Colleen Brown's Blog, page 87
March 11, 2015
and that’s just another beautiful thing about you
and that’s just another beautiful thing about you
"17 years old,
smoking cigarettes in the back seat of cars with boys to be cool and to seem..."
“
- “Self-reflection at 22,” - Colleen Brown
17 years old,
smoking cigarettes in the back seat of cars with boys to be cool and to seem classy.
18 years old,
taking my fathers car out while he’s sleeping to see a man who only ever loved me with his hands.
19 years old,
filling half empty whiskey bottles with water so my grandfather wouldn’t notice that someone found his hidden stash of trying to forget about yesterday.
20 years old,
falling in love with a woman who only ever wanted to see parts of me that never existed, but hoped would someday grow.
21 years old,
smoking pot every night to ease myself into tomorrow.
22 years old,
looking at myself from years back and wondering how I ever thought I wasn’t good enough, strong enough and how I thought I couldn’t do this. Remembering how I used to accept little love while giving too much to someone who would never even remember me.
Still 22 years old,
still fighting, still going and still reminiscing on how I thought when I was 17, I wouldn’t have made it this far.
- “Self-reflection at 22,” - Colleen Brown
March 10, 2015
"He loved me
when I was weak,
when I was restless,
when I was blinded
by my own insecurities
that I..."
“He loved me
when I was weak,
when I was restless,
when I was blinded
by my own insecurities
that I took out that lack
of self-confidence on him.
He loved me through
the stages of my life
when I didn’t think
that anyone would
even want to be near me.
He loved me, waited for me
and has always held on
even when I could feel myself
letting go. He always loved me
and for that I will never stray
when it comes to cherishing
his whole entirety.”
- "He loved me and still does," - CB
when I was weak,
when I was restless,
when I was blinded
by my own insecurities
that I took out that lack
of self-confidence on him.
He loved me through
the stages of my life
when I didn’t think
that anyone would
even want to be near me.
He loved me, waited for me
and has always held on
even when I could feel myself
letting go. He always loved me
and for that I will never stray
when it comes to cherishing
his whole entirety.”
- "He loved me and still does," - CB
My process of drawing / painting Corey Mason (Liv Tyler) from...
My process of drawing / painting Corey Mason (Liv Tyler) from the film, Empire Records.
March 9, 2015
"I want to write something poetic about you
but whenever I start all I can feel is anger..."
“I want to write something poetic about you
but whenever I start all I can feel is anger between
these lines. People want to call my feelings
confessions but I’ve been used to calling them burdens
that still none of these emotions seem to be
worth the ability to convey their overall meaning.
Winter has almost passed completely
and I’m ready for this Spring to come and go
more quickly than he did when he found someone
who could be everything that I can never be.
I’ve been seeing so many metaphors floating around
the internet lately and I’m wondering if one day
I too will be able to perfectly compare my feelings for you
in a way that seems like I didn’t even try.
In a way that seems like it’s all natural
and I was born with the gift of my fingertips
pressing fresh words on blank pages
so that everyone around me knows they are not alone.
All of our feelings are just recycled energy anyway.
We’re all trying to nurture these words so that maybe
someone can say that we did it first, did it better,
that we are the one who started the change.
I want to write something different about you
but whenever I finish all I can feel is anger
towards you, towards my words
and towards myself, because in the end
it all seems to sound the same anyway.”
- "It’s hard being different when it all feels the same," - Colleen Brown
but whenever I start all I can feel is anger between
these lines. People want to call my feelings
confessions but I’ve been used to calling them burdens
that still none of these emotions seem to be
worth the ability to convey their overall meaning.
Winter has almost passed completely
and I’m ready for this Spring to come and go
more quickly than he did when he found someone
who could be everything that I can never be.
I’ve been seeing so many metaphors floating around
the internet lately and I’m wondering if one day
I too will be able to perfectly compare my feelings for you
in a way that seems like I didn’t even try.
In a way that seems like it’s all natural
and I was born with the gift of my fingertips
pressing fresh words on blank pages
so that everyone around me knows they are not alone.
All of our feelings are just recycled energy anyway.
We’re all trying to nurture these words so that maybe
someone can say that we did it first, did it better,
that we are the one who started the change.
I want to write something different about you
but whenever I finish all I can feel is anger
towards you, towards my words
and towards myself, because in the end
it all seems to sound the same anyway.”
- "It’s hard being different when it all feels the same," - Colleen Brown
March 8, 2015
gifs of a former 21 year old me
gifs of a former 21 year old me
And nothing will ever be.
And nothing will ever be.
March 7, 2015
"I used to care so much about what people thought of me. Not only people I knew but strangers..."
“I used to care so much about what people thought of me. Not only people I knew but strangers passing, sitting near by or even just catching a glimpse of me. I used to keep to myself for the sake of my own embarrassment. I always thought, even if I never saw that person or those people again that they may think lowly or me or think I was strange. It used to be worse in high school. I would act like someone who I never was or never wanted to be. I would always cross my legs, keep my words inside and never let my dignified image be tainted with my opinions and my truth. Now, being in my early 20’s, I don’t give a shit. I sometimes laugh at myself thinking back when I was really that afraid of how someone would think of me. I stopped caring when I realized that I wasn’t being myself, when I wasn’t being who I liked being. So now I say whatever comes to my mind. I uncross my legs and chain smoke my cigarettes when adults pass me and probably think that I’m trying to be cool, when really I’m just doing what I want. Hazardous for myself or not. Letting go of an almost embarrassment has helped me significantly when it comes to living. I’m not cautious or concerned when I pass someone, or snort while I laugh because I remembered something that happened last week that I finally got the punchline of. I always wanted to be thought well of by society. Even if society never even thought of me. Now I don’t give a shit if someone thinks I should stay inside or keep my voice down. I became so tired of putting myself on mute for those who thought their public surroundings were only made up of their own ideas and their own tolerance. So fuck caring what people think of me. I like who I am and if that’s a problem for anyone, I now say, the door is that way.”
- "When someone asked me why I don’t seem to care about what others think, and how I do it," - CB
- "When someone asked me why I don’t seem to care about what others think, and how I do it," - CB
March 4, 2015
"I won’t ever forget her.
I won’t ever not miss her.
I won’t ever stop loving..."
“I won’t ever forget her.
I won’t ever not miss her.
I won’t ever stop loving her.
I just wish that she
would remember that.”
- CB
I won’t ever not miss her.
I won’t ever stop loving her.
I just wish that she
would remember that.”
- CB
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