Chris Rodell's Blog, page 3

Tweets of the last few months ....

 Hear ye! Hear ye!I somehow missed compiling these the last three months. Very lax on my part 'cause there are some good ones. Thanks for taking the time to check 'em out.• I was regretful the instant I opened my mouth. I'd lit into the  poor bastard. "You're a terrible bore! You tell the same damned stories over and over and over." The bartender just shook her head and said, dude,

High time we put a woman on the moon

 It’s been 62 years since JFK historically announced his intention that the US would put a man on the moon before the end of the decade.His inspiration succeeded. And since the first one did so in 1969, we’ve put 11 more of them up there on the lunar surface.I’ll bet you can only name the one.Am I right? Neil Armstrong is the only one most of you can name (Interesting aside, to me at least,

The "perfect" "Bridge Over Troubled Water" & what it means for Baltimore

 (508 words)With an eeriness I doubt I’ll ever shake, I’d been obsessed with the Simon & Garfunkel 1970 classic “Bridge Over Troubled Water” since at least five days before a Baltimore bridge became fatally troubled by what was happening upon waters it was built to bridge. I’ve tried in vain to find a way to cajole the song — maybe the most flawlessly recorded pop song ever — into a

I shaved my head and beard, why?

  I woke up the other day with a wild hair up my ass that went clear to my brain and now the wild one is about the only hair I have left.I shaved my head and now I’m bald as a baby, albeit a baby with chest hair and pubes.It’s not uncommon for empathic souls to shave their heads in solidarity with someone they admire, someone battling disease.But it’s been a long time since I’ve hung

Tweets of the New Year!

 I’d like to grant doctors the power to evaluate patients so that we’d hear more diagnoses like: “Well, the good news is the  operation was a success. You’re going to be fine. The bad news is unless you cut back on the volume and partisan stridency of all your non-stop political talk, everyone’s gonna think you’re still an asshole.”• Teen daughter expressed irritation that I’d repeated

Tin Lizzy now has a free pool table!

 (1237 words)Nobody asked me and I’m not sure what I would’ve said, but they went and put a snazzy pool table in the 3rd floor rec room in the Tin Lizzy. It’s just 15 steps from the desk where I spend so much time trying to concentrate so I can maybe earn a living.Its pull on my attention is strong and I confess I spend at least an hour a day trying to sharpen my game.I’m consumed by a drive

State trooper pulls me over -- in my driveway!

 I saw one head peeking out the window — and it was just a quick peek, like if it had lingered for too long it might have drawn gun fire.A Pennsylvania state trooper had pulled over a dilapidated vehicle with a shifty looking motorist and it was all going down in our driveway.This was convenient for me ‘cause it was my car and I was the suspect.Home, sweet home!Frankly, I was

Socrates speaks: Best tweets of 2023

 I've been compiling these best-of lists for like 15 years now and no one not once has ever said, man, am I glad you take the time to list all those tweets 'cause I read every one of 'em.But they're useful to me to have them all in one place.'cause you never know when someone's gonna say, "We're putting together a 'Use All The Crayons! III.' Do you know where we can find another couple

They'll always be "Tweets" of the month to me

 • That I can't recall ever having spent any quality time at a popsicle stand, yet have blown hundreds of them, leads me to believe I have some serious commitment issues. • The Irish word “bejesus” is a mildly profane expression of surprise and is not to be confused with “Bee Jesus,” the latter referring to a messianic insect who can turn honey into wine and struggles to reconcile how a noted

Oct. '23 Tweets-of the month 9er whatever the heck they're al-calling them these days"

 • Men who fantasize about giving themselves oral sex are chasing pipe dream• Engaging a popular search engine just to find out if some former child star or other B-list celebrity is still alive ought to be called, “Ghoul-gling"• When I was a young heathen, I feared my choices meant I’d be going to Hell. How naive. I read the news and realize my foolishness. I’m not going to Hell. Hell’s coming