Akosua Dardaine Edwards's Blog, page 17

The Consciousness that obtains sustains

 you can work and work to get it, you may not be able to keep it, or your life may not transform by having it because the consciousness that obtains sustains - Reverend Deborah 

I heard something today that blew my mind : "if you get something by lying and cheating, you will lie and cheat to keep it. If you get something because you believe you do not deserve it, more than likely you will always be afraid of losing it."

Why did that resonate with me?  There was a time in my life that I was almost in disbelief how my life was and the way that it looked for a very long time - I thought that I was perhaps lucky and undeserving. I was by all standards making it - material possessions, travel, relationships - all the trappings of "success" 

During my late teens,  I was what others would call  nerdy and chubby. I really liked this guy who was an athlete, smart, popular, with so many admirers. We managed to get to talking and fast forward we got married - I was so afraid of "losing him" that I would ended up self abandoning and as fate would have it we eventually got divorced. 

After divorce,  while I was dating ,the situation was similar, I believed that I was so lucky to be in the relationship, what a smart, outgoing, well rounded person - I was terrified half of the time and presented such a brave front - same scenario - they also left. I did not believe I measured up. 

Both are now in long term committed relationships - which is a whole other story for another time. It has been and continues to be a process to "believe" 

I have been doing quite a lot of self reflection about how I feel about myself so as to learn from those experiences.

Rather than attempt to get it without self belief, to become it

Be Love

Be Patience

Be Balance

Be Trust

Be Abundance

Believe in Self and know that I am it - that way there is nothing to lose 

It's a process and processes take time and effort. 

Peace and Blessings

Akosua

Akosua's Books

Nyabo (Madam) Why Are You Here?

Now What? The Flipside

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional

Ego Trips

 The ego gives us a rigid sense of self and wants others to perceive us a certain way. The ego struggles to appreciate differences in opinions and views. One common cause of inner conflict is when someone close to us is making choices that we would not make ourselves. Our initial impulse is to want them to think and act like us. Yung Pueblo 

This definition of ego  by Yung Pueblo resonated with me deeply  - Confessions on the Journey - this is how my ego shows up especially in intimate relationships! Seeing this here is a game changer for me to:

1. Let go of rigidity.

2. Let of of the perception that people MUST be a certain way.

3. Appreciate differences and be curious about them.

4. Let others make their choices and I make mine.

5. Stop looking to convince others that there is only the one way I chose to be, act, do, think.

I recognize that this change will take not just a shift in mindset, but also a consistent recognition of the how I show up with intention and flexibility. A practice, a process.

How does your ego show up in your life?

Peace and Blessings

Akosua's Books

Nyabo (Madam) Why Are You Here?

Now What? The Flipside

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

A new perspective on Life's Tests

 All the hard conversations, boundaries, and self-reflection will keep challenging you because you're not quite sure how to do it all yet! And as you do it more and more, it will get easier because you will get stronger! You will build the skills! You just gotta keep going. You gotta keep choosing! Mark Groves 

I was listening to on of my favorite spoken word artist - The Floacist. She was giving her take on "life's tests" and similarly to Iyanla Vazant, another one of the wise teachers that I learn from, she was of the view that we cannot fail. Each time a "test" comes we gain some knowledge and it adds up, is useful and can be used for the next life "test". We don't lose the "points" and have to start from zero. We also have a lifetime in which to learn and master these lessons.
I resonated with this perspective because it suggests that returning tests, not only can I handle it, once I pay attention, I have an opportunity to use the "notes" from the last time with absolutely no pressure to ace the test in one go and stress out on how "bad I am at life". There is always something useful to take forward to our next life lesson, our next "test" .When the test returns, we can now rest in the assurance that we can handle it, we have some experience and most importantly, we cannot fail.What will happen is you will be given many opportunities to resit. 
Life is always talking to us, guiding us, warning us, loving usIts really up to us to pay attention.Peace and Blessings

Akosua's Books

Nyabo (Madam) Why Are You Here?

Now What? The Flipside

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Shadows

Shadow work is designed to help you integrate and accept every single part of yourself so that you can live and thrive with more clarity and authenticity. Elizabeth Perry 

 I was reading today on  the shadow self and what resonated with me was the notion that there are all parts of us that we either are not too fond of or that we hide because we are not ready to deal with for whatever reason. When we reject parts of ourselves, we cannot be whole, authentic or at peace. When we embrace all part of us we can grow and be at peace.

According to Jung, all of us have a shadow self and It is generally made up of the parts of ourselves we deem unacceptable. For many people this means things like our sadness, rage, laziness, and cruelty. But you might also see as uncivilized and unacceptable things like your personal power, your independence, or your emotional sensitivity.

According to Andrea M Darcy of the Harley Clinic Although we might want to see our shadow as ‘negative’, this is not true. The Shadow is rather what you yourself perceive as dark and weak about yourself, and therefore needing to be hidden and denied. But this depends on your own perspective , and your levels of self-esteem. Our shadow self only pose a problem if we handle or perceive them incorrectly and without self acceptance. The idea is to integrate it in how we live rather than to eliminate it all together - like the  ego.

It prompted me to ask myself "What is my shadow side and why do I perceive it as such?" I could not answer it right away and have started journaling to unearth and view it - no pun intended.

The revelation of your shadow self can also come on what you constantly blame others for, what pisses you off about other people (projection) and speaking with a therapist.

Come along on the Journey with me, these are the journaling prompts that I will be using:

What things do you most fear others discovering about you?

Do you ever feel shame? Why?

What are your biggest triggers, and where do you feel they come from?

What are your negative self-images or thoughts about yourself?

When you are very angry at others, what things do you think about them?

What do your recent dreams tell you about your fears?

Getting stuck in with curiosity!

Peace and Blessings

 

Akosua's Books

Nyabo (Madam) Why Are You Here?

Now What? The Flipside

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Dear April - Remind Me...

 There are questions to which answers may not exist. There are answers that just create mire questions, solutions that can only be made from having lived something out, having seen it through- Briana Wiest 

April please remind me to look at things differently - to at least be willing to look at every situation from another perspective

Different perspectives to "losing":

1. A clearing

2. An answered prayer

3. A rebirth

4. A wake up call

5. A blessing in disguise

6. A portal to something else

7.  A long needed breakthrough

8. A time to surrender

9. A time to accept

10. An opportunity to change course, to course correct

11. A becoming

12. A healing

13. Divine Guidance and protection

14. A second chance

15. Freedom

Peace and Blessings

Akosua's Books

Nyabo (Madam) Why Are You Here?

Now What? The Flipside

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

What Does the Voice of Fear in your head Sound Like?

How many of us could live in our audacity? How many Black women live with gall? Karen M Rose 

 I have been reading up on the connection between our health, the thoughts we think and how we live. One of the biggest lessons I have learnt is how fear and anger that has not been expressed finds its way into our bodies and turns into ailments, dis-ease and allergies. 

One of the biggest illusions that keep up stuck is fear.

If your fear could talk, if your fear had a voice what would it say to you? How would it sound? 

It is absolutely essential that we know what our fear sounds like, what our fear tells us.  When fear starts talking ,we can identify the sounds, the words, the phrases  and take the required action rather than listen to it and remain paralyzed.

My fear says to me:-

1.You cannot do that!

2. People will laugh at you, talk about you and call you names.

3. You are a fraud.

4. What if you fail?

5. Stay quiet, say nothing, you have nothing to say that can add to this.

6. How dare you?

7. Who are you?

8. They will not like or accept you.

9. Hush

10. Nah not now

I now recognize the voice, so I can pause, and respond to it accordingly rather than freeze,  hide, shrink or disappear and God forbid listen to it for the basis of the decisions that I make. I can make decisions rather than from fear, from a place of confidence and love.

If we live our entire lives based on fear and what if's, it manifests itself in not only our experiences but also our health.

get to know where your seat of decisions hit

Peace and Blessings

Akosua's Books

Nyabo (Madam) Why Are You Here?

Now What? The Flipside

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Choose Well - You become a reflection of your consistent actions

What you do consistently comes to be characteristic of you. Notwhat you think, feel or even fear, but what you choose. Briana Weist

Consistency is a quality that  I consistently work on (pardon the pun)

With some self reflection, I realized that I needed consistency growing up in an inconsistent environment which included moving multiple times. Feeling safe around people is also important for me, when those close to me are consistent in their words and deeds. 

As an adult, I have made it a point to live a life of consistency and discipline - I feel safe, I feel in control, I feel comfortable. The challenge, as with everything, is when what we do is out of balance and out of alignment.

When there is little or no consistency in my life, from people around me - it triggers me (confessions on the Journey). What I have learnt is when I recognize the triggers, there is a choice in how I respond.  I must pause and ask  am I safe?

Am I acting out from my childhood wounds?

What is the choice that I am making in the moment when I am triggered?

What does the person's actions say in the moment and generally?

I have linked consistency to trust - when you consistently do what you say you will - it builds trust

When you consistently make promises you cannot keep it destroys trust

Trust is an essential element in the growth and development of a relationship, even the trust of Self!

The balance comes when we can recognize that we are safe,   we can respond to the actions around us, we can make a self affirming choice. When we recognize that we are not in harm's way, we can trust my intuition more and more by paying attention and making choices that are FOR us. People's actions says everything about them- consciously and unconsciously . We become what we practice daily, we become a sum total of our consistent choices.

Choose well

Peace and Blessings

Akosua's Books

Nyabo (Madam) Why Are You Here?

Now What? The Flipside

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Sometimes...We Betray Ourselves

Signs you might be in a pattern of self-betrayal include saying “yes” when you want to say “no,” self-sabotaging, ignoring basic needs and self-care, lying to yourself, not taking accountability for your actions, and pretending to be something other than your authentic self.  Dr Megan Johnson

How many of you can relate to this? - A feeling appears deep within our bodies, our gut, that knowing and it is either not making logical sense, it is hard to act on it, making that decision will lead to a drastic change in our lives - and we convince ourselves to ignore, dismiss, deny, justify not taking it seriously.

Then one day life puts you in a situation where you cannot ignore the feeling, the change, the decision to be made. It becomes a jolt, maybe even an "emergency" and we say to ourselves" I just knew" or "something told me" 

This, I have learnt, is ignoring, denying, dismissing and justifying not acting on that guidance is us betraying ourselves. The lesson will repeat itself until we pay attention.

Our lives continue to speak to us, we have free will whether to listen, to pay attention or to ignore. When we ignore the situation comes back around

Different job but same time of co-workers, stress and strain

Different relationship but same challenges

Different city or town but same feeling of isolation

The common thread is us and how we pay attention to all the signs that life continues to give us.

As the ACIM reminds us - "all things are lessons that God would have us learn"

Peace and Blessings

Akosua's Books

Nyabo (Madam) Why Are You Here?

Now What? The Flipside

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Your Life Gives You Feedback

 Your life is the feedback that lets you know what you are thinking and feeling - Iyanla Vanzant 

Hello lovies

I wanted to share a piece that I read from Lisa Olivera that resonated with me. I have felt myself emerging from something - what? I am not sure - reading this piece allowed me to not only recognise that there are others feeling a similar type of way, but it is okay to feel the feelings and go through the process.

I hope that something jumps out at you as well

Happy Reading

Not all parts of you will be ready to emerge at once. Some parts of you need to stay tucked away for awhile, cozy and waiting until it’s their time. You don’t need to rush the parts of you who aren’t there yet. The parts of you who are ready can usher the rest of you outward when the time comes… and it will come.

Being fully seen by others might bring rejection. They might leave. Your core fears might come true. Yet what resides within you is a depth of okayness that no one can take from you, whether or not they stay. You will keep growing this depth, this solid foundation of self-attachment that makes way for being your truest self with others regardless. And your fear won’t assure you there will be plenty of people who stay, but it’s true: there will be plenty of people who stay.

You can take baby steps. Small shifts. Micro moves. You can go slowly, tenderly, with the kind of care that comes natural to you. You can trust your pace. You can take in the view along the way instead of looking down in fear. You can notice the places you step out more confidently than you’re used to, the veering paths you surprise yourself by walking down, the choices you make that bring you closer to the vitality you seek. Look at you, doing it. Watch in awe.

You’re allowed to make the wrong decisions, fail, mess up, start over, get in over your head, need help, need your own depth of compassion and forgiveness while you emerge. You’re allowed to emerge and realize your emergence needed to take another direction. You’re allowed to emerge and recognize what still isn’t working. Emergence doesn’t require perfection or permanence. It just requires your willingness to keep going, to keep unfurling into your most real shape.

It isn’t all serious. You can take the process of emergence and the bigness of metamorphosis seriously without taking yourself so seriously. Keep saying “that’s what she said” to your husband; laugh when he rolls his eyes, smiling. Keep making up silly songs to try to lull your daughter back to the car. Keep reading and listening to things that don’t “help you grow”. Keep enjoying things for the sake of enjoying them. Take it all a little less seriously.

Your fear isn’t a sign something is wrong or gone awry. It’s just a reminder you’re still alive, still here. It’s just a reminder you’re doing something tricky, something new, something unknown. It’s just a reminder you’re letting yourself wade into uncertainty — the place where possibility lives.

You will be emerging into different iterations of yourself for the rest of your life. This isn’t your only shot, your one single chance to become who you really are. Your becoming is a forever process, continuously unfurling, ever-evolving, never finished. What a relief to know you don’t need to do it all now. What a relief to know there are countless more opportunities to step just one tiny step further into yourself. What a relief to let the unfolding be a forever thing. There is always more. There is always space.

Peace and Blessings

Don't Let Doubt Fool You

 You don’t remove self-doubt. You learn to act despite it. Mark Manson

Over the past few days I have taken the time to look squarely in the face of all the doubts that I have been walking around with. 

There are times when doubt comes up. When its a new task, when we want to do the task well, when we believe that we have much riding on it, where we don't want to fail. And on the flip side when we feel unworthy it comes up even more.

I have learnt that that to not let doubt fool you, to use it as a tool, to act on it and learn as you go.

I am learning to act despite the doubt with:

1. Speaking in public

2. Being vulnerable

3. Asking for what I want.

4. Having hard conversations

5. Giving up the need to be liked. 

Doubt thrives by making up worse case scenarios. When we ask ourselves "what is the worst that can happen?" and "what am I denying myself of?" we can start taking action.

Peace and Blessings

Akosua