James Hauenstein's Blog, page 12

Professor Boris Says Ghosts Are Real

    My name is Professor Boris Kamara Rakoczy. Professor Boris for short. I am head of Supernatural Studies at the Eötvös Loránd University in Hungary. A prestigious Paranormal Research University based in Budapest since 1635. Being a non-believer of the supernatural myself and studying the phenomenon of the paranormal is a double edge sword, even in today's world. You would think by now that even the most rural of Hungarian would be educated enough to stop believing in such fantasy creatures like Vampires, Witches, or Ghosts. But then I would be out of a job.
   I no longer teach the history and folklore of the old Hungarian culture at the school. My job now consists mostly of debunking what people believe are haunting them. My grant money is paid directly to the University by the Hungarian Government to finally put an end to Witch burning, ritual Vampire burials, and Ghostly visitations. Bringing the Hungarian people into the 19th Century instead of our countrymen believing in the 16th Century folklore.
   It is easy to stop a village from burning a suspected Witch if I reach the crime scene in time. I can prove that the mass hysteria the villagers are experiencing over seeing flying creatures is due to the town's Baker. Scrapping off the mold from his old bread does not completely clean the bread. What the Baker does not know is, the colorful mold he sees on the surface of food is just the tip of what is going on inside. He is trying to make a profit and the villagers pay by their hallucinations.
   When one of the many elderly secluded backwoodsmen apparently die suddenly and there is a rash of children waking up in the morning with small looking bite marks afterwards, it is not because the woodsman is rising from the grave in the middle of the night to feed on sleeping kids. I can prove that bed bugs are passed along through the school system from one child to the next.
   As far as phantom spirits go, it could be something as simple as having great eyesight on a very clear and bright day and a person sees for the first time the little microbes swimming on the fluid covering their eyes. Before microscopes, people were actually executed for seeing these microbes on their eyeballs.
   Ghost are usually the easiest to debunk with the local villagers.
   But not this time.
   I saw one myself!
   I am in the town of Kiskunfélegyháza where I have witnessed my first true sighting.
   My mentor, Professor Liechtenstein, told me he witnessed a ghost phenomenon back when he first started. He said the only way someone has ever seen a real ghost is by the lack of clothing on the specter.
   We have all seen the pictures of supposed ghost, the way movies depict ghost, and the way writers describe a ghost to their readers. But according to Professor Liechtenstein, the clothing a person dies in does not pass on to the next realm with the deceased. When we die, our spirit leaves behind all worldly possessions.
   So it was quite the shock when I saw a female strolling along the river in her birthday suite.
   I do not know what I am going to say to my superiors. They will think I have gone mad.
   My next step is to track the specter the first chance I get and see where it leads me.
   I will continue this correspondence once I have further evidence.

This is,Professor Boris Kamara Rakoczy Telling You To Stay Tuned

 And,
“Of all ghosts the ghosts of our old loves are the worst.”
- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle -

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How I Got Married

   I got married the old fashion way. There was alcohol and a shotgun involved. Wait, no shotgun. Her father liked me and always new I would do the right thing even though I never knew that I would.   It all started when I was a wee little boy. Wait again, that's too far back and I'm not even Scottish.   The truth is, my future soulmate one day came to me and said, "I'm pregnant." And me being the most outstanding righteous person that I was at the time replied, "I'll support you and the baby for the rest of my life."   You see, up until this point I had been a life long bachelor and at the age of 36 years old figured that my chance at a happy marriage had passed me by. Plus, I drank too much.   My soulmate had a different idea.   She told me later that she knew I would be a good provider for a family. She was a widower with three children and I was already helping out.   Yet the thought of marriage scared me.   Well, when my honey was 8 months pregnant, we decided to take a trip to Las Vegas for a week with my roommate and his girlfriend.   Unbeknownst to me my girlfriend, roommate, and his girlfriend had a plan. It began with funneling me with a lot of alcohol the second night of our stay. I had already told my wife to be that I loved her many times and I was with my drinking buddy so I was having a good time with our little group. Besides, it was Vegas.   About 3am my girlfriend, my friend, and his girlfriend started telling me that, "We should have a double wedding!"   I was in such a good mood that I said, "Sure." thinking that we'll all pass out before we are able to get a marriage licenses.   They new, but I didn't, that you can get a license 24/7 in Vegas!   After my friend and I finished standing in line I thought both of us had marriage certificates, as Las Vegas used to call them. As soon as the Chapel Of The Bells opened up in the morning the four of us were there to walk in. My friend said that I and Julieta, my future wife, should go first and him and his girlfriend would be the witnesses for our wedding and then we could do the same for theirs. After the Blind Pastor said,"You may kiss the bride." we all went to the first casino we could and celebrated the rest of the night!   Yes, Julieta and I were the only ones to be married that day out of our little group and I didn't realize it until the next day. Those three had planned the whole thing including going to Vegas and our first child together was born in wedlock. But I got the last laugh because I got to spend 28 wonderful years with the woman I loved! Don't even think about commenting on my smile,my hair,or my clothes. This is,Julieta Loved MeAnd We Raised Seven Beautiful Children Together
Jim Hauenstein And, “There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.”
- Sarah Dessen - That is my story and I am sticking to it! Like what you are reading? Sign up as a Followeror leave a CommentIf it's worthy enoughI'll answer you in a Post
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It's Valentine's Day

Well it'sValentine's Day."Valentine's Day, also called Saint Valentine's Day or the Feast of Saint Valentine, is celebrated annually on February 14. It originated as a Western Christian feast day honoring one or two early saints named Valentinus. Valentine's Day is recognized as a significant cultural, religious, and commercial celebration of romance and romantic love in many regions around the world, although it is not a public holiday in any country." - Wikipedia -
Here is myValentine"s Day Cardfor my beloved. It has the poem I wrote forValentine's Dayand theMusicI put the words toand theVideoI made for it.(Sorry, I am not the singer since I wrote the music when I was in a Rock Band. But it is from me.) This is,Not Wanting To Keep You Away From Your Loved OnesJim Hauenstein,https://youtu.be/wL28tfdlwvM
And,

“Valentine's Day is the poet's holiday.”
- Ted Kooser -

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Bringing Humor Back Into The Equation

It isFriday,here in my part of theWorld.A day in which we like to get our groove on.That was not always the case in my life.You see I grew up with anIrish Catholic Mother.And she wanted me to become aPriest.I went to aCatholic Grade Schooluntil8th Grade.I went toChurch,as anAlter Boysix days a weekand onSaturdays,I had Catechism.InHigh School,because of my beautifulHigh School Sweetheart,I discoveredSex!After that,can you imagine the double slap in the face I would have received if I had become aPriest?First,I would have had to give up sex,and second,I would have had to listen to everyone else talk about their infidelity in theConfessional Booth!*****
Raising seven kids,I was often asked if I had a favorite child.I would answer,"Of course I did! It was the one I never had to worry about doing drugs or drinking alcohol while growing up. Had perfect attendance in school and got straight A's in every class. Polite to elders all the time and always willing to help out when asked.""Wow!"they would say and then ask me which one was it?I would tell them,"It's my neighbor's kid!"*****
Why can't you hear aPterodactylgoing to theBathroom?Because thePis silent!
No,I am not above childish humor. This is,Hoping I Started Your Weekend Off With A Good Laugh,Jim Hauenstein,
And,
“Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
-Paul Terry -
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Electric Dave Peddling His Music

I have been having a hard time trying to think of something to write aboutbut sometimes you just need a little help from your friends.Electric Dave sent me a link toGearNewswhere they talk about the newRainger FX Minibar - Liquid Analyser!"The Minibar is a liquid analyser pedal, a truly revolutionary stompbox that uses the properties of a liquid to decide the sound of your guitar!" Of course they demonstrate it using alcohol.I don't want to be aDoubting Thomashere,but wouldn't it sound better with non-alcohol beverages?It seems like a waist of good booze. This is,I am not endorsing the product or do I get paid to advertising the productBut I really do Like the idea of itJim Hauenstein And, “I spent a lot of money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.”
- George Best - That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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One Year Later

I know I haven't been writing lately.This is a bad time of the year for me.It's the one year anniversary of my wife's passing.To me she was the most beautiful woman in the world.She loved me for all of my qualitiesand forgave me for all of my faults.Love you Honey. This is,I Miss HerJim Hauenstein And, “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
― Lao Tzu That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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Teenage Life

After watching a college basketball game,I started thinking about my youth.My junior year of high school to be exact.Where the living was simple,if you can get by the teenage angst everyone goes through.I had my moments,but every kid goes through it,because it's a right of passage you have to take.Here is my depiction of life as a junior in high school back inSouth Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
Long hair,muddy boots.Tied dyed shirt,getting dirty looks.
No job,but still in school.No car,walking is cool.
Use the fingers,free cigarettes.Five finger discount,You can't have any regrets.
Please sir,buy me some beer.No Officer,I'm not lingering here.
Raid gardens at night,when I'm really hungry.After toking a pipe,  I have no money.
Teenage living,in hell or high water.Ring the bell,"Hi, I'm here for your daughter."
This is,See,Life Is Always As FunOr As DifficultAs You Like To Make It.Jim Hauenstein,
“Being classy is my teenage rebellion.”
- Rebecca McKinsey -  That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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Remodeling My Life To The Way I Like It

I Have Finished My Remodeling!Yippee!Let me rephrase that.I am almost finished.Well,maybe not almost.Let's just say,I have finished the project I set out to do but that has led me to the realization that other parts of the house needs revitalization too!So I'm taking comfort in the teachings of Lao Tzu.He tells us that,"The journey of remodeling a home begins with that first step!"or something like that I think.[image error]
So if the average person takes 7,500 steps a day,that's a lot of remodeling I can get done.
But will I ever be done?On the brighter side the value of my house just went up.I hope.[image error]
Since I've finished my project I can go back to what I like to do everyday.Walk a couple miles in the morning,eat,read a little,eat,blog,eat,play games on my phone,eat,
watch some TV,eat,take a nap,eat,and I do this all before 5pm.
 

This is,Living My BestAnd Healthiest LifeJim Hauenstein And, "Well, I like to eat, sleep, drink, and be in love."
- Langston Hughes -  
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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Dad Jokes Never Grow Old For Me

 

  I have a large family.Seven kids  fourteen grand-kids,and two great grandchildren.
You have to have humor in yourand their lives to keep everyone happy.Especially on those cold rainyor snowy days when everyone is inside the house getting on each others nerves.Oh,by the way,we have had almost all of those stick figure animals as pets over the years,except for the pigand the dog.Yes,we had a chicken as a pet.Back to my point,Humor.I have prided myself over the years as the"Corny Joke King."So you are in for a wonderful treat this evening. This first one I texted to my fourth oldest daughter.
How do you tell if a Vampire is sick?
He is always coffin.

Here are three I recently heardand really like;
How do Mountains hear?They use Mountaineers.
What does a fish say when he hits a wall?Dam.
Where does a pretzel go on vacation?Pretzelvania.
I won't subject you to much more of this.It isTuesday
and I am sure you are looking for ways to finish off your week on the right foot.Unless you are left footed.
What do you call the opposite of a hot pepper?A little chili.
Music Notes were all fighting along the staff lines. Two Half-notes threw punches at a Whole-note, but missed. One of them quickly says, "Hey Doe, Ray and Me don't want any treble!
What do you call a singing laptop?A Dell. (Get it? Adele!)
Oh,come on?Laugh already.
This is,Have You Ever Heard The Group Cellophane?They Mostly Wrap!Jim Hauenstein,
And,
“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx, -
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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Remodeling

Hi everyone.Have you ever tried to do some remodeling inside a home?If you are like me,first you watch instruction videos onYouTube,then you watch the help videos offered by the hardware store you bought your hardware from,and finally you read the instructions thoroughly.My project was supposed to take an hour & a half to complete from start to finish.I started onWednesdayand it isFridayand I am still not finished!I'm taking time out to post something todayand release all my frustration!Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!Okay,that feels better.What all those videosand instructions forget to mention is the fact that they are doing the work in ideal conditions.Where nothing can go wrong,nothing needs to be replaced,and if it does,you already have the right tool for the job.Oh,and don't forget you will need to paint the walls once you see all the dirtand grim on them before you put in your new hardware.$#!T
Well,new toilets won't bolt down themselves you know.*****American Football Playoffsstart this weekendand I don't really have a favorite team to win it all. GO PACKERS! This is,I'm Going To Finish By TomorrowI HopeJim HauensteinAnd,
“The secret to getting ahead is getting started.”
- Mark Twain - That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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