At one point does public sex go from super hot to super inappropriate? The other day I had sex in a cemetery. We were in a car, but still. It wasn't planned, or even on our bucket list; it was just the closest place without people--well, live people--for m

This sort of sounds like the plot of a Very Special Episode of Scooby Doo. (And if it isn’t, it should be.) Okay, if we want to get technical all public sex is inappropriate. That’s part of the fun, right? But if we look at some general guidelines for getting it on in public spaces:

-Be discrete. Somewhere out of the way, as private as you can manage. You may feel like it’s just the two of you all alone on your blanket in the middle of the busy park, but some of us are trying to play frisbee or enjoy an afternoon stroll and we can all see you. WE ALL KNOW WHAT YOUR HAND IS DOING.

-Be quiet. Now is not the time for enthusiastic moaning. Someone might think you’re a ghost and come to investigate the mystery. (Zoinks!)

-Be fast. This is one of the few occasions that I’m recommending you skip the foreplay and get right to it. Time is not your friend when going at it in the great wide open.

-Be smart. Look, I support and encourage finding someone that you want so intensely that it cannot possibly wait another second. And I get it, I do. But sometimes you need to find a better spot, a different time, another place.

So, dear reader, let’s see how you did: Quiet, no one around, relative privacy of a vehicle? Not bad, not bad at all. As far as creepy, well, sure. It’s a cemetery. I might be concerned if it was the cemetery itself that was doing it for you, but otherwise I think you’re fine. (Head’s up though: Watch out for that groundskeeper. The guy is up to something I just know it.)