicle? Not bad, not bad at all. As far as creepy, well, sure. It’s a cemetery. I might be concerned if it was the cemetery itself that was doing it for you, but otherwise I think you’re fine. (Head’s up though: Watch out for that groundskeeper. The guy is up to something I just know it.)

At one point does public sex go from super hot to super inappropriate? The other day I had sex in a cemetery. We were in a car, but still. It wasn't planned, or even on our bucket list; it was just the closest place without people--well, live people--for m

This sort of sounds like the plot of a Very Special Episode of Scooby Doo. (And if it isn’t, it should be.) Okay, if we want to get technical all public sex is inappropriate. That’s part of the fun, right? But if we look at some general guidelines for getting it on in public spaces:

-Be discrete. Somewhere out of the way, as private as you can manage. You may feel like it’s just the two of you all alone on your blanket in the middle of the busy park, but some of us are trying to play frisbee or enjoy an afternoon stroll and we can all see you. WE ALL KNOW WHAT YOUR HAND IS DOING.

-Be quiet. Now is not the time for enthusiastic moaning. Someone might think you’re a ghost and come to investigate the mystery. (Zoinks!)

-Be fast. This is one of the few occasions that I’m recommending you skip the foreplay and get right to it. Time is not your friend when going at it in the great wide open.

-Be smart. Look, I support and encourage finding someone that you want so intensely that it cannot possibly wait another second. And I get it, I do. But sometimes you need to find a better spot, a different time, another place.

So, dear reader, let’s see how you did: Quiet, no one around, relative privacy of a vehicle? Not bad, not bad at all. As far as creepy, well, sure. It’s a cemetery. I might be concerned if it was the cemetery itself that was doing it for you, but otherwise I think you’re fine. (Head’s up though: Watch out for that groundskeeper. The guy is up to something I just know it.)

At one point does public sex go from super hot to super inappropriate? The other day I had sex in a cemetery. We were in a car, but still. It wasn't planned, or even on our bucket list; it was just the closest place without people--well, live people--for m

This sort of sounds like the plot of a Very Special Episode of Scooby Doo. (And if it isn’t, it should be.) Okay, if we want to get technical all public sex is inappropriate. That’s part of the fun, right? But if we look at some general guidelines for getting it on in public spaces:

-Be discrete. Somewhere out of the way, as private as you can manage. You may feel like it’s just the two of you all alone on your blanket in the middle of the busy park, but some of us are trying to play frisbee or enjoy an afternoon stroll and we can all see you. WE ALL KNOW WHAT YOUR HAND IS DOING.

-Be quiet. Now is not the time for enthusiastic moaning. Someone might think you’re a ghost and come to investigate the mystery. (Zoinks!)

-Be fast. This is one of the few occasions that I’m recommending you skip the foreplay and get right to it. Time is not your friend when going at it in the great wide open.

-Be smart. Look, I support and encourage finding someone that you want so intensely that it cannot possibly wait another second. And I get it, I do. But sometimes you need to find a better spot, a different time, another place.

So, dear reader, let’s see how you did: Quiet, no one around, relative privacy of a vehicle? Not bad, not bad at all. As far as creepy, well, sure. It’s a cemetery. I might be concerned if it was the cemetery itself that was doing it for you, but otherwise I think you’re fine. (Head’s up though: Watch out for that groundskeeper. The guy is up to something I just know it.)

At one point does public sex go from super hot to super inappropriate? The other day I had sex in a cemetery. We were in a car, but still. It wasn't planned, or even on our bucket list; it was just the closest place without people--well, live people--for m

This sort of sounds like the plot of a Very Special Episode of Scooby Doo. (And if it isn’t, it should be.) Okay, if we want to get technical all public sex is inappropriate. That’s part of the fun, right? But if we look at some general guidelines for getting it on in public spaces:

-Be discrete. Somewhere out of the way, as private as you can manage. You may feel like it’s just the two of you all alone on your blanket in the middle of the busy park, but some of us are trying to play frisbee or enjoy an afternoon stroll and we can all see you. WE ALL KNOW WHAT YOUR HAND IS DOING.

-Be quiet. Now is not the time for enthusiastic moaning. Someone might think you’re a ghost and come to investigate the mystery. (Zoinks!)

-Be fast. This is one of the few occasions that I’m recommending you skip the foreplay and get right to it. Time is not your friend when going at it in the great wide open.

-Be smart. Look, I support and encourage finding someone that you want so intensely that it cannot possibly wait another second. And I get it, I do. But sometimes you need to find a better spot, a different time, another place.

So, dear reader, let’s see how you did: Quiet, no one around, relative privacy of a vehicle? Not bad, not bad at all. As far as creepy, well, sure. It’s a cemetery. I might be concerned if it was the cemetery itself that was doing it for you, but otherwise I think you’re fine. (Head’s up though: Watch out for that groundskeeper. The guy is up to something I just know it.)