Chris Rodell's Blog, page 5

Tweets of the Month

 • As a proponent of "make everyday something festive," I was a pioneer promoter for "Christmas in July" (and August, and September and etc ...). Today I told my daughter to quit the summer job, drop out of school and devote her every waking moment to composing 12 Juneteenth in July carols that'll really capture the essence of this great new holiday. 'cause when was the last time you heard a

Thots on Titan sub & untimely death

 (648 words)I blame my years as a young newspaper reporter for why I spend so much time thinking about untimely death.Back then it was a near daily smorgasbord of reporting on the often violent expirations of hapless Tennesseans. They’d accidentally steer jalopies off cliffs, stumble into the rusty wood chipper, and drunkenly fail to exit the bed after the last cigarette began to singe the

What we used to call Tweets of the Month...

 Check out my Intstagram!• I swear, if I were a lumberjack, I’m certain I’d spend less time jackin’ lumber and more time sitting in the shade pondering what to me is the root question of the profession: “Okay, the boss ordered me to cut this tree down. And as soon as I do he’ll order me to cut the tree up. Down! Up! Up! Down! Make up your mind! … Or is it make it down?” It ain’t easy having

It's true: Fred Rogers & Arnold Palmer never got along

 (674 words)I’m proud that all my books and subsequent talks are all about spreading happiness and understanding. My aim is to uplift the downtrodden.So why is it one of the things I’m sure my audience always remembers most is something most distressful?I guess it’s because no one wants to believe that Arnold Palmer and Fred Rogers never got along.It’s true.Two of the warmest, most

My unwanted adventure inside the women's restroom

 (757 words)I mistakenly found myself on the culture war front lines Saturday at an otherwise innocent golf bash..And, yep, my penis was partly to blame.It by mistake led me into the ladies' room.It’s where conservatives believe the about 1.4 percent of Americans who identify as transgender are massing to present temptations that likely would have sent Adam & Eve scrambling all over Eden

Non-Tweets of the month

 For the record, none of these "tweets" ever appeared on Twitter. I'm fed up with Musk. Tired of the repeated password exchange. Done with reading news about blue checks, etc. Still, these are best described as tweet-like, so ...• SnapChat, Instagram, TikTok — 10 years ago none of us had ever heard of these. Now, they’re taking over the world. It’s a Planet of the Aps.• A military history buff, I

Admiring student says he wants to become interesting -- like me!

 (754 words)An admiring student of mine flattered me by saying he wants to become interesting “just like me.”At least I think he was admiring. He could have just been very adept at brown nosing, a tactic I’ll fall for every single time. Bona fide flatterer or skillful butt smoocher, it all has the same effect: A kid who was borderline failing has now vaulted to the top of the class.It’s so

March (what used to be called) Tweets of the Month

 Dog (Snickers) on left from back when he was a remote-sized puppy.  No reason for posting. No reason at all. Enjoy your weekend!• I’m so conditioned to every innovation being related to snack foods that when I heard Elon Musk was promoting brain chips, I thought, man, I hope he makes some with sea salt & cracked pepper.• I’m not insinuating our local volunteers join for social reasons. I'm sure

My letter to Grace seeking grace

 This is the letter I wrote to the 10-year-old girl, an aspiring writer, after she gave me the only copy of her 22-page handwritten book to review and I lost it.I had her father read it first. I thought there was a chance he’d hit me. Instead, he got choked up and shook my hand.I gotta be honest: I gave a lot of serious thought to trying to lie my way out of this one …Dear Grace,When your father

The perils of parallel parking

 (578 words)I’ve said before that a father teaching a daughter to drive is like a warden teaching an inmate how to escape.So as of yesterday it was, “One-Adam-12! One-Adam-12! We have an APB for a female 16-year-old known to come to a complete stop even at desolate intersections. Suspect exhibits pathological disdain for having to parallel park.”That comes from me. Here’s the sum of my parallel