Chris Rodell's Blog, page 10

Checkin' in on New Year's: was there a Year Zero?

 (620 words)As other revelers were nursing hangovers, making resolutions and game-planning for a new year’s worth of unpredictables, I did what on New Year’s Day I customarily do.I got out my checkbook.I wasn’t feeling philanthropic. I was feeling Gregorian. On each of the 40 checks, beside the half-blank “20   ” in the upper right corner, I wrote the double deuce, the “22” that designates the

Best Tweets of '21!

 • News reports of a local home being ransacked always make me wonder if the suspect is Santa, a man who runs with sacks.• It’s not uncommon in a stale marriage for a spouse to contend he/she has his/her partner's back while wanting nothing to do with his/her front.• I can't believe I'll -- knock on wood! -- be 58 next month and I still haven't sucked face with Madonna. And don't get me started

Best of the month Tweets

 Go ahead. Say it. I don't mind. I dig the socks, too! • I wonder if linguistic confusion is one of the reasons that keep young single heteros from ever getting together. Many single men lust for women who'll "put out" when what they're really after are women who'll put in.• I like sitting on a porch whittling a stick and leaving all the young'uns gobsmacked when I say, “You know, I remember when

52-37-48 & a new way to drink beer

 (601 words)

One of my favorite road-to-sobriety moments came during a ’94 “60 Minutes” interview Ed Bradley conducted with Mick Jagger when Bradley asked Jagger about his addictions.

Jagger gravely intones about slaying his demons. 

“You think you’re having a good time, but you’re really a slave to (the drugs). Then there comes a point where you prefer to just do what you enjoy” without the

Ways in which I'm similar to Pluto

 (673 words)You and I probably share a lot of similarities. We’re a couple of carbon-based life forms who rely on oxygen for necessary respiration and we have a biological need for things like pizza about about once every four days.But there’s one realm in which we’re not at all alike. That is you probably don’t spend much time thinking about how much you have in common with the planet Pluto.You

Gone almost a year, still missing Zack

 (758 words)The tall brown-haired stranger pulled up his stool next to mine and smiled sunshine. It was just the kind of subtle move a savvy bar patron makes that lets me know I’m in for about an hour or two worth of agreeable conversation.It’s cheerful, unimposing and cracks open the door to chumminess.We began to chat. He was polite, well-spoken and conveyed a mirthful demeanor.  I felt we were

I look great! (and other hallucinations)

 (683 words)I’m beginning to wonder if I experienced my first Parkinson’s related side effect last month: my first hallucination.If so, it was a cruel disappointment.It’s said about 50 percent of PD patients experience some hallucinations. That’s not necessarily bad. For instance if someone told me I’d hallucinated the last two years, I’d feel great relief.Not just for me.For the whole planet!I

November Tweets of the Month!

 Hi! This above was from a couple years ago. It's a picture of my battle-scarred first box of crayons from when I used to wear every crayon down to the sorry nub. Note, the top row, far left: The caucasian crayon is hardly used at all. In fact, you can almost discern a spectrum from top to bottom, left to right, with the primary colors being heavily used ... Gosh, I really tend to dwell on crayon

Farts for Peace! How flatulence can save your Thanksgiving

Before we get to an anthropological dissertation about flatulence, I must begin with a confession that will shock many of you. Here goes:I am a bigamist.I for years have kept a secret family, entirely separate from and unbeknownst to the family I splash all over Facebook so people will think I’m a swell guy in the traditional sense.Coincidentally, my secret family consists of a wife to whom I’ve

When drinking buddies become alcoholics

(786 words)I know of two very dear friends who are going through serious alcohol addiction problems and all I can think to say to them is “Cheers!”I’m not joking and I fear for my friends. They’ve lost families, jobs and, I guess, hope.It seems with alcoholics the only thing that never departs is their thirst. I’m utterly ill-equipped on what to say to friends who were HOF drinking buddies and