Chris Rodell's Blog, page 40
March 15, 2017
Fainting, again, at my routine physical
(623 words)
I went for a standard checkup yesterday; it was only my second in 23 years.
The results? The doctor said in spite of my often self-destructive behaviors I’m in excellent shape for a man my age (54).
And then he bought both my books!
So I was there about an hour, received a thorough check-up, had blood work done and left with a check for $30 in my pocket.
Long live
I went for a standard checkup yesterday; it was only my second in 23 years.
The results? The doctor said in spite of my often self-destructive behaviors I’m in excellent shape for a man my age (54).
And then he bought both my books!
So I was there about an hour, received a thorough check-up, had blood work done and left with a check for $30 in my pocket.
Long live
March 13, 2017
Visit Pittsburgh's Clemente Museum today!
(693 words)
I now know Roberto Clemente’s social security number. It is 194 30 6624.
The knowledge isn’t tempting me to commit fraud. And of all the crimes I could commit, stealing the great Clemente’s identity for even one day would be one of the most heinous.
I’m so unworthy.
And, besides, I already have relevant numbers to more soulful fun than any ill-gotten loot could bestow.
I now know Roberto Clemente’s social security number. It is 194 30 6624.
The knowledge isn’t tempting me to commit fraud. And of all the crimes I could commit, stealing the great Clemente’s identity for even one day would be one of the most heinous.
I’m so unworthy.
And, besides, I already have relevant numbers to more soulful fun than any ill-gotten loot could bestow.
March 10, 2017
Update: Me, 1; tick 0
(364 words)
I feel obliged to acknowledge the outpouring of support — two Facebook “thumb’s ups” — from those concerned about being tick bitten in what I’ll euphemistically call a “sensitive place.”
And by “sensitive place” I do not mean the part of my brain that triggers weeping during movies where the dog dies.
I went to the doctor. He examined my sensitive place, as did his young
I feel obliged to acknowledge the outpouring of support — two Facebook “thumb’s ups” — from those concerned about being tick bitten in what I’ll euphemistically call a “sensitive place.”
And by “sensitive place” I do not mean the part of my brain that triggers weeping during movies where the dog dies.
I went to the doctor. He examined my sensitive place, as did his young
March 9, 2017
Tick bit where no man wants to be tick bitten
(712 words)
I woke up feeling morose yesterday morning. I felt lost. I felt forlorn. I felt a sense of hopelessness.
I knew it wouldn’t last. I knew things were bound to change. Sure enough, they did.
They got much, much worse.
What happened?
I felt my balls.
I’d noticed an irritation and detected what felt like a nubby pencil eraser attached to the skin.
With trembling
I woke up feeling morose yesterday morning. I felt lost. I felt forlorn. I felt a sense of hopelessness.
I knew it wouldn’t last. I knew things were bound to change. Sure enough, they did.
They got much, much worse.
What happened?
I felt my balls.
I’d noticed an irritation and detected what felt like a nubby pencil eraser attached to the skin.
With trembling
March 3, 2017
Words in Bible but not my book & vice versa
(664 words)
The word sex doesn’t appear even once among the 783,137 others in the King James version of the Bible.
By contrast, I use the word sex 72 times out of 67,989 words that compose “The Last Baby Boomer.”
Something to think about for your Easter book purchases.
Just because there’s no sex in the Bible doesn’t mean Bible people weren’t getting some in the Biblical sense.
The word sex doesn’t appear even once among the 783,137 others in the King James version of the Bible.
By contrast, I use the word sex 72 times out of 67,989 words that compose “The Last Baby Boomer.”
Something to think about for your Easter book purchases.
Just because there’s no sex in the Bible doesn’t mean Bible people weren’t getting some in the Biblical sense.
March 1, 2017
On movies, trivia, "Lonesome Dove," "Slap Shot' & Paul Newman
Our 16-year-old had a friend over to watch movies. I asked what she had in mind. She said she hadn’t decided.
“May I make a suggestion?” I asked. “Watch ‘Lonesome Dove.’”
She’s too polite, for now, to swear at her old man, but her sarcastic response verged on spicy dialogue you’d hear in a Tarantino flick. I’m not sure what they watched, but it’s a safe bet the movie won’t be in
“May I make a suggestion?” I asked. “Watch ‘Lonesome Dove.’”
She’s too polite, for now, to swear at her old man, but her sarcastic response verged on spicy dialogue you’d hear in a Tarantino flick. I’m not sure what they watched, but it’s a safe bet the movie won’t be in
February 28, 2017
Oscar flub happened to me in '06
(664 words)
People still buzzing about the incomprehensible Oscar best picture flub.
“La La Land” director Damien Chazelle must still be feeling emotional whiplash, which must be oddly familiar because his breakthrough hit was an outstanding 2014 emotional hit named “Whiplash.”
People speculate it must have been devastating to have been told you were going to win a prestigious award
People still buzzing about the incomprehensible Oscar best picture flub.
“La La Land” director Damien Chazelle must still be feeling emotional whiplash, which must be oddly familiar because his breakthrough hit was an outstanding 2014 emotional hit named “Whiplash.”
People speculate it must have been devastating to have been told you were going to win a prestigious award
February 27, 2017
February Tweets of the Month
No pre-amble today. Nothing but @8days2Amish tweets.
• The entirety of human history can be summed up thusly: One great, big over-reaction to one great, big over-reaction.
• Just to see if it'll catch on, I think I'm going to begin referring to the big toe as "foot thumb.”
• Every perfect parent understands the need to impart some daily imperfection so kids'll have someone to
• The entirety of human history can be summed up thusly: One great, big over-reaction to one great, big over-reaction.
• Just to see if it'll catch on, I think I'm going to begin referring to the big toe as "foot thumb.”
• Every perfect parent understands the need to impart some daily imperfection so kids'll have someone to
February 23, 2017
Trump-lovin' Tin Lizzy in news again
(795 words)
The avalanche of world-wide media declaring the Tin Lizzy is a bastion of rabid Trump supporters is clearly fake news.
How can it be a bastion of Trump supporters?
I’m still here!
Sure, on many Friday nights I’m outnumbered about 250-to-1 — but don’t believe the polls. And winning the popular vote is so overrated. Bigly.
Since just before the election, the Tin Lizzy
The avalanche of world-wide media declaring the Tin Lizzy is a bastion of rabid Trump supporters is clearly fake news.
How can it be a bastion of Trump supporters?
I’m still here!
Sure, on many Friday nights I’m outnumbered about 250-to-1 — but don’t believe the polls. And winning the popular vote is so overrated. Bigly.
Since just before the election, the Tin Lizzy
February 22, 2017
I have misophonia (common sounds annoy me)
(641 words)
I self-diagnosed acute misophonia when I realized the sound of the dog licking his ghost balls was driving me insane.
We had his raisin-sized testicles removed years ago, yet he still licks the vacancy with lusty gusto.
He does it every night in our bed for 15 minutes just as I’m trying to fall sleep. The sound makes me, well, nuts.
I was thinking of this when the
I self-diagnosed acute misophonia when I realized the sound of the dog licking his ghost balls was driving me insane.
We had his raisin-sized testicles removed years ago, yet he still licks the vacancy with lusty gusto.
He does it every night in our bed for 15 minutes just as I’m trying to fall sleep. The sound makes me, well, nuts.
I was thinking of this when the
