Bryan Lunduke's Blog, page 2

Seattle Tech Company announces “Crypto-As-A-Service via 5G”

A major Seattle-area Tech firm is announcing their plans to roll out “Crypto-as-a-Service via 5G” in the coming days.

“We stand on the precipice of history, poised to disrupt the industry through distributed blockchain containerization,” stated the company’s CEO on a recent Zoom call with investors. “Never before has Big Data been synergized with Machine Learning, piggy backing on 5G Hyper-Connectivity. Using Augmented Reality Smart devices, to improve the customer journey, showcases a level of innovation never before seen in the industry.

“Docker. Kubernetes. Quantum computing. DevOps,” continued the CEO. “Think about it.”

In response to this news, Interplanetary Space Pirate, Elon Musk, posted the following on Twitter:

“Sounds like a good reason to invest in DogeCoin, y’all! To the mooooooooon!”

A spokesperson for the EFF (Electronic Frontier Foundation) issued the following statement: “We are concerned how this will harm Net Neutrality efforts. And/Or we are happy about how this will assist in Net Neutrality. This is about Net Neutrality, right? Because we’re all going to die because of Net Neutrality. Or without Net Neutrality. Shoot. I forget which it is.”

In unrelated news, writing those words caused every blood vessel in my brain to explode.

Linux Sucks – 2014

This edition of “Linux Sucks” was recorded live at LinuxFest Northwest on April 26th, 2014.

Warning: This show has a small amount of naughty words in it. I typically don’t publish shows with swearing nowadays, but this particular show is historically interesting and worth preserving. And, back then I still made shows with a wee bit ‘o cursin’.

2014 was an interesting time in Linux history, and this show captures a unique snapshot of it. So much has changed in the years that followed.

Despite being filmed (if memory serves) on an old Nokia N900 (Debian Linux powered) smartphone… with no proper lighting, or dedicated microphone… Linux Sucks 2014 has been viewed over 1.5 Million times. Not too shabby.

This show can be watched over on Lunduke.Locals.com. For free. With no advertisements.

(Though, if you want to consider making an account over at Lunduke.Locals.com and pitching in a few bucks… I wouldn’t object! You get some pretty nifty, Subscriber-only perks.)

And, look at this! A reference to Google+! You don’t see that much anymore!

Interview with Stewart Cheifet (The Computer Chronicles)

Back in 2017, I had the chance to chat with Stewart Cheifet for about an hour.

The Stewart Cheifet. Host of The Computer Chronicles — the legendary TV show of the 1980s and 1990s that, as the name suggests, chronicled the rise of the personal computer.

This show was a huge inspiration for me. Stewart — along with his co-host, the late, great, Gary Kildall — were childhood heroes of mine. Heck. They still are.

During this hour, Stewart and I talked about his work on the show, his co-host (the amazing Gary Kildall), Steve Jobs, privacy, and a whole lot of other awesome things.

Watch the show over at Lunduke.Locals.com.

It’s totally free. No advertisements of any kind.

While you’re there, if you feel like signing up (also free), you’ll get alerted to my shows and articles as they are published. You can also become a supporting member and get a bunch of goodies. Totally optional.

YouTube fact checks satire video about “Lizard People”

Recently, The Lunduke Journal (the world’s most awesomest source of nerdy satire) published an article entitled:

Facebook, YouTube ban discussion of “Lizard People”

As is the way here at The Lunduke Journal, that article was turned into a video and uploaded to YouTube (among other places).

That piece of journalistic excellence included the following line:

“Not to be outdone, YouTube has also announced an update to their algorithm that will automatically detect anti-Lizard bias and flag videos accordingly.”

In an award-worthy move of “thou-dost-protest-too-much-ery”, YouTube has added a warning to said video. YouTube wants to remind you that “Reptilian humanoids” are definitely “conspiracy theories” and totally not real — *wink wink*.

The Lunduke Journal would like to take this opportunity to thank the good Reptilian Humanoids humans at YouTube — along with YouTube’s sentient A.I. — for continuing to provide quality material for future articles.

Note: This is 100% real. YouTube actually did this. This is not satire.

Linux Sucks 2016

The 2016 edition of “Linux Sucks” was recorded as the big “Evening Event” of the Southern California Linux Expo back in January of 2016 at the Pasadena Convention Center.

Big hall. Big crowd. Tons of fun.

I brought in a few fun guests for this one. Including Richard Stallman, Cory Doctorow, Jim Whitehurst (back when he was the CEO of Red Hat) and — I’m totally serious — Piers Anthony (Sci-Fi and Fantasy author of the Xanth series and a ton of other books).

This is one of my favorite shows. So many absolutely ridiculous moments. I’ve also done a Commentary Track for this one, if you’re interested in some behind the scenes jibber jabber.

I recommend watching this show over at Lunduke.Locals.com. It’s free. I mean, you can chip in a few bucks if you like and get access to a bunch of extra, nerdy goodies. But totally optional.

Richard Stallman, founder of the Free Software Foundation, (GNU/)Linux-hater.Jim Whitehurst, (then) CEO of Red Hat, Linux-hater.Cory Doctorow, Author, Linux-hater.Piers Anthony, Author, Linux-hater.Some dude with arms.Guy wearing lanyard.

Lunduke’s Comprehensive List of Secure Operating Systems

What follows is a comprehensive list of every computer Operating System — both past and present — that has been made to be completely secure.

Item 1

Perl Creator: “I blew a raspberry into a modem”

Perl, the popular computer programming language, has been revealed to be an elaborate, decades long prank.

“I kinda feel bad! I really expected people to figure it out by now,” stated Perl creator, Larry Wall. “In truth, Perl didn’t even start as a prank. Not really, anyway. Back in 1988, I was using one of those old-school modems where you put the telephone handset on it. I wanted to see what would happen if I picked up the handset and blew a raspberry into it. So I did. A big, wet, loud raspberry.”

“My roommate was walking by, noticed all the garbage characters and line noise on my screen,” the sheepishly amused Wall continued. “He was all like, ‘What the heck are you doing?’. I got embarrassed and blurted out ‘I’m programming! What does it look like, Carl?’ Well. Then, obviously, I had to make an interpreter that would run the mess of characters on the screen. Took me all friggin’ night. Then I uploaded it to a Newsgroup as a joke. The rest is history.”

The first Perl example, named “thpbpb.pl” in honor of that raspberry, has been donated to the Computer History Museum in California.

Here is that first Perl program, in it’s entirety:

Tbe///]st\thpbpbpb/]|||anUgt\\

Man tweets: “I am concerned about privacy” from always connected pocket surveillance device

Earlier today, Jonathan Brown, a Software Tester in Seattle, tweeted the following from his always connected iPhone:

“I am concerned about privacy.”

This is not the first statement on digital privacy from the prolific IT professional.

“Just as soon as my contract is up, I’m going to switch from this spying iPhone to an Android phone. Google definitely wouldn’t spy on me,” he concluded from his location-tagged Tweet.

“I sure do hope someone passes legislation soon that makes spying on me and hacking my accounts illegal.  That’ll definitely stop it.” he recently wrote on Facebook as he held his perpetually online device, with a camera and microphone, directly in front of his face.

Brown was last seen playing Pokemon Go at the corner of 5th and Main Street, according to Niantic, makers of Pokemon Go.

GitHub announces “Co-CEO”

GitHub, a division of Microsoft, has announced a breakthrough, new Artificial Intelligence product called “Co-CEO” which, they claim, “takes away the pain of having ideas.”

“Let’s face it, having new ideas for software projects is hard,” stated GitHub CEO, Nat Friedman. “When we created GitHub Co-Pilot — which pulls code from every project hosted on GitHub and simply adds it to your own project — we eliminated the tedious task of programming for programmers, world-wide. Co-CEO does for ‘having ideas’, what Co-Pilot did for ‘writing code’.”

According to the announcement, Co-CEO works by scouring through the nearly 200 million software projects hosted on GitHub, and returns a detailed idea for a new software project that it believes you would like — complete with name and description.

If you approve of the Co-CEO generated idea — which, you will, because A.I. knows best — with a single click of the “Delegate” button, Co-CEO will create the project repository and begin adding all necessary code via GitHub Co-Pilot. All without any human interaction or pesky “thinking”.

“Now you can let GitHub have the idea and do all the programming for you! The ideas are there. The code is there. Let’s use ’em,” said Friedman. “But this isn’t plagiarism. Because a computer did it. Our lawyers tell us that probably matters or something.”

When asked for comment, a representative from Skynet simply replied with an animated .GIF of Mr. Burns saying “Excellent”.

“Linux Sucks… For the Last Time” – 2017

“Linux Sucks”. 2017 edition. The very last “Linux Sucks”. Ever. (Other than the ones that came after.)

Recorded live at the Southern California Linux Expo (SCaLE) on March 2nd, 2017. This was the big evening event for the conference, recorded in the big ball room. Not 100% sure how many people were there. Somewhere between 700 and 1,000. I think that was what that room could hold. Something like that. Good sized crowd.

WARNING: There are a few swear words in this show. I typically stay 100% family friendly — especially nowadays — but back in 2017 I let a few naughty words slip in there. Still a fun show.

You can watch this show (for free) over at Lunduke.Locals.com.

It’s not available on YouTube. Because I don’t like YouTube.

Seriously. You want to watch this one. Do it at Lunduke.Locals.com.