Akosua Dardaine Edwards's Blog, page 49

Check Yourself

 Complaining is how adults cry for help- Iyanla Vanzant

I am getting ready for a challenge this upcoming week. It's called - "The Check Yourself Challenge" 

Check yourself when you are complaining as a way to change the situation.

Check yourself when your language and thoughts are self defeating, self debasing.

Check yourself when you are not taking responsibility for your part in any action.

Check yourself when you are not being present.

Check yourself when you are blaming.

Check yourself!

So often we don't check ourselves, we look outside of ourselves for a scapegoat, a reason, a validation, a justification for our actions without checking ourselves first.

When we check ourselves, we are able to take our power back, activate our power and make better choices.

So, this week I am checking myself:

Check yourself when you are not speaking up.

Check yourself when you are shrinking to fit in.

Check yourself when you are settling.

Check yourself when are not being authentic.

Check yourself.

Checking yourself requires radical  honesty and courage. 

Peace

Some Days Are Just Quiet

Somedays are like that when you are not sad but you are just quiet, when you are not angry or pissed but you just don't want to interact with anyone. You just want to sit quietly with nature and watch the sky or listen to flowing water. somedays you just want everything to slow down. Dead Poet

There are days where I honor the quiet in me. There is nothing "wrong" or "off" I just feel quiet, that is it. It is also worth mentioning that many people think that my natural personality is a "quiet one" so when I feel to be quiet it goes up to a whole other level!

What I have learnt is that there are some that are quite uncomfortable with this level of silence. For quite a while I felt a sense of responsibility to make others know that I was okay.

I felt a responsibility to let them know that there was nothing wrong, I was not upset, and if I am out that it was no indication that I was not having a good time. It sometimes became so tiring that I would exit my "quiet" state to appease the noise and ensure that those around me did not feel discomfort with my natural state.

Then I just stopped. I simply stopped. The pandemic also helped because the people who were around me knew me. There was less of the need to be out, to be in social settings and justify my quiet.

Yesterday, as the country continues its reopening, I was invited to a small dinner. I sat there observing, taking it all in and the questions came:

"are you okay?"

"Is everything alright?"

I was reminded to just say yes and keep it moving. There is no disrespect in being yourself - not to others and certainly not to self.

What a blessing to be able to sit comfortably in my skin as we reopen.

I am grateful for the lessons.

Peace

What if you have to right life, right now?

 Are you willing to grow? That’s what it says, untethered soul. Are you willing to untether yourself? Has nothing to do with life. Every one of you has just the right life that you need in order to go to God, period. Michael Singer 

Many of us ask ourselves the question "What is the meaning of life?" 

Some as "What is it about me that I am not able to get life right?"

Others say "Life will happen when I get, achieve and have certain things or get into certain situations"

What I have learnt is, starting off from a place of wrong, lack, not enough and waiting on the perfect conditions leaves us with a feeling that we are not ok. That we must do something, anything to live life right.

We do not get out of life alive, everyone has to die and so the question to me has shifted to "what d I do with this time given here to live a life of joy, peace and love?" Shifting to this empowered question and knowing that I am ok starts me off on a totally different head space.

I make mistakes.

I piss people off.

I make poor choices.

I judge others.

Despite all this, knowing that I am ok and this life, is the "right" life for me has given me a whole other perspective. I can view all of the mistakes, poor choices, judgement as experiences, lessons and guides.

I can ask myself empowering questions, rather than focus on what is "wrong and bad" with me.

Give it a go, see what happens.

Peace

Duality and Balance

 People act like balance not suppose to exist. It's completely normal to have bad days...bad weeks.. bad relationships.. duality ..learning from the hard times is what helps us appreciate the good. Turtle Breeze

I am fascinated by the Law of Duality which basically says, using the old adage, that there are two sides of a coin, but there is one coin.

Two extremes on the same spectrum.

What particularly fascinates me about this spiritual law is the belief that right and wrong are judgments, that they are experiences and experiences are opportunities. What one learns from the experiences is what matters.

According to the Soul Medic "Rather than good or bad; right or wrong, the key is to allow the experience to show you what is the direction for the highest potential of the seed of your Soul. We have all had experiences that initially proved unpleasant but they became the greatest thing that happened to us"

The Law of Duality is about having an awareness of the spectrum upon which we operate to ensure that we remain balanced. Extremes usually put us in a situation where we react hastily from that space rather than taking the time to respond accordingly.

It also helps in understanding and accepting all that comes from the spectrum, hot and cold, up and down, life and death.

I have learnt that understanding this principle supports the acceptance of differences and leads me towards balance.

Peace

Are you Thinking for Yourself?

 To what degree have we bought in, consciously or unconsciously, to the messages that we’ve been bombarded with? Rha Goddess

The world we live in is filled with information, data, facts and knowledge from various sources. Some of the information we receive comes from those very close to us- families passing on beliefs, traditions and rituals. Today, we have at our disposal social media and the Internet where we can, not only immediately, but constantly, have information at our fingertips.

Over the last few days I have been looking at the details of the information that I have been consuming, particularly about the current Pandemic. I have been asking myself lately am I thinking for myself? What are the messages being taken in, digested and internalized which abdicates me of the responsibility of thinking for myself? Of making informed decisions that honor me.

When I started paying more attention to what information I have been  consuming. I learnt that any that promotes fear and division raises a different type of nervous energy within my body. The stories that talk about resilience, determination and triumph raised an energy of optimism and hope. I suppose this is normal. So why then do we, as humans, gravitate towards this type of nervous and negative energy?

I  then had to ask myself, am I living in denial? Am I running away from reality? Am I living in la la land by refusing to bury my head into the stories that report the number of deaths, vaccination woes and who is not doing what they ought to be doing? 

What I have learnt is that reality cannot and ought not be denied, the acknowledgement of what is actually happening is the first step in moving forward. Yes, people are becoming jobless, homeless, transitioning from life and  losing loved ones. The reality of what is happening has made me more humble, more empathetic, more compassionate and more pushed into action. Despite the losses and despair, I am  also seeing that there can be blessings and lessons in the "Rona". I am learning that I can use this opportunity to get curious about what is being told and shown daily via the news reports and the social media feeds with the intention of staying positive and focused.

You may ask how can I stay positive and focused when all of this is going on? I may respond, how can I not use this time as an opportunity to step up both in my home and in my community in my own little way.

What am I doing to make where I am better? There are many more bits of action that I can take than watching the news whilst condemning and judging others for not wearing their mask, not staying inside, not washing their hands. What am I doing or not doing? Forget others! 

How am I engaging people who are afraid to take the vaccine? How do I respond to them, how do I respect their points of view?

My grandmother always told me to think for myself, do not let anyone think for you because when they do you give up some of your freedom and your free will.

Think for yourself- it provides an opportunity for an unprecedented level of freedom.

Peace

Journey to Letting Go

 When you get really obsessed with how “it’ll all turn out”, you’re robbing yourself of taking action...the very thing that builds your confidence. Maxi Mc Coy

It's August, the Journey this month focuses on letting go. Upon self reflection, I realized that holding on was solely about certainty and having a guarantee. But is it really a guarantee? Over the  past few months I have learnt that there are very little certainties and even less guarantees in life.What are the things we hold on to because we believe that it is too late to make a change? it is too hard? it is too uncomfortable? it is too much hassle? What are you telling yourself that justifies and rationalizes you holding on?Are we holding on to thoughts, beliefs, people, situations, events because of the time we invested in it, because it brings us joy? What is beneath the holding on to situations that dishonor us?This month as I journey to letting go, I am paying attention to the thoughts that I hold on to that continue to haunt me. When someone pisses me off or have a different view to mine, what do I do? I automatically hold on to the thoughts and add to it by making up a story, days would pass and I would find myself telling the story to anyone who would be kind enough to listen, ensuring that I drag the thoughts along. This month, I want to tell the story from a place of what did I learn, what must I leave and how can I move from here in peace, feeling at peaceWhat do you want your Journey to Letting Go look like?Peace

If it costs your peace it's too expensive.

 If it costs your peace it's too expensive.

During the pandemic, the front lawn was turned into a garden with sweet potatoes, herbs and corn and a few other plants that were easy to maintain. The homeowner's association decided after their meeting that planting a garden was breaking the rules - only lawn grass permitted in common areas and some of the garden flowed into the common area. They sent someone to cut it down. I protested. Who would destroy a food garden in a pandemic given the fact that food security was being questioned. Who in their right mind thought that a garden was "ugly" I made all types and sort of pronouncements, judgements and even accusations.

This back and forth went on for a few months and I resisted them getting rid of the garden. Why? I felt that the approach was wrong, highhanded and disrespectful.

Yesterday they came and flattened the entire garden, everything was destroyed. I came in just as they were putting the last bits in a heap to be cart away.

I completely blew my cool. I was shouting, I was angry, I was annoyed.

In the midst of my loud outburst, I recognized that I had gotten over to them my message of annoyance and anger and the situation was descending into a tit for tat and getting personal.

Can I recover the garden? No

Can I make them see that what they were doing was wrong? No - they believed it was not wrong

Can I change anything in this moment and return to what was? No

As soon as I did that I stepped away. I wanted to do some self reflection to get the lesson - I have no idea what the lesson is as we speak, I am confident that it will come.

I do know now that I live among people who prefer pretty lawn more than food in so much so that they are happy to destroy and throw the food away.

I do know that being angry is normal, I resisted being angry for a long time.

I do know now that control is an illusion and resisting is a control vehicle

I will plant again, I know now how not to.

Peace

Waiting in anxiety brings about anxiousness.

 Trusting God’s timing is really an experience and a journey all in one. Blksoltheory

How do we know when we are being called upon to be patient or to act?

How do we know when we are being called on to sit still?

We may have all heard that everything happens when it is supposed to happen. It sometimes is a bitter pill to swallow particularly when we want to see results. When we have put in the work, when we want success and immediately.

Patience calls for surrender, for letting go, it calls for faith and trust. All qualities that require not seeing or hearing the tangible. Patience is more than waiting, it is about how we wait. Waiting in anxiety brings about anxiousness. Waiting in peace brings about peace.

When we have done all the work, all of the preparation, we must trust, have faith, surrender and let go.

The grasping and reaching indicates to the Universe that there is an absolute last of trust., trusting is part of the process.

We are called to be patient when we trust the process, have done all the work, and added in self belief.

We are being called to sit still... to know

To know clarity

To know the next steps.

Nothing before it's time, no matter what you want or do!

What do you do in the meantime?

Peace

Keep it Simple

 Make sure what you want is not making you a slave - The Naked Poet

More and more I am learning that I love simplicity. I love keeping it simple in every area of the way I live. The simpler life becomes, the more I learn that at the essence of it all life is simple and we complicate it mainly through our thoughts and not remembering or recognizing who we are.

When we do not know or remember who we are, we make life complicated through:

1. Having the need to prove, defend and justify many of our actions - the truth needs no defense and there is nothing to prove.

2. Being terrified of making mistakes even though mistakes are part of the human experience. Mistakes can help make masters.

3. Making shame and guilt our masters rather than getting curious when we feel those emotions

4. Not including time and space for gratitude and appreciation - what you appreciate, appreciates.

5. Consistently leaving out of our lives what brings us joy.

6. Continuous negative self talk - what you tell yourself matters and is possibly the most important thing you will hear.

Peace

The Higher The Risk

 If you risk nothing you risk everything. Krishna Darma

Risk is defined by Wikipedia In simple terms as the possibility of something bad happening.

Risk involves uncertainty about the effects/implications of an activity with respect to something that humans value (such as health, well-being, wealth, property or the environment), often focusing on negative, undesirable consequences.

In the financial world, there is a saying that the higher the risk the higher the reward. I say this to myself quite often to remind myself that risk is a part of life. The more risks I take the more rewards will materialize. Of course there is a flip side to this, the higher the risk, the higher the lower the fall. 

Risk and uncertainty goes hand in hand. There is no way that we can know every outcome, that we can have guarantees for every situation that we are exposed to. Living just basically involves some type of risk.

I have learnt that managing risk is about trusting myself and trusting the process. 

If I can live in a space of trust and faith, risks that come is viewed as a lesson or a blessing.  Taking risks increases not just our trust and faith, we also feel powerful. We are able to tap into our innate power to overcome challenges and obstacles as they occur. There is a sense of accomplishment in knowing that whatever happens along the Journey that we will be okay.

Taking risks  can also be life threatening depending on what risks you decide to take, for these purposes I am talking about doing activities and taking actions that you believe you cannot take because of the uncertainty, the lack of a guarantee, the heart break, the vulnerability.

Leaving a job you know is bringing you down  health risks and all without knowing what is next is a risk

Ending a long term relationship - is taking a risk

Starting a new career - is taking a risk

Asking your secret crush out - is taking a risk

Leaving the town or country you grew up in and moving away  - is taking a risk.

On the other side of the taking, is the receiving and I have learnt that on the other side the rewards can blow your mind,

Take a risk, trust yourself!

Peace