Akosua Dardaine Edwards's Blog, page 40

Creating Space

 “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.” —Viktor Frankl

My default to many a situation, a question, an uncomfortable moment, a problem is to immediately, let me mention it again, immediately, find a solution. I want to fix it. I want to fix it NOW.

This "fix it now and find a solution" behavior even extends to my  social media interactions, email and texts. Texts and messages come in and I want to answer them right away, even sometimes while driving- which we all know is not just dangerous, it makes no good sense!

Having thought about it, my habitual responses have come from being rewarded for being responsive, being one to find solutions quickly. I started pegging my worth and value on how quickly I could solve, fix, respond because the accolades and praises kept coming in.

Confessions on the Journey - there have been times when the fix, the solution, the answer comes from a place of fear and reaction. It may come from a place of ego, wanting to be right, wanting to be seen and heard.  When it comes from those spaces, there is usually more to fix!  

I have learnt now to pause! There is power in the pause. Power to respond from a place of love ( the opposite of fear), a place of intention, a place of calm. So how do I work this, I see a message come in that sends me into fix it mode, into upset, into fear, I take a pause, a breath. That simple second stops me from reacting. from being in upset, from making a mess.

When I pause I have the opportunity to see things from a different perspective. I also have the opportunity to release fear, judgement and ego. Breaking habits take time, I am focused and willing to see another perspective. 

Take a pause, take a breath before you move. 

Tell me how that works for you.

According to  Brene Brown " taking a pause is awkward, but its life giving"

Peace

Akosua's Books 

Nyabo(Madam) Why Are You Here?

Now What? The Flipside

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on The Journey to Unconditional Love

Are You Settling for What is Familiar?

 We often settle for what's familiar, even if it's not good for us, because it requires less effort than starting something new. And when it comes to relationships, we often stay in toxic, harmful ones far longer than we should because they're comfortable and easy. Remember comfortable and easy does not equal enjoyment and pleasure. Stacy Herrera

Building any type of relationship, even a relationship with yourself  takes time, effort, courage, commitment and very importantly a pure intention of what you desire.

This process becomes more difficult when we don't know how, we lack self belief or we live in a pattern or habit.

Think about it for a second, you live a particular type of life, its become a routine, a habit to do the same things over and over, its comfortable, there is not much thinking involved. There is no rocking of the boat. Why change that? There will be moments in that life where there will be some happiness. Many of us are resigned to live that way. Stay with what you know to avoid what you don't know, cannot guarantee.

Then there may be the case where you have absolutely no clue how to build or have a healthy, harmonious and mature relationship. You have never seen one in your life!

And then the clincher for me is when we place the responsibility of our happiness, our value and worth in other people's hands. We wait for something outside of us to "make us" happy.

How can we start building healthy relationships:

1. Have a burning desire to do so

2. Set  a firm intention, decide

3. Be willing to do the work

4. Let go of the need to know how it will happen, be open, be flexible

5. Pay attention to your patterns

6. Make self awareness a daily ritual.

7. Love yourself through it all

Peace

Nyabo(Madam) Why Are You Here?

Now What? The Flipside

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on The Journey to Unconditional Love

Pausing takes a tremendous act of courage

 Pausing means being ok that you are uncertain of the  outcome, letting go of control or surrendering to the present moment. Each takes a tremendous act of courage - Rachel Omeera 

Pausing - taking a minute before you move, stopping for a short time, stopping during a process. For a very long time I believed that pausing was a sign of weakness, of laziness, of dropping the ball. Why pause when you can finish something now, why pause? push through to get a definite answer, a guaranteed outcome, a level of control and certainty. 

What I have learnt over time is that there is power in the pause. The power comes from the ability to trust in yourself, trust in the process and trust the Universe. Pausing is a sign of spiritual maturity. When we are intentional with pausing, we are able to get to a place of peace. When life puts us on pause, we have to navigate through guilt, shame, illness, breakdown and unexpected changes. 

Pausing allows us to tune in to our bodies, our intuition. Tuning in to our intuition requires stillness. In the busyness of life we can miss the guidance from our intuition. We can better see what we desire, what brings us joy.

When we are feeling unfulfilled, burnt out, anxious and stuck, pausing allows us to get back in tune with who we are.

The world demands that we keep going, the bills to pay, the responsibilities at our jobs, the business to run, to keep afloat, so many things to do. This weighs on our minds so much so that pausing seems to be absurd. What will happen if we pause? Surely our world will come crashing down wouldn't it?

Pausing does not always need a life overhaul. We are living day by day and moment by moment. Pausing requires a decision to trust, to be courageous, an intention to take a breath. This is where it begins.

Pausing allowed me to take a meaningful look at my life, it allowed me to love myself a little bit more to determine what was meaningful and what was living in an unhealthy pattern.

Are you willing to pause?

Akosua's Books

Nyabo(Madam) Why Are You Here?

Now What? The Flipside

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on The Journey to Unconditional Love

Journey to Stillness

 i am finding beautiful beginnings in unexpected endings. Billy Chapata

Greetings

The Journey continues...

What is your definition or perception of stillness?

Is your definition one where you freeze, you pause, you rest, you sleep, you stop moving? Do you even have an idea or a definition of what stillness is?

We live in times where being busy is tied to our worth, we are seen as productive, ambitious individuals when we are busy, we are seen as progressive when we are always on the go with something to do. We are rewarded for movement and busyness.

When there is always something to do, our minds are occupied with that, there is a tendency to fill our time with things to do. This helps in avoiding that quiet time we need with ourselves, to reflect, accept, change and most importantly love up on ourselves. Busyness and always being occupied becomes an escape. Life has a way of making you become still when we ignore the signs.

When we tie our self worth and our self value to being busy, to always having things to do, to moving,. getting still will be a challenge. Whether your perception or definition of stillness is a pause, a rest, a stop, sleep! Whatever it is, you will find getting still a challenge. Guilt may step in, negative self talk may set in, resistance may set in and we find ourselves getting more and more busy- sometimes in other people's business, we find ways to want to help and fix others whilst neglecting our own lives.

Stillness is a prayer.

Stillness is a demonstration of self love.

Stillness takes courage in this world that we live in.

Stillness is a meditation.

Be Still and Know- this is one of my favorite lessons.

Be - not Do - we are asked to just be- wherever you are in life, stop, pause, accept it, celebrate it!

Still - stop whatever you are doing, thinking, figuring out, moving towards, putting together, tearing apart - simple. Get silient, Get Calm, Do not make a sound, do not make a move

And Know - recognize that you are divinely guided, that you come from the Source, that you will learn, grow, be okay.

If you make it a practice, a ritual DAILY to be still and know, your life will shift in tremendous ways. Are you willing? Are you courageous?

Can you take a few minutes out of your life to "be still?"

The Journey this month is asking that of you.

Peace

Akosua's Books

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Nyabo (Madam) Why Are You Here

Now What? The Flip Side

All things in time

 Move with intention, but do not rush. All things in time. Vee

This Barbados trip was in time and on time!

I came here with my Self. I’m leaving with more of my Self.Grateful.The Most High has guided me & many times I did not understand the assignment, the calling. I know now that Divine Guidance requires trust more than understanding. It requires the courage to step out on the little bit we understand even when we don’t know it all.The discernment is not in the knowing the full map or how to get from here to there, the discerning is stopping long enough to respond to the inner guidance that reroutes youThis discernment, this knowing is so deep within we have to be willing to adjust. To trust.Grateful for the lessons. Peace

Akosua's Books

Nyabo (Madam) Why Are You Here?

Now What? The Flipside - Akosua's Latest Book

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Love

What Do You Have Packed in your Heart?

The only things you can take with you when you leave this world are the things you’ve packed inside your heart.

 Hello my friends

Still here in beautiful Barbados, the time here thus far has been a combination of work, rest and meeting new people.

I think the biggest lessons for me are:

1. Keeping an open mind when hearing perspectives which differ from what I know.

2. Remaining flexible as things change.

3. Speak up- Let your voice be heard, say it in love and in service.

4. Walk with pocket money!

Peace

Akosua's Books

Nyabo (Madam) Why Are You Here?

Now What? The Flipside - Akosua's Latest Book

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Love

Is it Time to Review Your Standards?

 Once we see that living up to our standards appears to be leading us toward self-destruction, the time has come to question our standards - The Six Pillars of Self Esteem  

Hello my friends from the beautiful isle of Barbados. With great humility and gratitude, I am here for 6 days with women from throughout the Caribbean to discuss Social Change and Leadership. 

The invitation came and whilst I was delighted- Confessions on the Journey - I did have some doubt and fear. Doubts and fear both about my worthiness and whether I would be a good fit- perhaps the two are aligned. I also felt that the timing was off based on what was happening in my life at home. My mantra has always been to say yes and figure it out after. Opportunities come to me with good reason from the Most High so who am I to refuse them? 

Saying yes meant surrendering to the process, letting go and trusting. It also provided me with the opportunity to review the standards I had set for myself. To ask myself, were these standards still applicable, were they still working towards the life I wanted to live, are they aligned with who I am? How many of us take the time to review our standards? Newsflash- even when we don't, life is designed to show us when and where we need to take a pause, to carry on, or take a detour. It really is now up to us to decide.

Where in your life has your standards, your beliefs, your habits and patterns is showing you that there is a need, perhaps an urgent need, to self reflect?

Peace

Akosua's Books

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Nyabo (Madam) Why Are You Here?

Akosua's Latest Release - Now What? The Flipside

There is a time for everything under the sun

 When a person's different parts clash, such as the self that is our childlike aspect and the self that is our responsible adult, we often end up compartmentalizing or suppressing one of these aspects to ease the conflict. While this may make us feel better in the short run, we would be better off finding a way for these two selves to coexist peacefully inside us. Daily OM

Hello my lovelies

Back here at home, we just came off of a long weekend to celebrate Easter. I took the opportunity to rest and do a new thing. I spent the weekend nestled in the Montsterrat Hills of our beautiful Central Range.

Initially, after checking out what was available, I thought it would cost too much to make this trip especially given the reality of my current financial situation. One part of me believes that how I spend my time is more important than how I spend my money. Time cannot be retrieved, money can be made at another time. The inside battle was real, it only subsided when I embraced a level of surrender and balance. Surrender to the fact that I have different parts of me that make up the whole. And Balance where I embrace all parts of me when making a decision.

Turns out, the weekend was amazing. The place was totally worth it and I had the opportunity not only to rest but to connect with some amazing friends that I have not seen for over ten years.

Lessons on embracing balance:

1. Recognising, accepting and acknowledging that there are many parts that make up who I am, allows for ALL of me to be included in a decision. There is no guilt, abandonment or denial of parts of me. When all parts are embraced, there is a level of peace that is beyond comparison.

2. Thoughts, word and deeds must align to allow for smoother decision making. When they are in conflict, it sends the same conflicting messages to the Universe and manifestation becomes a struggle.

3. How you spend your time forms part of how balanced your life is. There is a time for everything under the sun.

Peace

Check out Akosua's Books

Now What? The Flipside

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Nyabo (Madam) Why Are You Here?

Are You Living in a Pattern?

 And yet, when we understand our patterns and the habits that become calcified around them, without layering self judgement on top of them, we can begin to see what our unconscious is so earnestly trying to carry out or maintain. We’re remarkable creatures. Chela Davidson

I define living in a pattern as one where we live unconsciously according to what happened in the past, we live by a formula set by others whether the "others" are religion, family, society or some other external force. The key to this way of life is we continue to live by these patterns even when living it is no longer serving us, we continue to live this way out of fear of change, fear of uncertainty and fear of what others will say.

Growing up with my grandmother she would wake us up before the sun rose, she told us that if the sun rose and we were asleep it signifies laziness. My mother said and did the same thing. I love to sleep late on Sunday's so there was always a battle at the house, as I moved out, I would feel so guilty lying in on a Sunday morning thinking both that I was lazy and letting down the family!

I started questioning myself - Am I lazy if I wake up when the sun is up? Without guilt and judgement (this was a process, trust me!) the answer was a resounding no! I started questioning all the other patterns that I lived unconsciously. Some of the patterns worked and some did not work. I decided that I must find the courage to question, challenge and live outside of these patterns that no longer serve me.

When we continue to live patterns that no longer serve us, life reflects this back to us in so many ways.

If you are living out of balance, chances are that life will find a way to bring you back to centre. And...it may not be pretty!

Do you keep yourself busy for the sake of being busy? - check on yourself, that may be a pattern of avoidance or non acceptance.

Do you put everyone else's needs before yours? - check on yourself that may be a pattern of people pleasing

Do you have self talk that promotes self doubt and procrastination? - check yourself, that may be living in a pattern of diminishing your self worth.

The lesson here my friends is self awareness. Becoming aware of the patterns that you live in, the habits that you have formed which keep you playing small, keeps you anxious and worried, people pleasing and not celebrating you magnificent self!

How about you? What patterns and priorities keep you from doing your thing?

Peace

Get Out of Your Own Way

 The biggest obstacle that we all have to overcome to experience inner peace is our own reaction. It is easy to think that things outside of you are causing you mental pain and turbulence, but when you develop your self-awareness you start to see that what is driving the intensity in your mind is actually the relationship between your perception and your reaction. Yung Pueblo

One of my favorite lessons is "Get out of your own way" Yung Pueblo says it so well - our reaction has a part to play in determining our own peace of mind. Our reactions come from the way we feel about the matter at hand, the stories we make up and the perceptions that follow.

Lately I have found myself being caught up, upset and annoyed by more and more little things . Why? My reactions have been due to my perception of what is around me, to fear of repeating old mistakes and patterns and wanting my own way. I feel grateful  for the reminders that I have the power to make a different choice,  the power to ask myself, is this real or is this an illusion? Is this a made up story? Is it me wanting things my way? When I ask myself these questions I can now choose to respond differently. It takes a level of practice and awareness. Confessions on the Journey - I have been slipping up lately, I forgot to ask myself before responding! 

When we react based on perceptions, stories and emotions only, there is a tendency to search in your mind for a similar event that happened in the past, if that event was tied to a poor outcome there is a level of fear and attachment, because of that, we have a tendency to get attached to insisting on the outcome of exactly what we want and sometimes we don't always get what we want. 

Life is not without challenges, obstacles or differences. The journey is to find a space within yourself that your peace certain, the peace that passes all understanding. Having that process to find and locate inner peace helps the journey.

So... what are you doing and how are you being to get out of your own way.

Peace