Bryan Lunduke's Blog, page 4

Discrimination in Tech solved: “man pages” renamed “persxn pages”

The Internet breathed a collective sigh of relief today, when all discrimination issues in the Tech Community were solved with one action: “man”, the standard Linux and UNIX command for reading help files, was renamed to “persxn”.

“I can’t believe it took us this long,” stated Amanda Grincheuse, project leader for persxn. “The original developer claimed that ‘man’ was short for ‘manual’. But he was a man. I think we can all read between the lines.”

The new name, “persxn”, was chosen after an exhaustive study was conducted by multiple, professional diversity consultants.

“We wanted everyone to feel comfortable and safe when reading help files,” continued Grincheuse. “Originally we were simply going to use ‘person’, but decided to add the ‘x’ for extra diversity.”

The Twitter community almost universally praised the decision:

“Having to type ‘man’ all the time was literally violence,” stated one Twitter user. “Thousands of humxns, who were previously hiding from Linux in fear, will now feel safe to contribute to Open Source.”

“This is a big moment for equity! If racist, misogynistic Programmers of Privilege want to continue supporting the Patriarchy… they can just do an alias man=persxn,” tweeted another brave Twitter user.

But not all comments were supportive.

“Um. I’m pretty sure ‘man’ stands for ‘manual’… right?” tweeted David Moyenne, shortly before he was banned from Twitter for violating rules against hate speech.

Microsoft releases Windows 3.1 as Open Source

Microsoft has announced the immediate availability of the full source code for Windows 3.1. The classic, 1992 version of Windows is now available, free of charge — with full source code included — from the company’s website.

“I mean, why wouldn’t we do this?  It was so obvious,” stated Satya Nadela, CEO of Microsoft. “Because we love Open Source, right? And it’s not like we have earned any money from Windows 3.1 for a stinkin’ long time anyway. Heck, the only reason we would not do this would be if we actually hated Open Source and just wanted to be jerks.  But we’re not jerks.  And, like we said, we love Open Source.  So… ta da!”

The reaction across the industry was swift and overwhelmingly positive.

Jim Zemlin, CEO of The Linux Foundation stated, “See? We told you Microsoft loved Open Source! There’s no way we would work closely with a company that was against Open Source. Now, if Microsoft had refused to open up Windows 3.1? Sure! That would prove they hated Open Source! But they opened it up! So there ya go!”

Apple CEO, Tim Cook, was equally effusive with his praise. Saying, quote, “We applaud this move by Microsoft! We too, at Apple, are committed to Open Source. In fact, we are going to be releasing the source code for MacOS 8 and Hypercard — two historic products that Apple hasn’t supported for years, if not decades. Because, why not, right? Keeping those closed source and unsupported just wouldn’t make any sense whatsoever!”

Rust evangelists begin proselytizing the programming language door to door

The Rust Foundation, the organization behind the popular Rust programming language, has started a new proselytization program to spread the good word about the programming language to every man, woman, and child in on Earth.

“But, it’s definitely not a religion,” stated one strangely defensive Rust engineer in response to nobody saying anything at all. “We’ll be going door to door, in teams of two, to help spread the good word about Rust programming. You know. Like normal computer programmers do.”

The “Rustiologists”, as they are affectionately known, will be handing out pamphlets — entitled “How can Rust save you?” — containing a basic introduction to the language, along with ways people can become a better software developer through adopting Rust into their hearts.

The Lunduke Journal has obtained exclusive training material that the Rustiologists are using to prepare their two-developer teams for door-to-door proselytization.

This training includes asking the following questions to people who answer the knock on their doors:

“Have you thought about porting your software to Rust?”

“Aren’t you concerned about the safety of your C / C++ software?”

“Did you know Garbage collection is a sin?”

“Have you considered that Dennis Ritchie was a false prophet?”

“We are happy to be a part of this endeavor, which is definitely not a creepy religion,” stated Mozilla Corporation, where the Rust language was originally developed. “We look forward to converting many heathens — I mean C programmers.”

Windows is AWESOME

This was a fun show. A show about how awesome Windows is… given at Linux Fest NW. Can’t believe this was 6 years ago already.

While the largest audiences were at other events (like SCaLE in Los Angeles), I’ll always have a soft spot for this specific room at Linux Fest NW in Bellingham, WA.

We turned this lecture room into “The Lunduke Theater” a few years in a row and it was always a good time. It was just big enough to have a good, big audience… but still small and intimate. Lots of opportunity for interacting with the audience. Which is just the best.

You can watch this one of two ways: Lunduke.Locals.com and Odysee.com.

Both are fantastic ways to enjoy the show. (It’s not on YouTube… because YouTube is stupid.)

The Complete History of Linux (abridged)

This is the complete history of Linux. Abridged. A highly condensed 40 minute video containing some of the funnest, most interesting, or least talked about historical tidbits relating to Linux.

Recorded live at Linux Fest Northwest, in The Lunduke Theater, on April 28 2018.

Two ways to enjoy this information-packed, crash-course on Linux History: Odysee.com and Lunduke.Locals.com.

Programmers Are Evil

Programmers are evil. Not lazy. Not incompetent. Not… simply bad. EVIL. Right down to their frozen little hearts. And I can prove it. (Followed by a most excellent Q&A — filled with laser guided logic bombs.)

Recorded live at Linux Fest Northwest 2018.

This is one of my personal favorite shows. Watch all the way through to the end. Trust. It’s worth it for the audience heckling alone.

There are two ways to watch this, most glorious live show: Odysee.com and Lunduke.Locals.com.

Both rule.

Valve confirms: Steam Deck handheld will ship with Neofetch

Valve has confirmed that their upcoming, highly anticipated, Linux-powered handheld gaming console — the Steam Deck — will ship with Neofetch installed out of the box.

“We have heard from tens of thousands of enthusiastic, excited gamers since we announced the Steam Deck last week,” stated Gabe Newell, CEO of Valve. “And they all tell us the exact same thing — they want Neofetch. And I’m here to tell you, point blank, Neofetch will be on the Steam Deck on day one.”

According to company sources, Neofetch — the popular command line tool for displaying system hardware and software configuration — will not only be installed by default, but will run every time the Steam Deck is turned on, and every time a game is exited.

The Steam Deck will also contain a secret “Neofetch Mode”. By holding down the two shoulder buttons while pressing the power button, the Steam Deck will launch into a root, terminal only session and immediately run Neofetch — with a screenshot taken every time the “A” button is pressed.

“Neofetch Mode seems like the preferred way to run the Steam Deck,” one hardcore Linux gamer told The Lunduke Journal. “This is the ultimate Linux gaming device. And Linux gaming is primarily about taking screenshots of Neofetch anyway. It has never been easier to tell people I run Arch.”

C programming language removes racist semicolon

The American National Standards Institute (ANSI) and the International Organization of Standardization (ISO) have modified the standard for the C programming language to remove the semicolon (“;”) which many groups have described as “racist” and “problematic”.

“This is a huge win for inclusivity within the programming communities,” stated a representative from Microsoft, a company which encouraged this change. “So many people lack access to semicolons, especially those in rural and underprivileged communities. By eliminating this toxic, end-of-statement character we have achieved a major victory against ASCII 59 privilege.”

One Twitter user praised this change:

“Using ;’s allowed software developxrs to include as much White Space as they wanted in their code! Nearly infinite Whiteness! That’s racist.”

But many say that these new changes to C simply do not go far enough in promoting diversity and inclusion within the developer community — and addressing the long history of discrimination at the hands of the predatory C programming language. Several programmers took to social media to advocate for additional changes to the C standard.

“The SHORT data type is highly offensive! ‘unsigned short i = 0’ should be ‘unsigned vertically challenged i = 0′”

“C was created by CIS-gendered White Men in a Computer Information System (CIS) department! Double CIS! They were probably trained in Computer Information Sciences, too! Triple CIS!! C is the language of the oppressor!”

“C allows type casting. Type casting is obviously Cultural Appropriation.”

“Structured programming is based on the hierarchical structure of Western Patriarchal civilization! STRUCT is *literally* a keyword of C… and of the Patriarchy!!”

“!= is not equal! != deserves equality!!!”

“Strongly typed programming languages, like C, fail to recognize that one type of variable may identify with another. Variable fluidity is real. What you may call an int, may identify as a char. Mis-variable-ing is literally violence.”

In response to this change to the C language standard, The Linux Foundation — the organization which controls the Linux kernel — has declared full support for the removal of the racist semicolons by saying, “The Linux Foundation will immediately adopt this new standard, which is a major win in the fight for diversity and inclusion.”

In unrelated news, the latest version of the Linux kernel is now reporting roughly 50 million errors at compile time. The cause remains unknown.

How to hang with Lunduke On-Line

You can follow Lunduke on Twitter, and YouTube, and LinkedIn.

But, really, Lunduke doesn’t hang out on those sites much. Heck, Lunduke mostly uses Twitter to poke at Big Tech companies to try to make them grumpy. That makes Lunduke chuckle. Lunduke’s weird like that.

And, let’s be honest, it’s a ticking time bomb until those companies ban Lunduke. Lunduke says obvious, common sense things. And Big Tech companies absolutely hate that.

So how, exactly does one hang out and chat with Lunduke on the World Wide Inter-Tubes?

There are really only four places where Lunduke hangs out, reads comments, and chats with folk. If the entire Internet went away tomorrow, except for these four places (plus Lunduke.com), Lunduke would be just fine with that.

Lunduke.Locals.com

This is the main hang out spot. Think of Lunduke.Locals.com like the local soda shop in the 1950s. Or the arcade in the 1980s.

There are, at the time of this writing, well over 3 thousand nerds hanging out over on Lunduke.Locals.com. With no trolls, no politics, and always family friendly.

It is, in short, the happiest, nerdiest place on the Internet. Plus, subscribing there helps to support Lunduke’s work.

Seriously. Sign up for a free account and take a peek. It’s amazing.

ConservativeNerds.Locals.com

Where Lunduke.Locals.com is 100% politics free… ConservativeNerds.Locals.com revels in political-y stuff. It is a haven for Conservative Nerds to hang out and talk about politics (or anything, really) with like-minded folk.

Family friendly. No cursin’. Always focusing on being excellent to each other. Conservatives, Libertarians and Conservative-adjacent folks talking without any worry about being trolled. It’s amazing.

Not conservative-y? No worries! Head over to Lunduke.Locals.com! That’s where the purely-nerdy, politics-free magic is at!

The House of Lunduke BBS

Telnet into bbs.lunduke.com.

It’s an old-school, DOS-based BBS. Mostly for old BBS gaming (like TradeWars and LORD).

It’s fun. Lunduke doesn’t chat there much… but you can find Lunduke in a game and try to blow up his space ship! That’s cool too!

Odysee

Lunduke never reads comments on YouTube. Not ever. Heck, Lunduke doesn’t even regularly post videos to YouTube!

But Lunduke does — at least sometimes — read comments over on Odysee. If you aren’t signing up over at Lunduke.Locals.com (which you really, really, really should) you’ve gotta, at the very least, follow Lunduke on Odysee. It’s the bee’s knees of video (etc.) sites.

Chop chop!

Seriously. Lunduke is bound to get banned from YouTube and Twitter any day now. It seem inevitable. (We all know that Twitter and YouTube suck, anyway. Search your heart. You know it to be true.) So, if you want to take part in the fun pick one or two of those sites up there and give ’em a spin.

Firefox to remove “rarely used” HTML support

Earlier this afternoon, Mozilla, the half-billion dollar mega corporation and makers of the Firefox web browser, announced that the next version of Firefox will completely remove support for HTML.

“We recently removed FTP support from Firefox — because what is that anyway? — so we figured… why not get rid of some other stuff that nobody has ever heard of,” stated Mozilla CEO, Mitchell Baker. “People are always complaining about how much memory Firefox needs. This should help a little!”

Firefox CTO, Eric Rescorla, stated the following in a series of Tweets just minutes after the announcement:

“So happy to finally get rid of all that legacy HTML baggage! I mean, seriously. Who actually uses HTML anymore? Hippies. That’s who. Dirty, neck-bearded hippies.”

“Now that we don’t have to worry about all those pesky webpages and hypertext documents, we can focus on what Firefox was, obviously, always meant to do: Large, memory intensive applications with dynamically loading, constantly moving content. And DRM. Lots and lots of DRM.”