Akosua Dardaine Edwards's Blog, page 43

Top Lessons on the Journey to Authenticity

What would happen if, instead of always saying, “I know I need to make a change,” we also sometimes said things like "change is happening in & around me & I know that the big work now is to roll with it." What would it be like then, what would you be seen doing? Jessica Dore

January is coming to a close, we dedicated January's journey to authenticity. 

In this case, authenticity meant the peeling off of the masks, the decluttering of Self- from lack, fear, doubt, people pleasing, external validation - and showing up wholly, holy and true!

This is not a simple nor easy journey. It calls for courage, commitment, self-awareness and self-love.

During this month's Journey, my intention was to keep remembering who I was, to allow for me to show up in that way.

Here are the top lessons I learnt on the Journey to Authenticity:

1. Always remember who you are and...who you are is who you tell yourself you are. Your self talk plays a huge role on your Journey. What are you telling yourself about yourself? What are you telling others?

2. Looking for external validation is the icing on the cake, not the cake itself. If at every turn we have to look outside of ourselves to get permission, love, a thumbs up, we will live our lives searching for that. When it does not come, there is a tendency to believe that we have failed or we are not enough. Set your own standards and live up to them.

3. You will do a far better job in being yourself than being like someone else- this means you must take the time to know yourself.

4. You cannot pretend for ever - it is unsustainable. Sometimes pretense comes from wanting to please others, not disappoint family and friends and fear of stepping out of our comfort zone.

5. Have fun on the Journey. Celebrate the little things! Gives you fuel for the Journey.

What were your top lessons?

Peace

Justification vs Responsibility

 

The universe’s timing, not yours. Deion

To the degree that I give myself excuses for staying unhappy & unloved, that’s the degree to which my life will not work.

Most excuses mean there is something we are afraid of underneath. Excuses are the shields we use to hide fear.

When you justify your mistakes, you must ask yourself why. Mistakes are part of life, taking responsibility and ownership for them is not the same as justifying them.

Peace

You have to challenge to resistance and your habits

 You have to challenge to resistance and your habits - Iyanla

During this month, I have been taking the time to join an online course as part of the goals and objectives that I have set for myself in 2022. Confessions on the Journey - it has been quite a test. Why?

Firstly, it is in a different time zone, this means that I must be up way past my bedtime, there are times that I am barely awake. The topics take me beyond my comfort zone, they rekindle feelings that I did not even realize that I preferred to forget, ignore and or not deal with. This despite me knowing somewhere in my being that facing and acknowledging them is a way to heal. The methods used during the course are like no other that I have encountered. This level of newness has brought about some self doubt - am I doing it right, am I doing it wrong! Having said all that, it has been such an eye opening experience. The entire experience shifted when I decided to approach everything with an open mind. 

There are 26 days left on this Course and I cannot wait to see the good that is going to come out of it.

Here are my top 5 lessons learnt when doing something new and challenging:

1. Recognize that the ego loves to compare and contrast then analyze. Once you spot the ego, ask it to give you some time to complete the task.

2. Showing up counts for more than we think. Just show up with an open mind and a willing spirit!

3.Keep an open mind.

4. Planting seeds take time - be patient with yourself, declare your mind a judgement free zone.

5. Breaking old habits takes time and will be uncomfortable. Challenge yourself to do a new thing, to form new habits, to affirm yourself rather than affirm your doubts.

Peace 

What Are You Holding on to?

 We hold onto material objects because we think they make us feel secure, when in reality they are cluttering our lives. Daily Om

Reading this resonated with me, I wanted to share it with you my friends. Peace



In life, we tend to have an easier time acquiring possessions than we do getting rid of them. Just as we harbor emotional baggage that is difficult to let go of, our lives can tend to be filled with material objects that we may feel compelled to hold on to. Most people are not conscious of how much they own and how many of their possessions are no longer adding value to their life. They fiercely hold on to material objects because this makes them feel secure or comfortable. While it's true that the ownership of "stuff" can make you feel good for awhile, it seldom satisfies the deep inner longings that nearly everyone has for fulfillment and satisfaction. It is only when we are ready to let go of our baggage and be vulnerable that it becomes possible to recognize the emotional hold that our possessions can have on us. 

It's not uncommon to hold on to material objects because we are attached to them or fear the empty spaces that will remain if we get rid of them. Giving away the souvenirs from a beloved voyage may feel like we are erasing the memory of that time in our life. We may also worry that our loved ones will feel hurt if we don't keep the gifts they've given us. It's easy to convince ourselves that unused possessions might come in handy someday or that parting with them will cause you emotional pain. However, when your personal space is filled with objects, there is no room for anything new to enter and stay in your life. Your collection of belongings may "protect" you from the uncertainties of an unknown future while keeping you stuck in the past. Holding on to unnecessary possessions often goes hand in hand with holding on to pain, anger, and resentment, and letting go of your material possessions may help you release emotional baggage.  

When you make a conscious decision to fill your personal space with only the objects that you need or bring you joy, your energy level will soar. Clearing your personal space can lead to mental clarity and an improved memory. As you learn to have a more practical and temporary relationship to objects, positive changes will happen, and you'll have space to create the life that you desire. Daily OM

Transactions including material transactions will not determine who you are

 Transactions including material transactions will not determine who you are - Sadguru

Many of my peers particularly from school view success as what has been earned through gaining an education and a career.

Many of them believe that if we have all the comforts and access to them, including a netwrk of people with decision making power, we would have achieved, we would be able to surmount the challenges that are faced.

I also believed this for a very long time in my life. I also believed that being a "good person" I would be spared from hurt and pain.

Where did I get these beliefs? I am not entirely sure. What I have learnt is, sometimes beliefs with the best of intentions which are accepted with no enquiry may not be in our best interests. I have also learnt that if these beliefs are status quo, the norm or family rituals, when one questions those beliefs, it may cause upheaval.

Question them anyway, be curious about them anyway. Why? The freedom beyond the initial upheaval is so worth it.

And on that Journey, we have the extreme privilege of revealing our true selves, knowing who we are and why we are here, without the "things" and the external validation.

Peace

Life is in session - all the time

 One of the gifts of learning how to have compassion for yourself is that you start to learn to give yourself more chances, more grace & understanding... You learn that you don't just have one opportunity to figure things out... You have plenty... And that makes all the difference. Koleka Putuma

Life is in session - all the time. Think about it. Every day some one is born, someone dies. Art, music and poetry is created. Seasons change, people change. One thing we know for sure...bet safely on change. Yet, many of us have so many challenges with change, with learning something different, doing something different to what we are doing now.

I can say, I love consistency, I love sameness- there are times where I cling on to the sameness, the consistency and resist change. I continue to strive for a balance.

Consistency can be a strength when used in balance, when not, it keeps me resisting change.

And the spiral begins. Guilt, shame, lack of compassion and grace to SELF!

Simply put, change is part of this Journey called life, it is so important, in fact critical, to Journey in grace, compassion, self love and self awareness. Practice it, daily!

Watch how you speak to yourself, about yourself, with yourself.

Journey in Love, Journey in Grace

It makes all the difference.

Peace

Making YOU a Priority

 As unimportant as "you time" can sometimes seem, it truly is crucial to your well-being because it ensures that you are never left without the energy to give of yourself. Daily OM

Many of us feel guilty to take time off our busy schedules for ourselves. Mothers in particular, find it sometimes even harder as they have little people depending on them.

In our capitalist society, there are companies that look favorably on employees who take no days off when they are unwell, or holidays - they are seen as stellar employees, taking one for the team and all round great employees.

Why does a work matter seem more urgent, more important than taking time for ourselves?

Why does taking care of everyone's needs seem more urgent than taking care of our own?

Some say "well it's urgent isn't it? My needs are not urgent". What if they are? What if taking time for yourself makes all the difference in your health, your creativity, your wellness? What if?

Within each of us, there is a well of energy that must be regularly replenished. 

Take some time to reflect on why, what reasons you use to justify not taking time for yourself and making "YOU" a priority.

Peace

Are you living a Pattern?

 We don't live a life, we live a pattern - Dr Shefali Tsabary

The first time I heard this I shouted "Yes!!" It resonated with me on so many levels. So many of us live according to what we see, what have been handed down through our families and what society deem ought to happen. And sometimes there may be merit to that and life moves along swimmingly, however there are so many times that the pattern is not for us. The pattern does not lead to authentic lives. When the pattern does not fir into our authenticity and true selves, discovering this and living that out loud causes discomfort not only for us, but from our family and society who passed on the patterns that they believe worked for them.

What are the patterns passed on to you in this life that you live which no longer serve you?

Marriage is for ladies

Boys should not cry

Mixed couples are non

Same sex couples are non

Stay married despite - make the sacrifice for the kids

Go to University

Work at one job until you retire

Go to church on Sunday

Be a good girl

Get a pension

Peace

Stay in Your Lane

 People that want to control others are, at the core, consumed with their own fears and projecting those fears onto others. Daily Om

I was reading a post on controlling behavior this week and I started thinking about my own relationship with control. Confessions on the Journey, I love to be in control,  humans on the whole and we don't even  think of how we behave as wanting and needing control. We go to extremes to remain in control- even to the point of unhealthy actions.

We want to know what will happen before it is over.

We want others to follow and agree with us.

We want our children to listen to our way.

We want to know what the exact plan is.

We want to leave nothing to "chance".

People express shock and horror when someone responds with "I don't know". 

Why are we so obsessed with control?

There is need of course, for a certain level of control in our lives. Control of our bodies, our minds, our choices. Other than that, what are we really wanting to control situations and others for? Controlling behavior in the negative sense comes from a tendency to reach beyond our own boundaries and into the lives of others. Many people do this with the rationalization that they are helping. Are we really helping though? 

What are we saying when we jump over in other people's business and start dictating what happens there?

What are we saying when we leave nothing, NO -THING to faith and trust?

What are we saying when we want to know everything at every minute?

We are putting additional and unnecessary stress on ourselves. We cannot know everything. Life specializes in surprises and the unexpected, when we recognize this and know that we are well equipped to handle it, the Journey becomes more pleasant, and less stressful. Controlling behavior generally goes hand in hand with an unwillingness to be direct about what you want, as well as an inability to let go and let people live their own lives. If you are the one that is controlling, it's probably because you feel as if you are out of control and it scares you. 

It is tough to see others doing their lives or acting differently to you, especially when "your way" worked in the past. Be there for others in a way that is not intrusive, let people walk their path and learn their lessons.  Trust that they will find their way, trust that all will be well when you have done all you can, prepared as best as you can and have faith that you are divinely guided.

Peace

Feelings Buried Alive Don't Die

 We need to give ourselves permission to feel and express everything within our being. Sabrina Reber

I have learnt that our feelings are guides, they give us valuable and necessary information on the journey. When we ignore the guides, we get lost. We give away our power.

When we do not express our feelings, they remain stuck in and on our body. It bleeds out in so many different ways, anger, blame, illness to name a few. On the flip side there is also bleeding out through passive aggressive actions, complacency and denial.

For us to live an authentic life, we must feel our feelings. We must be willing to spend some time in the discomfort knowing that this too shall pass, that going through is the only way of getting through.

Make it an intention to identify what you feel. This does not mean you must act on them or live in the funk. It merely signals to yourself that you acknowledge where you are with no denial and judgement. That simple act gives you the power to make a choice that is in your best interest.

Allow yourself to express what you feel in a healthy way and safe space- if you have to scream  do that, if you want to cry, do that!

Movement also helps- take a walk, dance a bit, move that energy!

According to Adam the dream healer, emotions can work for you or against you, you get to choose.

Peace