Akosua Dardaine Edwards's Blog, page 51

What Type of Stories do you make up?

 it gets much easier when you stop telling yourself how hard it is - Tehuti 6

One of my favorite teachers, Ms. Iyanla Vanzant says "it does not have to be hard" Her view is, we make some of our  lessons harder for ourselves . We do this by making up stories which torture us, including  worse case scenarios mostly  based on fear. 

My uncle required blood for an  emergency operation, it turned out that  I would be the only one in the family who is able to provide the blood. The mere thought of giving blood - in a pandemic- sent me to story land. I made up stories  about could go wrong, why I am not able to do it and all sorts of elaborate fear based tales. In the end, I decided to just wake up early and drive myself to the hospital minus any stories. The nurses were fabulous, they were kind, efficient, caring and answered all my questions. Within 45 minutes I was out of there and my uncle was able to get the blood that he urgently needed to do the operation.

Why did I make it so hard for myself?

I defaulted to fear and held on to it.  

The lesson now is to let the fear pass through, get curious and let it go. If I want to make up stories, make up positive ones.

What if it all went well?

What if it went better than expected?

What if having no guarantees was okay?

Trust me, those stories felt much better.

Do you make up stories?

Peace

The Show No Longer Fits

You can't grow with people who don't love how growth looks on you. Valencia

Growing involves change, change involves some discomfort.

Discomfort is not the best feeling in the world is it? Well let me speak for myself, I prefer comfort, all day long!

Discomfort is however, par for the course when there is change and growth.

Some of the most uncomfortable aspects of growth is the loss of relationships, be it platonic or romantic. I have learnt that when a season has come to an end there is usually no way to bring it back to the beginning. The lesson has been learnt, the assignment is over. The trouble starts when we hold on. Forcing, Pretending, Resenting.

I think of growth as fitting into shoes. I cannot fit into the same I wore shoe size I wore as a teenager. When I squeeze by big grown foot into these teen shoes there is pain, discomfort and other more painful consequences. So it is with life, when the shoe does not fit, so be it! There will be pain and consequences.

Over the past year, I have noticed that there have been some growing pains in my life, some of the relationships that I have been holding on to have started to become painful , Confessions on the journey, it has been scary to admit and accept that- the shoe no longer fits.

Some of the projects that I would normally approach with enthusiasm or even resignation have started to become a chore! this has turned into resentment and dread - the shoe no longer fits!

Some of the activities that I would normally be excited to do- I have t find rationales and justifications for them - the shoe no longer fits.

So Now What?

I begin the process of acceptance, acknowledgement and getting new shoes!

Are there shoes in your life that no longer fits?

Peace

It's always your job to reflect and understand yourself.

 It's never your job to water yourself down and make people understand you. It's always your job to reflect and understand yourself. Inner Practitioner

Yesterday, someone asked me "What is important to you, especially now as the world is in a Global Pandemic?"

I thought that it was quite an interesting question.

The global situation has brought to the fore so many lessons and blessings for each and every one of us.

The major question for me is do I "show up" in love or do I "show up" in fear.

Show up meaning - Do I make decisions and live from a place of love or from a place of fear?

Fear shows up in so many different ways

People pleasing is showing up in fear.

Having no boundaries is showing up in fear.

Resisting is showing up in fear.

Making up stories is showing up in fear.

Lack of communication is showing up in fear.

You get the picture...

So, what is important to me?

The "Rona" as I call it, is a very strange time, calling us to pay attention to self, to community, to what is important to us. The loss of life has been sobering, bringing to the fore that life for all of us has an expiry date which for the most part we have no say in. we have a say in how we live.

This time has allowed me to self reflect, to determine how I want to live my life. What is important to me is showing up in love

To live a life where peace of mind is intentional. To live a life of service, to communicate even when it is uncomfortable. I want to translate this philosophy to how I treat my family, friends, loved ones and overall community.

I have seen that all needs are met - not all wants and giving fear of the unknown power takes away my own power.

Peace

What Happens When you Argue with Reality

 When you train the mind to observe things as they are, to take in reality without projecting your emotions onto it or without trying to control it, happiness will become more available to you Yung Pueblo

I have probably said this here before - I want what I want - (can you identify?) I want what I want when I want it, how I want it. And when I cannot get what I want when I want how I want it the consequences can range from anger, frustration, withdrawal and the list goes on. General discomfort and  discontent.

Mind you, feelings are useful guides to take us to a space of self awareness, knowing and peace when we pay attention and feel them all. When we ignore our feelings they remain, return and show up in our bodies and relationships.

Sometimes, those feelings are to guide us to acceptance.

What I have learnt is that there are some things that I want which are simply not part of the Journey. Life has a way of giving me the heads up - "Sis, this ain't for you"

I have also learnt that some situations that I resist comes to teach about acknowledging the feelings associated with the situation, surrendering to the moment and accepting. This is difficult when in resistant mode because, of course, we want what we want and it is different to what is in front of us.

Byron Katie says it the best - "when we argue with reality, we suffer" - when we argue and resist what is, we suffer.

Go beyond the feeling, see what it is saying to us, listen and feel - you will see that there are many lessons for you. Stop your suffering!

Peace

Tiny Joyful Things

 Today I am Conscious of my breathing thoughts moods words eating movements actions - Seven Stones Leadership

Do you know what brings you joy?

Do you know what makes your heart sing?

Do you know what brings a smile to your face?

The little things that you feel when just being!

Today, pay attention to them and give thanks

Peace

What you appreciate, appreciates

 What you appreciate, appreciates - Lynn Twist

The past few weeks I have been reacquainting  myself with enoughness, sufficiency and abundance. Ever so often a reminder is necessary in my life as I get caught up in the world.

We live in a world where it is the norm that more is better, there is hardly ever enough and there is nothing much we can do to change it. During this time, it is very easy to forget that life is dynamic and ever changing, and that when we live with the consciousness that we are all linked, all in this together, we can easily start believing that there is not enough, that we are not enough.

How have I been reminding myself?

1. Being grateful - living from a space of gratitude. Giving thanks for the small things.

2. Showing appreciation - showing appreciation to the people around me in a very intentional manner. I have been choosing 3 people to tell how much I appreciate them per day.

3. Affirmations - affirming to myself that I am enough, that all needs are met

4. Paying attention to nature - nature reminds me of sufficiency, of how simple life can be.

5. Feeling all of my feelings knowing that this too will pass.

Peace

There is Enough

 When you know your worth, no one can make you feel worthless. Positive Call

I was having a conversation with my therapist this week - yes I do support having a safe space to unwind and unfurl which the therapist so wonderfully provides!

We were talking about "enoughness" and looking at the progress that I have made over the past year or so, which has been a blessing. I celebrate the small wins. Fear and doubt has a way of creeping in. When the fear and doubts creep in I sometimes have the tendency to give in to them, making decisions from that place.

Fear of not being and doing enough pushes me to either withdraw or to want to prove to others that I am enough thereby overcompensating when there is simply no need to.

Not enoughness for me comes from a place of fear - not having enough and not being enough. That feeling of never having enough - time, money, resources and on and on. What then tends to happen with that feeling, it transfers into me feeling as if I am not enough.

The experiences over the last year has shown me that there is always enough, there is always an opportunity, there is always all needs met which translates to I am enough. Enough to be here as a demonstration of an idea in God's mind

When the feelings come over me, I start counting my blessings and being grateful. What am I grateful for in this moment, what are the blessings in my life?

I ask the fear, what are you wanting to tell me in this moment?

I get still and listen.

Then I celebrate the little wins, giving me motivation to carry on.

There is enough- nature shows us this on a daily basis.

All needs are met - we must have that belief and do the necessary work around that - inner work!

Peace

When is it Enough?

 What is enough? Each of us determines that for ourselves, but very rarely do we let ourselves have that experience. What is that point at which we’re fulfilled, where we have everything we want and need, and nothing in excess? Very few of us can recall moments in life when we have felt that. Lynn Twist

Many of us, the moment we achieve a goal, we start thinking about what's next, what is the bigger goal. What more can I do to top this moment?

Many of us, the moment we have completed a difficult task or project, we start thinking about what else can stretch us. What more can I do?

Many of us, as soon as we receive something we have prayed for, asked for, we start thinking about something else to ask for, pray for.

When is it enough?

Will it ever be enough?

The world has taught us that more is better, keep striving, never be satisfied.

More is better. not striving for more is a sign of laziness and having little ambition.

I have learnt that there is enough and I get to decide when that moment arrives. I  have learnt that focusing on more and more and more keeps me from remembering to celebrate the small wins, from being grateful for what I have in front of me. 

I have learnt that believing more is better many times comes from a place of not enoughness and not enoughness will mash you up.

I have learnt to celebrate the small wins, to be grateful and that there is enough.

Peace

Let Life Surprise You

 Simply put, if you have no trust that life is on some level working for you, then you will be perpetually anxious. The way to counter it is to surrender any false sense of control over to the understanding that it’s out of our hands anyway. And perhaps, it’s always been out of our hands Light Watkins

I have now learnt that Life is working with us. If we are alive and breathing, this is just how it is!

Many times in our lives we have an idea of what we want our lives to look like, how we want to feel, what goals we believe we must achieve to be happy, fulfilled and successful. When life throws at us something that looks different, many times we panic, we think that something is wrong, that we must fix "it", we must work harder, something may be "wrong" with us.

What if life is working with us to teach us something, to give us a sign, to show us our purpose?

I have learnt that life continues to give us the signs and the guidance until we pay attention - until we surrender, until we trust and embrace -  this may come in the form of pain, society's definition of failure, relationships not working out, health challenges, divorce, losing material possessions, jobs, natural disasters. All of these situations provided to us to get our attention, to surrender, to build our faith and to respond in a way that works with life.

Presently, in my own life, I want what I want, 

I want  EXACTLY what I wrote in my journal to manifest itself EXACTLY as I wrote it. With very little pain, discomfort, risks, failure or suffering, I mean, isn't life supposed to be happy and rewarding "good" behavior? 

Life has been showing me something differently to what I have written in my journal. I do  have some choices though, I can resist, I can wait it out or I can surrender. I can do nothing, I can trust the process.

By surrender and trust the process, I mean go with the flow, let the Universe surprise me, be open to what is happening, this is the path of working with life. Resistance and fixing is saying "Universe, I don't trust you to take care of me, let me take care of myself without your support!" HA! As if! 

The Universe specializes in surprises and life is working with us. Trust that. 

It truly leads to a less anxious and more peaceful existence,

There is discovery in the curiosity, there are adventures in the surprises.

Let life surprise you.

Peace

Service is not self sacrifice

 Service that looks like self-sacrifice is not sustainable - Maryhaam Hasnaa

Living a life of service is not for the faint hearted. Living a life of service pushes us to have solid boundaries, to self- reflect, to release judgement and to pay attention to the signs. Many of these are areas in which we choose to ignore and neglect.

Service is ,as Martin Luther King said, the rent you pay to the world for occupying part of its space. Service is the purpose behind  what you do for a cause that is bigger than you.

When being in service turns into a burden, resentment  and burnout kicks in. When this happens, it then becomes an opportunity to self-reflect, to ask yourself am I clear as to the "why" behind what you are doing?

Am I taking care of myself and my needs or am I neglecting them both to get this done?

There are times when deadlines must be met and projects to be completed which calls for all hands on deck. When our well being. our health our lives becomes consumed and over taken by what we do this becomes a red flag. 

Service I have learnt, has been an opportunity to be used by the Most High as a vessel, and just as any vessel there needs to be a clear channel. A fully functional channel through which the most high must work through.

Check yourself when you feel resentful, check yourself when you feel tired, check yourself when you feel angry. These are all signs to take a rest, take a break, re-asses where you are and look at the Why!

Peace