Chris Rodell's Blog, page 8

July Tweets of the Month

 • While is one of our most nimble, yet undefined words. You can be a good while, but not a bad one. You can take a while, but you cannot give one. I've never encountered a nice while but our days are strewn with meanwhiles that aren't mean at all. Idlers like me can while away the hours but we can't while them back. The definition is hard to pin down. It should come as no surprise: Turns out

My thoughts on Tin Lizzy bartender search

 (554 words)The Tin Lizzy is looking for a new bartender. Recent bartenders have moved on, are seeking greener pastures or, sadly, been summoned to that Great Last Call in the sky. So they are advertising for a new bartender to run Flappers.Frankly, I’d rather they look for an old bartender.My preference has nothing to do with age and everything to do with attitude.New bartenders muddle

May/June tweets of the Month(s)

 
• Val was rattled this week after seeing a picture of her late mother from when she was 4 years younger than Val is today. Her mother appeared much older. Told Val she shouldn't be surprised. She works very hard at eating right and remaining fit, has a natural beauty and, in fact, looks better today than the day we met. And if I saw her in a bar today, there'd be only one thing that would

Who stole my American flag?

 (Masking tape above shoes shows where stolen flag was)(791 words)
The crack team of amateur sleuths I brought in to solve the crime found a glaring breech that they said practically invited theft. It was a mere 6 inches.

That was all the crook needed to sashay into my office and shatter a sense of trust I’ve fostered for the seven years my office has been above the landmark Tin Lizzy in

LIV golf: What would Arnold Palmer do? An "insider's" view

 (829 words)Because I sense the threshold of interest has been breached, I’m going to respond to a question I have no business responding to. But people keep asking.The question is: What would Arnold Palmer do if the bloodthirsty Saudi Arabian sheiks offered him, say, $200 million — what they’re paying Phil “Lefty” Mickelson — to join their upstart LIV Saudi professional golf tour?I was not in

Let's extend marriage by making it by the numbers

(624 words)My wife of 25 years and I are in the habit of concluding most every day by saying, “I love you.” We both say it in a whisper and we both know hearing “I love you,” means it’s time to shut the hell up and try to get some sleep.Simple math says we’ve said, “I love you,” to one another roughly 6,500 times.With all due respect to Led Zeppelin, that’s a whole lotta love.She’s unlikely to

Read All About It! My new novel, Page 1 of Latrobe Bulletin

April Tweets of the Month w/no Musk mention

 • It should come as no surprise but, given our sedentary natures, most standstills have become sit stills.• The exclamation point is to punctuation what the erection is to the male ego. The more you expose it, the more likely it begins to bore those it was intended to thrill.• Told the kids one of the best ways to get ahead is to ignore the advice of mediocre adults. They pretended not to hear

Confessions of a straight man who detests fruits in his bar

 (1009 words)This is the kind of reckless confession that in these sensitive times  is bound to backfire, but here goes:
I’m at heart a straight man who detests seeing lots of fruits in his bar.Bear with me.See, I’m the kind of guy that spends a lot of time sitting in bars wondering why I spend so much time sitting in bars.It’s not that I’m lonely. Ever.Sit in bars as long as I do and you’re

What if Jesus returns today to my office at 3 pm?

(489 words)

What if Jesus returns today at about 3 p.m.? I’m hoping He does and I hope He decides to materialize right here in my office. Why here?

I suspect The Lord is going to need a stiff drink or two, and The Tin Lizzy is a great place to initiate some introductory philosophizing.

And 3 p.m. would be good because it would allow me to maybe bang out a tweet  or two before I blew off the