Akosua Dardaine Edwards's Blog, page 26

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

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Published on May 10, 2023 12:00

Intentions

May is the Journey to Discernment - the ability to make decisions that are guided by something inside of you, guided by truth and trust of self.

I was inspired by an message from coach, Stacey Herera on Intentions and wanted to share on this.

Trust of self comes from practicing being still and loving who you are, and being self aware. In the busyness of life, in the impulsiveness of decisions minus conscious thought in advance of its consequences, in the avoidance of self, in the repetition of habits, discernment becomes harder. We end up making decisions based only on what we want, rather than what is true, fair, kind and loving. Getting what we want feels great in the moment, the long term feelings are usually accompanied by consequences.

The intentions behind decisions made from a place of impulsivity, avoidance of what is, habits and untruths become clear upon impact.

"If you accidentally step on someone's foot and cause a bone to fracture, whether you meant to do it or not, the result is still the same —a broken bone. Your intention does not change that.

The same is true for words. Jokes are funny and are rarely intended to be harmful, but the impact of those words can still be felt.

Words hurt.

Impact matters.

You are responsible for the pain you inflict, intentional or not. This has been a harsh lesson for me. So the lesson has been to pay attention to the intention and make decisions combining intention and discernment.

Absolving ourselves from the results of our words, behaviors, or actions by putting the onus on our intentions is half of the story.

But when we focus on what we meant to do rather than the outcome of what we did, where does that leave the casualties of our actions?

Their pain is still there. They have no choice but to deal with the fallout. There is no alternative ending where everything is okay for them.

The bottom line is: intentions don't negate damage —ever.

Of course, in a court of law, the intention might reduce a sentence, but it doesn't change anything outside the courtroom in the real world.

Words, deeds, actions, and behaviors can have powerful effects that ripple out far and wide.

I said all that to say, be mindful of your intentions but hold yourself lovingly accountable for the impact. Own it. Apologize. Make amends. Take the necessary steps to alleviate any suffering (to the best of your ability)" . On this Journey to Discernment, practice marrying discernment and intentions. Show up always in truth, in kindness and in authenticity. Everything else is sufferation - for yourself and others.

Peace and Blessings

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Published on May 08, 2023 11:03

Stories we tell Ourselves

Where there is no story, there is no suffering - Eckhart Tolle

There is a difference between telling a story and making up a story. There is a difference is sharing your story and sharing a story you made up. Telling your story usually comes from a place of sharing, learning and empowering. Making up a story is usually from a place of now knowing, fear and ego. (Of course I am not referring to when you do this for a living)

I love stories, I love hearing them, I love telling them. What I am now learning is that there is a difference between the story and making up a story.

Eckhart Tolle broke it down so well, his explanation created a moment of healing for me. Something happens in our life, most times, something that is unpleasant, uncomfortable, out of your control. We don't have all the details, we don't like it, we want to know, we want to be sure, we want to change and fix it. We make up stories to fill in the gaps, to make ourselves feel in control, to be right, to be different, for me I will add to win, to not fail.

Most of the time, the story is all in your head about what, why, who and on and on.

The reality is, the stories we make up are usually not true, or fear or ego based. I have started paying attention to the stories that I have been making up, especially when they send me into a state of suffering. I observe my mind. When I realize that I am making up a story, I say oh- this is a story! stops me from continuing, I intend to practice this to allow me to recognize when I am making up stories. This will save me a lot of suffering.

The approach is to look at what is placed in front of me, deal with it in the moment and with Prescence, if I am unable to deal with it in the moment, I put it down to deal with later on. No more making up stories to fill in the blanks. There is no problem without a story and there is no you are not wrong and you are not right. This is just what is.

Peace

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What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

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Published on May 05, 2023 08:01

Mind your Mind

“Not the world, not what’s outside of us, but what we hold inside traps us. We may not be responsible for the world that created our minds, but we can take responsibility for the mind with which we create our world.” ― Gabor Maté

Confessions on the Journey - One of the most challenging exercises for me this year has been my thoughts. What do I mean by "my thoughts" I have been having difficulty letting go of thoughts that no longer serve me, holding on to them going scenarios over and over in my head. Giving life to what should have happened rather than accepting what is.

Its Byron Katie who said - when we argue with reality we suffer. I have been suffering

I have been making up stories in my head

Now, trust me, this is a trap. I have now been learning the lessons on how to pay attention and mind my mind.

We cannot go back in time, change the past or control what has gone, what we can do is respond to what is in front of us. Living in the past is keeping no room for what is to be.

Noticing my thoughts has now become an exciting adventure

I catch myself going over the negative thought and I have start making up comments - it is become quite amusing

"There you are again thought- oh here you are!"

"Whoops there is goes"

" Bless you ole thought"

By the time I am done saying that, it takes me off course and I start a whole other conversation with myself- it's quite a funny adventure actually.

Pattern interrupt I call it.

A thought when given attention can become a thing, some of the thoughts we carry around are so unconscious we don't realize what we are creating.

With the pattern interrupt, I also add meditation, prayer and journaling.

It takes a conscious effort to mind your mind, but let me tell you, it really is worth it.

Peace

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What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

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Published on May 03, 2023 14:57

May is the Journey to Discernment

In May, we are on the Journey to Discernment - I often think of discernment as a close sister to intuition. Stepping out on what we don't know for sure what the outcome will be, but assured in the fact that there is some divinity in it. There is a peace that passes understanding, there is character and truth. Discernment takes courage, it takes a strong spiritual grounding. We are faced with decisions and choices on a regular basis, there are some decisions that speaks to the soul, where we have to put aside our desires and love from a big place. The agape love, where the choice in the moment may make you feel good, however it is not the most loving choice for all concerned.

We have to develop the courage to step out on the little bit we understand even when we don’t know it all. This is a type of inner understanding and knowledge.

The discernment is not in the knowing the full map or how to get from here to there, the discerning is stopping long enough to respond to the inner guidance that reroutes you,

This discernment, this knowing is so deep within we have to be willing to adjust.

Don’t fight it.

Don’t deny it.

Don’t judge it.

Just listen to it.

But a lot of times you don’t want to hear it because you sense

Ahhh – this relationship I am in may have to come to an end

Ahhh – I may have to move

Ahhh – this is not how I wanted it to happen

Ahh – I have to leave this job

Ahh - how could this happen in this way, at this time?

Ahh- I was comfortable how things were

Ahh - They are good people, I know them

Ahh- it's just this one time.

Discernment – we stay awake and trust that there is something/someone who does know and that something, someone is guiding you always, it is up to you to listen.

When we don't the lesson comes around again until we do.

Peace and Blessings

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What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

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Published on May 01, 2023 07:19

There’s a difference between wanting something and being ready for it.

There’s a difference between wanting something and being ready for it. Ebonee Davis

There was a particular book that I was searching for on the bookshelf, as I was going through the shelf, a small red and black notebook fell out and onto the ground. When I saw it, I screamed out, this must be a sign and had me a good chuckle. This was a red and black notebook that I kept right after leaving University. I would write in it when I rode the London Underground from work in Soho Square to the hairdresser in Tooting. Anything I found inspirational I would jot down the contents and read it hoping that one day I would live a life that will inspire myself. Seeing the book brought me to the present moment - I felt proud, I do inspire myself- I admit that I am not perfect, make poor choices, stupid ones even, I fall down. I still felt proud because back then I did not believe that I would inspire myself to achieve the goals I set out for myself, and live a full life. I am doing that now, I am living a life that I can safely say that is one that I can be proud of myself. I act in a kind, thoughtful way, I do my best and I move toward loving myself daily.

What have you declared in your life?

I want to share one of the writings from the black and red notebook.

No matter what is happening in your relationships, fear nothing and no one

When you walk with the consciousness of the Creator there is nothing to fear

Do not fear people will threaten you.

Do not fear people will harm or threaten.

Do not fear obstacles that confront you.

Have no fear of harm to your body or possessions, you are walking with the strong arm of the law.

Do not fear disapproval.

Do not fear criticism.

Do not fear judgement.

Know that the only energy that has any power in your life is the gift of the breath of God

Do not fear darkness

Do not fear separation and divorce

Do not fear being alone

Do not fear being cast aside

When you walk with the Master, you are in the best company available

Peace and Blessings

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What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

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Published on April 29, 2023 11:54

Who Holds the Power and Responsibility in Your Life?

Character—the willingness to accept responsibility for one's own life—is the source from which self-respect springs. We flatter ourselves by thinking this compulsion to please others is an attractive trait: a gift for imaginative empathy, evidence of our willingness to give. Lisa Herrera

Who do you believes holds the responsibility (the ability to respond) for your healing?

Who do you believe hold the responsibility for your feelings?

Who do you believe holds or has responsibility for your joy?

Who do you believe has the responsibility for your relieving your sorrows?

Who do you believe has or holds the power and responsibility for your choices?

Who do you believe holds the power and responsibility for your decisions?

Who do you believe holds the power and responsibility for your thoughts?

Gentle reminder to self - in your life, be very clear about what you hold the power and the responsibility for and when you do, don't give it away, outsource it, neglect it or deny it because when you do, your life will be one of default, irresponsibility and lack of power

Peace

Akosua's Books

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

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Published on April 26, 2023 13:54

You and Uniquely and Divinely Made

Return to what is simple. What’s simple isdoable, and doing what is doable now is the only path to whatever comes next. Lisa Olivera

Life is simple. We make it complicated for a variety of reasons- mainly our ego. We want to be special, we want to be seen as unique and different. And here is the thing, without having to do anything and prove it to anyone, we are born uniquely made. We are ALL special and unique.

The world has perfected the art of making us believe that there is something, someone, that will prove to not only ourselves but to others that we are different and special. This makes life a little more complicated

We separate ourselves when we "other" people.

It is compounded by how we live

Pay to travel first or business class- be special

Pay for front row seats - be special

Be included in this specific club - be special

Buy brand names - show that you are special

The challenge is the message that we are sending and the lengths that some of us go to prove that we are special.

The simple fact is as the course of miracle says - all of the children of God are special and none of the children of God are special. We are all connected, from the same Source and uniquely made. If we start off from that perspective we will know and remember that we do not have to make life complicated to be special, to look special, to do special things. We are special and unique, so that everything that we add on to that is a bonus - a thank you note to the Universe.

When I forget how simple the fact that life is simple, I am a unique and special being just like everyone else, I start striving for attention and recognition, I compete unnecessarily, I start doubting myself, I forget that what is for me is for me! If you have to do anything out of character, and dishonor of self to get what you want, this is not for you. Simple!

Remember - you are uniquely and divinely made - and life is simple

Peace

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What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

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Published on April 24, 2023 10:26

The Road is Messy

The road is messy, it leads us out ofdenial and into reality; out of theory into practice; out of our heads and intoour hearts Gloria Steinem

I have been writing this blog since 2012, it started off as a way to both document the journeys I was on in Uganda and a method of getting my thoughts out while going through- what I thought then- was the hardest period of my life. Everything that I placed value on was either gone, shifting or changing. My sense of self was shattered because I placed value on material things, external things and other people's valuation of me. When all of it was gone, I was left with me. I used this blog as a journal to share, to learn, to heal.

I wanted so much to be seen, to heal. I look back on many of the posts and thought - wow, I wrote that? sometimes in cringe or sometimes in awe.

Eventually, the journal turned into the first book that I wrote - "What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love" with many of the stories from this blog finding its way into the book.

Where do you go, what do you do to grow, heal, deal with change that is healthy? I think we all need an outlet of healthy expression, to share, to realize that we are not alone, that many of the situations that we are in are common - we a'int crazy!

Whether it is singing, baking, painting, drawing, writing - see the pattern? It comes from within, it is a solo effort.

Life has certainly changed a whole lot since I started this blog, so many lessons, so many changes, so much growth. I give thanks for it all because of it I am here today. I think its why I am still writing this blog, there is always change, healing and growing to do.

Thank you for continuing with me on the Journey, I appreciate you.

Peace

Akosua's Books

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

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Published on April 21, 2023 07:43

In the Pause you get to choose

nothing has to happen immediately, this minute, or "right now." It's okay to pause for just a moment. Just take a breath. Then go quietly inside. Ask Life Itself to lead you to your best outcome. There's nothing you have to do, really, except get out of your own way ... Neale Donald Walsh

It's been 2 years today since my beloved granma Sheils transitioned. I remember her fondly not only because she had the best stories and lived to see 89 years of what this world had to offer, she was a ball of wisdom and shared it freely. There were times we would collectively groan when she would unleash one of her wisdom bombs when we least expected it or wanted it. In hindsight, it was always right on time. She was one of the most open minded and funny people I have ever met.

She would always say the only thing urgent is my next breath because if I don't have it I am dead and gone. I would always laugh and say Sheils you live in your own world rather than the real world.

I now fully subscribe to her philosophy, the matters I once consider urgent I laugh at it, sometimes I shake my head at it. Steeped in many of those urgencies was the need to prove that I was efficient, intelligent, trustworthy and easy to be liked. So many of it was to prove something.

We asked the doctors at the hospital to take Sheils home to celebrate her birthday, she asked to be at home. They explained to us that she is on her last and in excruciating pain, we would need to be held accountable for the morphine being given and know that there may not be a chance of her returning to the hospital. We took the risk as no one wanted to go against her last wishes.

She showed all of us that the only urgency was being there, as it may involve her last breath. From that moment on, I redefined to me what urgency is, what I had to do right now and why.

There is no need to prove, deny myself, deny my health, feel the need to please in the actions I now take and make. I can pause for a moment, I can always pause for a moment. In the pause I get to choose.

Peace

Akosua's Books

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love