James Hauenstein's Blog, page 6

My Life So Far

Born,Love, Wonder, Feel

Taste,Cry, Laugh, Meet

Siblings,Play, Run, Talk

School,Away, Shy, Afraid

Friends,Awkward, Teachers, Lessons

Discover,Introvert, Girls, Immature

Music,Reading, Imagine, Enlighten

Move,Breakup, Use, Heartache

Rebel,Consort, Grad, Destructive

Work,Money, Travel, Explore

Musician,Reader, Poet, Writer

Split,Anger, Quit, Relocate

Employed,Encounter, Smile, Marry

Kids,House, Family, Home

Promotion,Recession, Retire, Bereavement

Writing,Hobby, Blogging, Fun

Novellas,Poetry, Fiction, Novels

Author...

This is,My Life In A Poem So FarJim Hauenstein And “I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” - Douglas Adams - That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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Thank You

The sales of my bookA Stop In Harmony is doing really well.So well that I'm getting 25 copies sent to me so I can autograph them at potential"Book Signings"in my local book stores.Thank you readers.If it comes to fruition I will notify everyone whenand where,here on my blog.Or I will be handing them out to the people who have helped me over the years.
 I know the initial sales are always friendsand relatives with the occasional curiosity buyers.What I am hoping for is the grassroots word of mouth sales.Where readers tell other readers that my book is worth purchasing. If anyone does buy it on one of the different online book services, please rateand review it from the site you purchased it on.Hopefully you will give me a positive reviewand rating.It helps other readers find my book if you do.Thank You All This is,Humbled By This ExperienceAnd A Whole Lot Of Fun
Jim Hauenstein And “I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library.”
- Jorge Luis Borges -  That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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Thanks for reading Be kind to everyone I'll be seeing you    Please support me and all independent authors by purchasing a copy for each person interested in reading any work by an independent writer.   These are not profitable projects by independent authors, so any money accrued is used for publishing expenses and future projects.   Thank you for respecting the hard work of all independent authors. 

No Return Address

No Return Addressis the first book I wrote and released back in 2012.You might be asking yourself why it would take me so long to get my second book published.A Stop In Harmony
Because literary agentsand publishers are always looking for the latest trends with readers.Sometimes you hit it right on the noseand then sometimes you get good feedback from agents but a pandemic happensand everyone and their sister are writing the next great novel.

No Return Addressonly comes as aneBookthat you can purchase at the low price of99 centsfrom these fine establishments.Barnes & NobleApple Books Rakuten koboandSmashwordsmy first publisher.*****The book was written during a time when kids were taught how to write cursive,learn to sign their name,and fill out an envelope.So some young adults today reading the book might not know where you would put a return address on an envelopeand why there would be a post mark stating thePost Officewhere it was processedand the date.Those things usually are not on junk mail.*****The story is written as an"Epistolary Novel."Where a serial killer confides to an old friend about the things he has done wrong.Perfect for people who loveMysteries/Suspense/CrimeStories. This is,Timing Is EverythingThank Goodness My Timing Was Perfect When I Met MyWifeJim Hauenstein And “Try not to become a man of success. Rather become a man of value.” - Albert Einstein - 
 That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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Thanks for reading Be kind to everyone I'll be seeing you    Please support me and all independent authors by purchasing a copy for each person interested in reading any work by an independent writer.   These are not profitable projects by independent authors, so any money accrued is used for publishing expenses and future projects.   Thank you for respecting the hard work of all independent authors. 

Two Galaxies - One SVU

   I don't want to scare anyone but did you know that the Milky Way and the Andromeda Galaxies will collide together in the not-too-distance-future? According to astronomical standards, it's just a blink of an eye, on computer simulations.
    Don't let that ambiguous stimuli fool you. That is not a pretty butterfly. It's Armageddon with Stars. Andromeda is the larger of the two Galaxies and will eat up our puny little Black Hole while incorporate our stars, if any are left over from the collisions do to the gravitational flux of stars and the larger Black Whole devouring the smaller Black Hole.But don't you worry your pretty little heads about it.After 4,500,000,024 seasons,Law & Order SVUwill rip the story right out of the day's headlinesand handle the crises with that season's cliff hanger.Hopefully,the Earth will all be around for the 4,5000,000,025th season's first episodeand the conclusion of the story!
 This is,Asking
Will That Show Ever EndJim Hauenstein And “Then I go in the den and turn on Law & Order, since the only thing i can really count on in life is that whenever I turn on the TV, there will be a Law & Order episode.” - David Levithan -  That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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A Stop In Harmony

I have been working on this project for awhile nowand I can finally break the big news!You can now order my new eBook called;"A Stop In Harmony" It's on all the major platformsincluding a couple of oversea websites too!AmazonApple BooksBarnes & NobleSmashwords
Rakuten koboAngus & RobertsonMondadori 
Scribd tolinovivlioComing soon to library apps such asOverdrivehoopla BorrowboxPalace Marketplace bibliothecaThat's not all.Soon there will be paperback copies available at these fine institutionsand if everything goes really well,audiobooks too! Thank You
  This eBook is forYoung AdultsandAdults.
Jim Hauenstein And “There is nothing harder to estimate than a writer's time, nothing harder to keep track of. There are moments—moments of sustained creation—when his time is fairly valuable; and there are hours and hours when a writer's time isn't worth the paper he is not writing anything on.” - E.B. White -
 That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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Thanks for reading Be kind to everyone I'll be seeing you    Please support me and all independent authors by purchasing a copy for each person interested in reading any work by an independent writer.   These are not profitable projects by independent authors, so any money accrued is used for publishing expenses and future projects.   Thank you for respecting the hard work of all independent authors. 

But It's True

   You are not going to believe what happened to me! I'm having a hard time believing it, but it's true. It happened on February 13th.   It all started, I thought, innocently enough. While sitting around a colleague's house with three other people discussing such things as the philosophical question of, which would be better, Heaven verses Hell, if your soulmate ended up in a different plain of existence than you?   In the tradition of the Greek Philosophers of old, we sat at a huge dining room table, gorging ourselves on fine wine, Mediterranean sea bass, roasted lamb, and deep fried calamari.   Also in their tradition, while we ate greedily, we discussed many subjects. Everything from democracy, education, psychology, metaphysics, and finally religious beliefs.   This last subject was the most heated of all the debates that evening. I assume because of the different religious backgrounds of the five members at the table. Islamic, Hinduism, Jewish, Buddhists, and Catholicism.   I will never forget what happened next after each side explained their religious belief. I was asked to weigh-in on how I felt about the subject.   My answer? "My wife, my soulmate, is probably in Hell right now suffering for her sins. But I believe I am a good person and have lived a good life. So I will go to Heaven. But if I would die right now, I would rather go to Hell and be forever with my soulmate, then to be without her for an eternity in Heaven!"   That is the very moment I started choking on a piece of calamari.   I quickly blacked out and the next thing I knew, I was floating in the air, above my friends and my body, as they panicked like chickens around me as they tried resuscitating me.   I turned away from the scene and saw a bright light before me which I followed to its beginning.   There was my beautiful wife. Standing on the other side of the pearly gates holding a key. I assumed to unlock those gates to let me.   "Honey," I exclaimed with joy. "Let me in so we can be together!" As I reached and grab the bars in front of her. Smiling a smile of joy I haven't had since she passed.
   "Ahem." my soulmate said, clearing her throat before continuing. "So you think I went to Hell, do you?"   "What does it matter dear?" I was euphoric. "We can now be together, forever!"
   "You still can't keep your foot out of your mouth, can you?" She replied. "It's my decision to let you in now, later, or never you know."   "What?" I asked confused. "But honey?"   "Don't honey, honey me." she said. "I think you need to go back down into your body and think about what you have said!"   Then poof!   That is when I woke up today, Valentine's day. With a tube in my throat, oxygen blowing up my nose, and the the deepest guilt I have ever felt in my life.   I missed my chance of being with my love again.  This is,I Know What You Are ThinkingMy Mind Was Playing Tricks On Me Because Of The Lack Of Oxygen To My BrainBut I Knew It Was HerMany Times Over The Years When We Were TogetherShe Had Many Opportunities To Say"Don't Honey, Honey Me!"Jim Hauenstein
And
“Something magical happens when two soulful people meet.”
- Avijeet Das -  That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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Use Of Deadly Force

Wow,
has it really been that long since my last post?That's what happens when you are enjoying life.Time flies!Here is a little flash fiction I wrote for your reading pleasure called;Use Of Deadly Force!
*****
   "Come on." Umbriel pleads. The self appointed leader of this band of young explorers and the only male out of the three.   "I have zipped down there at least five times before and nothing has ever happened to me."   Cordelia looks to Cressida wide eyed. As if asking the other girl, "What do you think?"   Since Cressida has been Cordelia's best friend since their inception, she can pretty much figure out what Cordelia is trying say with her expressions even though her natural look is to look wide eyed.   "Well, you know what my parental always says." She replies with a growing smile. "You can only die once, twice, or thrice if you have the financial backing. But you can only live in the moment."   "Your as crazy as he is!" shouts a distraught Cordelia. "I'm not even sure why I hang with you two?"   "Great." Umbriel says, before Cordelia ties to change Cressida's mind. "We'll just go down there for about 50 clicks, buzz the terrain for awhile, and see if we can scare up some of the creatures roaming around the place. We'll be gone before anyone the wiser."   "What about the security circling the place?" exclaims the still distraught, wide eyed Cordelia. "If they catch us we'll all be punished in ways I don't even want to think about."
   "Relax, it's a big world out there and security can't be in all places at once." Umbriel reassures her. He pauses for a click and then, with a smile says, "You can trust me."   Cordelia just stands there wide eyed. Looking back and forth between Cressida and Umbriel.   It's Cressida who breaks the silence by jumping in the air and proclaiming, "Woohoo! Let's go find out what the military is hiding from us!"   They sit back down in their seats, strap in, and slowly head towards the quarantine area.   After a transverse of about half an astronomical unit, flashing red lights automatically start a stroboscopic effect on their dashboard, warning them of impending danger. On their viewing screen pops up a sign that reads:    Cordelia exhibits her surprise and fright by making a little chirping sound. Cressida beamingly laughs. And Umbriel authorizes the spacecraft to pick up speed. Then says, "Planet Earth. Here comes another, what you creatures like to call, a UFO!"    This time Cordelia laughs, apprehensively and wide eyed.
This is,Young Beings Throughout The Universe Are All The SameYou Tell Them They Can't Do Something
And They'll Want To Find Out WhyJim Hauenstein
And
“The young always have the same problem - how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another.” - Quentin Crisp - That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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Thanks for reading Be kind to everyone I'll be seeing you P.S. Merriam-Webster says Beamingly is a word.I was hoping I made it up. Have a great day! 
 
 

What Three Generations Have Seen

I was rereading one of my favorite books the other day called,"How to Build a Fire And Other Handy Things Your Grandfather Knew!" By Erin Bried.Afterwards,I started reminiscing about my own
Grandfather
on my
Mother's
side of the family.I often told my kids,
when they were still young enough to be amazed by my stories on life,
that my
Grandfather
and
Grandmother
were born in the year of 1904.Only thirty-nine years after the
Civil War
ended,one year after the
Wright Brothers
flew their
heavier-than-air powered aircraft,
and four years before
Henry Ford
made it possible for the
average
Joe & Josephine
to own an affordable car. My
Grandfather
lost a hand in a farming accident when he was a young lad.He never let that stop him from getting
Married,
Having Four Kids,
becoming
Vice-President
of a company whose sales were nation wideand becoming a local
Politician
in the city he planted roots in for his new family.My kid's
Great Grandfather
and
Great Grandmother
were born in families who were still using the
"Horse & Buggy"
for transportation.They lived through two
World Wars,
the
Great Depression,
and were alive during the height of the
Cold War.Saw medicine grow from its infancy,
to the fit teenager it became in the 1960s.
Where
School Immunization
almost wiped away certain diseases,
like
Polio.
Where the
Life Expectancy
of an individual became longer than 65 years of age.Saw the majority of
Americans
buying their first cars.
To seeing a man walk on the
Moon.They listened to a radio,
which brought the
"News of the World"
that much closer to home.
To watching pictures beamed directly into their home,
first through a
Black & White,
then a color
TV Set.There were a lot of changes that happened during their lifetime,there has been a lot of changes during my parent's lifetime,and there is a lot which has happened to the world in my lifetime.  Certainly,there is going to be a lot of changes to the world,
in my
Children's Lifetimes.So,to help cope with this,know that,
Change Is Inevitable .
Change Is Exciting .
Change Is Good .
Embrace Change ,
Then You Will Never Be Left Behind In Life !I used to say these words to myself every morning,
before I went to work.
I did this after I noticed that I was wishing that the
World
wouldn't change
and things would remain the same.Once my mind
"Changed"
and I embraced
"Change,"
life became so much more funand interesting!
This is,
My Mantra Is Embracing Change In The World For The Better
Jim Hauenstein And
“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”
- Mahatma Gandhi - That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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I Have Changed

A partial reprise of my story fromMay 22nd, 2015of my post called I Haven't Changed A BitIt's only a partial because this is the story I want to tell.***** Today,
I went to recycle my plastic bottlesand cans because I needed the extra money.Out of the whopping $35.00 I received,
I immediately put $25.00 worth of gas into my car.
While I was at the gas station
I saw these two young guys pushing their car,
uphill,
towards the gas pumps.Of course,
I helped push.Once,
the car was next to the pump,
the youngest of the two asked if I had any spare change to give them.I immediately thought to myself,"Well you shouldn't have gone to the casino."Plus,this is really hard to confess,I was judging them because they were Black.
I told him I was broke
and he got into their car.While I pumped my gas I noticed nobody came out of their car to pump gas in theirs.I thought about it,then started feeling guilty about my profiling the two  
  and decided,
"What does it hurt to give up five bucks."I knocked on the front passenger's window
and the young guy opened his door.
  There I saw this older man driving with an oxygen tank next to him.
He was being helped by an oxygen machine to function in life.I gave them the five bucks,
they all shook my hand,
asked me my name and mailing address,saying they would mail me a check for the five dollars. I told him,
it was the way I was brought up
and that they should pass it on.
If they see someone in need,
they should help them out.They promised me they wouldand said to me
"God will bless you for this."
This is,I Work On Being Woke Everyday of My LifeAnd Hopefully Someday I Will Be Blessed For It
Jim Hauenstein,
And,

“My mother said the cure for thinking too much about yourself was helping somebody who was worse off than you.”
- Sylvia Plath- That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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Thanks for reading Be kind to everyone I'll be seeing you I did update the original story.This version is the truth.And I still work on being Woke everyday! 

Don't Ever Be Fooled By An Imitator

Back in May of 2015, just at the beginning of when the popularity of my blog started growing in numbers, I wrote a post calledDon't Be Fooled.It's about a copycat writer from northern California who was using my moniker as his own to cash in on my small time celebrity.Today I woke up and wondered, What ever happened to him?The good news is that I have done so much writing on the different social platforms and written so many posts on my Blog that I no longer see him when I search TwoBuckHowie on the internet!Here is that story from years gone by.*****I want to inform my reading Public,
of all the imitators out there.
Once you have a good thing going,
like wearing a Rolex Watch,
all the cheep imitations seem to creep on out from every dark street corner.I am,
as in me,
as in I,
as in only me,
  am the real
Two Buck Howie! I've had this nickname since at least 1980,
when I was laid off from the prestigious job of slaughtering hogs,
back when I lived in the beautiful State of Wisconsin.I already had the nickname of Howie from my grade school days. Hauenstein, Howie.
Get it.Then came the Two Buck part of my name. I used to meet one of my best friends Scott,nightly,
at the local dive Bar.
  I had to hustle drinks by playing darts or shooting pool because remember,I didn't have a job.
I would walk in the Bar with two,
$1 bills,
  and by the end of the night,
I was always over the legal limit
of any breathalyzer
and I would be ten to twenty dollars richer.The next day,
I would only bring two dollars from my winnings
and the whole process would begin again.Soon,
I had to change bars every night because
people wouldn't play me for money any longer.
When I would walk into a place,
people started telling their friends
or the patrons around them,
not to play me because
I would hustle them.
The people who had never met me would ask,
"Who is that guy?"
That's when Scott started saying,
"That's Two Buck Howie."True Story.*****
Back then,
I always lived by a famous quote from my favorite hustler,
golfer Chi Chi Rodriguez.He once said,
"Pressure? You want to know what pressure is? Pressure is when you make a fifty dollar bet and only have five dollars in your wallet."
He then went on to say,
"That's why I became so good at golf. I couldn't lose because I couldn't pay the bet."My Hero!This is,Yes,I Had To Run Out Of A Few Bars When I Lost A BetJim Hauenstein
And
“If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.” - Dean Martin -   That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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