Akosua Dardaine Edwards's Blog, page 13

Is Entertainment your prison?

 The more stimulation you have, the more you will feel you need. Entertainment can become its own form of prison. Mark Manson 

Have you ever been sucked into scrolling on social media?

 Have you had the experience of going on social media with a specific objective and there you are  hours later down a rabbit hole? This I will confess has been how my days have been going lately. Stimulated by social media at the expense of doing what I am supposed to be doing- it just never seems like enough, I go deep into the abyss and before I know it, hours have passed.

Seeing Mark Manson's quote today made a lot of sense.  The more I see, the more I want, And anything out of balance will not work to our advantage.

Balance and Harmony are essential for our lives to remain on course. Life has a way of reminding us when we get out of balance through our actions and the consequences of those actions. 

Sometimes we just need to be still. To sit with the stillness, the boredom, the quiet

There are so many lessons and messages in the quiet, in the stillness, in the boredom.

Sit with it, get familiar with it, listen to it. 

There is something called a sacred pause that is truly divine guidance

Peace and Blessings

  Akosua's Books

Nyabo (Madam) Why Are You Here?

Now What? The Flipside

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

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Choose Your Desires

 No one has to choose you, pick you, give you the opportunity…. YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE YOUR DESIRES BACK.. This is because the universe is always giving us opportunities to get to where we say we want to go. Ifakorede

When I saw this quote, I kid you not, I stopped for a moment because it screamed at me.

There have been so many times that I said to myself and to others the words "I want to be chosen" or "no one chooses me"  Even saying them now I cringe because I can confess that saying it came from a place of believing that I had to prove to others that I am , I was worthy to be chosen. 

Now I know - that is a load of rubbish. I wanted to be seen and chosen as a child, when I felt that I was not I found ways to be seen - over achieving being the main one or sometimes shutting down so others would ask me if I was okay

As an adult it manifested itself in people pleasing - I would do any and everything to be cool, to be calm, to be liked in relationships, at work, and sometimes in friendships. When we act from that space, there are very little boundaries  and a lot of resentment. 

So seeing today that no one has to choose me, I choose myself - yes indeed that was a direct message and eye opener.

The people that came into my life and "did not choose me" - that was an opportunity to choose myself

The jobs that "did not choose me" - that was an opportunity to choose me

The opportunities that "did not choose me" - that was a sign to wake up and choose myself

Now I know, I am practicing to choose Self, minus fear and ego

Peace and Blessings

  Akosua's Books

Nyabo (Madam) Why Are You Here?

Now What? The Flipside

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

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In September We Remember

 So many of the beliefs we hold are based on unexamined assumptions, things that were put upon us early in life before we could critically think about them or discern  Deborah L. Johnson 

I love a good story, I love to hear a good story, I love to tell a good story and I love to write a good story. Stories form a huge part of how I live.
I remember sitting in the living room hearing the older folks talk. The would be animated, laughing and clapping just from a good story. I would find and make so many excuses to get water, to go back into the kitchen for ice, and all sorts because, of course, they were telling stories "for grown folks" I was curious to know what made all these women so animated and happy.
All that to say that some stories bring a sense of joy and togetherness and then there are some stories that we make up to "fill in the blanks", that bring stress and anxiety. There are other stories that we inherit and adopt without questioning it even if it is harmful, unsupportive and no longer serves us.

I have been paying attention to the stories that I consume, that I make up, that I buy wholesale without question or curiosity.
This exercise has proven to be quite fruitful as it stops me from going down a rabbit hole of fear, worry and stress when I assume and make up stories that are not only without the facts but are based on worst case scenarios.

One of the Four Agreements from  the Don Miguel Ruiz classic book says make no assumptions, have the courage to ask. It sounds simple, however it takes practice especially when we prefer to live in an illusion or believe that the truth may drastically change our lives. It makes sense though, to act from a space of truth rather than illusion and stories.

We must be able to observe experience in a way where we know things will be uncomfortable and there is no certainty.- to ask ourselves and others the challenging questions
.
May  love begin to inform our decisions -
May love begin to inform  our thought processes
and that love in this case is rooted in asking rather than assuming 
Peace and Blessings

Give to Self

 How much you can give is dependent on how much you give yourself. Yung Pueblo 

What are you giving yourself to refresh and revitalize yourself? What are your daily habits that focus on pouring into you, into filling your cup? What do you do for your body, mind and spirit?

Do you even know?

These are the questions I now ask myself to support how I want to live. A life of balance, of harmony, of alignment with giving minus guilt, resentment and regrets.

Many of us are unconsciously living through habits- some work in our favor and frankly some deplete us on all levels. Life though, has a way of reflecting to us what  we need to know to bring us back into alignment. We have the free will to choose to listen.

When we are out of alignment and we over give, over commit, over extend and give from aup full of dregs as we say here, there will be

1. Guilt

2. Fear

3. Unmet Expectations

4. Health Challenges

5. Forks in the road to provide feedback to fill yourself up.

When we have problems giving to ourselves, giving to others is out of balance- people pleasing and fear comes to mind. Giving to ourselves is not selfish, its required. As with everything it must be in and with balance.

How much are you giving of and to yourself with and in joy and balance?

Peace and Blessings

  Akosua's Books

Nyabo (Madam) Why Are You Here?

Now What? The Flipside

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

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Possibility vs Probability

 Sometimes we are looking at the statistics of things, at the probability and not the possibility. We’re looking at 1 in 10 or 1 in 1,000. When we focus solely on probability rather than possibility, we end up giving up before we’ve even really started. When we have a dream, all we need to look at is, “Is it possible?” Period.  Nedra Tawwab 

I have been paying attention to the words I speak when I am presented with opportunities, or when someone asks me to do something outside of my comfort zone that would lead to other amazing opportunities. 

Sometimes the default I go to is "No" - due to fear of doing something new and failing at it, due to not wanting to do the "hard work" associated with the task and to now having a blueprint or precedent set to follow.

What I have learnt is the idea will not be put in my head in any random way, once its planted there will be guidance. The challenge is taking up the challenge and having the courage to follow the guidance

I have also learnt that acceptance of it brings the people and resources - its not even logical but it happens and who we become along the way gives us fuel for other journeys - the building of trust, the courage to follow divine guidance, the acceptance of what is- all can bode well for any task in the future.

Dreams require believing in possibilities

Peace and Blessings

Akosua's Books

Nyabo (Madam) Why Are You Here?

Now What? The Flipside

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Find Akosua on

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Make Yourself Proud

 To be proud of yourself is simply to recognize and acknowledge the truth about something that happened. Something difficult arose — a challenge, an opportunity — and you met it with courage or creativity or compassion. Elizabeth Gilbert

I believe that we can acknowledge and be proud of what we do more often. I don't know about you, but I find myself jumping and going from one goal to the next, one project to the next, just one thing after the other without  a sacred pause to give thanks, to learn, to celebrate and be proud. This is a part of the process, a part of the journey. To be proud of Self

There is no better feeling in the world than making yourself proud and acknowledging it. Not from a ego tripping place but from a space of self love, pride and self respect.

Make yourself proud is stuck upon my bathroom mirror because I understand that it has to start with me, everything else is icing on the cake.

Have an intention to make yourself proud. And when you do acknowledge and celebrate it because you have executed, acted and moved with courage, compassion and/or creativity.

Peace and Blessings

Akosua's Books

Nyabo (Madam) Why Are You Here?

Now What? The Flipside

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

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Feel. Deal. Heal

Owning your power also means owning the responsibility for your happiness and for your healing. Yung Pueblo 

This is what I learned about owning my power that blew my mind - when I take responsibility for the feelings I feel, I have more power and choice. Rather than blaming others for how I feel which I have learnt really is giving away  the power of choice.

Yes, people hurt us, yes there are situations that are outside of our control, yes there are people out there doing crazy things. The power and choice lies in how we respond. 

It happened, now what?

Acknowledgement  -It happened, let me acknowledge that I do feel hurt, angry, upset, happy, joyful, shame guilt, what ever the feeling is. That is the first step in taking my power back.

Feel the feelings- rather than mask them, run from them, hide them, stuff them down in food, and other distractions.

Affirmation - Affirm to yourself that you will be okay no matter what.

Ask yourself - what have I learned from this?

Rev Deborah L Johnson says the formula is Feel, Deal. Heal

There can be no healing without feeling. For us to feel we have to acknowledge that we do feel a certain type of way.

Constantly pointing the finger at other people will never make your stress go away. 

According to Yung Pueblo, often, what other people do has very little to do with us and a lot to do with how they currently feel and the density of the emotional history they themselves carry.

Taking responsibility for our healing is an important step in moving forward and most importantly peace of mind

My intention is to be at peace

Akosua's Books

Nyabo (Madam) Why Are You Here?

Now What? The Flipside

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Find Akosua on

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Does Inner Peace come from "Killing it"?

 Please do not try to achieve your way to serenity: I assure you that it cannot be done. Look around for evidence of this truth — nobody has ever, ever accomplished inner peace through the act of “killing it” yet, despite all their most heroic efforts. Accomplishments do not bring a lasting sense of ease; they only bring a need for further accomplishments — and the list of things you need to get done will never end. Unless, just for a moment, you stop doing them. Unless you stop trying. Elizabeth Gilbert 

Achieving goals and objectives are a significant part of the  experience we  call life. We are told, reminded and encouraged to set goals, work hard, achieve the goals and life will be a cake walk. We will be rewarded with everything that we want.

What we were probably not told, or forgot is that without balance, the constant need and aspiration to achieve goals becomes a challenge. Achievement of goals must be balanced with peace of mind, with rest, with service, with self care, with reflection. This is something that I have learnt over time and sometimes as a harsh lesson.

I set goals, I achieve them, I want more. I set goals I don't achieve them, doubt, lack of confidence and all its brothers and sisters of imposter syndrome, feeling down, mental health challenges and so on rear their heads.

So what is the balance and how do we achieve that?

Ask Yourself:

1. What is the intention behind the achievement of these goals? Whose voice is it in your head? Is it yours. your mama, your papa, society, your teacher who you need to  prove right or wring?

2. Do I rest and reflect after achieving the goal? set or do I jump from one thing to the next whether the goal is achieved or not? 

3. How do I  FEEL after achieving your goals and objectives?

4. Do I  celebrate my wins?

These prompts supported me as I journeyed on 

What I have learnt is, no amount of achieving goals without rest, reflection will bring you to a feeling of inner peace. That comes from within, it comes from loving yourself no matter what.

The achievement is just the icing on the cake

Peace and Blessings

Akosua's Books

Nyabo (Madam) Why Are You Here?

Now What? The Flipside

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Find Akosua on

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Where we stand determines what we’re able to see

 

where we stand determines what we’re able to see  Octavia Butler

 Another one of the favorited teachers on this experience I called life is Carolyn Myss. she has a theory about living from the penthouse, compared to living in the basement. From the basement the view will be different to the the view from the penthouse. And just with life, from where we are the perspective will be different. The view is, your thoughts, your consciousness, your words, your actions. Your thoughts and beliefs will determine how you see and approach a situation.

Our thoughts are our responsibility, our thoughts are our responsibility, our responses to situations are our responsibility. That gives us power, it gives us the ability to move our view from the basement and move up. When we stay in victimhood, when we stay stuck in ego, we stay in the basement. Our views will not change and when that happens we feel powerless to shift, change and improve.

The way to move from the basement is to do the work on Self starting with your thoughts. What are you thinking, consistently

Consistent meditation, quiet time, prayer, self talk and gratitude trains your mind. 

It starts in the mind! 

As the popular saying goes "What are you thinking?"

Akosua's Books

Nyabo (Madam) Why Are You Here?

Now What? The Flipside

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Find Akosua on

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What Have you Learned?

You are enrolled in a full -time informal school called life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lesson or think them irrelevant and stupid. You keep learning these lessons until the soul grows into love, joy and awareness.

This morning I was listening to one of the most impactful teachers I have encountered Ms Iyanla Vanzant, her question to us is what have we learnt from a challenging situation. And how do get to a point of learning compared to the place of knowledge.  

Knowledge is gathering information compared to learning which is changed behavior. 

Ms. Iyanla asked us to rise above the situation, come out of the making up of stories, the making of self and others wrong and bad. Observe it all then ask yourself "what have I learned?" where is the change or the new choices  that has resulted from the knowledge. The challenges, the feelings, all of it forms part of the lesson. 

This perspective really opened my eyes

Don't make myself or others wrong or bad

Make choices based on the knowledge to transcend you into a healthier space.

Write down what you have learned and continue practicing those lessons rather than focus on making up stories, focusing on victimhood, and hiding

That was the perfect message today and right on time.

Peace and Blessings

Akosua's Books

Nyabo (Madam) Why Are You Here?

Now What? The Flipside

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Find Akosua on

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