Akosua Dardaine Edwards's Blog, page 48

Dear September

 A few years ago the month of  September  would bring about anxious moments. September represented the last quarter, winter was on the horizon and so was a brand new year. I used the beginning of the month to review the goals that I set for the year. If there was less ticks on the page to denote goals achieved, I would go into a mode of achievement by any means necessary. That  may have included neglecting self care, family time and anything else that got in the way of  achieving these goals. The achievement of goals was the barometer for my success.

When my life changed, this level of achievement, goal setting and getting ticks on a page meant nothing to me. In fact I stopped setting goals for a few years after life changed. I reckoned that it just did not make me happy nor did it contribute to any joy (extreme much!)

A few years ago, I started doing goals in a different way, I based  my goals on how I wanted to feel and focused on doing events to contribute to feelings the feelings I I identified. Joy, abundance, Fun, Love, Contentment, Gratitude. What would lead me to these feelings?

I also included monthly check in's based on what feelings I desired. This reduced so much anxiety. Every month I spent time on the first day thinking about the feelings I desired over this month, what are the activities I must do that can support these feelings and what are the activities'  I want to do to feel those feelings.

This month, I felt a pang on anxiety, I felt that because over the pandemic, I have been neglecting how I want to feel with a focus on staying positive, dealing with the changes that are in front of me.

As I sat with those feelings, I wrote in my journal the feelings that I want to feel. I wrote what I am grateful for despite. The anxiety made way for  a feeling of calmness, a knowling that whatever happens I am and will be ok.

It's amazing how we let our thoughts terrorize us, forgetting that we have the power to change our minds, and replace those terror thoughts.

Happy September

Peace

Living in lack is a consciousness

When you are in lack, the lens through which you are looking at reality is still a conditioned, unconscious program that says, Where is it? If you are looking for something, you are separate from that thing because you are not feeling the emotions associated with having it. If you were feeling the emotions of love, you wouldn’t be looking for it—instead, you would feel like it has already happened. Joe Dispenza 

Living in lack is a consciousness. Not withstanding that there are many people here and throughout the world that live without a regular supply of running water, food, and other basic necessities. This is a whole other conversation about how we value competition over collaboration and individuality over community. 

What I am referring to is the mindset of scarcity over the one of abundance. The belief that what you desire is out of your reach, that you do not believe that all needs are always met.

What I have learnt is...

1. All needs are met - they hardly ever look like what you think it would look like, many times when your needs are met, it blows your mind.

2. We are all connected. When we are looking for something, many times it is a result of not believing that we can have it, that we believe that it is separate from us and there is some fear attached to not receiving it.

3.  If you’re always worried that there’s not enough, that your time/money/etc. will run out, it probably will! You’re whole being is vibrating at that frequency, attracting those things, people and situations. If you’re worried that there will never be enough, there will literally never be enough for you. 

4. When we change our mindset to - we are all connected and there is enough- our lives change.

5. Gratitude - Give thanks through it all and for it all.

Peace

 

The medicine of gratitude

 The medicine of gratitude - Danielle La Porte

One of my favorite affirmations is "gratitude is the great multiplier" 

When I say it I envision everything around me multiplying, the blessings and the lessons. Either way I am covered, I receive a blessing or I learn  and grow from the lessons.

When I heard during a meditation - the medicine of gratitude this resonated so deeply to me. Gratitude heals. Gratitude soothes. Gratitude is a prayer.

The moment that I step out of complaining, moaning and upset and just say "thank you", thank you for the blessing or the lesson, my mindset shifts. I stop resisting and start surrendering.

The meditation of gratitude  came right on time for me, I started sinking into the hole of "when can we ever be "normal" again. That hole was dark and continued me down to meet other dark holes of feeling powerless and  disempowered. Focusing on gratitude I was now able to look where with different lenses with so much more patience.

I sat down and wrote out what I was grateful for in this time and why.

Even the small things seemed like big ones after doing this exercise.

I recognized that starting from a point of gratitude gave me a feeling of peace and abundance, rather than lack and impatience.

Powerful powerful medicine

What are you grateful for in these here times?

Peace

Sameness is not a battle that you can win

 You work rather hard at sameness but you will never win that battle - Abraham Hicks

I have learnt that we are all unique beings - different in many ways yet all connected and share similar stories. The moment I learnt and accepted that it became easier not just to be empathetic towards others also to stop comparing myself to others. 

There are many who inspire me to raise my game, to act differently and make my life a demonstration to myself of what courage and love is. I have now realized that those who inspire me come to teach me. Rather than copy and compare, it became easier and easier to watch and learn, to be inspired.

The society we live in now provides more information via social media and  the Internet. We see how others live. We search for likes, We want to be seen among the crowd. All of this  can lead to us comparing ourselves to others, wanting what others want and being the same. As Abraham Hicks said, you will never win that battle. You are unique, there is only one of you, never to be replicated. Wanting to be exactly like someone else is denying your own uniqueness, your own power. How can we use our uniqueness to connect on a more deep level, to release judgement, come together and live life in a harmonious way. Where we can grow in a safe space and make where we are better for the ones coming behind us.

Peace

Attachment is a form of Control

 Love is freedom while attachment is control, all human beings walk in as a mixture of both when they enter into relationships. Yung Pueblo 

I love the idea that the more self aware we are, the easier it is to let go of our attachments. On many occasions, our attachments come from a place of fear and control. 

Our attachments come from a place of wanting things done in a particular way and not being very flexible enough to see another way or surrender.

According to Ying Pueblo "Attachments, our craving to have things exist in a very particular way, are the rocks that clog up the mighty flow of love. Our attachments are often molded by the hurt we have felt in the past. In this sense, attachments represent our inflexibility"

Self awareness has allowed me to question and probe why I am attached to having things done or look a particular way. It allowed me to release the way things "should be done" and accept.

The more self aware I became, the more accountable I was to myself, the better my communication with others turned out.

What are you attached to, and why?

And how are these attachments influencing your relationships?

Love itself has many synonyms: mental clarity, compassion, selflessness, flexibility, acceptance and understanding.

Peace

Crises are portals – should we choose to step into them

 Personal and public crises, however, are opportunities for new possibilities. They are lessons, though often difficult, in becoming who we need to be in order to make the changes that will heal our lives. Crises are portals – should we choose to step into them – to a life beyond the one we experience now. Marianne Williamson

If I am a believer that everything has a place and space, and that life is for us rather than against us, my actions must reflect this for thoughts, words and actions to align. There is a sincere belief in my heart that we are given lessons through the times and experiences within which we live.

The world is going through an unprecedented time.  How are you using this portal? 

How are you using this lesson?

How are you reflecting on life?

And this is not a denial of  what is happening. This is a facing of it in a way which reflects on who we are and what we stand for.

What has been our own personal response to not just what is happening globally but to the situations right in front of us.

Do we show up in love or in fear?

Do we choose judgement or acceptance?

Do we leave room for open mindedness?

Do we moan, criticize and complain?

Do we support a community?

Do we sit on social media and be superior?

Do we think for ourselves or simple follow?

Do we use the portal to change or shift where we are and how we act?

Do we even care?

I challenge you to do some self reflection, determine how you are responding to life and all its portals designed as crises and tribulations.

Peace

Habits

One of the main places people get stuck on their transformation journey is habits Lalah Delia 

The research says that it takes between 30 and 40 days to form a habit and even longer to break it. Our habits adds up to how we live. We do so much on auto pilot that it becomes second nature. We do not even have to think about what we do as a habit, we just do it, effortlessly. Even when it is not in our best interest. Think of the things you do as routine, daily! Those routine things that we do subconsciously add up to the habits which form our lives. Our lives reflect our daily habits.

Habits are what we do as routine, we do not even have to think twice about what we are doing. A habit is a decision, a choice. 

What I have learnt is, my repeated choices and decisions become my habits. The healthy ones and the not so healthy ones.

Your health - your habits help in determining them

Your success - your habits help in determining them

Your finances - they reflect your spending and saving habits.

What I have also learnt is, breaking and building a habit takes commitment, discipline, will power and a firm decision. Breaking a habit also takes going below the action to determine the feeling that you desire. There is usually a feeling that we are looking for when we eat all the chocolates, smoke the cigarette and even brush our teeth.

If we are willing to face up to the feeling that we are chasing, have the discipline and commitment to stay the course, give up  some of the people, places and things that  are unsupportive, slowly but surely we can change the habits that are self defeating.

Peace

How are you responding?

 you know you’re growing when certain things don’t affect you the way they used to anymore. if you’ve learned to stand your ground and gained confidence in your boundaries, celebrate yourself for that. Vibrant Honey

One sure way  I know that I am growing, healing and forgiving in how I respond to the situations around me.

The last few weeks I have found myself paying more attention to my responses and asking myself- how am I healing, growing and forgiving in this time?

My feelings have  become a guide and they are usually spot on. How I feel in the moment of response becomes a sign post of where I am in the growth and healing process.

When I respond immediately in defense, in blame, in high upset with the high chance that once I am finished there is a distinct possibility that I will have to apologize or make amends, I know that there is still some healing, growth or forgiveness still to be done.

When I take a pause before responding to a challenging conversation or situation, giving the situation the presence and reverence it requires, I know that I have done some growing. Even when angry, shocked, hurt or disappointed.

The beautiful thing about life is that it not just loves us, it gives us guidance in the form of experiences and people. 

Some people come to teach us and some come to us so that we can be the teacher. It certainly helps when we can discern the difference with the people in our lives. When their role is over, the relationship changes. Many times, what we do is hold on to the person and the relationship long past its time. We like certainty and familiarity so ending or shifting relationships naturally are a challenge. Life comes in to show us that the time has come to shift or end the lesson. When we are responding consistently from a place of fear or being triggered, this is life's way of getting our attention.

It is life's way of saying pay attention to what is happening here, do you need to forgive, to heal some more or to move on. All of which can be challenging because it sends us head first into unknown territory.

Trust life, trust the guidance to know that whatever happens you will be guided accordingly,  the situation will be a lesson or a blessing. 

Peace

I'm boundary'd

all roads of the capitalist narrative lead to fast and busy like a good little machine. Something else is being asked of us now. I’m here for it. But it’s not that easy to halt, unravel, listen quietly and wait. Chela Davidson

A year ago, the soundtrack for my life was - "Busy and Got so Much to do" 

I can safely say that the  tune has changed...

Busy No Longer. My schedule is not jam packed. I'm not back to back. And I'm definitely not just trying to stay above water.

But gosh do I have a lot going on. Like big life changes, really major projects, yes my friends, a lot. But I'm not that busy because I refuse to be.

Instead, I'm boundary'd. I'm creating the life that I believe that I now deserve. I'm curating empty space in my days. And what I am moving away from is to look at my schedule automatically feel anxious, stressed and like an underachiever.. I want to meet the new day where I'm at, and then act.

Once upon a time not that long ago I didn't have time to breathe, much less pee.  My back and shoulder was paining me more than ever.

The pace of my day was dictated by other people, and I just did not have the courage to speak up, to change it . Anxiety set in so deep it felt like entrapment, because not only could I not imagine a graceful way out... my sacred barometer of a life well lived, felt like a distant memory.

A pandemic made the decision I'd already wanted to make a little bit easier...and a little bit harder. I've had moments  where I believed that there was too little on my plate, too few commitments, too much time on my hands that I had to work through the feelings.

And so it went until I landed where we always do: in balance. The pendulum had swung from overly busy...to overly not...and rested on a completely new awareness. New space was created for people to enter my life in different ways.

New space was created to learn more about myself.

New space was created for some people and events to leave.

I created answers for myself. I created boundaries. I created days that I delight in. 

If you're feeling like you have no time, need more time, not doing enough, take a moment to examine it – what does it really mean? what is under those feelings? are they rooted in truth or a story?  And how can you create a boundary that creates the type of life you desire? How can you change the story to be rooted in self belief and most importantly have some fun!

Remember, we never leave this life alive!

Peace

In extreme situations what do you do?

 

In extreme situations what do you do?  Iyanla Vanzant

What would you describe as an extreme situation for you?

I have learnt that an extreme situation, for me, is one which I know that I cannot fix, control, speed up or influence.

The pandemic is an extreme situation.

I have also learnt that extreme situations call for a different type of work. Not complaining, not whining, not fear, not following - that my friends is not work.

The work is trust, faith, self belief and holding oneself accountable.

When in an extreme situation, be mindful of judging, blaming, toxic spirituality and believing that you know it all.

Extreme situations call for surrender whilst doing the work - faith without works is dead

Extreme situations call for communion and communication with Source, with God, with the Universe

Extreme situations call for minding your own business.

Extreme situations call for commanding yourself in ways that are self affirming

Extreme situations call for releasing shame and guilt.

Extreme situations call for you to show up with an open mind and willing spirit because the flip side may not look the same as you ever envision.

Extreme situations call for letting go of your opinions, of your past, of your limiting self belief.

Peace