James Hauenstein's Blog, page 8

Kids Nowadays

These kids today.First they get rubber mats under their swings and jungle gyms at the school playground, instead of the hard tar which was covered with broken glass and small pebbles back in my day, now I see them riding to school on their electric bikes, electric scooters, electric skateboards, and electric hover boards.What happened to a little suffering to prepare young people for the hard knocks in life?I had to walk to school, then home, in ten feet of snow, uphill both ways, with one shoe on!
When we wanted to motorize our ride we had to go out and find a old discarded used lawn mower to remove the engine for our power! You learned how to get greasy and oily taking it apart and rebuilding that engine. And everybody knew somebody back in the old neighborhood who had a welder set up in his garage. You had to work a paper route for three weeks to get enough cash to pay the guy to weld brackets on a bicycle frame. I could go on and on all day about cut fingers, bruised hands, broken finger nails, and smashed knuckles against hard cold steel. Those injured body parts were just from working with tools to put the thing together. The real injuries came later after you tried riding it.
Here, maybe this photo will help you picture the past. 
This shows one of those rich guy's bikes because mine never had a throttle lever. It had one speed. You got a whiplash, taking off, because the engine would be at full throttle the minute you started it up. You also got whiplash and flipped over the handlebars when you tried to stop in an emergency. Because there weren't any brakes, if you had to stop, you had to turn off the engine which instantly stopped the back wheel!Don't even get me started on how the exhaust pipe was right next to your left thigh burning your skin away or that the direct drive V belt would grab your pants, pulling your leg back into the rear tire, burning your skin away.These kids today have it soooooooooo easy. This is,I Am So Glad That Nothing Ever Stays The SameJim Hauenstein And “People will pay any price for motion. They will even work for it. Look at bicycles.” - William Faulkner - That is my story and I am sticking to it! Like what you are reading?

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Fexting

Generation Z, or Zoomers which none of them like to be called, have come up with a new way for couples, or friends, to fight, or have a heated arguments, without being next to each other.
Yes, in ancient times you could have received snail mail which took weeks or months to get, then penned your own scribbles to confront the offender and wait weeks or months to hear back from them.When every home finally had a phone hanging on their wall, you could confront the offender immediately if they answered your call. While you hoped no one was listening in on the party line.(A real thing, look it up) 
Now Gen Z.Where people text each other when they are in the same room instead of talking to each other have decided the best way for couples or friends to argue is to go off to their own little corners or rooms and text their arguments to each other.It's happening all over the world and I have a hard time understanding,why?They are missing out on the joys of getting beat up by an older brother, getting a frying pan to the face, a shoe to the forehead, or arrested because everyone points at you and says, "He Started it." to a police officer even though you had just walked into the bar.What sweet memories! This is,I Bet Couples Make Up With Sexting After They Are Done FextingJim Hauenstein
And
 “What’s not so great is that all this technology is destroying our social skills. Not only have we given up on writing letters to each other, we barely even talk to each other. People have become so accustomed to texting that they’re actually startled when the phone rings. - Ellen DeGeneres -

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It's Friday, Laugh A Little

About a decade ago I got an invitation to appear on the program
Judge Judy  because I was suing someone for $800.My second eldest daughter said,"No, you can't go. They'll put you in Jail for saying something stupid! Cause you never stop talking"
(True Story)

Why do they bother saying "raw" sewage?Do some people cook that stuff?

I failed my driver's test yesterday.The Instructor asked me,"What do you do at a red light?"I said,"Look around, bob my head, and listen to the radio."

Let me ask you something.If someone is lying,are their pants really on fire?

Only two things are infinite,the universeand human stupidity.And I'm not so sure about the universe.

People in hell.Where do they tell someone to go?

I always think about how we measure success in our lives.This is what I came up with.At age 4 success is not pissing in your pants.
At age 12 success is having friends.
At age 18 success is having your driver's license.
At age 35 success is having money.
At age 50 success is having money.
At age 70 success is having your driver's license.
At age 75 success is still having friends.
At age 80 success is not pissing in your pants.  The difference between stupidityand genius is that genius has its limits.

The other day,my youngest son asked me how do you spell the word"future."When spelling a word,I usually spell it out by saying two letters at a time,then pause,then another two letters,and so on.So I started with,"F-U."And he said,"Fine! You don't have to be rude about it!" 
(True Story)
This is,Knowing That Sincerity Is Everything
And If You Can Fake That
You Have Got It MadeJim Hauenstein
And

"Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They are worth it."
"Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to."
"Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering."
- Henny Youngman -

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Have A Happy Thanksgiving Everyone

I have posts from every year wishing everyone aSafeandHappy Thanksgivingstarting with; My simpleThanksgiving Wish
from
November 26th 2015
called
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone 
I also have one from
November 20th 2018
called
Happy Thanksgiving This Coming Thursday
filled with music for this
Holiday.(Yes I have the Adam Sandler Thanksgiving Song on there)

 *****
I know the
World
doesn't celebrate 
Thanksgiving, but I still want to say, I hope everyone gets to spend today with someone they love. Happy Thanksgiving Everyone. This is,
Gobbling Down A Turkey Wing Jim Hauenstein
And
“After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations.” - Oscar Wilde -
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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Are You Going To Pay

Ah Twitter. Elon Musk's White Whale. Are you going to pay a monthly fee to stay on Twitter to help bail out another Billionaire? Oh wait, people already pay for $4.99 a month for Twitter Blue, which is going up to $7.99 a month now that Elon owns it. Blue is the verification method used to prove who you are. I guess auto-bots just don't have the cash to spend on their fake accounts.
And I really thought George Clooney was following me too!I think Jennifer can offer a little more insight than I.
 Jennifer Jolly Special to USA TODAY

I lost way too much of my life to the drama unfolding on Twitter this past week — heck, even just in the past hour. Nearly everything Elon Musk tweets out these days seems to raise my blood pressure — and my hackles. Some of it is immature bro-culture “jokes” that aren’t funny. Pro tip: When you have to point out that something’s “funny,” it’s not. There’s also a definite troll-vibe to a lot of what he’s putting out, like calling credible news sources “fake,” while tweeting — then later deleting — a horrific conspiracy theory about the brutal hammer attack on Paul Pelosi, husband of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Hate speech has skyrocketed on Twitter since Musk took the helm too. According to Bloomberg, there was a 1,300% increase in a racist slur shortly after the takeover. Where do we go from here? Trending hashtag #twittermigration points to a new crop of social media sites such as Mastodon, CounterSocial and Tumblr as places social seekers are starting to flock.

This is,The First Thing I Did Yesterday Was To Block Elon Musk On My Twitter Account
Jim Hauenstein And “If Republicans were willing to scrutinize billionaires *half* as much as they scrutinize people on food stamps, this country would be a much better place.”
- Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez - 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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Observing

    I have noticed that the older people get, the more conservative they are. I saw a quote today by Snoop Dog that read, (I'm paraphrasing) "On Nov. 9th we turn back the clocks. How about we turn the clocks back to a time when people told the truth and got along with each other."  See, this is what I mean. So many people think of their younger days as the good old days and they see today as nothing but lies, hatred, and violence. That's because we always like to forget the struggles of those times gone by and we no longer look forward to the future.
    I myself used to struggle with change. During the early 1990s, I noticed where I worked, people were being let go because they refused to change. So I created my own mantra that I would say to myself every morning or when I needed a positive lift during the day. "Change is good, Change is inevitable. Embrace change and you will never be left behind in life."
     I believe this is the reason I find beautiful music to listen to, from today's artists. I still listen the songs I grew up with, but I am also, always, looking for new music that I enjoy.

    I used to complain, but now I feel foolish. I miss her cold feet trying to get warm on my legs on mornings like today. Remembering little things like this brings a smile to my face though.
     I know no one will believe me, but when I took the "Real ID" test in California, I was marked wrong on a question I swear I answered correctly!     I have lived long enough to understand that "Big Business" warns the public about the upcoming inflation so they can layoff employees and raise prices for bigger profits and then go, "See, we told you inflation was coming." 
This is,Observing The World Around MeJim Hauenstein
And
“Writers have this schizophrenic ability to both participate in their lives and, at the same time, observe themselves participating in their lives.” - Edward Albee - That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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Be Kind To Everyone
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The Friday Before Halloween

 

It is the Friday beforeHalloweenwhen people who celebrate theDay Of The Deadbegin the ritual of scaring themselvesand their loved ones,with storiesand poetry of the macabre.I plan on reading theRavenbyEdgar Allen Poeout loud to the kids knocking at my door,watching all theTree House Of Horrorepisodes from theSimpsons,and covering my eyes when my grandson puts on the scariest flick he can find on
TV.If you are like me,reading terrifying storiesand poetry is far more entertaining to the mind then watching all the special effectsHollywoodcan cook up.So,for your weekend pleasure,here are some links to frightfulPoemsand scaryStories. Poetry*****
 Vegetarian ZombieThe Curse Of Being A Vampire1800 Aussie Ghost Story Stories*****A-L-I-V - A Short Story
Tic Toc Toc - A Horror Story The Refrigerator Hacker Kingfisher - A Flash Fiction Story And The Child They Love - A Flash Fiction Story Did It Hear Me - A Flash Fiction Story 21st Century Way of Talking to the Dead  This is,There Is Plenty More Where That Came From Under The Headings Of Poetry And Short Stories & Flash FictionJim Hauenstein And, “Eye of newt, and toe of frog, wool of bat, and tongue of dog,  adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting, lizard's leg, and owlet's wing.
For a charm of powerful trouble, like a hell-broth boil and bubble.
Double, double toil and trouble. Fire burn, and caldron bubble.”
- William Shakespeare - That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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Without Reservations

   I'm not a conservative and I've been told that I am far from it. I love new technologies and I believe in science. I believe it is only natural that the world keeps moving forward and is never stagnant or moves backwards.
   But here is where the "But" comes in. Like everyone in life, I miss some of the things I used to do, read, see, and hear. Like walking down the street with my pocket AM crystal radio waiting to hear the next Beatles' or Rolling Stones' song. Going to a Drive-In movie theater with a trunk full of my friends because we didn't have enough money to pay for everyone to get in. Seeing a live Stock Car race in person instead of playing GTA on my game console. And one of the biggest things I miss since I was little, is getting the Sunday newspaper and reading the funnies after I got home from church.   The good news is, the oldest newspaper company in the West is still printing the Santa Fe New Mexican paper and they have a wonderful cartoonist named Ricardo Caté.
This is,Saying You Really Need To Check Out His WorkHe Has Been Doing It Since 2006Jim Hauenstein
And  “It’s like, how did Columbus discover America when the Indians were already here? What kind of shit is that, but white people’s shit?” - Miles Davis -  That is my story and I am sticking to it! 
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I Quit Drinking Because There Are A Lot Of Scary Things Happening In October

     A lot of you might be thinking after reading the heading of this story that I might be some kind of alcoholic. Or, you could be thinking that I quit drinking because I now have cirrhosis of the liver because of too much vodka. These theories and any others you might be thinking of couldn't be further from the truth.
     It all started when I recently went to Wisconsin on vacation and I ended up getting lost in the deep woods.
     I wasn't afraid of wandering around in the forest not knowing exactly where I was because, as a youth, I was a Cub Scout. I knew that moss grew on the north side of rocks and on the lower part of tree trunks because direct sunlight will dry up the fragile plants. At night, the Northern Star is, well, always in the north. That swiftly moving water in streams is safer to drink than pools of stagnant puddles. I know how to identify poison ivy, poison oak, and poison sumac from pictures I saw in my Cub Scout book. And that all berries are not edible.
     So I was pretty sure I would find my way out of the dense woodland before I died of starvation or thirst. Besides, I had about five protein bars, two bottles of water, a blanket, and a pint of scotch in my backpack.
     What got me to relax, or put down my guard, was the beautiful red and orange sunset, gleaming through the branches of all the trees.
     The air was warm, birds were chirping, and crickets scratched their legs as I laid there watching the wonderful colors reflecting off the leaves.
     That is when I thought to myself, what would a couple of swigs from my bottle of whiskey hurt?
     A couple turned into three, then four, and then the whole bottle.
     I started stumbling in the dark, determined with a clouded mind, to find my way to civilization and get more booze. Foolishly, I didn't check my bearings with the North Star. I just kept wandering deeper into the woods.
     Finally, the alcohol took its toll on me. I laid down and went to sleep.
     It's when I woke up that I became frightened.
     The boughs and trunks of all the surrounding trees were curved in strange ways. A lot of them were toppled over by being uprooted. And the usual vibrant vegetation which covered the ground around those trees, was now dirt or thinning grassland.
     I started walking again, noticing there wasn't a sound except the rustling of leaves from a mild breeze.
     As the wind increased, the noise grew louder. Branches looked as if they were waving at me to hurry up, pointing in the direction I should go.
     The wind grew and the sound from the creaking trees told me I was in danger. I believe I heard tiny little voices talking about me.
     That alone told me that I should run.
     Gale force wind started breaking off branches and blowing over trees, as if the wind was throwing those limbs at me. On more than one occasion I had to dive out of the way of a pointed broken branch which was thrown in my direction or get skewered like a shish kabob.
      I feared for my life. The forest was alive and I felt like I did something to anger it.
      I ran and ran, as fast as I could. Suddenly, falling over an old log, rolling down a steep embankment, and landing in the middle of a paved road.
      Screeching wheels and the smell of burnt rubber stopped inches from my head. An old country gent quickly got out of his car and asked, "Are you all right?"
      I screamed, "The forest is alive and it's trying to kill me!"
      He started laughing, telling me, "You city folks are so damn funny. That's the drunken forest. These woods have a lot of groundwater beneath them, almost like a swamp, where the roots of the trees can't take a strong foothold. These woods are always moving, changing, and being uprooted with the slightest of
breeze."
      But I knew better. It was the fairies of the forest who tried to kill me, because I desecrated their sacred ground somehow. I vowed then and there that I would never drink again. Why risk the wrath of fairies who can manipulate trees or vegetation so they can extirpate me because of my obnoxious behavior!

This is,I Swear On The Bottle Of Scotch That I Drank That Day,That This Story Is Absolutely True!  You Would Believe It Too If You Were As Drunk As I WasJim Hauenstein
And

"I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?"   - John Lennon -

That is my story and I am sticking to it! 
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I would Love to hear from you
Thanks for reading Be kind to one another I'll be seeing you Okay, I made it all up, but fairies are real! 
 

I Quite Drinking Because There Are A Lot Of Scary Things Happening In October

     A lot of you might be thinking after reading the heading of this story that I might be some kind of alcoholic. Or, you could be thinking that I quit drinking because I now have cirrhosis of the liver because of too much vodka. These theories and any others you might be thinking of couldn't be further from the truth.
     It all started when I recently went to Wisconsin on vacation and I ended up getting lost in the deep woods.
     I wasn't afraid of wandering around in the forest not knowing exactly where I was because, as a youth, I was a Cub Scout. I knew that moss grew on the north side of rocks and on the lower part of tree trunks because direct sunlight will dry up the fragile plants. At night, the Northern Star is, well, always in the north. That swiftly moving water in streams is safer to drink than pools of stagnant puddles. I know how to identify poison ivy, poison oak, and poison sumac from pictures I saw in my Cub Scout book. And that all berries are not edible.
     So I was pretty sure I would find my way out of the dense woodland before I died of starvation or thirst. Besides, I had about five protein bars, two bottles of water, a blanket, and a pint of scotch in my backpack.
     What got me to relax, or put down my guard, was the beautiful red and orange sunset, gleaming through the branches of all the trees.
     The air was warm, birds were chirping, and crickets scratched their legs as I laid there watching the wonderful colors reflecting off the leaves.
     That is when I thought to myself, what would a couple of swigs from my bottle of whiskey hurt?
     A couple turned into three, then four, and then the whole bottle.
     I started stumbling in the dark, determined with a clouded mind, to find my way to civilization and get more booze. Foolishly, I didn't check my bearings with the North Star. I just kept wandering deeper into the woods.
     Finally, the alcohol took its toll on me. I laid down and went to sleep.
     It's when I woke up that I became frightened.
     The boughs and trunks of all the surrounding trees were curved in strange ways. A lot of them were toppled over by being uprooted. And the usual vibrant vegetation which covered the ground around those trees, was now dirt or thinning grassland.
     I started walking again, noticing there wasn't a sound except the rustling of leaves from a mild breeze.
     As the wind increased, the noise grew louder. Branches looked as if they were waving at me to hurry up, pointing in the direction I should go.
     The wind grew and the sound from the creaking trees told me I was in danger. I believe I heard tiny little voices talking about me.
     That alone told me that I should run.
     Gale force wind started breaking off branches and blowing over trees, as if the wind was throwing those limbs at me. On more than one occasion I had to dive out of the way of a pointed broken branch which was thrown in my direction or get skewered like a shish kabob.
      I feared for my life. The forest was alive and I felt like I did something to anger it.
      I ran and ran, as fast as I could. Suddenly, falling over an old log, rolling down a steep embankment, and landing in the middle of a paved road.
      Screeching wheels and the smell of burnt rubber stopped inches from my head. An old country gent quickly got out of his car and asked, "Are you all right?"
      I screamed, "The forest is alive and it's trying to kill me!"
      He started laughing, telling me, "You city folks are so damn funny. That's the drunken forest. These woods have a lot of groundwater beneath them, almost like a swamp, where the roots of the trees can't take a strong foothold. These woods are always moving, changing, and being uprooted with the slightest of
breeze."
      But I knew better. It was the fairies of the forest who tried to kill me, because I desecrated their sacred ground somehow. I vowed then and there that I would never drink again. Why risk the wrath of fairies who can manipulate trees or vegetation so they can extirpate me because of my obnoxious behavior!

This is,I Swear On The Bottle Of Scotch That I Drank That Day,That This Story Is Absolutely True!  You Would Believe It Too If Were As Drunk As I WasJim Hauenstein
And

"I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?"   - John Lennon -

That is my story and I am sticking to it! 
Like what you are reading?

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Thanks for reading Be kind to one another I'll be seeing you Okay, I made it all up, but fairies are real!