Chris Rodell's Blog, page 4

Biting the hand that feeds me

 I don’t know if it’s a latent burst of proper manners or just another condition of my condition, but in the last five or so years nothing infuriates me more than a cold rejection of my offers of good cheer.It happens anytime I reach out with simple humanity to a stranger and my gesture is rebuffed.I wonder if I’m taking to heart too literally the lessons of “Lonesome Dove,” the 1989 cowboy saga

Best tweets of October (rough)

 For clearing house reasons, I find it helpful to adhere to the calendar when posting my tweets of the month.So if you're a stickler, hold off a day or two befir reading.I was railing against this world of woe to some friends who advised me to embrace the wisdom of the Serenity Prayer — “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can. And

LBGTQ & how we no longer lose our virginity

 (590 words)So I was sitting here in my shabby little office the other day thinking about sex. This is a not uncommon scenario. I think about sex a lot.I think about last time I had some. How good it was. And, good or bad (irrelevant) , how soon before I’ll be getting some more.What am I supposed to think about? The Oxford comma?I don’t think I think about sex in an unhealthy way. I mean sex

There are worse things than being flat broke

 (717 words)I’m aware of many unfortunates who lament being flat broke. They’re barely getting by,. They live lives of quiet desperation.I envy them. I aspire to being flat broke.I’m a whole different and exotic kind of broke. Mine is a life of shrill desperation.I’ve maxed out my credit cards, bummed what I can from family and until, say, Oprah gives “Evan & Elle” a 5-star review there is no

It'll always be Twitter to me

 Honestly, I don't even post on Twitter anymore. It's tainted. But what am I going to call these monthly round-ups? Xs of the Month? Best X ever? The options are fraught. You get the idea. So here are Tweets of the Month! • In the future, weaponry will become so abundant, so accurate and so lethal my fear is that in the future there will be no future.• It’s like there's a global committee out

How to Make Friends

 (990 words)This is the week I used to tell the kids one of my favorite wisdoms, one that positively rings with cheer and hopefulness.“Remember, today you could be introduced to someone you’ve never met who is destined to become the best friend you’ll ever have.”It’s true on the first day of school and it’s true any time you walk out your door. None of us has any idea what fate is going to

The tattoo I'm thinking of getting ...

 I did something this week I swore I’d never do, something I’ve viciously mocked others for doing.I contacted a tattoo parlor about getting some ink.We’ll get into all of that but first I need to wrestle with why it was a parlor.The venerable Oxford English Dictionary says parlor (they spell it, parlour, the Limeys) is “a room or place for talking.”Really?I talk everywhere I go. Talk all the time

Firetruck racing to end boring parades

(657 words) One if the most satisfying aspects of spending so much time staring out the window is being the recipient of radom genius thoughts. It’s a sort of brain lightning. You see solutions to problems that have for years bedeviled your fellow man.Problems like way too many firetrucks.That’s just the way my brain works. I wish mine worked like Dr. Jonas Salk’s did. The window he looked out

is this my best line?

 My friend Scott Levin told he thinks this the funniest line I’ve ever written …"If most men are being honest --  a big "if" -- we'd admit to seeing a lot of ourselves in Ken while aspiring to see just a little of ourselves in Barbie.”Is he correct? Do you recall a better one or do they fade from memory right away?What about these? Hope you like 'em all!--  <<  >>  --• Adventure tourism

My nearly 2 hours with world's most sadistic barber

(671 words)I’m so resigned to the cruel realities of male pattern baldness that when my daughter said my hair looked nice, I said, “Which one?”So normally I lack the impetus — not to mention the hair — to write about my coif But after what happened to me at the Ye Olde Barber Shoppe in Duck, N.C., I feel compelled. We were on the Outer Banks when I decided I needed a haircut. The decision