James Hauenstein's Blog, page 10
June 25, 2022
Since I Am Editing My New eBook
Since I am editing my new eBook,which will be coming out later this year,
you will have noticed big gaps in the dates that I have been posting on my blog.What I have been doing on my other social media sites is to post stories I have written in the past.I should have stated something sooner,here on my blog,so I wouldn't lose readers.Sorry about that.Here is the link to the story I will be posting on all my other media outlets today.
Is This Not Fantastic?
This is,Enjoying Editing My New eBookJim Hauenstein And “The nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pies were made in the interiors of collapsing stars. We are made of starstuff.”
- Carl Sagan - That is my story and I am sticking to it! Like what you are reading?Sign up as a Follower or Leave a Comment. I would Love to hear from You.
Thanks for reading. Be kind to everyone. I'll be seeing you
you will have noticed big gaps in the dates that I have been posting on my blog.What I have been doing on my other social media sites is to post stories I have written in the past.I should have stated something sooner,here on my blog,so I wouldn't lose readers.Sorry about that.Here is the link to the story I will be posting on all my other media outlets today.
Is This Not Fantastic?
This is,Enjoying Editing My New eBookJim Hauenstein And “The nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pies were made in the interiors of collapsing stars. We are made of starstuff.”
- Carl Sagan - That is my story and I am sticking to it! Like what you are reading?Sign up as a Follower or Leave a Comment. I would Love to hear from You.
Thanks for reading. Be kind to everyone. I'll be seeing you
June 21, 2022
Here Is A Taste Of My New Book Coming Out This Fall
News at Eleven
Words: 65,623
THE KING’S ENGLISH EDITION
Written by James Hauenstein
Edited by Mary Ellen Littmann
Illusion by James Hauenstein
Graded by Mary Ellen Littmann
Idea by James Hauenstein
Told to participate in Class by Mary Ellen Littmann
Hair by James Hauenstein
Teacher of the Month Honor Mary Ellen Littmann
Teeth Cleaning by James Hauenstein
Silver Medalist in the Luge Competition
Mary Ellen Littmann
Personal Hygiene by James Hauenstein
Her Name has been Changed to Protect the Innocent
Mary Ellen Littmann
PUBLISHED BY:
James Hauenstein on Papier-mache
Comma Hater Mary Ellen Littmann
Copyright © 2022 by James Hauenstein
All Royalties are going to Mary Ellen Littmann - Not!
Who is James Hauenstein,
and where did he find this Mary Ellen Littmann
This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
This book is a work of Fiction. The use of Historical Figures, Political Organizations, Religious Groups, Rock Groups, Medical Institutions, Topographical Locations and Events are not necessarily depicted accurately, but from the imagination of the Author. Any other resemblance to people used in this story, living or dead, or places, events, or locales is purely coincidental. All other characters, places, events, and locales are the product of the Author’s imagination and used fictitiously.
And
“The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.” - J. M. Barrie -
That is my story and I am sticking to it! Like what you are reading? Sign up as a Followeror leave a Comment.I would love to hear from you.
Thanks For Reading Be Kind To Everyone I'll Be Seeing You
June 3, 2022
Going To Self Publish A Novel
I have decided to self publish an eBook this Fall, (or Summer if I don't procrastinate), so I can dedicate it to my Wife who I miss dearly. While she was alive I was doing all the things you are supposed to do to get a book deal and be published professionally. I entered contests, tried to promote my writings on social media, and sent out query letters to a bunch of Literary Agents. I was doing this so I could prove to her that I could be published and that my writing wasn't just a waste of time. I enjoy doing it. But, alas, I was spending a lot of time writing. Time I could have spent with her. She believed in me though and always bragged about me to everyone she met. After she passed away, I lost all ambition to keep on writing. Yet, I woke up this morning thinking it would be a nice way of honoring her memory.
Our Anniversary is this monthand her Birthday is next month.I think it's time to honor you once again my dear.
This is,Thinking About You DailyJim Hauenstein
And,
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
- Lao Tzu - That is my story and I am sticking to it! Like what you are reading? Sign up as a Followeror leave a Comment.I would love to hear from you.
Thanks For Reading Be Kind To Everyone I'll Be Seeing You
Our Anniversary is this monthand her Birthday is next month.I think it's time to honor you once again my dear.This is,Thinking About You DailyJim Hauenstein
And,
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
- Lao Tzu - That is my story and I am sticking to it! Like what you are reading? Sign up as a Followeror leave a Comment.I would love to hear from you.
Thanks For Reading Be Kind To Everyone I'll Be Seeing You
May 21, 2022
Hades Fire & Brimstone Pizzeria
Bent over, with my eyes closed I say, "Oh man, I feel awful." I thought I was saying it out loud to myself, but then I heard a familiar voice answer me. "You look like shit too!" I press my eyes shut harder for a second. It's my ex-wife's voice and the way I'm feeling right now, I'm in no mood for her criticism. Sitting up, I open my eyes and I begin to say, "What are you doing...." Then, extreme sense of vertigo overwhelms me before I can finish. I bend over quickly, gagging like I'm going to vomit, but nothing comes out. Thank God. I can feel Olivia's condescending eyes looking down on me while she asks me, "Now your thanking God for the gifts he gives you?" Lifting my head, but still bent over, I slowly take in my surroundings. A little shocked I say, "How the hell did I get in here and where's my car?" "Unbelievable." is all she says.
As in so many moments from our past, I ignore her and angrily say in a hushed voice, "You have a lot of nerve kidnapping me and bringing me into a public place like this. Don't you think I'll call the police?" Now she's laughing so loud, the whole restaurant is looking at us. "You know how much I hate you when you're laughing at me. Now stop it!" I demand. She doesn't. More likely she won't. I check my pockets for my phone but it isn't there. "Bitch," I say so only she can here me. As Olivia begins to ramble on about this and that, I sit up straight to take a better look around since the feeling of vertigo has subsided. Also, because I can't stand the sound of that wretched woman's voice. As soon as I do, when I see the eyes of the other patrons who are staring at us because of her loud unreasonable voice, they quickly look away. Bending their heads down towards their food. They are all a bunch of peasants. What am I doing here? Why am I here? She better have a good explanation for all of this or I'll have her ass in jail. If only she would ever stop talking.
I know, by experience, that if I interrupt Olivia, she'll just get louder and louder. So I keep sizing up the establishment.
I must say it is a unique little diner. The walls, ceiling, and floors are all mirrors. Hence the vertigo I was feeling. The chandelier, doors, and counters are all mirrored. The table, chairs, plates, and utensils are all made out of reflective glass. I'm surprised how comfortable this chair is. In all this reflection, I must say, I'm looking pretty good right about now. I have my best Armani suit on. My hair is perfect, my cuff-links are diamond, and my last plastic surgeon was a master at his craft. My skin is blemish free and I don't look a day over thirty. I'm so handsome I bet everyone here wishes they were me. Now about these glass forks. I want to see if they shatter. I can't have one breaking off in my mouth. I could swallow some fragments and bleed to death. I need to do an experiment. Looking around, I act like I'm accidentally shoving a fork off the table. It clings and bounces a bit, but doesn't break. The noise though, brings a tall, skinny waiter running over to place a new fork besides my plate and pickup the one off the floor. I force a smile at him and shake my head as a thank you. "You couldn't say thank you out loud?" Olivia asks. The sound of her voice still irritates me so much I angrily ask her, "To the help?" "You'll never change," she tells me. "If you want to move on from this place, you better." "What does that mean?" I say with a smirk. "Are you threatening me?" Olivia looks shocked and sarcastically spits out, "Oh, would I threaten the great Robert Baron? The man who jokingly tells stories at parties how this man or that woman disappeared when they got in his way?" "Will you shut up!" I scream. "Do you want all these nobodies around here...." Before I can finish talking the skinny waiter plops down a cheese pizza between us and says, "Bon Appetit." I glare at him as I say, "I hate pizza. It's fattening. There is no nutritional value to it. Take this slop away from this table and bring me a fresh salad. Now!" The waiter doesn't move. "I said now!" "Settle down Robert." Olivia says calmly. "That's all they serve here." I stand up, straighten my jacket and say, "I hate pizza, I hate you, and I hate all these people staring at me. I'm leaving." I storm off to the mirrored front door, pushing it open, I walk on through. I feel vertigo once again. I'm back in the same diner with the same patrons, with my ex-wife sitting at the same table, with the same waiter behind the mirrored counter saying, "Welcome to Hades Fire & Brimstone Pizzeria sir. May your stay and our service be a living Hell."
This is,I actually wrote this over a three day period.Doing rewrites everyday until I thought it was at least presentable.Usually I write something quickly and post it right away because I'm always in a hurry.I post it with all the grammar and spelling errors.I think I fixed most of them this time.
I hope it was worth the wait.Let me know.Jim Hauenstein
And,
“Roses do not bloom hurriedly; for beauty, like any masterpiece, it takes time to blossom.”
- Matshona Dhliwayo - That is my story and I am sticking to it! Like what you are reading? Sign up as a Followeror leave a Comment.I would love to hear from you.
Thanks For Reading Be Kind To Everyone I'll Be Seeing You
As in so many moments from our past, I ignore her and angrily say in a hushed voice, "You have a lot of nerve kidnapping me and bringing me into a public place like this. Don't you think I'll call the police?" Now she's laughing so loud, the whole restaurant is looking at us. "You know how much I hate you when you're laughing at me. Now stop it!" I demand. She doesn't. More likely she won't. I check my pockets for my phone but it isn't there. "Bitch," I say so only she can here me. As Olivia begins to ramble on about this and that, I sit up straight to take a better look around since the feeling of vertigo has subsided. Also, because I can't stand the sound of that wretched woman's voice. As soon as I do, when I see the eyes of the other patrons who are staring at us because of her loud unreasonable voice, they quickly look away. Bending their heads down towards their food. They are all a bunch of peasants. What am I doing here? Why am I here? She better have a good explanation for all of this or I'll have her ass in jail. If only she would ever stop talking.
I know, by experience, that if I interrupt Olivia, she'll just get louder and louder. So I keep sizing up the establishment.
I must say it is a unique little diner. The walls, ceiling, and floors are all mirrors. Hence the vertigo I was feeling. The chandelier, doors, and counters are all mirrored. The table, chairs, plates, and utensils are all made out of reflective glass. I'm surprised how comfortable this chair is. In all this reflection, I must say, I'm looking pretty good right about now. I have my best Armani suit on. My hair is perfect, my cuff-links are diamond, and my last plastic surgeon was a master at his craft. My skin is blemish free and I don't look a day over thirty. I'm so handsome I bet everyone here wishes they were me. Now about these glass forks. I want to see if they shatter. I can't have one breaking off in my mouth. I could swallow some fragments and bleed to death. I need to do an experiment. Looking around, I act like I'm accidentally shoving a fork off the table. It clings and bounces a bit, but doesn't break. The noise though, brings a tall, skinny waiter running over to place a new fork besides my plate and pickup the one off the floor. I force a smile at him and shake my head as a thank you. "You couldn't say thank you out loud?" Olivia asks. The sound of her voice still irritates me so much I angrily ask her, "To the help?" "You'll never change," she tells me. "If you want to move on from this place, you better." "What does that mean?" I say with a smirk. "Are you threatening me?" Olivia looks shocked and sarcastically spits out, "Oh, would I threaten the great Robert Baron? The man who jokingly tells stories at parties how this man or that woman disappeared when they got in his way?" "Will you shut up!" I scream. "Do you want all these nobodies around here...." Before I can finish talking the skinny waiter plops down a cheese pizza between us and says, "Bon Appetit." I glare at him as I say, "I hate pizza. It's fattening. There is no nutritional value to it. Take this slop away from this table and bring me a fresh salad. Now!" The waiter doesn't move. "I said now!" "Settle down Robert." Olivia says calmly. "That's all they serve here." I stand up, straighten my jacket and say, "I hate pizza, I hate you, and I hate all these people staring at me. I'm leaving." I storm off to the mirrored front door, pushing it open, I walk on through. I feel vertigo once again. I'm back in the same diner with the same patrons, with my ex-wife sitting at the same table, with the same waiter behind the mirrored counter saying, "Welcome to Hades Fire & Brimstone Pizzeria sir. May your stay and our service be a living Hell."
This is,I actually wrote this over a three day period.Doing rewrites everyday until I thought it was at least presentable.Usually I write something quickly and post it right away because I'm always in a hurry.I post it with all the grammar and spelling errors.I think I fixed most of them this time.
I hope it was worth the wait.Let me know.Jim Hauenstein
And,
“Roses do not bloom hurriedly; for beauty, like any masterpiece, it takes time to blossom.”
- Matshona Dhliwayo - That is my story and I am sticking to it! Like what you are reading? Sign up as a Followeror leave a Comment.I would love to hear from you.
Thanks For Reading Be Kind To Everyone I'll Be Seeing You
May 17, 2022
Like I Said Before
Things Happen.Life happens.It's how I deal with it now that shows how far along I have come in life.Enough about me though.*****What I want to announce is a new feature added to
Medium.You can follow the link above to get to myMediumsite,or copy & pastehttps://medium.com/@twobuckhowie
into your address bar
and you'll find the same posts as I have here on myBlog.But the feature thatMediumhas me excited about that my other sites don't have is anaudio reader.This feature on many websites is used for the visually impairedbut it can also be used by people who are too busy to take the time to read an articleor story.So just go to my page,click on a story you would like to listen toand click on the green"Listen"word if you are on your computeror click on the the right arrow surrounded by a circle if you are on your phone.(Don't ask me how to do it on eReaders or Tablets because I don't have either.)
That's all it takes to hear what I have written.
Not all of the stuff I have written over the years is on myMedium Pageyetbut I'm planning on putting up a lot more soon!I can assure you that I'll have a lot more to write about over the coming years too!
So if you likeMusic Videos,Poetry,Novellas,Flash Fiction,True Life Stories,Humor,
or just plan oldObservational Critiques On The Human Conditionfrom a guy who is very opinionated about everything,come to myBlogat least four times a weekor listen to them on myMedium Webpage.
This isn't over yet!I have a couple of stories in the works right now
and I can't wait to get your opinions about themJim Hauenstein If you have a hard time going to sleep you could always listen to one of my horror stories or poetry to help you doze off😈
And,
“Someone needs to buy a radio station, then play nothing but audio books, with a different genre of book played at set times. That way we can always have something new to read, no matter where we are.” - Shana Chartier - That is my story and I am sticking to it! Like what you are reading? Sign up as a Followeror leave a CommentIf it's worthy enoughI'll answer you in a Post
Thanks for reading
Be Kind To Everyone
Medium.You can follow the link above to get to myMediumsite,or copy & pastehttps://medium.com/@twobuckhowie
into your address bar
and you'll find the same posts as I have here on myBlog.But the feature thatMediumhas me excited about that my other sites don't have is anaudio reader.This feature on many websites is used for the visually impairedbut it can also be used by people who are too busy to take the time to read an articleor story.So just go to my page,click on a story you would like to listen toand click on the green"Listen"word if you are on your computeror click on the the right arrow surrounded by a circle if you are on your phone.(Don't ask me how to do it on eReaders or Tablets because I don't have either.)
That's all it takes to hear what I have written.
Not all of the stuff I have written over the years is on myMedium Pageyetbut I'm planning on putting up a lot more soon!I can assure you that I'll have a lot more to write about over the coming years too!
So if you likeMusic Videos,Poetry,Novellas,Flash Fiction,True Life Stories,Humor,
or just plan oldObservational Critiques On The Human Conditionfrom a guy who is very opinionated about everything,come to myBlogat least four times a weekor listen to them on myMedium Webpage.
This isn't over yet!I have a couple of stories in the works right now
and I can't wait to get your opinions about themJim Hauenstein If you have a hard time going to sleep you could always listen to one of my horror stories or poetry to help you doze off😈
And,
“Someone needs to buy a radio station, then play nothing but audio books, with a different genre of book played at set times. That way we can always have something new to read, no matter where we are.” - Shana Chartier - That is my story and I am sticking to it! Like what you are reading? Sign up as a Followeror leave a CommentIf it's worthy enoughI'll answer you in a Post
Thanks for reading
Be Kind To Everyone
May 11, 2022
Things Happen
Yes,things happen in life when you least expect them.Going to get some more tests done today so I hope to be upand running (or typing) as soon as possible.Wish me luck!
The glare you see is actually my leg.I don't tan.I'm as white as can be.My wife had all the beautiful color.This is,
Getting The Itch To Start Writing AgainJim Hauenstein
And,
“Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you'll die of a misprint.”
- Markus Herz -
That is my story and I am sticking to it! Like what you are reading? Sign up as a Followeror leave a CommentIf it's worthy enoughI'll answer you in a Post
Thanks for reading
Be Kind To Everyone
The glare you see is actually my leg.I don't tan.I'm as white as can be.My wife had all the beautiful color.This is,Getting The Itch To Start Writing AgainJim Hauenstein
And,
“Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you'll die of a misprint.”
- Markus Herz -
That is my story and I am sticking to it! Like what you are reading? Sign up as a Followeror leave a CommentIf it's worthy enoughI'll answer you in a Post
Thanks for reading
Be Kind To Everyone
May 7, 2022
A Really Good Husband, Father, and Friend
I've been away for awhile because a tragedy has befallen my family once again. Bob was my son-in-law. He was a wonderful husband to my daughter and had four beautiful children with her. He worked hard so he could provide a good home for them all. Everyone who met Bob liked him. From his coworkers, his bosses, neighbors, friends, family, to the clerk at the grocery store. He was quick with his smile and his eyes showed how he cared about people. He always tried to be the best person he could be on a daily basis. I'm not just saying this because he was my son-in-law. I know, by experience, how hard it is, to try and be that person everyday. He was and will always be that guy that everyone wish they knew. A really good husband, father, and friend.Just an all around good person.
He was taken from us way too soon!
I love you Boband miss you so much.Dad
He was taken from us way too soon!I love you Boband miss you so much.Dad
April 4, 2022
Client A
Dear Doctor Elisabeth Cress Saadawi, I'm sending you this email to discuss the strangest case I have ever come across in my 22 years as a psychiatrist. A few days ago Client A, which he will be referred to throughout our correspondence because of the doctor/patient confidentiality laws, came to my office without an appointment. Immediately, my receptionist felt threatened by his behavior and called security and myself. After questioning him with security standing by, I had this feeling that his mind kept going in and out of focus. Not like he couldn't hold a conversation, his mind was sharp. It was like his mind was registering so many different stimuli at the same time. I know that is not a very clear diagnosis of the individual, it is very early in his care, but this was the first impression I had of him. As I get a clearer picture on his condition I'll relay that information to you.
I didn't ask him to leave right away, or have him sent to the county Mental Health facility because another patient in the waiting room started asking Client A if he would sign his autograph on a piece a paper for her because her daughter was a big fan. Knowing my receptionist, I looked over to her to see if she had searched the person on the internet and if it was really the celebrity in question. She shook her head yes. With the help of the security guard, I escorted the gentleman into one of the smaller waiting rooms in case he did become unruly while I finished with a patient I still had sitting in my office before the interruption. My other client, who's appointment was next, was completely happy to reschedule after Client A scribble his name on a piece of paper for her. She told me that his signature could be the thing that helps builds a better relationship with her estranged daughter. Of course I told her not to have too high of expectation. That if it didn't go as well as she expected, she doesn't sink into deep depression again about their fractured relationship. If it does help though, appreciate the moment for what it is and we'll talk about it at our next session. At least now I had an hour to see what Client A wanted and if I could help him. After our first session we agreed to start off with weekly visits. Although he stated he would pay extra if he could see me more often, but we settled on weekly appointments after I explained how I have other patients I need to see. I offered to see if you had room in your schedule but he declined saying that you're not in his time line. I know it might sound like a typical paranoid schizophrenic but after one meeting I feel it might be more than that. I'll update you next week after our session together. Your Friend Viktor Adler P.S. I forgot to mention that I immediately sent him to a clinic to be drug tested or I wouldn't see him. He said he knew I would. So if it comes back positive, the strange case of Client A will be easily explained away and I apologize ahead of time for wasting your time.
This is,Not My BrainBut This Is My Newest Fiction StoryJim Hauenstein
And,More to come if Client A makes his weekly visits on time
“In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.”
- Johnny Carson - That is my story and I am sticking to it! Like what you are reading? Sign up as a Followeror leave a CommentIf it's worthy enoughI'll answer you in a Post
Thanks for reading
Be Kind To Everyone
I'll Be Seeing You
I didn't ask him to leave right away, or have him sent to the county Mental Health facility because another patient in the waiting room started asking Client A if he would sign his autograph on a piece a paper for her because her daughter was a big fan. Knowing my receptionist, I looked over to her to see if she had searched the person on the internet and if it was really the celebrity in question. She shook her head yes. With the help of the security guard, I escorted the gentleman into one of the smaller waiting rooms in case he did become unruly while I finished with a patient I still had sitting in my office before the interruption. My other client, who's appointment was next, was completely happy to reschedule after Client A scribble his name on a piece of paper for her. She told me that his signature could be the thing that helps builds a better relationship with her estranged daughter. Of course I told her not to have too high of expectation. That if it didn't go as well as she expected, she doesn't sink into deep depression again about their fractured relationship. If it does help though, appreciate the moment for what it is and we'll talk about it at our next session. At least now I had an hour to see what Client A wanted and if I could help him. After our first session we agreed to start off with weekly visits. Although he stated he would pay extra if he could see me more often, but we settled on weekly appointments after I explained how I have other patients I need to see. I offered to see if you had room in your schedule but he declined saying that you're not in his time line. I know it might sound like a typical paranoid schizophrenic but after one meeting I feel it might be more than that. I'll update you next week after our session together. Your Friend Viktor Adler P.S. I forgot to mention that I immediately sent him to a clinic to be drug tested or I wouldn't see him. He said he knew I would. So if it comes back positive, the strange case of Client A will be easily explained away and I apologize ahead of time for wasting your time.
This is,Not My BrainBut This Is My Newest Fiction StoryJim Hauenstein
And,More to come if Client A makes his weekly visits on time
“In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.”
- Johnny Carson - That is my story and I am sticking to it! Like what you are reading? Sign up as a Followeror leave a CommentIf it's worthy enoughI'll answer you in a Post
Thanks for reading
Be Kind To Everyone
I'll Be Seeing You
March 28, 2022
Went To See My Doctor
I did go see my Doctor today so I didn't have to write a Post.From September 6th, 2016 a story calledDid Know That Some Institutions Will Let You Write Things Down about seeing my doctor.*****
I went to see my Doctor today, and she said, "If you don't want to lose your job, lose your family, and start living a normal life, quite with the Frigga-trisk-aide-kaphobia!" Stunned, I said, "Doc! You don't have to be vulgar about it." You see, she is originally from the Philippines so sometimes her pronunciation of certain medical terminology is elongated.
"Jim. Why did you come in here to see me today?" She asked with a lot of frustration in her voice. "Well Doc. It only happened to me once this year." I was trying to act cool about it. Like, what happened to me was normal. "Back in May, I was drying off from my morning shower, when I heard on the radio the most frightening four words I have ever heard." Interrupting, she says, "I really think you need to see a Psychologist." My eyes widened. I was stunned. "No, Doc please." I started pleading.
With as much earnest appeal as I could muster, I told her, "I trust you Doc. Just hear me out, please?" She pauses for a moment, looks me squarely in the eyes and asks,"Are you paid up with all of your medical bills I've sent you?" I replied, "Of course I am Doc." I lied.
"OK Jim. You can go right ahead then." So I tell her in detail how I ran screaming from my house that day in May butt naked. Running past a group of children waiting for a school bus. Luckily for the children, unluckily for me, a motorcycle cop was driving by at that very moment. Without going into too much detail, after a night in jail, I woke up normal. I was released on a bond and told to appear in court on such and such day! "What is wrong with me Doc?" With all the fake sympathy she could muster up, my Doc tells me, "You have a form of Trisk-aide-kaphobia!" Not looking very intelligent at that moment, I ask. "What?" "You have Para-skevide-katria-phobia!" She says. Hoping I understand now. Untelligently I repeat, "What?" "You are afraid of FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH!" She yells in my face. "That's it?" I ask. "I can beat that little phobia." With a little smirk on her face, my Doctor tells me, "Jim. Because you postponed your court date so often, it is now on January 13th, 2017? That is on a Friday!" With that, I run out of her office, screaming all the way down the street, ripping all my clothes off. I am sure that the last thing I heard, before leaving her office was, "Call 911. There is a nut running around outside with no clothes on!"
This is,This Institution Is Letting Me Write Things Down On Paper With A Crayon, Jim Hauenstein,
And,
“If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.” - Groucho Marx -
That is my story and I am sticking to it! Like what you are reading? Sign up as a Followeror leave a CommentIf it's worthy enoughI'll answer you in a Post
Thanks for reading
Be Kind To Everyone
I'll Be Seeing You
I went to see my Doctor today, and she said, "If you don't want to lose your job, lose your family, and start living a normal life, quite with the Frigga-trisk-aide-kaphobia!" Stunned, I said, "Doc! You don't have to be vulgar about it." You see, she is originally from the Philippines so sometimes her pronunciation of certain medical terminology is elongated.
"Jim. Why did you come in here to see me today?" She asked with a lot of frustration in her voice. "Well Doc. It only happened to me once this year." I was trying to act cool about it. Like, what happened to me was normal. "Back in May, I was drying off from my morning shower, when I heard on the radio the most frightening four words I have ever heard." Interrupting, she says, "I really think you need to see a Psychologist." My eyes widened. I was stunned. "No, Doc please." I started pleading.
With as much earnest appeal as I could muster, I told her, "I trust you Doc. Just hear me out, please?" She pauses for a moment, looks me squarely in the eyes and asks,"Are you paid up with all of your medical bills I've sent you?" I replied, "Of course I am Doc." I lied.
"OK Jim. You can go right ahead then." So I tell her in detail how I ran screaming from my house that day in May butt naked. Running past a group of children waiting for a school bus. Luckily for the children, unluckily for me, a motorcycle cop was driving by at that very moment. Without going into too much detail, after a night in jail, I woke up normal. I was released on a bond and told to appear in court on such and such day! "What is wrong with me Doc?" With all the fake sympathy she could muster up, my Doc tells me, "You have a form of Trisk-aide-kaphobia!" Not looking very intelligent at that moment, I ask. "What?" "You have Para-skevide-katria-phobia!" She says. Hoping I understand now. Untelligently I repeat, "What?" "You are afraid of FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH!" She yells in my face. "That's it?" I ask. "I can beat that little phobia." With a little smirk on her face, my Doctor tells me, "Jim. Because you postponed your court date so often, it is now on January 13th, 2017? That is on a Friday!" With that, I run out of her office, screaming all the way down the street, ripping all my clothes off. I am sure that the last thing I heard, before leaving her office was, "Call 911. There is a nut running around outside with no clothes on!"
This is,This Institution Is Letting Me Write Things Down On Paper With A Crayon, Jim Hauenstein,And,
“If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.” - Groucho Marx -
That is my story and I am sticking to it! Like what you are reading? Sign up as a Followeror leave a CommentIf it's worthy enoughI'll answer you in a Post
Thanks for reading
Be Kind To Everyone
I'll Be Seeing You
March 24, 2022
The Verity Of My Genuineness
"I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. We know things are bad — worse than bad. They're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out anymore. Well, I'm not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get MAD! I'm a human being, god-dammit! My life has value!
I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!
The whole world's people are becoming mass-produced, programmed, numbered, insensate things.
I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"
- Howard Beale - From the 1976 Movie Network.
So,you might be asking,why did I quoteHoward Beale?Because,I'm Mad As Hell, And I'm Not Going To Take This Anymore!People close to me have accused me of writing like I use aThesaurusall the time.You know,like aReference Book,Terminology Book,Source Book, for theTreasury Of Words I use.(These are all books I do own)
But I am here to help you understand myVerity.They say the words I write have noVerisimilitudeto them.NoGenuineness.IHanker you toPostulatethat myVerbiageis from myHeart,Soul,andMind,just like any Sermonizer!
This is,Telling You That One Of The Meanings Of Insensate Is;Without Human feeling or Sensitivity.Look It Up.It's OnDictionary.comRight Next Door ToThesaurus.com.Which I Never Use Because I Read So MuchJim Hauenstein
And,
“From whomsoever one hears anything, it is wisdom to understand the true import of it.”
- Thiruvalluvar Thirukkural -
See!Now That Guy Knows What I'm Talking About!
That is my story and I am sticking to it! Like what you are reading? Sign up as a Followeror leave a CommentIf it's worthy enoughI'll answer you in a Post
Thanks for reading
Be Kind To Everyone
I'll Be Seeing You
So,you might be asking,why did I quoteHoward Beale?Because,I'm Mad As Hell, And I'm Not Going To Take This Anymore!People close to me have accused me of writing like I use aThesaurusall the time.You know,like aReference Book,Terminology Book,Source Book, for theTreasury Of Words I use.(These are all books I do own) But I am here to help you understand myVerity.They say the words I write have noVerisimilitudeto them.NoGenuineness.IHanker you toPostulatethat myVerbiageis from myHeart,Soul,andMind,just like any Sermonizer!
This is,Telling You That One Of The Meanings Of Insensate Is;Without Human feeling or Sensitivity.Look It Up.It's OnDictionary.comRight Next Door ToThesaurus.com.Which I Never Use Because I Read So MuchJim Hauenstein
And,
“From whomsoever one hears anything, it is wisdom to understand the true import of it.”
- Thiruvalluvar Thirukkural -
See!Now That Guy Knows What I'm Talking About!
That is my story and I am sticking to it! Like what you are reading? Sign up as a Followeror leave a CommentIf it's worthy enoughI'll answer you in a Post
Thanks for reading
Be Kind To Everyone
I'll Be Seeing You
