Chris Rodell's Blog, page 41
February 20, 2017
Toothy truths about dental care
(737 words)
If the tooth fairy worked on scale, my Mom might have enough to afford her dentist.
Mom is one of those people who’s always had a great smile built on fraudulent teeth.
I’ve always believed it’s because she faithfully went to her dentist for intensive care which required her to keep going back to the dentist over and over for more intensive care.
She’s Exhibit A in my
If the tooth fairy worked on scale, my Mom might have enough to afford her dentist.
Mom is one of those people who’s always had a great smile built on fraudulent teeth.
I’ve always believed it’s because she faithfully went to her dentist for intensive care which required her to keep going back to the dentist over and over for more intensive care.
She’s Exhibit A in my
February 17, 2017
How much living in 54 years?
(592 words)
It was toward the end of the family birthday festivities when Josie, 16, observed that, man, 54, is getting up there.
Understand, she wasn’t being at all snarky or mean. She’s not that kind of kid.
I think it was more a reflection on mortality and the realization the number of years I have ahead of me are fewer than the number I have behind.
I thought about her comment
It was toward the end of the family birthday festivities when Josie, 16, observed that, man, 54, is getting up there.
Understand, she wasn’t being at all snarky or mean. She’s not that kind of kid.
I think it was more a reflection on mortality and the realization the number of years I have ahead of me are fewer than the number I have behind.
I thought about her comment
February 16, 2017
My half-stached birthday
(764 words)
On the new driver’s license, the photo looks like a wooly caterpillar is marching up my left nostril to lay eggs in a cozy cavity.
It’s just one caterpillar.
Yesterday had the happy coincidence of being both my 54th birthday and the forecast-ordained — three consecutive days of plus-50 degrees — annual beard-shaving day.
So it combined to make it one of the busiest
On the new driver’s license, the photo looks like a wooly caterpillar is marching up my left nostril to lay eggs in a cozy cavity.
It’s just one caterpillar.
Yesterday had the happy coincidence of being both my 54th birthday and the forecast-ordained — three consecutive days of plus-50 degrees — annual beard-shaving day.
So it combined to make it one of the busiest
February 14, 2017
Lab-grown diamonds for Val Day
(597 words)
Lucy was about 6 when we found a pingpong ball-sized chunk of coal during a stroll along the train tracks.
“Here,” I said, “now if you take this and squeeze it really, really hard for a long, long time you can make a diamond.”
She squeezed so hard I feared she was going to make a turd.
I mention this because a story in today’s Washington Post reveals how secretive
Lucy was about 6 when we found a pingpong ball-sized chunk of coal during a stroll along the train tracks.
“Here,” I said, “now if you take this and squeeze it really, really hard for a long, long time you can make a diamond.”
She squeezed so hard I feared she was going to make a turd.
I mention this because a story in today’s Washington Post reveals how secretive
February 13, 2017
Which could you live without? TV or people? Survey says...
(692 words)
It could have been any of one thousand small talk conversations I’ve had with my senile 84-year-old mother as we putzed around town. I asked her what she did the night before.
“I watched TV.”
Any plans for the rest of the day?
“I’ll watch TV.”
You really like watching TV, don’t you, Mom?
“Oh, I don’t know what I’d do without it. I have it on all the time.”
Her
It could have been any of one thousand small talk conversations I’ve had with my senile 84-year-old mother as we putzed around town. I asked her what she did the night before.
“I watched TV.”
Any plans for the rest of the day?
“I’ll watch TV.”
You really like watching TV, don’t you, Mom?
“Oh, I don’t know what I’d do without it. I have it on all the time.”
Her
February 8, 2017
Sentimental recollections of our home's 10-year anniversary
(796 words)
Ten years ago today there was an inch of ice glazing about a foot of snow, crunchy conditions the kids loved and I feared. I was concerned I’d slip on the ice and pulverize a liquor box of plates or heirloom sippy cups.
You might wonder just how I remember the conditions so clearly.
Ten years ago today was moving day.
After 15 years of living in a cozy little “
Ten years ago today there was an inch of ice glazing about a foot of snow, crunchy conditions the kids loved and I feared. I was concerned I’d slip on the ice and pulverize a liquor box of plates or heirloom sippy cups.
You might wonder just how I remember the conditions so clearly.
Ten years ago today was moving day.
After 15 years of living in a cozy little “
February 6, 2017
Scattered Super Bowl weekend thoughts
I’m feeling so conflicted this morning about the Super Bowl I’m going to use the words of surrogates instead.
On the bright side, my buddy Paul, a fellow Boston-hater, said, “If it makes you feel a little better, those most devastated tonight were cheering Sid Bream heroics 16 years ago.”
He’s referring to the Atlanta Braves 1992 victory over the Pittsburgh Pirates in Game 7 of the NLCS
On the bright side, my buddy Paul, a fellow Boston-hater, said, “If it makes you feel a little better, those most devastated tonight were cheering Sid Bream heroics 16 years ago.”
He’s referring to the Atlanta Braves 1992 victory over the Pittsburgh Pirates in Game 7 of the NLCS
February 3, 2017
The day Trump flew me to LA to promote Australia
(691 words)
So we have a president who wants me to love Tom Brady and hate Australia? Sorry, but I cannot do either.
I love Australia! And it’s all thanks to Donald Trump (and Australian supermodel Elle MacPherson).
Trump shocked the diplomatic world this week — again — by attacking Aussie prime minister Malcolm Turnbull. He rudely dumped all over Turnbull and the land down under.
So we have a president who wants me to love Tom Brady and hate Australia? Sorry, but I cannot do either.
I love Australia! And it’s all thanks to Donald Trump (and Australian supermodel Elle MacPherson).
Trump shocked the diplomatic world this week — again — by attacking Aussie prime minister Malcolm Turnbull. He rudely dumped all over Turnbull and the land down under.
February 2, 2017
Washing my hands of blog requests
(637 words)
I’m thinking of asking Buck to install one of those medical scrub sinks up here on the Tin Lizzy’s third floor to bestow my blog composition with some gravity.
I always love watching M*A*S*H doctors at the 4077th scrubbing up before they head into another 14-hour session of meatball surgery. They appear so confident, so assured what they’re doing really matters.
Blogging
I’m thinking of asking Buck to install one of those medical scrub sinks up here on the Tin Lizzy’s third floor to bestow my blog composition with some gravity.
I always love watching M*A*S*H doctors at the 4077th scrubbing up before they head into another 14-hour session of meatball surgery. They appear so confident, so assured what they’re doing really matters.
Blogging
February 1, 2017
How to open a slammed door: Anatomy of a literary rejection reversal
(1,164 words)
Realizing how I used to dream I’d one day become a great writer reveals what a young fool I used to be. Today, many people who enjoy my books or blog tell me I am, indeed, a great writer.
I should have dreamed I’d become a successful writer.
Then I wouldn’t have had to spend an afternoon finessing an agent into considering representing me and my books.
2017 marks
Realizing how I used to dream I’d one day become a great writer reveals what a young fool I used to be. Today, many people who enjoy my books or blog tell me I am, indeed, a great writer.
I should have dreamed I’d become a successful writer.
Then I wouldn’t have had to spend an afternoon finessing an agent into considering representing me and my books.
2017 marks
