Akosua Dardaine Edwards's Blog, page 23

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

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Published on August 21, 2023 09:57

Love Liberates

Love Liberates - Maya Angelou

I have had some relationships in my life, let me tell you! I strongly believed that I was in love and in a healthy relationship. I can safely say now that I was not in love nor was I in a healthy relationship, particularly in my marriage. So what did I learn about love and relationships?

1. What Maya Angelou says resonates - Love liberates, you feel free, light, even in the tough times

2. Love does not control, demand, be inflexible and manipulate

3. Wanting our own way all the time does not help

4. As Lauryn Hill says, respect is the minimum - no respect, no healthy relationship

5. Lies - well what can I say here? Anything draped with lies never turn out well- don't tell them and don't accept them

6. Neglecting responsibilities or self-care to take care of the other person when they are not ill, it mainly due to fear of losing them, is definitely a red flag

7. Do not settle!

And the biggest lesson of all has been to love and value myself. This is the cornerstone of all healthy relationships. How I see, view, value and myself

In the past it was about "being chosen" now it is about choosing myself.

Peace and Blessings

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What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

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Published on August 16, 2023 11:27

Letting Go of Control

When we control, we want to be sure that something is going to happen a certain way; we want and need to know the outcome - Genny Rumancik

Feeling safe is important to all of us, whether we are on the streets, in a community, in a job, in a relationship, we want to feel safe, we want to be in situations where we trust the process.

When there is no feelings of trust and safety, we move towards control. As with everything when there is no balance everything falls down.

There are so many times that we are safe, we must trust yet we fight for control

There are times when we are in situations where the only thing that we can control is our response to it. Yet we persevere in wanting to control everything about a situation.

I have learnt that having an idea of what is actually in my control supports a less stressful existence, letting go of the illusion of control supports being in the moment, learning new ways of being and trusting Self. I have also learnt that it takes practice to let go of control.

Start small and continue as you go

Trust that no matter what happens that you will be able to handle it

Write down what you can actually control

Be present

Keep an attitude of gratitude

Peace and Blessings

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What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

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Published on August 12, 2023 12:09

Part of growing up is letting go

A dear friend of mine said to me today that I am not really good at having difficult conversations. When I first heard it I thought really? I thought I was good at it! then I paused and did some self inventory and she was absolutely right!

I sat down with that for a minute - As a recovering people pleaser, difficult conversations are tough for me, I am just learning how to advocate for myself, to stop giving all of me to the point of diminishing my self to "let people like me and "in the name of peace"

What I have learned is when one comes from a background of chaos and confusion at home, they do what it takes to "keep the peace" I continued to do that as I grew into being an an adult. I now have the tools to communicate how I feel and there is more independence on my part, I can walk away, I can make choices that are for my best interest, they are no longer my primary care givers.

I no longer have to be "liked" so that I will not be "left" - what a revelation! Makes such a huge difference

There is no need to fight, prove, bend to be liked and keep the peace

I can communicate what I am feeling, what my boundaries are and rest assured in the fact that not everyone will like me and that is AOK

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What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Sitting with this for a moment because guess what? as we speak I am avoiding a very hard conversation.

Peace and Blessings

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Published on August 10, 2023 17:26

What are your "standards for a good life?"

So the next time you feel the pressure of “standards for a good life”, push back. Don’t accept it. Pause and ask if that’s what really matters, or what really matters to you. Because in the moments that nobody sees, we often see ourselves. Maxi McCoy

So many of us are taught that the best, the right, and sometimes the only way to live is to follow a particular formula. A life well lived must include:

1. The "correct" amount in your bank account

2. Live in a particular area - the correct community based on property values, security, access

3. A respectable job title

4. The right mate

5. The brands that they wear

6. The number of followers

7. Where holidays are taken

So what happens to the people who choose to or just do not follow that formula? Are they not considered successful?

What do you place your value on?

What for you is a life well lived?

What about the kindness you display to Self and others? How is that measured and values? Is that something that is important to you?

What about the compassion to Self and Others?

What about courage to follow your intuition?

What about how you show up at work or in your business? with an open mind, a willing spirit and inclusive leadership?

Is any of that important to you, as you navigate through life?

And what do you do to live the life that follows the formula?

Where does intuition, divine guidance and spirituality come in to your life well lived?

Peace and Blessings

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What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

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Published on August 04, 2023 10:59

August is the Journey to Letting Go

The ego struggles against change because it reveals that control is rarely possible and at a deeper level change reveals that the ego itself is ultimately insubstantial. When you deeply embrace change, letting go becomes much easier. The thicker the ego, the more likely the individual is to believe that their way is always the right way. Control is often a manifestation of old hurt and trauma. The deepest healing and delight arises from letting go. Yung Pueblo

When we want the things we want, how we want it, when we want it, letting go becomes a challengeWhen we want to control the outcome down the last raisin, letting go becomes a challengeWhen we want to succeed at all costs, letting go can become a challengeWhen we have a point to prove, letting go can become a challenge Trust me, I have been there.I want to fix, I want to act, I want results. Isn't that what makes us create the live that we desire?Well....What I have learnt is that control is an illusion and holding on, proving , moving ahead without a pause leads to more of the sameWhat I have also learnt is letting go is not a passive act, it requires a level of commitment, willingness, courage, you can go through a purification and purging process which tests you.Letting go, is the doing all that you can, with a level of unwavering faith that whatever the outcome its for your own growth and advancement. Letting go is you doing your part and God doing God's part. It is staying the course in trust that you will always be ok.Letting go is Loving yourself through it all..
You have to want the result more that you want the discomfort of not knowing and not being in controlPeace and Blessings Akosua's Books

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

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Published on August 02, 2023 08:22

Ten Lessons on the Journey to Courage

As July closes, and the Journey to Courage winds down, these are the top lessons that I have learnt:

1. Courage is in the doing - action builds courage. There must be an action to back up the thought and the talk.

2. It takes courage to sit with feelings of discomfort - we tend to distract, want to "fix", hide and change reality, analyze and justify.

3. Courage requires consistency, self trust, integrity and accountability.

4. Changing our habits and questioning our core beliefs requires courage,

5. Courage is an inside job- no one can give it to us, we cannot find it in a book, a church a course - it is a firm decision to act and be courageous.

6. Courage does not require perfection - especially when we are developing a new routine or habit or is doing something for the first time. Progress is all that is required.

7 Maya Angelou says that courage is the greatest of all virtues, with courage it becomes easier to live a life of authenticity.

8. Courage and intuition works hand in hand- when we listen to our intuition and follow its divine guidance

9. Be mindful of those that talk you out of your acts of courage - they are not on your journey

10. Love yourself through it all.

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What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

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Published on July 31, 2023 12:58

Invest Your Power

When we are frightened, what will we sell? When you are fear and not grounded, you will negotiate your power away to gain something in the physical world. Carolyn Myss

When we make choices that come out of fear of survival, keep jobs we are terrified to lose, don’t speak up, we go one with the lie, you are abdicating our power, creating a hemorrhage and while it looks like you are safer, it is an illusion.

The more you hemorrhage, the more paranoid, frighten, insecure you get because you are changing your capacity to access your own inner authority. Because you betrayed yourself you don’t trust yourself and because you don’t trust yourself you don’t trust any guidance coming through you so you keep making a mess.

Self-loathing can start and then you have to find external ways to project.

Nothing is more important than you protecting your power - your innate power.

Not abdicating your power to anything to anyone

Don’t give your word, if you don’t mean it

Don’t agree with something or someone because you have to stay safe in the group

Abdicating power for another person for likes etc you become more insecure,you are not being empowered by your actions

Your choices and your actions in life are supposed to empower you, should pay energetic dividends, not drain you.

We pay for the acts of personal betrayal

Invest your power rather than sell your power

.Peace and Blessings

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What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

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Published on July 28, 2023 11:24

A Fine Line called Attachment

As soon as extreme attachment comes, a man loses himself, he is no more master of himself, he is a slave. Vivekavani

I often wonder what is the difference between going after what I want with relentless gusto when there are obstacles and going after what I want when I am told no.

Have you ever been in a situation where - especially in a relationship - where you believe with all of your heart that things could be different so you pursue, you work on convincing, you give and give and continue to do so even when all of the signs says let go? I have learned that this is attachment. When there is a difficulty in surrendering to what is. When the decision is based on potential, what could be, what "should be" and what was - rather than what IS!

I have learned that making up stories to justify this relentless pursuit is a form of control. The lesson is in the letting go- in this case, letting go does not mean giving up, it means giving in to the Universe's nudges and prompts to trust the process. Do all you can and let it go.

I have learned that letting go requires strength, courage, positive self talk and faith- I had to unlearn the belief that letting go meant that I gave up, that I was wrong and that I made a poor choice that reflects on my personality. I have learnt that the ego screams to me to hang on because you are right, just wait and prove it to yourself and others.

Attachment is the choice to not accept what is- As Byron Katie says, refusal to accept what is leads to suffering.

I have learned that there is an inner knowing that guides us when we are at the cross roads - its a gentle voice, a peaceful prescence that waits for when we are ready, it will not shout over the busyness and distractions, giving signs, patiently waiting for us to be ready.

Peace and Blessings

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What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

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Published on July 26, 2023 11:57

Difficult Conversations are...Difficult

“Learning that you can’t control the other person’s reaction, and that it can be destructive to try, can be incredibly liberating. It not only gives the other person the space to react however they need to, but also takes a huge amount of pressure off you. You will learn things about yourself based on their reaction, but if you are prepared to learn, you’ll feel free from the desperate need for their reaction to go one certain way.” Douglas Stone

Difficult conversations are for me... simply difficult. Along with conflict and conflict resolution, those areas have been some of my biggest lessons on the journey. I believe that the challenge of facing difficult conversations and conflict stems from my wanting to be liked and keeping the peace at all cost. What I have learnt is ignoring and denying creates more conflict and less peace in the long run. And, this is the clincher, not everyone is going to like, agree, or delight in what is happening, what decisions you make and how it unfolds.

What I have learnt in having difficult conversations and conflict resolution:

1. Make it an intention to be kind

2. Listen - with an open mind - let the other person feel heard and understood.

3. Lose the need to be in control - to convince the other person of your way

4. Be honest and authentic

5. Have respect first for self and then for the other person

6. State your boundaries to yourself and act on them

7. Remind yourself there is no perfect way.

8. Practice. Practice. Practice

Peace and Blessings

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